Anecdotes about students

Read funny Anecdotes about students

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Night before examination...
zvonok to the associate professor. That looks at an alarm clock - 3 o'clock in the morning
are scarlet
Sleep a reptile!!!
-?!! We TEACH
-A!!!

*****

Night before examination. In the apartment of professor phone call is distributed. Angry sleepy golos:
-Yes!
- That, you sleep, an infection?
-?! We teach
-A.

*****

At night on the eve of examination it is ringing prepodavatelyu.
-Yes, - answers sleepy golos.
-you Sleep? That still to do
-A to me at three o'clock in the morning?!
- Sleep, a reptile! And we learn...

*****

- Well, and how at you with the higher mathematics?
- Unfortunate love.
- It as?
-Ya loved it, but it was not given me.

*****

- Well, like "Throw on balance", "The jacket new is necessary to me", "Tomorrow on cinema of money will give?", etc.

*****

Hostel. One student to drugomu:
-suits Vas, know, what difference between a curtain and toilet paper??
- Is not present...
- So it you, INFECTION!!!

*****

Hostel. Morning. Student:
-Something the back hurts me. .
EGO sosed:
-So not figs all night long to snore!
-A at what here? Yes I all foot about you obdolbit
-...

*****

Two young guys of pupils in one VUZE.
-Well there communicate, handed over normally? Da's
-!
-I how many?
- 4.
- of Tyu... And why not 5?
- That a pancake, at the fifth bottle a neck was slightly split.

*****

- This hostel?
- Yes, first course poselilsya.
-Why the first? You See
-, pants at windows visyat.
- And the second that?
-Second not menyaet.
- And the third?
-Third does not carry!

*****

The announcement at dekanata:
"Students the having tails and not handed over languages will be hung up on the second floor."

*****

The announcement in dekanate:
"To attention of students! Rules of examination changed. From this session examination is made by the following the образом:
1st-y time - Prepodavatelyu
2-y of times - the Commissions from the преподавателей
3rd-y time - the Commissions from a regional military registration and enlistment office"

*****

The announcement at institute: "Examination will not take place. All tickets are sold".

*****

Announcement: "This week in the campus interruptions with hot and cold vodoy.
perebyyutsya hostels 3, 5, 12 are expected."

*****

The announcement at an entrance to the student's dining room: "Do not select a crumb - NE
BESITE of COCKROACHES!!!"

*****

Usual inscription on a usual student's school desk: "DOWN WITH VIRGINITY AS the CAPITALISM REMNANT".

*****

The announcement in the student. obshchage:
uvazhayemye students, a request not to throw garbage from windows, it is found by children and inflate as balloons!!!

*****

Odessa. Bury the old preference player who died of heart attack - took two bribes on a miserable amount. In the tail of a funeral procession there are two studenta:
-Hear, Kolyan if I then in peak came, we to it would fasten the engine...

*****

One guy tells the friend:
Катька gave rise yesterday. All hostel thought out a name. Let's think out a middle name tomorrow.

*****

One professor thought up very difficult examination in zoology: on ekzamene
on shows to students of the photo of traces by whom it is necessary to determine,
kakomu animal they belong. Naturally, nobody can poluchit
zachet. And here the next failed student suddenly does not maintain i
vyskazyvayet to professor everything that he thinks about it metode:
-Only to the last mudak such crap could come to mind!
- That??? Yes as you dare to be expressed so! I will achieve, that you for eto
otchislili from institute! What is your surname?
TUT the student is enough the teacher for shkirdyay, with all the heart gives it a kick under the back

*****

One soldier speaks tovarishchu:
-hear, I here which-che thought up... give over the battalion commander we prikolntsya!!!
- a pancake, will be enough, can??? already on the dean prikolnutsya!!!

*****

One student drugomu:
-As you think, whether I will be able to receive in this semester though odinavtomat?
- You will be able - You in army will be taken away

*****

One student of conservatory complains to the drugu-sokursniku:
-Here estimate, to me on final examination gave a task to compose some piece of music, and I can do nothing pridumat.
- And you here is how make: take some work of the teacher and copy it behind beforehand - and hand over, giving out for svoye.
-Yes tried already: Strauss's waltzes turn out...

