Jokes about peoples

Read funny Jokes about the Chechens

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January of the 95th. A "plasticine" field to the east of Grozny. Darkly and cold. Fire does not fight in a close small stove. Officers of
obrashchayutsya to the chief artillerii:
-Kohl, firewood came to an end, throw to us yashchikov.
-Understood. "Vistula" stop! the Purposes 201,202,203, fragmental and demolition, a detonator fragmental, on twenty on the purpose. Fire!
through some minutes soldiers drag empty boxes from under shells and in an oven cheerfully zaplyasat a flame.

*****

- And let's write something about hunting!
- And here hunting?
-Well... as if spring... all okhota.
-Poshlyatina. With the same success it is possible to write about rybalku.
- And and here fishing?
-Well as: "Spring! Dig out the worm!"

*****

- And you what fish want to hook?
-Vegetable marrow!
-Is not present such fish! As it is not present
-? Caviar is, and fish is not present?

*****

- And I recently hunting dog kupil.
-What breed?
-Hound. I to it: "Attack!", and it me:
- The Man and you drive!

*****

And I on hunting hit a fox. It with the last bit of strength to the river fell and utonula.
v the general, I came home with chem.
Wife give me pilit:
idiot, again empty, only radiate yes you translate gunpowder!
sosed of wons on fishing was, so the fox in a network got to it!.

*****

Abram with the friend went to hunting and there is unexpected umer.
drug, knowing about weak heart of the wife of Abram, sent it telegrammu:
-Abram caught a cold a little. Funeral tomorrow.

*****

The agent praises highly advantages of the insurance policy and explains okhotniku:
-If you break a hand, receive five thousand. If foot ten thousand. And if races the bear crushes, will be the millionaire!
okhotnik in the fast train paid attention what poyezd
slishkom is frequent ostanavlivayetsya.
-Why we again stand? - he asked at provodnika.
-On rails an elk razlegsya.
- The Elk? But we already stop the fifth time today. Zdes
chto, there are a lot of elks?
-Is not present, it is the same. We again caught up with it.

*****

The lawyer - sosedu:
-Now I protect in court of the poacher...
-That I all think why it from your kitchen such tasty smells reach!

*****

Arrested the old Jew, conduct in a mentovka. Towards one more evrey:
-Abram, you where go? - On hunting. - And gun where? - Yes, behind bear!

*****

Army. The person on duty on park - dnevalnomu:
-what car left? To
-Green, - answers dnevalnyy.
-I know, what green what number, I ask?
-A number white...

*****

Africa. Crash of the ship. Local savages of all killed. Survived only odna
krasavitsa which the leader took to himself in the concubine. Passes time. The leader sobral
soplemennikov also holds before them rech.
-my Soldiers! Whether I when the elephant on hunting broke off to me a thorax cried?
-Is not present, our leader! You did not cry! Whether
-Complained I to whom when two years in my stomach there lived a cobra?
-Is not present, our leader! So why I pay
-now when I pisat?

*****

The barin went to a bear with naked hands.
a returned without.

*****

The bartender tells znakomomu:
-Such grief, one of our constants kliyentov.
on the hunter died yesterday. Remarkable person! Every day drank at nas
po thirty glasses of beer and two liters vodki.
- And of what he died? I have no
-of Concept.

*****

The leveret runs on the wood, ears under a chin are tied. His bear asks:
-happened to Chyo to ears? Yes here the mother tied
ZAYATS:
-. Speaks, hunters in the wood came in large numbers. To kill - will not kill, and you will have heard plenty!

*****

Talk two hunting sobaki:
-we go with the owner on the wood Yesterday, suddenly because of bushes as the bear will jump out!. And the owner, as ill luck would have it, forgot cartridges. Well, I as will rush on it as I will shout!
-What you courageous, rushed on an animal!
-Yes on what animal?! On the owner rushed, embraced him paws and as I will cry: "We run, the moron!!!"

*****

Two talk okhotnika:
-Hear! Yesterday Kolyan of a bear at a den frightened off! As you learned
-A?
-Nearby such heap of shit! Bear
-?
-Is not present, Kolyana!

