Anecdotes about the job

Read funny Anecdotes about the job

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- Well, how to you new work?
- Very travmatichny place, whether you know. Colleagues, one, another, certify as ill - constantly dislocate jaw yawns.

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- Well, how was your labors vyebudni?
- How do you subtly noticed.

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- What is it about an hour in the shop told our boss?
- on labor savings.

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About what it is more than an hour our chief spoke in shop?
- About economy of working hours.

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About dismissed badly it is impossible to speak. Or it is good or anything. Because their transitory bodies forty will come back even days behind calculation, and only the chief accountant will be able to break their karmic links and to release to the best world.

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- To bypass the competitor! To drown it in false information! To quarrel him with clients! Remember are cornerstones of our work! - teaches shef.
podchinennye and colleagues - itself vnimaniye.
i it is suddenly distributed golos:
-to me such philoso

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Society of the blind will employ as the secretary pleasant to the touch.

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The announcement on gate of factory: "If you derive pleasure ot
raboty, at us you are waited by the mass of pleasures".

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In gazete:
"I Want to give up smoking the announcement therefore I look for work in a warehouse of gasoline or explosive".

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The announcement on a door magazina:
magazinu loaders, payment price-work and cleaners are required.

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Announcement: I look for work of the mower. Anything, except a tryn-grass not to offer.

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The announcement of job search in the summer in the period of an abnormal heat: "I look for work in a refrigerating warehouse, the refrigerator, as a last resort - in a mortuary. It is desirable round the clock and without days off."

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The announcement in an advertizing leaf which is issued to Shchelkovo. "You are young and elegant? Want the slave the Tat abroad? In Mongolia asphalt stackers are required.

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Announcement: If you consider that are worthy earnings from $500 a day, send the summaries to our address. And that is somehow boring for us.

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The usual working day in Russian the ofise.
dizayner-printer vacuums koridor.
potomu that to the cleaner urgently documents charged to bring to another kontoru.
ved the courier couple of hours ago at this time is occupied with repair of the computer from the secretary shefa.
ibo the system administrator is completely shipped in work: he urgently imposes buklet.
potomu that the printing designer as we remember...

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One my chief always under mukhoy.
-That tells drugomu:
- The simply drunk?
- Is not present, shit is simple.

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One mathematician - drugomu:
-Call chislo.
-Well, let will be pi in e e.
-A degree at me in degree pi - at me more, I won!

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One man asks drugogo:
-As at you in firm there took place reorganization?
-Plokho.
-though left the Salary?
- left the Salary, me - no.

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One employee of institution comes to the director zavoda:
-I came to complain of yours sotrudnika.
- And what he made? He me called
- "mudaky".
-A you that, counted on the bigger?

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One colleague speaks drugomu:
-You know, my chief - such shit (turns around - behind there is a chief).
- Well... I... In good sense of this word.

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One shabashnik laid linoleum in one apartment. Laid, and wanted to light. Looks: cigarettes from a forward pocket were gone. Began to look for - anywhere is not present. Then sees - under linoleum the cone. Well, thinks, because of one pack you will not tear off linoleum. Knocked a hammer few times, leveled a place. The hostess and speaks:
-Here your cigarettes comes. You in a corridor dropped them. By the way, you did not see my hamster???

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One firm on production and sale of drills decided to find out prospects of development of the sales market. Ordered consulting in abrupt consulting office. It is spent 1million by $, month of work. Result: "Drills were not in demand, do not use and will not use." Customer: "Yes you went nuts! We have growth of sales of 150% every year!" As a result the first consulting was sent na and other firm, even more abrupt, for 2milliona $ was employed. Two months of hard work and result: "Drills were not in demand, do not use and will not use." The customer in full shock also sends na and the second firm. Employs the third firm, the most abruptly in the world. $3 million, three months of the most hard work are spent. Result: "Drills were not in demand, do not use and will not use. Constantly demand for holes grows, and than them to do all a pofiga!"

