Anecdotes about students

Read funny Anecdotes about students

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The polytechnical institute, Vladimir Mayakovsky speaks at debate about proletarian internatsionalizme:
-Among Russians I feel like the Russian, among the Georgian I feel like the Georgian, among Jews - the Jew...
question from zala:
- And among fools?
OTVET:
-A among fools I for the first time.

*****

Fully to the people: as if prepare... Approaches one student prepodavatel:
-Listen and why you head over heels hold the book?
-A you Freud, perhaps?
- And here Freud?
- Same book! What feet at it? You still tell that I to it between pages look!

*****

Midnight. Mortuary. Hospital attendants sit in a utility room and drinchat state spipt.
v the section the poor student is on duty. Suddenly it with become green litsom
vletayet in podsobku:
- There..... There.....
vstpevozhennye sanitapy:
-That?
- There the dead man recovered!!!!!
- of Itit your mother! We were frightened, thought, the chief physician with check.

*****

The student received the letter from parents. The father writes emu:
-I Send you as you asked, 100 rubles. Only for the tenth time to you I repeat that 100 it is written with two, but not with three zero!

*****

The student "2" at examination received. Next day meets in the subway prepodavatelya:
-Hello, Alexander of Ivanovich.
- And I do not greet fools...
-A I greet!

*****

After announcement of results of entrance examinations in institute talk two newly-baked studenta:
-Well here and we now, it is possible to tell, the intellectuals...
-of Che?
- H*y through a shoulder!!! The intellectuals, I speak...

*****

After the termination of institute in one of the cities of Ameriki:
-Jack was lucky. Only yesterday gained the diploma, and today already works v
institute.
-as the Assistant?
- Is not present, the elevator operator.

*****

After visit of the museum of the student exchange impressions,
-A you noticed, huge the penis at that Greek
statui was what.
-Aga. And such cold.

*****

After examination in a corridor there is a teacher of physics, waits for the colleague on a subject, reads announcements... The audience leaves the student who sweated all. Prepod:
-Well as (you tobit examination)?
- Heated, heated... Slightly got out!!!
through leaves minute the colleague, wipes sweat and molvit:
-In students went! Pulled, pulled... Hardly pulled out!

*****

After ekzamena:
-Sdal?
Yes, handed over it seems... That asked
-A? I did not understand
Da, in English asked...

*****

- Listen, the daughter, do not allow this guy to come to you. You know how it disturbs me!
- is good, mother. Today I will go to it. Let his mother worry now.

*****

- Listen, - the teacher explodes, - I to you already the third time put the three. Why you do not study? Eventually, still nobody died of the doctrine! I know
-Ya, - the student speaks, - but it is better not to risk.

*****

- Listen, - the dean speaks to the student, - yesterday you saw in zhenskom
obshchezhitii university. You should pay a penalty in a size desyati
livrov. If violation repeats, the penalty will be twice higher. On the third raz
on will reach twenty fi

*****

One entrant enters the Institute of the international relations. Professor gives it zadaniye:
-In the Atlantic Ocean our submarine sank the trade vessel of one African country. This country put forward a note of protest. Your task - to write the answer to this note. In half an hour professor reads that wrote abituriyent.
-Everything correctly you wrote. To you - a mark horosho.
-Why it is not excellent if everything is correct?
- Well at you here small inaccuracies: the chernozhopy it is written from a small letter, but not eb*t - separately.

*****

Why the student reminds a dog?
- When will ask a question, too so cleverly looks!

*****

For some reason the phrase "Professor filled up the student at examination" sounds is absolutely ordinary, and here "The student of a zavalilprofessor after examination" causes rough reaction.

*****

Three Jews Orthodoxy went to accept.
posovetovalis came to the father. Father im:
-Well, all right. Only you on orthodox should change names. How tebya
zovut? - the first asks.
-Girsh, batyushka.
-Well, you will be Grishka, perhaps. Both it is monotonous, and it is unambiguous. And tebya
kak? - the second asks.
-Moysha ya.
-you Will be at us Mischa. Both it is monotonous, and it is unambiguous. Well, and ty
chto? - at poslednego.
tot something reddened, not otvechayet.
-Not Boyce, not Boyce. Speak as est.
-Srul me, the father, call, there is a name such evreyskoye.
pochesal the priest a nape, thought, and vydayet:
-Will be, to mean. Acacius. Well, not monotonously, but it is unambiguous.

*****

- Before we begin examinations, let's everything clear. Somebody has questions?
- Is! - the voice from where from a gallery is distributed, - And what subject we hand over today?

