Anecdotes about the job

Read funny Anecdotes about the job

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The chief addresses to the bukhgalteru:
-Listen, you in my firm work more than 10 years and never asked about an increase to a salary. What for a shady business you turn here?!

*****

- Chief, pay soon?
- What pay? I at office installed the fancy scanner and the printer of the latest model to you.

*****

The chief - to the sluzhashchemu:
-This disgrace, Brown. Again you sleep at work. For this purpose you have time doma.
-Time - yes. But after all it is required also silence.

*****

The chief of firm speaks pomoshchniku:
-Cause mine mashinu.
pomoshchnik sekretaryu:
-Call Mercedes Shefu.
sekretar dispetcheru:
- The Carriage to pojezdu.
dispetcher Driveryu:
- The Cart to our monkey.

*****

The chief in yarosti:
to that you sleep at work, I know. But to put on a pajamas is too!

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School. Manual training. Uchitel:
-Basic rule of safety measures: not to put fingers in the socket! So they there not vlazyat.
- And you carnations take
UCHENIK:
-, the moron!

*****

- Hey, Stepanida! - the master shouted. - You that seated, as the duchess Lyuksemburgskaya! It is necessary to work! Stinker lazy!
pridya in the office, it got a log-book of educational work, sighed and wrote down: "Discussion with sverlovshchitsy Ivan

*****

Stages in life of the Russian businessman: own car, own plane, own yacht, own opinion....
... general chamber.

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It is our Soviet coat of arms,
sleva a hammer, serp
khochesh on the right - this, and you want - kuy
vse you will equally receive... it is not enough - :)))

*****

- I am afraid bezrabotitsy.
-It you? You after all all the same nothing delayesh.
-Yes, but will cease to pay.

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I will always choose the lazy person to do a hard work because he will find an easy way of its performance. Bill Gates

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- I invented the Perpetual Motion machine! So why it does not work with
-?! But because I it supplied
- with the Eternal Brake...

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- When I wave a hand, it means that you have to approach to me .
-Clearly, mister director. And when I wave the head, it means that I will not approach.

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I came on work to work. But not to answer silly questions: why I drunk sleep here.

*****

I woke up on Monday that on Tuesday to go for work, but on Wednesday I learned that on Thursday there will be a rain, and then on Friday I thought: why to go to work on Saturday, if on Sunday day off?

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- I decided to make a syllogism for the sake of the career. The son will be born soon, so I will call him in honor of the chief!
- Goat, perhaps?! Well, it will be somehow too...

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- I to myself a house sauna sdelal.
-It not rabotayet.
-As do not work? You exhaust thirty people, in half an hour of a zharishch - to breathe there is nothing.

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I overworked today, and realized that today Friday only then, kogda
v 16:00 with shout "Who the last - that sucker!" the director ran away.

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- I heard that you work at mail and put a stamp on letters. Ho is such yawn - all time one and too! You are not right
-! He one and too! We have every day a new date!

*****

I asked one personnel officer why all by all means demand the higher education. He answered:
- That was a guarantee that this person in a state free of charge to be engaged five years in a row in a stupid uninteresting hogwash.

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I am a terrorist, and constantly I work with people. That is why "tick-tock" always with me!

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- I want home a bit earlier to leave work and I have a good reason …
- What?!
- of Za%balsya!

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- And you do not consider, what my son has many original ideas? - asks mat
uchitelnitsu.
-Yes, especially in spelling.

*****

- Albert, - the teacher speaks, - designate to me any transparent predmet.
- The Keyhole, Ivan Karimych!

*****

Similarly - a lesson matematiki.
uchitel:
-Who knows, the skolkha will be trizhdi three? Petrov!
-Nine!
- of Sadys, two! Ivanov!
-Nine...
- of Sadys, two! Gogi!
-Sam, uchytel!
- Yes, gde so - sem-vosem...

*****

The rich Texas cattle-farmer glanced to the room of the daughter, where the music teacher daval
ey urok.
-Time, two, three, four... Time, two, three, four... Forgive to
-, - the cattle-farmer sarcastically noticed, - I employed you to learn devochku
muzyke, but not arithmetics!

*****

Buratino did not aspire in school because more than once heard that there something is constant violently knock into the head.