*****

One student decided to play a trick on another. Painted stul.
vtoroy comes and directly with poroga:
-Kolyan, I...
pervy emu:
-Yes you sit down at first, - and on a chair pokazyvayet.
a this opyat:
-Kolyan, I wanted to tell you...
PERVYY:
-Yes you sit down, not stesnyaysya.
vtoroy sat down. The first hikhikayet:
-Well now govori.
-Kolyan, I simply wanted to tell that your jeans put on …

*****

One ambitious student, being trained at veterinary school, earned additionally the taxidermist (a nabivshchik of effigies) .
PO the termination at night he decided that can unite these two professions expanding the activity and, thereby, doubling the dokhod.
on opened the veterinary clinic and Doctor Jones hung up on a door tablichku:
": The veterinarian and the Taxidermist - anyway, you receive the pet back!"

*****

One studenka filled up examination and the young teacher suggested it the transaction - to oversleep with it in exchange on passing an examination. She, without thinking twice agreed, having warned that she has an illness on one and a half circles. On what the examiner did not pay attention and the transaction was made. Next day this teacher of the friend - the mathematician and asks:
-That meets it for an illness on one and a half circles? You Understand
-, - the friend answers, - length of a circle is equal two-pi-Ayr, so, length of one and a half circles - three - pi-Ayr.

*****

One student cannot answer one question of the examiner. Whether professor udivlyaetsya:
-It is possible to know nothing so? Forgive to
-, professor, I thought that examination tomorrow.

*****

Once the dean passes the hostel with check, comes into one room... And there empty bottles roll, everything is scattered. On a bed the drunk student sleeps. Well, it it is natural, parted forcibly. The student woke up, looked a muddy view of the dean... "Such will dream!" - the student told and again leaned back on a pillow.

*****

Once Dirac gave lecture on quantum mechanics, covered with drawings vsyu
dosku and in the end sprosil:
-Questions are?
-Ya did not understand how you removed the last formula, - told one student.
-This statement. I asked: questions are?

*****

Two Russian students in the Ukrainian HIGHER EDUCATION INSTITUTION are late for Ukrainian. To one another speaks:
-Now we will come running and it is necessary on to tell Ukrainian that we were late! And how?
ZAPI %% are scarlet?!
- Yes, pryp %% are scarlet!
pribegayut.
-We pryp %% are scarlet!
- We zap %% are scarlet!
- Yes, boys, you zapiznylys!

*****

Operational zal:
khirurg speaks studentu-praktikantu:
-I know, the old man that at you is it is the first operatsiya:
konechno, it will pass not really fine, but when you open the patient, do not press too strongly a scalpel, you can damage a table.

*****

The late student looks in auditoriyu:
-Excuse professor...
lektor (with threat in a voice):
- Why you were late for lecture?
student:
-Yes, I laid down around two yesterday... (Having softened)
lektor:
- Well, pass. Next time lay down around one, and be not late.

*****

Professor of chemistry, sharp on language, asks at examination of the student.
posledny answers quite badly, at last, absolutely stops.
- of Anything, - are told by professor, - do not embarrass: it is possible to be very much
khoposhim the person and thus not to know chemistry at all.
-I on the contrary, mister professor, - cut off the student.

*****

One student answers...
VOPPOS:
-Whom were amazons?
devitsa in search of the help inspects audience, friends students amicably put out yazyki.
-Lesbians?
- Neud! Pagans!!!

*****

The student answers. question :
-Whom were amazons?
devitsa in search of the help inspects audience, friends students amicably put out yazyki.
-Lesbians?
-Neud! Pagans!!

*****

The father brings up syna-studenta:
-Instead of studying you, the fool, all on maids run! You Understand
-, the father...
- Shut up! Who here father, you or I?
-Both, father, both...

*****

The father edifies the son who entered the institute: - You will study as five - I will buy you black "Volga", you will study as four - I will buy white "Volga", and you will study as three and two - You will be as the fool by green "Volga" to go!

*****

The father (About) the student comes to dean's office (D), and speaks:
o:u tomorrow examination and I am afraid of my son that he badly knows it and will not hand over!!! That will hand over
d:sporim on Three thousand?!?!?

*****

The father of the son entrant talks to the rector vuza:
-my son passes examinations tomorrow, but I think, what it not sdast.
- And we argue for $3000 what will hand over?

*****

The father sends to the son telegrammu:
-Kak passed examination? Report nemedlenno.
-Ekzamen passed excellent, professors delighted. Ask will repeat in the fall.