Anecdotes about the job

Read funny Jokes about teachers

<** Previous Topic          Next Topic **>

518  519  520  521  522  523  524  525  526  527  528  529

In a class there is a safety measures lesson. The teacher rasskazyvayet:
-Children, on building it is necessary to go only in a helmet. Here I knew one boy, on
shel near the house under construction without cap, to it the brick fell on the head and killed him. A
VOT I saw the girl, she already went on a building site in a helmet, it kirpich
upal on the head, she smiled and went further... Here one schoolgirl lifts ruku
i speaks:
- And I know her, she lives in our yard, still - in a helmet and everything smiles.

*****

In the cool magazine the teacher made record about the plan on zavtra:
"to Conduct with children tour in park, to observe sparrows, to ask why they do not depart on the South".

*****

In one Texas town the new settler asks kovboya:
-you fine climate, and probably all have a fine health?
-O yes! Here for example we opened a new cemetery recently, and nam
prishlos to shoot down some people that to fill it...

*****

Children study in the first grade of school pisat.
uchitelnitsa:
-Tanechka! What did you do after school yesterday?
tanechka:
-were Played in pesochnitse.
-by the Clear head, Tanechka! Go to a board and write "SAND" .
petechka! And you that did yesterday? I played
petechka:
-A from Tanechkaya yesterday. I had sovochek.
-a Good fellow, Petechka! Go write on a board "SCOOP" .
mutalib Said ibn Ahmed Bey! And you that did yesterday?
(MSIAB):
-Ya tried to play with them, but they called me chuchmekom
i threw stones!
uchitelnitsa:
-Disgrace! Same scandalous discrimination and unizheniye
chelovecheskogo advantages! Mutalib Said ibn Ahmed Bey! Also write
IDI to a board 100 times that SCANDALOUS DISCRIMINATION AND HUMILIATION of HUMAN DIGNITY saw vse:
""!

*****

- For the first time I took the novel "War and peace" in hand when to me was 3 goda.
- And what to you was most of all remembered?
- As I dropped it on a foot.

*****

At religious school the teacher asks:
-What terrible sin was made by Iosif's brothers, having sold it in slavery?
RUKU pulls Berele.
- They sold it too cheap and unpacked.

*****

In old Odessa shkole:
-Mister teacher, - the pupil, - what difference between muzhchinoy
i the woman asks?
- the Boy, - are asked by the teacher. - And what size of footwear is carried by your father?
-Forty tretiy.
- And your mother?
-Thirty vosmoy.
-So a difference, the boy, between... feet.

*****

At three o'clock in the morning on the street of the big city thieves attacked on prokhozhego:
-Remove hours! I have no
-chasov.
-Money give! I have no
-I of money. Home I walk, taxi not beru.
vory take off from it a suit, examine, plyuyutsya:
-Vanka, such shit at you any pusher not vozmet.
otdali a suit, sprashivayut:
-Yes who you are such: at night you gad, without money, without hours, in dyryavykh
shmotkakh?
- Yes the teacher I, from teachers' meeting vozvrashchayus
- The Teacher! So at once also told! Throw to it, Vanka, to ten: that with nego
vzyat!.

*****

In prison opened evening school. Uchitel:
-Ivanov, call an imperative mood of a verb "to be silent".
-of Sha!

*****

In uchitelskoy:
-Was tired, and so many control it is necessary to check! Reluctance! Perhaps you Stepanovna will help?
-A cho, give...
- So, sit down a back to me... Turned away? Well, went!. What we will deliver to this notebook?

*****

At school there is a lesson, the teacher asks at rebyat:
-Children, today we will pass the word "Definitely". Make the offer s
etim the word. Masha:
-Sky definitely blue. Uchitelnitsa:
-No, it does not approach, the sky happens gray. Katya:
- The Grass definitely green Uchitelnitsa:
-Again does not approach, the grass happens yellow. Abrasha:
-It is possible a question?
- Yes.
-A perdezh happens lumps?
- As to you is not a shame!
- Means I definitely was trashed!

*****

At little Rabinovich's school sprashivayut:
-Where your father works? prostitutsii.
-That you such tell
-B?!
- Well. Leaving for work, always speaks: "Again I go in etot
bordel". And mother to it: "And though these bitches well would pay!"

*****

At school a mathematics lesson, there pass fractions. Uchitelnitsa:
-Petya how to divide four potatoes into five people? I do not know
- …
- Sit down, two! Lenochka! Same question!
- I do not know …
- the Two! Abramchik how to divide four potatoes into five?
- need to cook mashed potatoes!

*****

At school on uroke:
-Ivanov, you why gnaw the handle?
- Is a habit. Anything to do with itself not mogu.
-your habit for school - one expenses! Quickly depart from a door and sit down on a place!

*****

At school at a lesson of preparation for family life the teacher sprosila:
-Mollie with what you will begin if y you appear twins?
- First of all I will marry, Ms. Jones.

*****

At school the teacher speaks to children, to rise that who considers himself durakom.
vstayot only Petechka.
uchitel: You, what consider yourself not as the far person?
petechka: No, simply, inconveniently somehow that you cost one!

*****

At school the teacher speaks uchenikam:
-Who from you finally considers himself as the numskull? Vstante.
posle a long pause one rises uchenik:
-So you consider yourself as the numskull?
- Well not absolutely but as - that is awkward that you cost one.

