Anecdotes about the job

Read funny Jokes about teachers

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Gabrovets the teacher of chemistry on uroke:
-Children, now I will take this gold coin and I will put it in a test tube with sernoy
kislotoy. How you think, something happens to it?
- happens Nothing, mister teacher!
- Why? Because if something happened to
-to it, you for anything it there ne
polozhili.

*****

The main thing - advertizing!
petka drew men's body on a board. In all dosku.
zakhodit uchitelnitsa.
-Who drew?
Bce molchat.
-Will stand until tell who narisoval.
podnimayetsya Petka with back party.
-Well ya.
-All leave, and you, Petka, ostansya.
vse left in a corridor. Wait for five minutes ten, the lesson terminated,
pereryv comes to an end. Petka leaves, clasps a fly and speaks:
- The Main thing - advertizing!

*****

- Glushchenko, to a board!
otveta net.
-Petrova, to a board! Semenenko's
molchaniye.
-, to doske.
nikakogo the movements in cash desk. The teacher raised the head from the magazine and sees that almost all pupils sit in earphones. It bends, ge

*****

1945. A lesson in German shkole.
-Hans, conjugate a verb "to run".
-Ya I run, we run, you run, you run, it runs, she runs...
-A "they"?
-A they come, mister teacher!

*****

Georgian school. The teacher speaks to pupils -
- Remember det - the Russian words exceptions "vilka" and "tarelka" are written bez
myagkogo a sign, and "game" and "foams" - with a soft sign.

*****

Two teachers talk with each other, one otmechayet:
-Now it is simply impossible to work with indignation!!! The teacher is afraid of the director, check
direktor, check of parents, parents of children, only deti
nikogo not to be afraid!
one day to the Teacher came curious palomnik.
- The Teacher! - he told. - And you can lie on nails?
- Well, I can, in principle, - Uchitel.
-Oh with astonishment agreed, and show! - begged palomnik.
uchitel shrugged shoulders, poured out on a floor two boxes of nails,
postelil from above a mattress and accurately ulyogsya.
-Is not present, it is wrong, nails should be hammered into a board, ostriyami
vverkh! And here on it to lie!
- Man, you that, fool? - politely the Teacher asked.

*****

Two shkolnika:
-Vasyok, borrow 5 dollars!
-A you, honestly, will give? Yes day of the Internet not to see
-!!!

*****

Two school students. speaks:
-I do not know one whether to trust our mathematics teacher … Yesterday he told that 6+4=10, and today that 7+3 too =10 …

*****

Two school students run up having been out of breath to politseyskomu:
-Companion police officer! There round the corner...
- That happened?
-Tam. our teacher...
- Accident?
- Is not present! He there incorrectly parked the car!

*****

The girl told: "A pot, do not cook". Then turned back to a teapot: "Do not whistle!", - also added, - "Be not boiled!". Then got to the transformer: "Well how many it is possible to hoot?!". Called phone the gas-bag. Turned off the light in the refrigerator. Teased the iron: "Oy-oy-oy... what we hot.". "Not пи#ди!!" - got and radiotochke.
v the general, to talk to the girl there was nobody.

*****

Children all class were led at cinema. During viewing all squealed and laughed, and one boy was described. Teacher asks:
-Why? After all everything was veselo.
-Eh and that they understand at cinema!

*****

- Children, I am your new teacher, call me Anatoly Aleksandrovich, years to me...
ugadayte, how many to me years?
-Twenty two!
- the Good fellow the boy and how guessed?
- Yes at me the brother the silly person, to it eleven.

*****

- Children, - the teacher speaks to a class, - today at 20.15 will be full zatmeniye
luny. At this phenomenon very rare, surely look ego.
- And according to what program?

*****

- Children who knows, what such a tear? - the Tear asks uchitelnitsa.
-is a release of plaintive gland which is in an eye, - speaks
natalya.
- The Tear is a font of soul, - lyrically defines Anechka.
- The Tear is a bottle of pepper brandy on two p

*****

The director acquaints with a class new uchitelnitsu:
-Children, this is your new teacher. I hope, to you it ponravitsya.
Vovochka:
-Yes, a figure nichego.
direktor it (is proud):
- Itself chose!

*****

The principal - zavuchu:
-Perhaps at school to open a smoking-room for us? All the same after all children kuryat.
-Yes what for? Let smoke in the school bar!

*****

- If you have a dollar and your mother will give you dollar, how many at you will be money?
-One dollar.
-Yes you simply do not know arifmetiki.
-It you do not know my mother.

*****

- When you, at last, correct the unit? But what I can make
-, the father? After all the magazine in a teacher's room!

*****

The wife speaks muzhu:
-our sonny there is similar on tebya.
-Petka more and more, well go here! - the father shouts. - You that there again did?!

*****

Life is given to the person once, - Nikolay Ostrovsky told, - and to live ee
nado THERE that it was not painfully sick for aimlessly lived years that ne
zheg a shame for the podlenky and petty past...

*****

The journalist asks uchitelnitsu:
-Tell, mademoiselle, but whether children ask you questions on intimate subjects?
-O yes! They are entertained very much by my full lack of information.

*****

klassu.
-Children, you music lessons will have no director of studies any more!
- Why?
- Your teacher left in dekret.
-Finished badly!