*****

Talk rybaki:
-In my opinion, the best sight at ryb.
-Why? 10 years I go fishing
-Ya, and never caught fishes wearing spectacles.

*****

Hospital. The nurse - to the doctor (in a whisper):
-I have a Doctor of the patient there - that the newcomer, in some pishchalku
kryakayet. Perhaps to call the psychiatrist?
DOKTOR:
-Not, is not necessary. This is the professional hunter. It so, probably, utku
prosit.

*****

The old hunter on the wood goes. Also sees before himself a huge ditch with dirty water, leaves and so forth. Well what to do? He runs up and jumps... Falls, it is natural in the dirt. All Podymatsya itself wet, the gun wet, shakes off and speaks:
-Eh, %#я, an old age, what a difference, when young was...
potom looked back - anybody net:
- And generally around when young was - too lousy jumped.

*****

Being journey in one of areas, a certain minister was invited to hunting on zaytsev.
po the termination it unanimously proclaimed by the king strelkov.
ministr one shot thirty zaytsev.
-Yes, it is magnificent result, - he modestly noticed, - especially if to consider that I had only ten cartridges.

*****

Being journey to provinces, the minister decided to hunt. Upon termination of action it was proclaimed unanimously the king of shooters - he alone shot 30 hares. - Yes, it is quite good result, - the minister modestly noticed. - Especially if to consider that I had only ten cartridges.

*****

The skilled hunter sprosili:
-your most successful shot is to a fly in an eye?
-Is not present. In a bum to the leader papuasov.
- And why the successful?
-Ya managed to get away.

*****

The skilled hunter sprosili:
-Tell one of cases on yours okhote.
-I Ambush, so, - there began the hunter. - Creeps, to me an idler. Den
polzet, two creeps, three creeps. Did not crawl to zasady.
-So would leave and killed!
-to Leave an ambush. Not, the man, you are not a hunter!

*****

- In Antarctica I killed with one shot kita.
- And I on the North Pole the hands strangled medvedya.
- And you sometime heard about the Dead Sea? Who did not hear
-?
-So it I it...

*****

In army the colonel became thirsty, he sends behind the lieutenant's water. And that dumayet:
-Aha! Only from institute came, already begin! - also sends a demobilization. And that served two years, will go to someone for water? Comes to the colonel, up feet turned a mug and speaks:
-Companion colonel! The mug is soldered!
TOT so looked attentively: it is really soldered! Then under a bottom glyanul:
-Hm! It also without bottom!

*****

In art school give lecture on ballistike:
prepodavatel:
-After a shot the shell flies on a parabola... Comrade's
kursant:
- The colonel and if to put a gun sideways, it is possible to shoot from round the corner?
prepodavatel (thoughtfully):
-Well... Well... It is possible, but under the charter it is not necessary!!

*****

In Africa forbade hunting for endangered species of white people.

*****

In Africa pass hunting competitions. The Frenchman and the Russian participate the American. But there is one condition - crocodiles not the убивать.
1st-y day. Amerikanets:
-I killed 12 ostriches and 46 gibonov.
frantsuz:
- And I - speak - 34 hippopotamuses 4 lions and 9 giraffes!
russkiy:
-75 ноусеров.
2nd-y day. Amerikanets:
-64 zhirafa14 leopards and 23 hippopotamuses! Frantsuz:
-37 lions 71 ostriches of 49 hyenas!
russkiy:
-154 ноусеров.
3rd-y den.
-76 hippopotamuses of 45 lions of 83 ostriches!!!
-118 gibonov98 giraffes!!!
russkiy:
-329 nouserov.
- And what for nouser? - cprashivayut.
-Well we go to a shed posmotrite.
prikhodyat means and observe such picture: the huge a lot of Blacks rolls. At Russian and sprashivayut:
-For what you their pier killed? I Suit
-I ask: crocodile?
-No sir.