*****

At school the teacher told the little pupils that they drew that-nibud
po to motives of the Bible. One little boy drew the airplane. And everything was yasno:
pozadi there were three figures, and in front there was a pilot. Teacher sprosil:
-Who these three persons?
- Is God father, God the son and Dukh Svyatoy.
- Then who this the fourth?
- Who else? Ponty. Pilot.

*****

At school the teacher asks:
-Children, how many will be 5х5?
-30.
Well children, 5х5 - will be 25, well 26, well as a last resort 27, well not 30 in any way.

*****

At school the teacher asks uchenika:
- When Alexander of Macedon died?
- Died? I did not even know that it is sick!

*****

At school. Uchitelnitsa:
-Children who will think up offers with words: a vice and kuvalda.
petya:
- The Worker clamped preparation in a vice and a sledge hammer the Good fellow, Petya.
masha:
- The Sledge hammer beats on zagotovke.
uchitelnitsa:
-it is the working tool by means of which it is possible to make in a vice necessary detal.
uchitelnitsa:
- The Good fellow, Masha.
Vovochka:
- And it is possible in verses? Give
uchitelnitsa:
-, Vova! If to deliver you to
-a cancer,
-I to clamp nipples in tiski
-&^нуть on ^&$де kuvaldoy
-Scatter on pieces.

*****

At school the teacher lectures malysha:
-This very bad word. Where you heard it? My father so speaks.
-do not dare to repeat
-. You do not even know it znacheniya.
-I Know. It means that the car again is not started.

*****

At school the teacher asks at klassa:
- And now each of you will get up and will tell who in his family most starshiy.
odin vstayet:
-Pra-pra-pra-pra-babushka.
-But same nevozmozhno.
-In - in - in - cart-is possible.

*****

At school the teacher asks pupils where work them papy.
-my father the director univermaga.
-my father the director restorana.
-my father kooperator.
-my father main bukhgalter.
- And my father works in scientific research institute inzhenerom.
ves the class laughed. Uchitelnitsa:
-do not laugh, children, the boy has such grief...

*****

The new teacher of geography came to school. Comes in klass:
-Hello, children!
- Went nakh%y!
uchitelnitsa began to cry, ran to the director to complain. The director speaks:
-To them special approach is necessary! Go vmeste.
podkhodyat to a class, the director from a foot opens a door, zakhodit:
-it is healthy, men!
Bce horom:
-is healthy, the director!
-A that, is weak to you gond@n on the globe to pull?
VES a class in nedoumenii:
- And what such the globe?
-A here about it to you will also be told by your new teacher of geography.

*****

At the South African school the furious teacher shouted to pupils: "I to you, black, po
belomu explain!"

*****

- Your son is very weak in geography!
- matter! With our income does not go far ...

*****

- Your son catapulted during a lesson, - mother's teacher uchenika.
-Ah this rascal again complains lost a colt which I presented to it to birthday.

*****

During a lesson the terrible thunder-storm burst, and to calm children, the teacher began to explain an origin molnii.
- And so, Sasha, tell why the lightning never strikes in the same place?
- Because after the first blow of this place does not exist.

*****

- Vovochk why yesterday you were not at school?
-A I am a gift to the teacher delal.
-What gift?
-U of the teacher was birthday yesterday, I also solved - let will have a rest without me.

*****

Vovochka tells ottsu:
- The Father, at school PTA meeting today, but only for the narrowest kruga.
-As to understand it?
- Will be only the teacher and you.

*****

- Vovochka! - the teacher asks, - when you during a thunder-storm stroke a cat, especially wrong way, in the dark, that to you is evident?
-Kot!

*****

The son from school comes back and the father asks at nego:
-Well, the sonny, what you a mark today? Real men do not tell
- about such trifles!

*****

Near school there is a boy and loudly cries. The passerby asks ego:
-That happened why you cry?
- Damned revmatizm.
-Unless happens rheumatism at your age?
- Happens. In a dictation...

*****

- Here if you found in the right pocket of the trousers three rubles, and in left - two rubles …
- Mean, I put on others trousers.

*****

- All bodies from cold are reduced, and from heat uvelichivayutsya.
privedite an example, - speaks uchitel.
vstayet uchenik:
-in the Winter days well...

*****

The teacher of the former pupil meets and asks:
-Was in army?
- Well!
- You will marry Now?
- Well!
- As you will agree with the bride?
- How about that! I Taught
- You both Russian, and German, and Ukrainian, i
belorusskomu, but I see, you any language not trebuyetsya=
-Well.

*****

Enters prepodavatel:
- The Question on "5", how my name is?
molchaniye.
- The Question on "4", what we hand over?
molchaniye.
- The Question on "3", what color the textbook?
golos with back party:
-In brings down, a reptile!

*****

The teacher calls Vova to a board. It goes, shatayetsya.
-Vova, you in any way the drunk? - asks uchitelnitsa.
-Is not present, Marya Ivanovna, I it is simple opokhmelennyy.
-Now that's something like it! I thought, in my class anybody and does not take in a mouth!
- does not drink, Marya Ivanovna, only an owl! And that because in the afternoon ne
vidit, and at night shops are closed!