Anecdotes about the job

Read funny Jokes about teachers

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There is a teacher and sees: small children drink vodka, smoke and play cards. It vozmutilas:
- And you why not at school?
- Yes you that? - the main kid choked. - Who in five years goes to school.

*****

There is along a school corridor a pupil, plays with a lighter. Towards to it - the teacher of OBZh:
-Ya I will disaccustom you to smoke, a parasite!
-Ivan Ivanych, the word of honor, I do not smoke!
-A why then to you lighter?
-A I set fire to petards and I throw them into an office himii.
- And... Then excuse!

*****

There is an examination. The teacher poyasnyaet:
- The Question on five. Than tension is measured?
- the Question on four. Than tension is measured?
A - the voltmeter, B - the ampermeter, In - ommetrom.
- The Question on three. But whether the voltmeter measures tension?

*****

There are classes in ancient history. The teacher asks uchenika:
-Tell who was the first person?
-Adam.
-A what terrible punishment to it were sent by God?
-Eve.

*****

There are classes in a class in ancient history. The teacher asks
uchenika:
-Tell who was the first person on the earth?
-Adam.
-A what terrible disaster were sent to it by god?
-Eve.

*****

From school sochineniya:
"We with children kindled the real pioneer fire. Then people iz
derevni came and began to extinguish it because their haystack incidentally got to a fire."

*****

Jesus Christ goes with pupils on water like on dry land. Suddenly because of a back golos
odnogo from apostolov:
- The Teacher! Thomas the Apostle on an ankle plunged into water! I.H. goes as in chem
ne happened. Again golos:
-Teacher! Foma already knee-deep in water! Through some time:
- The Teacher! Foma already in water up to a neck! I.H. is wrapped and severely speaks:
-Tell Foma that it did not vyebyvatsya, and went as everything, on stones.

*****

To Putin there arrived the delegation uchiteley:
-Vladimir Vladimirovich, money absolutely is not present!
- of Anything, anything! Come so.

*****

All kinds of people, - the teacher thought, looking at the pupils who grew hateful to him.

*****

Somehow conversation on future professions came. Hilda told,
chto she wants to become styuardessoy.
- And you know, than the stewardess has to be engaged? - sprosila
ee uchitelnitsa.
- The Stewardess gives to passengers food and drinks, - otvetila
khilda, - and when to them it is bad, she brings them on svezhiy
vozdukh...

*****

- What animal gives us meat and fat? I Apologize
-, se?or teacher, is a butcher.

*****

Stone Age. Primitive-communal system. In one of peshcher
pervobytnoye the tribe organized high school. For kamennymi
partami the young cave men dressed in skins sit. U
kamennoy boards - uchitel.
-a Falcon eye, go to doske.
k to a board there is a teenager in bear shkure.
-a Falcon eye how the word <> is written?
paren a beret a stone chisel, a stone hammer also beats out na
kamennoy to a board the image kabana.
- The Good fellow, a Falcon eye, the word <> is written tak.
sadis, five. The silver Moon, go to doske.
k to a board there is a girl in a skin leoparda.
- The Silver Moon how the word <> is written?
devushka long cuts something a hammer and a chisel. When ona
zakonchila, teacher vzdokhnul:
-Eh, Silver Moon, Silver Moon, how many time tebe
povtoryat? The word <> is written with TWO EGGS!

*****

Cool rukoDriver:
-As you worked at home? House
PETRIK:
-I worked on a plate with pies, and then on compote.

*****

- Lesh, you have a remarkable composition, - the teacher speaks. - But, tell, please, why you did not end it?
- Because the father had no more time...

*****

Lyusya Petrovna it is possible I from lessons I will leave a bit earlier?
-NET.
-Why? You the diary saw
-A?
-NET.
-Here and I month not videla.
- And you are points that protrite.
-Not hami.
- And you not orite.
-Aaaaa.
-Aaaaaaa.
-Went von.
-I spoke, will release.

*****

Little Sarochka comes domoy:
-Mother! Mother! We will have an evening evening of friendship of the people, the teacher told, chtoby
my came in national suits!
-Abgam! You heard? This stegva tgebut a nogkovy fur coat!

*****

Little Robert came to the music teacher to the next lesson. When it otkryl
futlyar the violin, the teacher in amazement voskliknul:
-Robbie, but after all same not a violin! It is the submachine gun! The boy pochesal
zatylok also shook golovoy:
-Oh, damn, - he told, - and after all and is true! What, interestingly, daddy budet
delat with a violin in bank?

*****

Little Sasha reads before going to bed evening molitvu:
-My God, and make still so that Ankara was the capital Finlyandii.
-Sasha, what you speak? - Mummy is surprised mat.
-, I so wrote in control on geography.

*****

The boy returned from school, and his father asks:
-Well, tell! How new teacher?
- was pleasant to me. It is a pity that we have such age difference.

*****

- The boy, - is nervous the teacher, - at you in the head opilki.
-That's great! - the pupil smiles. - Mother said that I there absolutely do not have anything.

*****

- Mother, I do not want that you were uchitelnitsey.
-Why?
-A who will be then my mother?

