Anecdotes about students

Read funny Anecdotes about students

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The teacher to the student at examination on literature:
-Know if it was interrogation, and Pushkin was your companion, I would start to respect you …

*****

Prepodavatel:
-your surname?
student:
-Ivanov (smiles). To That do you smile to
-? - asks professor.
-It is happy that well answered the first question.

*****

The teacher of French asks studenta:
-As if you asked waters to get drunk in Paris? Forgive to
-, professor, but what fool in Paris drinks water?!

*****

The teacher gives lecture to students, became engrossed in reading and did not notice kak
time lecture came to an end. 5 minutes over time reads, 10 minutes...
20 of minutes, 40 minutes. And suddenly, he bethinks and speaks studentam:
-Oh, apparently, I was fond a little, you forgive me, my hours net.
s back rows otvechayut:
- And why to you hours? At you behind the calendar hangs.

*****

The teacher at examination noticed how the cadet tries to pull out a crib. Began to watch it. Was fond. Both are nervous, sweat. Eventually the teacher not vyderzhal:
-Well drag, drag more safely...

*****

The teacher on ekzamene:
-Means so, the young man, we finally found out that you do not understand my course of lectures at all. Now we needed only to find out how you understand it is aware of the Central Bank.

*****

The teacher at examination asks much worrying studenta:
-That you so worry, you that, are afraid of my questions?
- Is not present, I am afraid of the answers!

*****

Prepodavate:
- The good bull-prizDriver has to make to twelve copulation per day...
zhensky a voice from the first ryada:
-How many, how many?
prepodavatel:
-To dvenadtsati.
zhensky a voice from the first ryada:
-Repeat it more loudly for the last row! A voice from the last ryada:
-Forgive to
muzhskoy, it with one cow or with twelve?
prepodovatel:
-Of course, with twelve!
muzhskoy a voice from the last ryada:
-Repeat it more loudly for the first row!!!...

*****

The teacher - to the student:
- You were in army?
student:
- Is not present, and what?
prepod:
- Yes so... I can arrange.

*****

- Hi, that it you in a network? You went to couple, it seems!
- Expelled!!!
- Why? On the fourth year!? How managed? The Teacher caused
- to a board, I solved a problem. He asked to solve in a different way, through a method of uncertain multipli

*****

There come parents to visit the student in a hostel. Early in the morning its rooms knock at the door. Because of a door sleepy golos:
-Who else there?!
-A Kolya Ivanov lives here?
- Here, here... You at a door put it, shcha I will put on - I will bring!

*****

Selection committee at institute. The chairman asks ocherednogo
studenta:
- The Young man and why you chose for receipt etot
institut? Do not ask
- silly questions, the daddy.

*****

Selection committee at theatrical institute. To the entrant govoryat:
- The Girl, and represent to us something erotic, but with a fiasco in kontse.
abituriyentka, not long dumaya:
- And!. Aaa!! Aaaaa!!! Aaa-a-aa-pchkhi!!!!!

*****

There arrived a provincial student to Moscow, entered the institute. In the first month spent on drink and shirked all the money, and sits in a hostel, starves. Decided to get a job though some remains zarabatyvat.
stal to read the newspaper with announcements for work, and there experts with the higher education are required everywhere. Despaired there was already a student, but suddenly right at the end saw the announcement:" the watchman in a zoo is required". Quite the cheese!!! It comes, means in a zoo, and to it say that watchmen already found, but there is one rabotka here... To the student all the same if only was than to eat. And also speak to it, a pier a week ago at them the monkey died, and what zoo without monkey??? Gave out it a monkey skin well, caged. Children come, feed him with bananas - beauty... And he is direct into the role got - jumps, jumps, squeals, to rods clings... And directly under its cage there was a cage with a lion, so our student for rods did not keep and failed directly to a lion... Sits, into a corner it was hammered - waits for the fate...
A a lion, slowly so, approaches it and, indifferently, speaks:
-Hi, you from what faculty?

*****

There arrived students of veterinary faculty to one collective farm to do practical training. The veterinarian of that collective farm him speaks.
-see, the bull and a cow are grazed. And so so far I will go to the next collective farm you them skrestite.
znachit it comes back in 3 hours and sees a picture. "The bull lies the dead and the cow chews a grass". Veterinar:
-you that made?
studenty:
-Yes we so far a cow on a back laid down while to it feet moved apart and with a bull agreed, the bull died of laughing...

*****

There arrived somehow students to collective farm... The chairman shows them garage with tractors, a hen house with chickens, the granary - the truth, without grain so far. Come into a cowshed, look - all cows stand in muzzles. Students, with big eyes: - And che it at you a cow in muzzles? Bite, perhaps?! - Yes not, do not bite... Simply guzzle, swine, there is a lot of!

