Anecdotes about the job

Read funny Anecdotes about the job

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The criminal went out of prison and directed to work as the tutor in kindergarten. The friend on a chamber decided to come him to visit. Also sees: in the middle of the yard it sits, and around children go around, having stuffed up hands for spinu.
-Ivanov? It was again described?!
- You Offend, the chief! Why murder you sew?

*****

- You already stopped doing nothing?)
- Is not present, and you?
- Yes here and I, - a nifiga a pancake am not in time, on the course it is necessary to put off.

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Universal algorithm of work of the chief at statement of complex and supercomplex challenges:

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The managing director talks to the young man who wants to get a job on rabotu:
-In our firm, - the managing director speaks, - very much care of purity. You walked over a rug before entering?
- Oh yes razumeetsya.
-Secondly, - are continued by the managing director, - we demand from our employees of truthfulness. No rug is present there.

*****

The young graduate of financial institution treyderom.
nachalnik department gets a job explains him it a duty and, pointing to the computer, speaks:
- And it is your personal assistant - kompyyuter.
on will carry out for you a half of work. Questions are?
-A is possible for me the second computer?

*****

The man the storekeeper gets a job. He is shown the ropes dela:
- Here we have a plitochka!
- Otlichnenko!
- And here at us is wall-paper!
- Prekrasnenko!
- And here at us is linoleum!
- is remarkable! - Here only know
, a salary at us small …
- So, at you also money pays?

*****

Arranged diversion at work - brought an iris of "Pussycats Pussycats" (Soviet, ferroconcrete) .
teper anybody not razgovarivayet.
voobshche NIKTO NI S WHOM DOES NOT TALK to me!

*****

The man in a fire brigade got a job. In a month meets the friend, that asks:
-Well how in the pumper it is worked? You know
-, not bad. A salary decent, the ration, regimentals pay in time... Besides, children good were selected, we play checkers, dominoes... But, as the fire - though leave!

*****

- Uti what tiny, simply charm! It is my salary? Crazy to go! Give two!

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There is no wish to go to work in the morning? The magazine "Forbes" also find
otkroyte the familiyu.
ne found there?
togda march for work!

*****

The retiring director transfers to the successor three sealed konverta.
-If at you in work difficulties meet, - he speaks,
- that open these envelopes on one in god.
ne passed also years as the new director it was compelled to open the first konvert.
tam there was a note: "Dump everything on the predecessor" .
ESHCHE in a year the second was opened konvert.
v it paper with an inscription lay: "Carry out reorganization" .
togda the turn reached the third konverta.
direktor read: "Write three notes and seal them in envelopes".

*****

The pupil of the telephone master came back home rasstroyennyy.
- The Conflict to the master? - asks mat.
-Yes. He for some reason became angry when I asked it from what telephone columns grow: from seeds or saplings?

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Scientists managed to find out that clever work loves not less, than fools, but hesitates to show the feelings openly.

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The farmer speaks new rabotniku:
-we Will go, I will show you how to milk korovu.
-Perhaps to me better to begin with a calf?

*****

Financial bigwigs are who?
- of Whom already turns back from money.

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The photographer Ivanov refused the western habit to suggest photographed to speak "chi- And- And-from". He knows from the experience that the smile turns out much more natural if photographed tell "si-i-i-i-ski".

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The owner - kassiru:
-I was informed that you steal money from my cash desk!
-A you as wanted, - the cashier is surprised, - that I worked for you, and money stole from someone another?

*****

The owner of a small bench complains priyatelyu:
- The day before yesterday I sold only one couple trousers. Yesterday - any. And today still huzhe.
-As it can be even worse?
-A so. The one who bought from me trousers the day before yesterday, returned today and demanded money back.

*****

The owner - to the errand boy who was late for half an hour na
rabotu:
-You had to be at nine o'clock in the morning! Da's
-? And what happened?

*****

The owner of firm summoned in an office sluzhashchego.
-Mr. Ripley, - he told, - I have for you two news. The first - I increase your salary in two raza.
-I do not know how to thank you, Mr. Jackson...
- the Second news - I immediately dismiss you. Will know now, the idler, what good place you lost!

*****

The owner of firm speaks careless sluzhashchemu:
-Is glad to tell you, Mr. Smith that we add to you a salary. I hope, it will brighten up to you the last week before dismissal.

*****

It is good to work at two works! There is a lot of money! But not because pay much,
A because could not be spent.

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It is good when simply work at work, and love, hate and have a good time in private life.

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You want not to oversleep in the morning for work? You sing before going to bed a water-melon.

*****

- For a year I work at a ubytok.
- Why do you do then you will not close his shop?
- And what then shall I live?

*****

- What are you doing with a hammer on an iron barrel knock?
- Grisha sleeps there. Two hours later ordered razbudit.
- do not wake up?
- not prosypaetsya.
- And you can not udar.
- sledgehammer sledgehammer. Noise will be a lot. Brigadier wake up. He sleeps in a nearby barrel. Ordered three hours to wake up.

*****

- You that such tired and sad?
- Work... Work... One work... In the morning and in the evening... And all work... Long ago so you work with
-I? Tomorrow I begin
-...

*****

The person enters an office of the chief and pours out to it on the head to bank of ink. Then climbs on a table and starts dancing. At this moment in an office his colleague looks and speaks:
-Stop, Jean! We joked, you did not come into a fortune in ten million francs!

*****

The person is created for happiness, as a bird for work.

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The skirt is higher, the it is more difficult to observe subordination!

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- Than you are engaged at work? You will not believe
-. We are engaged in nothing. We work.

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Than the Finn having work differs from the unemployed Finn?
ezdit on rest to Spain, but not to Lapland.

*****

- Devil's work! The day before yesterday left at o'clock in the morning, left in polnoch.
-yesterday That, asked for leave yesterday?

*****

What the expert with a salary has to do 1000 rubles?
- of Anything, and even slightly to harm!

*****

What at work best of all lightens mood? Correctly! Good such, tasty joke about the chief. Well, it is possible simply, about work. You pass, happened, by a smoking-room, and there such cheerful, such amicable, infectious such rzhach. And at once it becomes clear - someone told a joke. Of course, other jokes too happen ridiculous, but jokes about work bear in themselves a special charge. Yes it also is clear. Telling a joke about the chief, listeners imagine the chief, and so far as concerns the chief's secretary... Da-with!

*****

To learn how many the person receives, it is not necessary to ask where he works. It is necessary to ask where he has a rest...

*****

The chief - new sotrudniku:
-Here, take a broom and will notice here! Allow
-! I after all graduated from the university!
- Ah so! Well then on the first time I will show you as it becomes.

*****

The chief - new sotrudniku:
-Take a broom and will notice here... Allow
-! - the employee is indignant. - But I, graduated from the university!
- Ah, so! Then on the first time I will show you as it becomes...

*****

The chief addresses to new sotrudniku:
-my deputy explained to you, what you will do? Yes, msye.
- And what he told
- to you?
- That I have to wake up if you appear.