*****

In the bar three hunters tell each other about the progress on a safari. The first: - On me the rhinoceros ran, I admitted him on three meters - women! - on the spot!
vtoroy:- And I when hunted on elephants, admitted one by two meter and with one shot filled up ego.
tretiy:
- And on me the buffalo with cuckolded, well, I in it - boom rushed off! - it is ready!
TUT conversation are butted in sickly by the little man, sitting at the next little table:-It everything nonsense. Here on me the lion began to roar, and I approached him already on half-meter without any weapon and obossat it. All three udivlenno:
-Wow! And than everything ended?
-that I was hit on a muzzle from employees of a zoo...

*****

In berloge:
-Papa, show puppet theater! The
PAPA-bear puts on the paws of 2 skulls rolling in uglu:
-Mikhalych, and bears are here?
Da well, from where here bears!

*****

In a smoking car two hunters. One with a hunting doggie on a lap, literally chokes from intolerable zapakha
tabaka and the smoke flying from a tube sitting next starika.
no here the old man falls asleep, the owner of a dog carefully vynimayet
trubku from the mouth sleeping and throws out it in okno.
vskore the old man wakes up, rummages language on lips in poiskakh
trubki - there is no it. Also understands that the neighbor played with him angry shutku.
nado somehow to recoup, he solves. But how?
B the turn are filled up by the owner of a dog. The old man takes a doggie za
spinu and throws into a window. The hunter wakes up - there is no doggie. Looks for ee
pod a little table, under a seat, in a corridor. Then asks at soseda:
-Tell, you did not see mine sobaku.
-your doggie? And, I saw it, she ran behind my tube.

*****

In protection of animals vodka on hunting made more, than all Greenpeace together taken.

*****

In the case of crash of the helicopter with poldpredy the President there was a new version - a mountain goat on whom officials hunted, started shooting back and brought down the helicopter.

*****

In ancient times when primitive people hunted on mammoths, one of savages suggested them to surround and to tire out in a trap. So appeared komandiry.
kogda all people ate and there was a lot more meat, one predlozhil
polozhit it in a cold cave. So there were deputies on tylu.
no when people came every other day, some meat did not find. Tak
poyavilis ensigns.

*****

The furious hunter rushes into office - Here there is a society of animal protection? - he shouts - Here, - the servant answers. - And who offended you?
molodaya the lady of a resolute look comes into weapon shop: - I need the trouble-free gun! - It is necessary to you for protection? - For protection I will employ the lawyer! - Allow to offer you shestizaryadny revolver-you that, think, what I have six husbands?

*****

In cafe in Boulevard Puassonyer.
-This dog my true friend! Try look such, you will not find
nigde it equal!
-Jean-Christophe in every possible way praises highly the dog. In tot
moment when he extols its unusual feats, Serzh
vidit, what she approaches to the doors kafe.
-Listen, Jean-Christophe what happens to a dog? Really, it is going to do a rack!
ZhAN-Christoph turns and sees that the dog really made a rack: forepaws are raised, nostrils razduvayutsya.
-Now that's something like it! What did she notice there?
sobaka stared at the visitor who quietly sits na
terrase and drinks anisic tincture. Well, it too! Zhankristof gets up and goes to nemu.
-Tell, the dear, you incidentally with yourself have no game?
-of the Game?. Yes you that, that? Three months how hunting it is forbidden, and you believe, what I store a game in the pockets? - Togda
objyasnite to me why my dog made near you a rack?
-If it really hunting blood, so then net
nichego the surprising... My name is Perdriks (the Partridge?!

*****

Come the hunter with a dog into cafe and concludes with posetitelyami
pari that his dog will talk now. But the dog molchit.
chelovek pays a bet and leaves under the general laughter - Because of tebya
ya lost a great lot of money! - the owner speaks to a dog - Why you ne
zagovoril? - The odd fellow - answers a dog - You only present, we zagrebt
skolko of money tomorrow.

*****

In Kishinev passed the hunting championship of Moldova on a woodpecker by means of the decoy puncher.

*****

In club of fishermen one of fans told about the most successful lovle:
-After three-hour fight I at last dragged out on the coast this sea chudovishche.
-But I saw the photo, this fish was no more than twenty centimeters, - one of slushateley.
-Yes, it so interfered, - the fisherman, - but in those three hours during which this fish struggled with me admitted, it considerably lost in weight.