*****

The recruit on medical board. On a question, what education at it, it it is proud otvechayet:
-I was trained in Bristol, Los Angeles, the Colombian and Harvard universities, I have a rank of the bachelor of economic sciences! The chairman of the draft commission waves rukoy:
-Well, all right, all right, will be enough already, went to bat here! Begin to squeak: the recruit is able to read and write!.

*****

Professor at the student accepts examination in mathematics, but she answers badly and then it sets it additional question :
-But whether tell you, what such a geometrical progression?
- Well - at, it when each subsequent member is twice more predydushchego.
-E-e-e, - professor answers, is only all your maiden dreams.

*****

I accept examination at students. The such cute studentochka comes (C).
C - Give me "an excellent"!
Ya (is dumbfounded) - Yes people here for "five" of a kostma lay down!!!
C (looking round) - Where?...

*****

Comes somehow sick to vrachu:
-Help, at me between fingers standing scratches!
- Between what?
- Between the big!
- 8- (....

*****

The hungry student comes to the dining room. Sees on a table there is a plate with food. Well, he looked back, nobody looks, attacked on it and is clean courageous. Looks, and the hairbrush with hair at the bottom lies, it is time, and everything in a plate pulled out. Other student watching this picture from outside approaches and asks:
-(1) Well, what saw?
-(2) AGA
-(1) Ya too.

*****

The girl comes to offset, and gently looking at professor, speaks:
-Professor! I am ready on everything to pass a test!
- On everything?
- On everything!
- Well... Go, learn.

*****

The guy comes to examination to food institute. The selection committee sits, misses, entrants bothered... And here the guy some strange with a box from under boots prishel.
nu they to nemu:
-Sit down, tell, what brought you to us? You, probably since the childhood dreamed to become a cook?
- Well. In the childhood more Russian national fairy tales interested me. I on philological and postupil.
- And we here at what? Then the biology and genetic engineering interested me in
-. I was translated on biofak.
priyemnaya the commission in general in nedoumenii:
-Well it everything remarkably, and at what our institute here? Or, maybe, you, the young man, - "flyer"?
- Is not present, you bad do not think, I all usvoil.
- Then why to us came? Here understand
-...
otkryvayet a box from under boots, pours out contents on a table, on a table dozen of tiny huts on chicken legs run up!!! THEY eat the THIRD DAY NOTHING
-!!!

*****

Professor of philology comes to a brothel. After love, after everything he wanted also to talk. And here suddenly it, so to speak, the partner finds such breadth of views, such outlook, such erudition, such flight of thought... The gone nuts professor:
- Girl and that it! yes as it is possible! yes to you absolutely here not a place! yes it is necessary for you it is necessary to us! in university! on filfak!
devushka (having reddened):
- Well you, professor, and here mother hardly released me...

*****

The drunk student comes to the room of a hostel, takes off one boot and with vsey
sily throws into a wall and here shout because of stenki:
-You are a goat, 3 o'clock in the morning do not allow to sleep!!!
togdam the student silently took off the second boot and went to bed, suddenly again shout because of stenki:
-You are a goat, I will long wait when you take off the second boot???

*****

The student comes to veterinary academy to examination in biology, but knows nothing, except a structure of a flea. It got the ticket about a cow. It leaves and nachinayet:
- The Cow is such animal, on four feet, is covered with wool. Fleas are found in wool... - Tells everything about fleas further. The teacher stops it and speaks:
-it is good, good. Tell us better about a dog. The student again nachinayet:
- The Dog - the animal on four feet, is covered with wool, fleas are found in wool. Tells about fleas further. It bothered the examiner, and he speaks:
-is fine, tell us about rybu.
-Fish is an animal who lives in water. Fish has no wool but if was, fleas would be found in it...

*****

The student home comes somehow and speaks ottsu:
-Fathers, give 500 rubley.
-It what for?
-Ya them pomenyayu.
-On how many?
- On chetyre.
-It - at what course?
- On mathematics.

*****

The student of a theological seminary comes to pass examination. The father to it and speaks:
-I Know my son. The first time to keep the sermon strashno.
-Well you go ostogramsya for hrabrosti.
tot went. Accepted. After the sermon approaches the Father and asks:
-Well as? I correctly made everything?
Da! But was a little nedochetov:
1) I told to ostogramitsya but not Ografinitsya!
2)K to an altar ascend but do not vospolzat!
3) do not fill the Cassock in pants!
4)B of the Bible was not mentioned any other mother okromya God's!
5) Were apostles but not apezdola!
6)I was them 12 but not h*y knows how many!
7) Parishioners but not dudes!
8) should Let go in peace but not on h*y!
9) should finish the sermon with words Amen but not pi ** ets!

*****

The student behind offset comes, the teacher speaks emu:
-Here to you an unpretentious problem. Reduce fraction a cosine X to divide na
kotangens iks.
student writes in the American notation of cos (x) / cot (x) =...
- is good, - the teacher, - speaks further... X in numerator and a denominator we reduce
-... remains sos/sot.
-Well, - the teacher, - speaks further...
- so in numerator and a denominator...
- OK, - are told by the teacher...
- s/t... So same speed!