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Main precept of the bureaucrat: the more papers, the are purer a bum.

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Answer to a question: "Your favourite drink in the morning?" - strongly depends on, whether it is necessary to go this day to work or not.

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Three employees of statistical management hunted somehow together. See - there is a deer. First Bach. Also got one meter more to the left. The second women also got one meter more to the right. And the third and to shoot not stal:
-All! Statistically we already killed him!

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Very much I like to go to work. And from work. Only these between walking - terribly irritate 8 hours.

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Very tactful chief does not know how to tell to the secretary that she is dismissed...
-Masha, you so perfectly cope with the duties that I do not even know that we would do without you. But since Monday we after all will try...

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The father, this fence round building was put up in order that people did not see, what there do?
- Not, the sonny that people did not see that do nothing there.

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- The father, and how many in general people works in our government?
- Well, somewhere half!

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The guy with wonderful recommendations, but with a nervous tic gets a job. The personnel officer speaks:
- Sorry, we cannot accept you, to you to communicate with clients, and you blink postoyanno.
- there are no problems. I drink two aspirin and all day all cool, I do not blink sovsem.
s these words the guy climbs in a pocket and gets one by one a heap of different condoms - simple, color, ridge, Dyureksov, Reflexes - different. Then gets aspirin, drinks and really ceases to blink. The manager speaks:
- Understand - we have a decent reputation, to you to communicate with clients, and at you with morals not everything is all right, judging by vsemu.
- Da Va that! I have a wife, two children. And if you about it, (shows on a heap of condoms), try in a drugstore blinking aspirin to ask.

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The boss addresses to one of the sotrudnikov:
-I asked to hang up my order in such place where all could see it navernyaka.
-Yes, mister director. I so dexterously pasted it to a bum mademoiselle Jozett, our most sexual secretary that she did not even notice.

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Translation by the PROMT of the instruction on installation Po:
original: "Just execute the installer" .
perevod: "Simply execute the assembler".

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- Petrov, we only decided to give to you the rank of the best young worker of shop, and you played such tricks! A truancy moreover with hit in a sobering-up station!
- Well and what?!
- As that? With a rank it is necessary to wait. We will be limite

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The rooster arrived in a hen house ostrich's yaytso:
-I do not want you to criticize, lovely ladies, but look as others work!

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The letter in bureau meteorologii:
tolko that raked up meter of a partly cloudy from a path.

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The poster on a wall of an office of the president of firm which is engaged intermediary deyatelnostyyu:
"to Fools the law not pisan; if pisan, not chitan; if chitan, not ponyat; if is understood, not so".

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According to blondes the vehicle Mercedes is such car which in front has a ringlet with tense on it stringami.
-Take off shorts and turn zadom.
- No, Dima, I to the back not hochu.
- Yes you be not afraid, Natasha, it not bolno.
- And Lenka told that bolno.
- Lenka span, I could not get plainly, here and left bolno.
- I hesitate. <> br - Natasha, we from school know each other. And in general, it is not necessary to hesitate of me. For me there is no difference the man you or zhenshchina.
- And you can not look?
- As I will get if I does not look?
- And you naoshchup.
- Will think up too, naoshchup … All right, open a mouth. On here, swallow … Only the tablet is a nonsense. The prick is more reliable. Go, tell there that the following came. Quicker already to complete these flu inoculations to all your weaving mill...

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Statistically, the employee who since morning ate pea soup, herring and kefir reaches work on average 17 minutes quicker...

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The results of the All-Russian action "Day without Mat" are summed up:
- Was completely paralyzed work of all avtoservisov.
-all Stopped loading and unloading raboty.
-Football players and hockey players did not understand the trainer on installation before matchem.
-All plumbers and school tinder funguses died on vzdokhe.
-Ordinary inhabitants did not know what to answer an elementary question "Where?"