Anecdotes about students

Read funny Anecdotes about students

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Hungry students sit and think where food to take....
ODIN speaks:
-Can a pig we will get? fat, meat budet.
-Yes well, stench, dirt....
-A suddenly will get accustomed?

*****

The student comes to examination, well knows nothing, and speaks proffesoru:
izvinite, I laid down around two yesterday!
proffesor:vsleduyushchy of times will lay down around one!!!

*****

The student on the first kurse:
-to Anybody, anybody, nikomu.
na vtorom:
-to Anybody, anybody, only to it odnomu.
na tretyem:
-to Anybody, only to it to one and that who it is good poprosit.
na chetvyortom:
-Everything, everything, all!
Ha pyatom:
-to Whom is at- At- At??!!!

*****

Lecture professor brought to Ha a big box and put on kafedpy.
-we will learn on oshchup to define bodies of a human body Today. The student Petrova, thrust pyky into a box and feel...
- Heart, ppofessop.
-is faithful, the student Petrova, now VY.
-Sausage, ppofessop.
-to He stesnyaytes.
-Sausage, ppofessop.
- The Student Petrova, we are physicians!
stydentka (nearly crying):
-Ha the business sausage, ppofessop.
ppofesop having glanced in a box sausage mutters zadymchivo
- And truly, and than I beer had a snack yesterday?

*****

Ha a seminar the student yawns all the time. Professor asks:
-That you constantly yawn, my dear? Excuse
-. I very late came yesterday home and laid down near dvukh.
-Well so next time lay down around one and sleep properly.

*****

Ha court the lawyer (And) protects the alcoholic parasite (T).
A) - Take pity, companions judges, at the client was trudnoye
detstvo, but not all is lost, for certain among ego
rodstvennikov there are decent people, and they will help emu
vstat on feet. Tell, the defendant, who your father?
T) - Died of cirrhosis pecheni.
a) - And mother?
T) - In psikhushke.
a) - the Sister?
T) - Hangs around on vokzalam.
a) - And the brother?
T) - In medical institute.
a) - He is a student?
T) - No, it in banke.
a) -?????????????
T) - It with two heads was born.

*****

Examination on civil pravu:
-Tell Ha how you look at the right?
- In the same way, as well as on the left....

*****

Ha examination in a matan professional. asks studentku:
-Give definition of the dispersing pyada.
-Nuu... it when each subsequent member is more ppedydushchego.
ppep (thoughtfully):
- Is all your maiden dreams... life is much more various.

*****

Ha examination on matheralovedeniyu.
professor - studentke:
-That it for matheral?
-...
- Well, think. Present that to you came molodoy
chelovek, you one, and...
- Remembered! It is ebonite!
- of Hm! In my time it was celluloid!

*****

Examination professor asks Ha careless studenta:
-you know, what such examination?
- Examination is a conversation of two clever people, - the idiot answers student.
- And if one of them? - is interested professor.
student quietly speaks:
- Then the second will not get a grant.

*****

ekzamene:
- Then tell Ha, the girl why animals lick the sexual bodies? Because they it can do
-, professor...

*****

Early in the morning the parents who arrived to visit the son student living in a hostel find the necessary room and call. Because of dveri:
-Whom there again the devil brought a voice? Excuse
roditeli:
-please, be kind, tell, there lives a student Sidorov?
- Yes, here … Put it at first on the sidewalk, an I now will put on and I will bring it …

*****

- And you know, than the female hostel differs from the man's?
-B female wash the dishes after food, and in man's before food.

*****

A. Petrov on a symposium on the higher mathematics easily refuted probability theory by means of three thimbles and one ball.

*****

- And I bought croutons to beer with taste sakhara.
- The Moron, it is lump sugar!

*****

- And really to write off physiology?
- Is not present, there palyat.
- And if with the microearphone I come?
-B that year of San wrote off, well, which in army.

*****

The entrant comes from the first examination, parents rush to nemu:
-Well, how examination?
- of Anything, only the examiner got some devout, every time when I told something, he raised eyes to a ceiling and repeated: "My God!".

*****

The entrant passes entrance examination. Teacher speaks:
-Here to you last tricky question. If answer - You are accepted if is not present, then - no. Tell, how many bulbs in this room?
abituriyent quickly recalculates and it is joyful speaks:
-Five!
- is wrong, the young man! Six! - And the teacher gets one more bulb from a pocket. - Come through god.
through god.
tot the entrant hands over to the same teacher. The teacher again asks the last question - if the entrant answers, it accept if does not answer, then - net:
-How many bulbs in this room?
-Six, - speaks abituriyent.
prepod with confidence shows karmany:
- And this time, the young man, I have no bulb so … But I have
-! - the entrant gets a bulb from a pocket.

*****

The entrant passes entrance examination. The teacher asks:
-Tell it and why you decided to enter our university?
- of Fathers, do not ask silly questions!

*****

The entrant passes examination in history CPSU and is absolute nothing znayet.
prepodavatel in otchayanii:
-you though know, what was in 1917?
-He-e.
-Well, and Marx heard a surname?
-He-a.
-A Lenin?
- Not... Listen to
-, from where you such undertook?
- From Zadryuchinsk ya.
ekzamenator heaved a deep sigh, approached a window, rested a forehead against glass and it is sad probormotal:
-Eh, to spit everything - and to wave to Zadryuchinsk.

