Anecdotes about the job

Read funny Anecdotes about the job

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The warehouse manager approaches the worker (or something something like that), i
speaks:
-You work three months for us, and cannot distinguish the first sort
uglya from the second!
- But I know now that the ton weighs 700 kilograms!

*****

- Allow me to leave work today a bit earlier, Semyon Semenovich. The wife wants to go with me for pokupkami.
-By no means! Sit and work!
- Many thanks, Semyon Semenovich!

*****

The pornostar brings to the chief the letter of resignation "at own will".
- That happened?
-of Zayebali!

*****

The visitor in the bar calls up ofitsianta:
- The Waiter, I have in beer a fly! Forgive to What does it mean?
-, I give on a table, but I do not interpret a sign.

*****

The visitor comes in kontoru:
-you already considered my complaint? The official long looks for the necessary paper, at last, having shrugged shoulders, speaks:
-your complaint is not present. When you gave it?
- is Two months ago...
- So was also told at once. Valya! Bring, please, from the storeroom the folder with a signature stamp "Urgently".

*****

After the long report the director of shop postpones the last source, looks to the hall and asks:
-Colleagues, to you is clear, what I spoke?
golos from the last ryada:
-Is not present, but, please, do not repeat!

*****

After corporate game in a paintball of the chief it is easy to learn to that on it there are traces not only from paint, but also from butts.

*****

Last word in fashion for middle managers - trousers with 2 lightnings, behind and speredi.
smotrya to what office you go, up or down!

*****

The last stage of an ofigevaniye from inaction at work is when start reading spam.

*****

- Toll? What are the losses? We have the factory and no casualties. On the contrary there are finds. Recently in the yard dug up almost new machine.

*****

Why in ICQ it is impossible to put two statuses at the same time: I "sleep" and "at work"?

*****

Why you did not come to work yesterday? - asks master.
-I came, but already was nobody.

*****

- Whether the truth, what results of IQ dough are considered at employment?
- Truth. At whom IQ is higher, than - do not take from the chief.

*****

- Why you prefer that worked for you married, but not single? - asked curious priyatel.
-You see - the businessman answered, - married transfer my shouts better.

*****

The businessman works so: sometimes something will drink from there is nothing to do, and sometimes something will make from there is nothing to drink.

*****

- You imagine, the director deprived of me an award what in working hours I was on football matche.
- And from whom he learned?
- He sat near me.

*****

- Present, I already half a year a salary do not pay the hard workers, and all of them go to work and go! Listen to
- And if from them to take an entrance fee? Yes I tried
- already... So they on Monday morning come, and on Friday evening leave!

*****

At reception on rabotu:
- And on staff to you it is put sekretarsha.
-Time it is put - means it will be put...

*****

On rabotu:
-Zdravstvuyte.
-Zdravstvuyte.
- The Site "Schoolmates" or yaxy.ru know reception?
- Yes.
- Good-bye

*****

Sign: If the Director began meeting with words "Hello, my dear!" - wait for decrease of salaries.

*****

The businessman home comes, sits down to a table, opens a notebook and does in it galochku:
-So, a debt to bank pogashen.
Wife:
-Kolya, you know... I izmenila.
businessmen do today you the second galochku:
- The Conjugal duty - too!

*****

- The girl comes to be employed by the secretary. Comes into an office, and the man sits there and something writes. She started explaining that she according to the announcement, etc. It, without being prevented from working, gets from a desk box with an

*****

The model comes to be employed. Comes into an office, and the man sits there and something writes. She started explaining that she according to the announcement, etc. It, without being prevented from working, gets a small bathing suit from a desk, throws it on a table and speaks:
-Fill!

*****

The man comes to plant where he worked earlier, and asks the foreman that that took for work of his son. The chief speaks:
- And that not to take? Drag the boy, we will give him for a start a salary of 300 rubles, and there posmotrim.
-Is not present, I am afraid that money will spoil him. Give it for a start 150 rubley.
-Not, well you understand to receive such money, it is necessary to have the higher education!

*****

Two men came to get a job. The personnel manager, having attentively inspected them, asks odnogo:
-to the Pieta? How many can drink
-Vypivayu.
-?
- Well, it it depends... You to us do not suit
-. Addresses to another: And you drink?
- Yes, vypivayu.
-How many?
- Two liters vodki.
-We you berem.
-As so, - began to be indignant the first man. - I drink as everything, me did not take, and it can blow two liters, and it take... So he the norm knows
-, and you do not!

*****

Friends talk in kurilke.
-You that do after work?
- Yes so, anything, I watch TV...
- Register in our club chorus. We have a good time. We play cards, we poison jokes, we drink... When you sing
-A?
-A when we go home...

*****

The provider was called by the employee of firm and complained of bad work of the Internet. Learned from the chief calling, whether the Internet for work is necessary to this employee. It appeared that is not present. Disconnected.

*****

The kitten administrator on objyavleniyu.
pishet sells: - I will give a kitten in a good charge. Complete set: a trunk-1 of piece, a paw with piece claws-4, piece ears-2, a nose-1 of piece, piece eye-2, piece moustaches-6. The kitten who is not used apgreyditsya to an adult cat over time.

*****

The foreman reprimands the worker on stroyke:
-I spoke to you yesterday - do not drink more! I did not drink
-A more! I as much drank.

*****

Having woken up in the morning, I podumal:
- And why don't I descend for work? Also did not descend...

*****

Woke up with thought: soon session. Rasstroilsya.
potom remembered that there is no session, an is necessary on rabotu.
rasstroilsya even more.

*****

Overslept for work. I call the chief, I say that waters net.
idu in a bathroom - and it is valid, net.
v the following time I will tell waters that filled up a door with money.

*****

- It is simply improbable, than physicians now are engaged! - the production manager speaks. - Today Novikova asked for leave from work in policlinic, and returned with a new hairdress!

*****

- It is simply amazing as you can sleep on rabote.
-Really all the time! This machine so knocks!

*****

Rabinovich gets a job. The administration does not want it to take, but directly inconveniently to refuse. Decide to charge it an impracticable task and under this pretext otkazat.
-you know, at us the honored employee died, and it would be desirable to bury him with honors on the Vagankovsky cemetery. You could not help us?
rabinovich leaves and in two hours calls on telefonu:
-Means so: three places on Vagankovsk, two on New maiden and one at the Kremlin wall. Where bodies?

*****

Work in team is very important. She allows to shift the blame on another.

*****

Work made of a monkey of the person, and of the person will make the zombie.

*****

- Your work satisfies you? Well as to tell
- to you... Generally, you come in the evening home, hardly you shuffle the feet, to the wife does not pull absolutely - has to be, satisfies?

*****

There is no wish to work … Yes, I so you understand
- …
- N-e-et, do not understand … Perfectly I understand
- …
- But after all you even do not want to sleep …
- wanted in the Morning, but I accepted the pizdyuly …