*****

Occupations at the Georgian school. Uchitel:
-Givi, tell us, what such "wasps"?
- Is big striped flies, the teacher!
-Nat. Giv. Striped flies is big shmet, and wasps is that, chego
vertitsya Earth around!

*****

Entry in the school diary: "Your son was trashed at a courage lesson!"

*****

The lock crashes into the Mercedes. From Merce get out abrupt, from the Lock-intelligent old man (c).
K: Well, daddy, than you will pay off?
C: Yes I have no money, children, I am a professor To: Then it is necessary to you, type to tire out a hut, it is unambiguous With: I generally at the son live....
K: And where the son works?
C: (painfully remembers) As it..... tourist group "Rytsar", remembered!
K: Here and frets! Call it that in 10 minutes was here, and not that we you......
(C) calls the son, so supposedly and so. In three minutes the jeep flies up to them, children in masks and with Ultrasonography jump out from there and knit the abrupt. One of them unmasks and speaks: "The father, how many times to you to repeat: not tourist group "Rytsar", but anti-terrorist group "Vityaz"...."

*****

- Why are you stuck on a notebook picture of his father? -sprashivaet mother syna.
- And I teacher said that she would like to look at togo
duraka who helped me do your homework.

*****

- How to call you? Parents in honor of Pushkin Gena called
-!
- So it is Alexander!
- Yes you that?!! This news will be blow for my parents!

*****

- What do you know about cultural plants?
- Cultural plants absorb carbon dioxide and vydelyayut
kislorod, and uncivilized impudently it use!

*****

Means the young teacher of geography comes to a new class and tries to lead a lesson. NU
NA it of course all hammered, anybody does not pay attention. It comes to the director,
zhaluyetsya. Well that comes to a class, all become silent at once. Direktor:
-Friends! And who can pull a condom on the globe? With zadney
party:
-Hear the most courageous, in nature, and what such the globe? Direktor:
- And here about it you will also be told by the new teacher.

*****

To mean, all as is necessary, the Georgian school, goes upok:
uchitel:
-Deti, skazhite me voprositelnoye the offer! Well, Givi, dafay you!
-Uchitel, hi, huh?

*****

Knowing your son...
mozhno with confidence to tell that you do not need to plant a tree any more, - from conversation of the elementary school teacher with the pupil's father.

*****

- Ivanov, du yu Speke English?
-FAQ?
- Sit down, 3.
Petrov, du yu Speke an English?
-FAQ?
- Sit down, 3
Sidorov, du yu Speke an English?
-yes, mu teache, i'm good speak english.
-FAQ?!

*****

Ivanov, - the teacher - You asks why passed dva
dnya?
- The day before yesterday to me mother trousers postirala=
- And yesterday?
-A yesterday I went by your house, I see, you have trousers postirany.
dumal, you will not come to school.

*****

There is a capital show "Field of wonders", to the man who plays the sector "prize" .
yakubovich will drop out asks to bring a black box and speaks to the playing: - If you WILL TELL that na
oshchup that there is in this box that I will give you this prize and 1 million more. Rubles, a
ne will guess - bowl off - agree? Well the man, clearly, agrees and zalazit
rukoy in a box... Suddenly his face is distorted by a painful grimace and he shouts - ****!
yakubovich already jumps up on a place - HE-E-E-E-T!, did not guess! It is a trap firmy
filips, which today - the sponsor of our transfer!

*****

There is a pensioner down the street, towards the pioneer. Pensioner chikhayet.
pioner: Good luck!
pensioner: And I, by the way, am not ill - I smell a tabachok!
pioner: Yes you, the grandfather though #$% smell - us at school of politeness learn!

*****

There is a PTA meeting at school. speaks:
-we Have a teacher good pupils, is bad, and there is Borya Pupkin! By the way, its
papa here?
pyany a voice with back party:
-Z-z-zdes.
-your son the other day broke a window in next klasse.
- And I it vospityvayu.
-Pull girls for kosy.
- And I it vospityvayu.
-do not listen to the teacher on uroke.
- And I it vospityvayu.
- And in general I its two weeks on occupations not vizhu.
- And I killed him on x-y!

*****

There is a lesson at school. The teacher speaks:
- Hello, children! Ha today I set vam
bacni Krylov. Petya.
vctaet Petya and nachinaet:
-a swan with a cancer a pike answers Once...
uchitelnitsa govopit:
-Is not present, incorrectly, Petya! Sit down. Two. Grisha answers Gpisha.
vctaet and says:
- felt a swan of paka Once...
uchitelnitsa govopit:
-is wrong, two. Really nobody knows Krylov's fables?
Vovochka pulls puku.
- The Good fellow, Vovochka, tell!
I Vovochka with expression chitaet:
-Once a swan, pak and shchuka
zadumali to play kvaptet.
poctavili a monkey a cancer,
E*UT, enut, an of cheese is not present!!!

*****

There is a literature lesson, the teacher Dyadchenko Alevtina Vladimirovna chitayet:
-On hills of Georgia the night haze lies. Aragva under mnoyu.
i further dobavlyaet:
-Aragva rustles is the river, and that some will think...

*****

There is Russian lesson in Georgian shkole.
-Gogh, what Russian basnepisets, you know? - asks uchitel.
-Kryladze! - answers Goga.
- And what its fable you know?
- Monkey and point! Of Nuk tell
-to us ee.
- There is a monkey along a pond, a point a syuda point there. And suddenly to it from pruda
kryladze: "Syuda courses, syuda courses!"