*****

The entrant passes examination in history of modern Russia and absolutely knows nothing. The teacher in otchayanii:
-you though know, in what year "reorganization" began?
-He-e.
-Well, and Yeltsin heard a surname?
-He-a.
-A Putin?
- Not... Listen to
-, from where you such undertook?
- From Zadryuchinsk ya.
prepodavatel heaved a deep sigh, approached a window, rested a forehead against glass and it is sad probormotal:
-Eh, to spit everything - and to wave to Zadryuchinsk.

*****

The entrant comes to pass entrance examinations in prestigious Vuz.
predsedatel her selection committee asks:
- The Girl, from what reasons you chose our HIGHER EDUCATION INSTITUTION?
- of Fathers, will be enough to be kidding!

*****

The entrant should pass examination in public disciplines, and it absolutely ignorant. The friend to it posovetoval:
-Yes same it is very simple: everywhere main at us - Gorbachev.
vot comes the entrant to examination, it sprashivayut:
-Who is the President of the USSR?
-Mikhail Sergeyevich Gorbachev.
- And who chairman of the board Oborony?
-Mikhail Sergeyevich Gorbachev.
- And who Secretary general of the Central Committee of CPSU?
-Mikhail Sergeyevich of Gorbachev.
-Well, you well understand domestic policy, we will talk about the international affairs. Who was the initiator of negotiations on disarmament in Europe?
-Mikhail Sergeyevich of Gorbachev.
-So, and what position on this question occupies the Pope's Nuncio? By the way, what is his name?
- Really?.

*****

The hadron collider is devoted to dream of mankind to reveal secret it proiskhozhdeniya.
a not to answer his question: "Ebanet, or does not ebant?"

*****

- Hallo, Hare, well where are you? I already half an hour wait for you!
- Well, Pusya, I sobiralas.
-Darling, everything already passed examination and if in half an hour you are not, your Pusya will strongly fall apart and will deduct you from insti

*****

Hallo! Mashka, estimate, the mathematician gave out today, - wrote double integral on a board and speaks: "The member, of course, unpleasant, but it is necessary to take who will try?"

*****

- Hallo! It is "Fast"? Come soon! At my wife white goryachka.
-Why you so solved?
- Yes here the full room of devils, and she does not see them!

*****

Ambitions is when you go on zkzamen, you think that you know on 2 and when put 4, you are surprised, why not 5.

*****

England. University. The young Englishman comes to examination and addresses to prepodavatelyu:
- And whether you know, the sir that under the authorized law of the British Empire of 1342, I during examination have the right for kabany gammon and pound piva.
prepodavatel went nuts, but ran to historians to consult, rummaged library, broke examination, but after all found this zakon.
pereekzamenovka. The student, ukhmylyayuchis, sits and waits. Prepodavatel:
- And whether you know, the young man that under the authorized law of the British Empire of 1465 the students who came to examination without sword and regimentals expel from university.

*****

- An, what are you crying?
- Yes book grustnaya..
- And what kind of book?
- Quantum optics ..

*****

The Armenian radio sprashivayut:
- And the truth, what scoff at experimental animals?
armyanskoye of radio otvechvet:
- And become to the place of the hungry student compelled to feed zhirnykh
zverey...

*****

The graduate student of confidential research institute who was not in time to buy a vodka bottle till eleven evenings invented a time machine, returned for an hour ago and took two!

*****

The association of teachers of higher education institutions achieved increase in a salary twice …
otnyne session from students 4 times a year.

*****

Audience. there is an examination in a tower. Silence. Only puffing and scratch of handles. suddenly a voice with back ryadov:
"And in army now a lunch... macaroni..."

*****

The audience, goes examination....
student at the first year knocks at the door: It is possible?
prepod is (very shy): Yes, vkhodite
student: It is possible to come?
prepod: Yes, come pull bilet.
student comes and tryasushchyamisya hands tries to take bilet.
prepod: Well you pull, tyanite.
student: Somehow extends the ticket and tells the teacher very much sbivchivo.
na the second kurse:
student comes without being knocked, the ticket is enough, fast tells that knows and ukhodit.
na the third kurse:
student beats out a foot the door becomes hollow in audience and asks: well that where here the easiest ticket. Overturns some tickets and answers on ponravivshiysya.
na the fourth kurse:
student already in a state of intoxication it is filled up in audience, and vosklitsayet:
koroche, here my record book I wait 5 minut.
na the fifth kurse:
robky and silent knock in dver.
prepod: Yes, vkhodite.
opyat stuk.
prepod: Well, enter...
mozhno...?
prepod: I said yes vkhodite.
poyavlyaetsya the little boy, stealthily approaches the teacher, stretches a record book and speaks: here, the father asked to transfer...

*****

The grandmother arrived to vnuku.
- And what you to me, the granny, brought?
- Yes here, granddaughters, cheesecakes to you brought. Whole six disks.

*****

The poor student bitterly cries at a tram stop. The Sonny approaches it babulya.
-, you that so bitterly cry?
- Yes I am the coupon on the tram poteryal.
-On, take my coupon, not plach.
-Is not present, - the student sobs, - in my coupon the breakfast was wrapped.

*****

Conversation in student's stolovoy:
-Give, please, two sausages... Turn
IZ dissatisfied vozglas:
-you Show off, a reptile!
-... And, be so kind as, seventeen forks!

*****

Two students konservatorii:
- Thesis defense talk Soon, and nothing vykhodit.
- And you take the thesis of our teacher from me and copy all notes in the return poryadke.
-Yes I proboval.
-Well and what?
-Valls Schubert turns out.