*****

The student comes to the next repeating an examination, as always anything ne
uchil to it, well the teacher to it and speaks:
-Under the ticket something know?
- Not znayu.
-Well, the law of Ohm you will write?
-NET.
- The Pancake, what with you to do me? Well let's draw. Draw poyezd
(The student on a piece of paper starts drawing). And where wires from above? And nu
risuy! Wheels cho it is small, dorisovyvay wheels! The train at tebya
stranny, neither windows, nor doors. Draw windows and doors. And why in oknakh
lyudey it is not visible? Draw that in windows there were people! Now look,
vidish of this person? IT YOU go TO ARMY!!!

*****

The student comes to examination and anything tells professoru:
-Sprashivayte me - I know everything!
P rofessor Emu
-well. Remove a formula of my beard!!!
Пожалуста! We take the floor "" a beard ""and we display it on syllables:"", pine forest" "and ""ode"". Pine forest is the wood. Oda-
eto abated. The wood abated when? when calm. Without" "in є "
three" "e". \\\\3e-in \\\\. A constant ""e " " ravna
2.178282828, and in - hairiness coefficient!

*****

The student comes to examination. Puts before the teacher a champagne bottle …
- Well, it is satisfactory …
student gets a box konfet.
-Well, horosho.
student gets such expensive ruchku.
-Perfectly, - the teacher speaks, - give a record book. Undersigns in zachetke.
-Perfectly, I will go still I will hand over physics, - the student rakes up everything back in a package and leaves audience.

*****

The student on kafedru:
-comes But will not prompt, where associate professor Ivanov? To me to perezachat.

*****

The person comes to a cemetery and hears how somewhere shout: "Hurrah! Bravo!". Approaches, sees crowd of students and two tortured mogilshchikov.
asks:
-That here occurs?
mogilshchiki with deep vzdokhom:
- The teacher died Yesterday, so we today the tenth time encore dig in it.

*****

Two students come to professor to pass examination. On combination theory. In those still times. Home came to professor. Well, handed over, handed over, behind cards sat up, behind dice, darkened. And at that time both students, and professors were poor, home them will not send, it was necessary to sleep to stack in the professorial three-room apartment. In one room - two students, in another - professor with the wife, in the third - the professorial daughter. In total according to Hoyle, spyat.
prosypayetsya the student, thinks, whether and a horse-radish I with this moron lie, I will go the professorial daughter I will visit. Lo and behold to one room - dvegolova from under a blanket stick out, well that professor with the wife, lo and behold in another - one head. Daughter! Yurk to it under a blanket, spyat.
ne is slept also to professor. Rises in the middle of the night, thinks, to the daughter to a perelyag, you never know from these goofs to wait. Shnyr to one room, two heads, - aha, students, shnyr in another - one, the daughter, not differently. Pryg - spit.
nu, here and the second student woke up, and as you already guessed, went in the footsteps of the friend, on searches professorial dochki.
utro. Professor wakes up. One. In the room of students. Hm... Looks to one room - there the student with the daughter, in another - the student with the wife. Scratches repu:
-How many years I teach combination theory, but did not see such blyadsky shifts yet!!!

*****

Two students to the girl on a visit come. One asks:
-Sorry, you have no slippers?
- Yes, You're welcome.
potom turns to the second, and asks:
- And slippers are not necessary to you?
Ha that that otvechayet:
-Is not present, thanks, I have socks without holes.

*****

The graduate of MAI came to CB to work. And there over konstruktsiyey
samoleta fight: the wing at the plane and all falls off. Beams power put,
krepleniya, ropes - helps nothing. Then it and speaks:
- And you holes at the basis of a wing nasverlit!
- You that, okhrenet? Especially otvalitsya.
- And you poprobuyte.
poprobovali... Keeps!!!
-A from where you knew, what it will help? You sometime saw
-A, that toilet paper on dyrochkam
otryvalas?

*****

The student came to the dining room, and all little tables are occupied, sits down by professor, and that speaks:
- The Goose to a pig not tovarishch.
student:
-Well, I poletel.
professor took offense and decided "to fill up" at examination of the student. Day of examination. Professor gives to the student the most difficult ticket, and that answers perfectly well and professor sets to it additional question :
- There are you on the road and see two bags, one with gold, the second intelligently. What you will choose?
student:
-C zolotom.
professor:
- And I intelligently vzyal.
student:
-It to whom that not hvatayet.
professor would become angry and writes in a record book of "TRESTLE", the student did not look and left. After a while comes back and speaks:
-Professor, you undersigned here, and a mark did not give!

*****

The student was guilty, the dean summons him and speaks: Punishment paint with
-B windows on the 3rd floor …
through 2 hours the student comes and asks:
- And to paint frames?