*****

At the Georgian school there is a lesson. The teacher asks:
-Children, tell about the parents. With whom do they work for you? Here you, Soso, tell with whom the father works for you?
- my father grows up oranges, carries them to Russia and it is good zarabatyvayet.
- And at you, Suliko? My father sells to
-in Russia bay leaf and well zarabatyvayet.
-Tell you, Illarion.
- At me the father - the engineer. In a class the laughter was distributed. Then teacher saida:
-Children! It is not necessary to laugh at others grief

*****

At the Georgian school physical education class. Children uchtsya to twist a hoop, Manana obruch
ne fits. The teacher - Manana! Persik! Port Ne figure! Go home!

*****

At the Georgian school at Russian lesson the teacher speaks:
-Deti! Let's sort the piridlozheny: "Gogh and Givi is sent to a bath." That ti
skazhesh Georgy?
- of Givi is a subject, Gogh appropriate, a bath - mestoimeniya.
-Sit down "3".
-to Pachem?
- Therefore! A bath - a pretext.

*****

In Georgian shkole:
uchitel: Deti, guess a riddle: "Black-black, old-old,
NA a tree sits", who such?
VANO: IMHO, Georgian...
uchitel: Nat Vano, it voron.
a who such: "Red-red, hitry-hitry, under a tree sits"?
VANO: IMHO, Armenian....
uchitel: There would be you Vano to Beni....
VANO: To Beni Kavsadze?
uchitel: No, to Beni mothers!

*****

At the Georgian school. Uchitel:
-Deti! Predumayte predlozhenie in a questionstelny forme. There is malchik:
-Muzhiik pakhal zemlyu.
-Nat, Gy, it predlozhenie in an utverditelny forme, and me it is necessary in questionstelnoy.
- Then: "Muzhiik pakhal zemlyu, daa?"

*****

At the Georgian school. The teacher writes a prezhlozheniye on a board: "The man had zhenshchinu
v to a bath".
-of Gy, sort predlozhzhenie in parts rechi.
vstayet Gogo:
-Well, "zhenchina" is podlezhashchie, "man" - nadlezhashchie, "banya" - eto
skazuemoe.
-Nat, Gy, skazuemoe is "had", and "banya" is a mestoimeniya!

*****

In ancient Greece (and can still where), the seminarist asks uchenika:
-I set to you homework. So - explain padugi.
uchenik nature (the sloven as usual), it is rumpled... it is rumpled... and eventually govopit:
-Teacher! I learned... I know... but forgot...: (
- the Madman, - that exclaimed, - immediately remember! You only who znayet
etu secret!

*****

At rural school the teacher acquaints children with figure pyat.
- At whom in a family five people?
-U us, - are answered by Dima, - the father, mother, Kolka, I...
ON bends all fingers, except the index. The teacher asks to count once again. Dima again bends in a cam all fingers, except the index. The teacher asks:
- And it - who?
- Is the daughter-in-law! It - too ours!

*****

In life, as in anekdote.
idet a drawing lesson in the 3rd class. The lesson is led by the art teacher, I sit on posledney
parte, I check tetradi.
u: - Children, today we will draw a vegetable pattern for carnival shapki.
pridumayte, what plant we will choose for an ornament?
Ya all strained there on a back school desk...
1st-y pupil:- Labrador tea marsh!
U: (obviously, representing as it can look) % - (no, children, pridumayte
drugoye a plant...
2nd-y pupil: - the Ivy cemeterial!
U: % - (No, think up the еще.
3rd-y pupil: HORSE-RADISH TABLE!!!!!!!

*****

At the Zakarpatye school there is a lesson of the Russian literature. Subject: "Mumu"
turgeneva. Called Grytsk. That starts retelling, but po-ukrainski.
uchitelnitsa:
-That you in Ukrainian, and in Ukrainian, we have the Russian literature!
-Dali bude, - are also continued rasskazyvat.
-That by you in Ukrainian, we have the Russian literature!
-Dali bude.
through some time:
-I todi podyvylasya Mumu Gerasim is dusty in ochi, i told the psyachoyu
movoyu: "Do not heat me, Gerasim".

*****

In cash desk. The teacher of history rasskazyvayet:
-Galilei opened the movement of the Sun, Columbus peddled old stuff, Schwartz invented gunpowder, Newton opened the law of universal gravitation - and all of them suffered for the inventions. From the mass of other scientists: Copernicus, Guttenberg, Steffenson... Who the hell opened a window leaf? Want that also I suffered because of it?

*****

In the 10th class entered a new subject - sexology. Uchitel:
-Lyubov of the man to the man and women to the woman - eto
fiziologicheskiye perversions, we will not speak about them. mezhdu
muzhchinami and women you and without me will understand love. The fourth and fifth vidy
lyubvi is a love of parties to the people and the people to party. It with you and budem
zanimatsya all year.