Short jokes

Read funny Short jokes

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In bookstore the book "How to Live Christianly" is stolen.

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In a communal flat someone smeared walls with shit. Thought on professor. It always after a toilet of soaps of a hand.

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In the room stank. Stierlitz entered the room. Stank more nobody saw.

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In the company for permanent job the accountant (it is possible the woman), and also the woman is required (it is possible the accountant!).

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Competition of children's drawings on asphalt was won by Vovochka who drew a circle. Other participants were taken away by the Viy.

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The elderly lady and the young man who ruminates come into a compartment of the train. The guy sat down opposite and chews. The lady looked at it, then did not sustain and speaks:
-In vain you try to start talking to me, I absolutely deaf!

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In Leningrad in 2000 there will be one Jew - Aurora Kreyser.

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In what we are in the lead, so it in number of designations of degree of intoxication.

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In London evening. It is drizzling. Holmes and Watson sit at restaurant. Watson thoughtfully gnaws nails. On a foot. Through a boot.

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In love as at school: the most interesting - change.

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In any of us the genius sleeps. And every day everything is stronger...

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The man comes into shop and speaks:
-Give me a bottle vodki.
prodavshchitsa:
-With yourself?
- Is not present, without you.

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In magazine:
- There will be at you no decent jacket?
- For example, such, how on me?
- Is not present, more purely.

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In Pyaterochka shop who at school had a troyechka work.

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In shop elektrotovarov:
-you have an extender?
- Extender of that?

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In metro.
-you forgot a package on sitting, madam!
-O! Do not worry. It is a breakfast of my husband. It works in lost and found.

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In metro:
-Faugh! Man you drunk, disgustingly drunk!
-A of a foot at you curves, disgustingly curve. And I sober will be tomorrow.

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In the Ministry of Foreign Affairs, in the high-speed elevator, the Russian and the American rise. The elevator unexpectedly gets stuck. At Russian took a stomach at this time. It and speaks:
- The Mobster, I will sit down in a corner here, and you otvernis.
amerikanets turn away, gets Marllboro, lights. Russian from a corner natuzhenny golosom:
- And at us in elevators is not smoked!

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In militia the cop fused lampochka.
odin brings a stool, another lampochku.
posle that one becomes on a stool with a bulb in a hand, and another... starts twisting a stool.

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In the world there is no fighter more safely than the frightened Jew.

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In my soul, Serega, you hid forever. We in Shans club got acquainted with you, really you forgot? Appear!

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In Moldova absolutely new type of a bomb is developed. At explosion in a radius of 30 km everything becomes covered by a tile...

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In Moscow there were vampires with nonconventional sexual orientation! That to kill them with
for of that, it is necessary to drive in a wooden stake not into heart, and into an ass!

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In Moscow passed the first congress of pessimists of Rossii.
bylo the decision more congress is made not to carry out.

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In meat lavke.
-That wish, madam?
- Cut out to me, please, a meat slice that it was in harmony with blue and green florets on my plates.

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- In our country of the woman can do everything, simply some hesitate.

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It is possible to find many minerals in a subsoil of our country, and on a surface - there are a lot of harmful.

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On New Year's Eve the little boy woke up from some fuss near a fir-tree. He wiped eyes and saw Father Frost displaying podarki:
-Father Frost, I knew that you are, I so rad.
-You saw me, the boy, now I should kill you.

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On New Year's Eve the militiaman serves on the street. Sees, the drunk lady in thoughtfulness props up a fence. Militsioner:
-Who is it?
- Snow Maiden! That do you do
-I there, native? The lady, zhalobno:
-I CONCEAL!

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In the new edition the Hippocratic Oath begins with words: "Only in the presence of the insurance policy".

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- In the announcement it is written, what at you it is possible "on barter" is as? Hostess: - You are our girl, and our security guards - You.

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In usual apartments - the neighbor with a drill, in private houses - with a lawn-mower.

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In Odessa at the intersection "Zhiguli" stops. Approach the driver troye:
- And well, get out from stolen mashiny.
-Yes you che, men, it is my car!
-of Sha! There was yours! And now the stolen!

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In Odessa on rynke:
-On what your blue?
- Silly woman! These are chickens!

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In the Odessa port at the mooring the mermaid with the small child on hands emerges and addresses to crowd lyubopytnykh:
- And where there lives the diver Zhora?

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In one Norwegian cocktail hall: "We ask women not to bring children in the bar.

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Waiting for Natasha Rostova's arrival the lieutenant Rzhevsky was engaged in self-control...

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In the 47th book Harry Potter kills Joanne Rowling.

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In response to creation of the Israeli unmanned aerial vehicles, Stockholm lets out new party of freaky karlson