Anecdotes about the job

Read funny Anecdotes about the job

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Are going to guess in the company. The girl asks:
-Is not kissed?
ODIN kompyyutershchik:
-Well, I still z did not work with the two-thousand.

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Gathered after that cannibals in the kindeyka and the leader became on them orat:
-Here ate on the manager in a week, anybody and did not bethink, and here... I spoke: cleaners are not!!!

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Staff of one firm slowly from the chief drank at work. Alcoholic drink did not leave behind a smell. After a while the chief summons pyanchuzhek.
-If drink, - speaks to them, - that drink alcohol with a smell. Let visitors think better that deal with drunk professionals, than with sober idiots!!!...

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To sleep at work - a sin, not for this purpose you were given the free Internet there!

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- Why sperm in bank of sperm is more expensive, than blood in bank of blood?
- Handwork...

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The expert in the scientific organization of work acquainted the chief of a staff of part with personal kompyyuterom:
-This device, the sir, will reduce by a half volume carried out by you raboty.
-Perfectly! Install two such computers in my office.

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The marketing specialist is asked: - And what, on any goods it is possible to find the buyer?
- Yes, konechno.
-Well, suppose, I have a bag of old, rusty, bent nails, and what with it to do?
-A that, you a row have no workshop on repair of tires?

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- Have specialty any?
- Yes, I yulist.
-Yes? You wriggle?
- did not understand …
- Well, dodge? Pin?
- And how without it? Plofessiya such...

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The watchman of a cemetery comes to office and demands rascheta.
- And what is the matter?
- my is not present more Sil. I go the whole day on a cemetery and I read: "Zdes
pokoitsya"... "Lies here...", "Sleeps here...". One I work!

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There are in the bar "Ostankino" two telekorrespondenta:
-Listen, how to you our new chief?
- In my opinion, dermo.
-to Tisha. It at you behind the back stoit.
-So I in the best sense of this word.

*****

There are somehow all deputies in a corridor an office of the first person. There is uborshchitsa.
-That it all of you gathered?
- Yes now will hear us...
- Too to me "Eurovision"! E. will at you!!!

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To the strict chief each subordinate - the beloved wife.

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Severe Russian reality: the grandmother earns the living, selling pies.

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The Tajik guest workers even build castles in the air with violation of technologies - do not report oxygen.

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- What is so attractive to people in a career forecaster?
- Where else can be wrong in fifty cases out of a hundred, and at the same time not losing their jobs?

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- There in a reception some mister sits, - the secretary speaks to the boss. - He wants to see you concerning some account which you to it did not pay. Name it the not nazval.
-Hm... And what does he look like?
- I Think, it looks so that it is bette

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- Notebooks are? Handle
-NET.
-A?
-NET.
-Felt-tip pens? Too net.
-Give to
- The book of complaints!
- One ruble. Pay in cash desk!

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- That you sleep at work, - the director speaks, - I know, but to put on a pajamas is already too.

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- Companion director, my wife told me that I asked you to raise to me oklad.
-Well, I will discuss this offer with the spouse.

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- Companion Rabinovich, we are compelled you uvolit.
-But I according to the passport russkiy.
-That's it therefore - we already dismissed ten Jews, it is necessary to dismiss sometime and Russian!

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Only our person can come home to 5 o'clock in the morning and put an alarm clock for 6 hours not to be late for work.

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Only in our country it is possible on a question: "What do you do?" - to hear in reply: "Yes anything, I work".

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Only in Russia it is possible to be engaged in solid business at cozy office with all conveniences in the yard.

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The one who is during the day active as a bee, is strong as a bull, sticks as a horse and comes in the evening home dog-tired, has to consult with the veterinarian. Because there is a high probability that it settled.

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The general worker on mebelnokolbasnometalurgichesky plant is required.

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- The third day there is no wish to work? What would it mean?
- Likely, today Wednesday.

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Three o'clock in the morning. The watchman of a zoo is awoken by sharp phone call. In a tube bossy golos:
-Grey immediately let out!
storozh trudged to cages and set free all wolves... In half an hour it is again ringing - and the same imperious golos:
- And now white and at once brown!
storozh povypuskat all bears. At daybreak the same golos:
-Urgently start release pink in a green bubochka!
-A it who such?
- Hallo?! It that - not shop of coloring of fabrics?!.

*****

Work made of a monkey man.
poetomu to remain people, all of us have to work - as monkeys.

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It is difficult to be married to the job when for 96% you consist of water.

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Workaholics since morning pokhmelyatsya by work.

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You that do?
- of Anything!
-A you that? I to it help
-A?

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You something such tired and sad?
- Work... Work... One work... In the morning and in the evening... And all work... Long ago so you work with
-I? Tomorrow I begin
-...

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The director has a birthday. Employees suffer over the congratulatory text. The system administrator enters. In total to nemu:
-That you can tell about our director?
TOT not zadumyvayas:
-Stupid vainglorious 3,14dor!
Bce in vostorge:
- The Class! Super! That the fresh head means! And we will write down: You possess rare mind, know the own worth, and, above all, are not indifferent to the subordinates!

*****

- You have what favourite business accessory?
- Elastic …
- Elastic?!?! To it packs denyuzhek I draw
-Ya …

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We have a head of client department - the terrible woman. On its door and it is written: "Chief ORK".

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- I have a neigbour - surprising zhenshchina.
-Why?
-A at it 25 children!
- It that, mother heroine?
- Is not present, simply works in maternity hospital, and a wages pay out production.

*****

At the milling-machine operator Sidorov on hands ten paltsev.
i who told, what is bad to work not in the specialty?

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Dear colleagues! In the mailing received by you on behalf of the CEO the phrase "Happy New Year, Pigs!" it is necessary to read without zapyatoy.
s respect, a human resources department.

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Arrangements and threats dragged itself on rabotu.
pinkami and forced boxes on the ear itself rabotat.
vecherom it is necessary to indemnify to himself moral damage.