*****

- Mother, all at school tease me the greedy person!
- Well call to me their surnames!
- If you will give me 100 rubles, I will call to you them everything!

*****

Mats are not present, but after all I will replace the letter on "*". So. School, geography
urok. Uchitelnitsa:
-So, children tell me about Egypt. To a board will go... E*ashchenko!
vykhodit E*ashchenko.
-Means in E*ipta...
-of E*ashchenko, not in E*ipta, and In Egypt live in Egipte.
-to the e*iptena...
-of E*ashchenko, not the e*iptena, and egiptyane.
-Egypt is in Africa, e*emota run there and e*obaba grow...
-of E*ashchenko, not e*obaba, but baboyo*a! Fie, E*ashchenko, yo * your mother, sit down!!!
E*INITsA!!!

*****

The young teacher comes into a class and meets pupils. One stesnitelnyy
malchik refuses to call the familiyu.
-I will not tell, - You to laugh budete.
-Well, at least hint me at an ear about what it, and I will try to guess. Malchik
shepchet uchitelnitse:
-Well... what you every day in a mouth berete.
-That, Huyev, perhaps? - whispers uchitelnitsa.
-Yes, - Lozhkin...

*****

The young teacher was raped by seniors. It collects komsomolskoye
sobraniye, and zhaluyetsya:
- There was absolutely wild case Yesterday. Some seniors poymali
menya in a dark corridor, undressed and stuck with something stupid between feet. And if by
ostrym and in an eye?!

*****

The man walks near school. The teacher it asks:
-you expect a baby here?
- Is not present, I simply such well-fad.

*****

The man sits in a corridor before a class and waits for the doch.
-you expect a baby? - asks passing by uchitelnitsa.
-Is not present, I always such thick.

*****

The man of average years stretches on the exercise machine, having interrupted uprazhneniya.
i, having slowly turned the head towards the instructor, asks:
- When you feel, what your muscles just about will become torn, and you umrete
medlennoy and painful death, it is time to make a respite? Da's
-! - the trainer exclaimed. - Remarkable feeling, truth!?!

*****

The director of studies zhaluyetsya:
-Now it became simply impossible to work at teachers' meeting!!! Teachers are afraid of the director, the director is afraid of any check, checking, of parents are afraid, parents of children and only children it is more nobody to be afraid!

*****

At the first lesson of swimming Petya got out of the pool, without waiting for team uchitelya.
tot:
-What is the matter? Who allowed you?
- Anybody, simply I already got drunk.

*****

At the last lesson the teacher asks:
- And where Vanya got to? Who from you, children, knows?
- As it ran out on the road, - Roma clears up, - that is serious polomal
nogu and ran home.

*****

At a zoology lesson the teacher raskazyvayet about stpausa:
stpausy bear yaytsa;
begayut quicker LOSHADI;
V a case of danger dig in the head in PESOK;
....
sidopov, you than it are engaged there? You attentively I listen to
-Marya Ivanovna! Well then repeat
- that I Ostriches are dug in by pasaida.
-in sand on the eggs...
... And if to step on these eggs that on a horse of figs will be winded.

*****

At a lesson of chemistry carry out experience, it is visible dangerous. Silence crystal: igolka
upadet it will be audible. The teacher too is engaged in this experience. Here with back papt
takoy somnevayushiysya-doubting golos:
-But does not e%nt?
- Yes it seems should not..., and a bit later wild shout - Who told it?!!!

*****

At an anatomy lesson the teacher explains, what such back hrebet.
zakonchiv, it speaks:
-So, Petya, explain me, what such a spine?
TOT upraises eyes to a ceiling and, having a little become thoughtful, otvechayet:
-It is such piece which passes along a body behind, on top kontse
ee there is a head, and on the lower end you sit.

*****

At an English lesson the commission settled down on back partakh.
molodenkaya the figuristy teacher shows to children chalk and speaks
"This is a chalk". Drops chalk, bends down, selects, asks "That ya
seychas told? Translate, here you." From a penultimate school desk podnimayetsya
vtorogodnik:
-This ж@#$!
- Go out!!!
vtorogodnik collects a portfolio, turns to one of members komissii
i grumbles - "And you do not know - do not prompt".

*****

At a biology lesson the teacher warns children, what it is never necessary tselovat
zhivotnykh, it is possible to catch and zabolet.
-somebody Can give to me an example of it? Raises a hand of Yanek:
-my aunt often kissed the little doggie...
-I that happened?
- He died...

*****

At a geography lesson the teacher tries to din into the first grader, to find
kak parts of the world on kompasu.
-Here see an arrow? To the right - the East, on the left - the West, ahead - sever.
a that at you behind?
malchishka stood, then reddened and zakrichal:
-I said to mother that all of you will equally notice a hole on my trousers!

*****

At a geography lesson the teacher asks uchenika:
-That reminds you the Apeninsky peninsula?
- Rubber sapog.
-is correct, a boot. But why the rubber?
- Because Italy is surrounded with water from all directions.

*****

At a lesson of the God's Law the teacher addressed to lawyer synu:
-Good people will get to paradise. And now tell, what will be with bad people, with those who makes bad acts?
- them will be protected by my father, - the boy answered.