*****

Prepod:
-for the period of session of a vydolzhna to forget about svidaniyakh
student (having taken a sip of sprite):
-A not you saw it with a blonidnka at restaurant yesterday?
golos for kadrom:
-Ilya Ivanov - future private of the Russian Army

*****

The teacher goes the gloomy. Kollega:
-That happened?
- Me the wife from the house vygnala.
-For what?
- After sex with it, blurted out "Give a record book"...

*****

The teacher of a mekhmat accepts examination. Sergey Yakovlevich puts to the student troyku.
-, deliver me, please, the two, I then will be able then on five peresdat.
-Is good, here to you a task. Solve - two, do not solve - three.

*****

Teacher: "The left unfinished report is it does not matter. The main thing when do children - complete them! And that the left unfinished children come then and bring the left unfinished reports. And in any way not to interrupt this vicious circle."

*****

The teacher accepts examination at the first course of institute. Sits, chitayet
gazetku until students gotovyatsya.
zachitalsya, then remembered about work - quickly lowered the newspaper. Rezkiy
shorokh the cleaned spurs and nevinnye
vzglyady students. The same on the second year. The newspaper falls - nol
emotsy, all tear off further. Prepod
vozmushchenno: "Grm!". All unwillingly hide cribs. Examination on the fifth kurse.
gazeta the teacher lies na
stole long ago, he angrily drills eyes audience - to the people all pofig.
nakonets from a back school desk razdayetsya
nedovolnoye: "Grm!" The teacher is enough the newspaper and is quickly closed by it.

*****

The teacher studentu:
-Well, the young man, progress is available. Of course, your course still looks spo%no, but, at least the word can already "spo%no" be written together...

*****

The teacher gives lecture and beats about the bush on audience, bypassing all ryady.
kogda he once again passed by a back row, razdalos:
-57 seconds from there - the best circle!

*****

The teacher at examination asks studenta:
-to you to ask one difficult question or two lungs?
-Konesh, what one!
- Then where for the first time on Earth there were monkeys?
student from baldy:
-In the desert!
- Why?
-A it already second question!

*****

- Why are teachers so love when the lectures they ask questions?
- Because it's nice to see that there are students for whom the subject of the lecture is also not clear.

*****

The teacher of military chair speaks studentam:
- And now I will tell you about new confidential fuel. Its temperature of freezing is lower than 300 degrees on Tselsiyu.
- And in the textbook of physics is written that everything freezes at absolute zero, that is at 273 gradusakh.
-Companions students! I told - fuel confidential! Physicists does not know about it!

*****

Prepodavatel:
-for the period of session you should forget about personal zhizni.
vstayet student:
- And what for the blonde you brought it into restaurant yesterday?
golos for kadrom:
-Sergey Petrov, future private of the Russian army …

*****

The teacher of geographical faculty comes to dekanu:
-my group completely filled up examination in explaining the ground by means of the plan...
- Well so let everything repeat everything!
- This by itself. But it is possible to arrange a repeating an examination in other district where there are no hempy fields?

*****

The teacher speaks studentke:
- At you devstvenno pure zachetka.
studentka:
-So be the man.

*****

The teacher before ekzamenom:
-On examination come to consultations to 9. 00. It is desirable to sleep and with "lucid mind", (after 30 second the sustained pause), - it is necessary to get acquainted with many things for the first time.

*****

Teacher:
- That such parametrical amplifiers?
student: We it did not pass
-.
- is correct! Give a record book.

*****

Prepodavatel:
-That such parametrical amplifiers?
student:
-We it not prokhodili.
-is correct! Give a record book.

*****

Prepodavatel:
-Who the first will leave to answer, to that an assessment is one ball higher. The student (rising)
- it is fine, put to me the three, I leave …

*****

The teacher at a seminar of the theory of probability asks:
-That is more probable - the birth of the boy or girl? Chinese's
student:
-.

*****

The teacher asks studenta:
-What event 1799 is significant?
- Was born Pushkin.
-A 1812?
-to Pushkin, was 13 years.

*****

The teacher asks at studenta:
-As the device for measurement of current is called?
student - lo and behold in shpargalku:
-is correct Ampermetr.
-! And how the device for voltage measurement is called?
student in a crib, and his teacher of a hand hlop.
-ЭЭЭ...Hу.....Это....Hапряжометр!
Преподаватель - in a crib, and the student - it on ruke.
-Hm. Correctly!

*****

The teacher - the student in theatrical VUZE:
-Represent, please, something erotic with a fiasco at the end!!!
-A-a-a-a-a-… - ahchoo!!!