Jokes about Rzhevsky

Read funny Jokes about Rzhevsky

<** Previous Topic          Next Topic **>

542  543  544  545  546  547  548  549  550  551  552  553

Natasha Rostova was going to organize a ball. And here, she woke up in the morning in day of a ball, and at once, directly in a nightgown, run in a ball hall - to check, whether everything is ready. Enters - and there beauty, the parquet shines,
okna are washed up. She from good mood does some ballet pases and stretches out. And - here an ill luck! - sticks a causal place to the scrubbed parquet. And so, and syak - cannot come off. Calls servants, those pull it, she howls from pain - and anything. Here the lieutenant of Rzhevskiy:
-of the Lord enters! And you call the carpenter, let from below will drill a hole - then it and will come unstuck!
Natasha in tears - a parquet cannot break, a ball today, and by the evening we will not manage to repair - a parquet of the price huge! Lieutenant and speaks:
-Misters! Then give it boobs we will rub and as it will become wet - we will drag on kitchen, there the parquet is cheaper...

*****

Hussars were going to play cards. Watch - and Rzhev netu.
- The Cornet! You do not know, where Rzhev?
- the Lieutenant told, what will come on an hour later, if smozhet.
- And if is not able?
- Then minutes through ten!

*****

Girls gathered for a hen night. All night long they told jokes, amusing stories, shared the friend with a druzhka the dreams...
K dropped out to morning of a case the lieutenant Rzhevsky who died of shame.

*****

Gathered as that the lieutenant Rzhevsky with Pierre Bezoukhov on rybalku.
sidyat, the sun burns, birdies sing, but does not peck. This way and that not klyuet.
pyer say yes "!" - tells Rzhevskiy.
- And what for?
-A for process of initiation of psychomotor rhetoric... - thoughtfully speaks
rzhevsky...

*****

Gathered Rzhev, the cornet and the general on a visit at a genaral to play pool. Only handed over cards, the general's vnuchok runs out, ran about round all and speaks:
-A at the grandfather all aces!!
general abused him continue to play further. Only handed over, the vnuchok and speaks:
-A at a cornet all peak color again runs up! .
opyat the general abused him and again hand over cards. Only handed over, the vnuchok runs up to the lieutenant. Rzhev rises, takes a patsanchik by hand and silently takes away to other room. After a while the lieutenant comes back also officers spokoyno
dopisyvayut a pool. The surprised general asks:
-Rzhev, you that hit my grandson?!
- Mister general how you could such think? I am an officer! I simply taught the boy to frig!

*****

Make the lieutenant Rzhevsky with Natasha Rostova walk on park. Approach a pond - and at the opposite coast naked hussars bathe. Natasha asks the field-glass from the lieutenant, looks in it there is no party and smeetsya:
-Oh, what small!
poruchik confusedly otvechayet:
-So water cold - with!

*****

The old general tells Rzhevskomu:
-I do not have anybody, except this с#ки (pokazyvayet
na a fleet dog), it to me as doch.
- Then get to yourself a dog, and you will have grandsons.

*****

- The madam, you weighed not everything, rejecting my love, - the lieutenant Rzhevsky told Natasha Rostova, carelessly poigryvy a hand in a pocket.

*****

- The sir, deign to apologize, differently my husband will challenge you to a duel!
duel will be the Russian, it will come with crowd - and you simply otpizdit.

*****

- So, on whom we stopped? - the lieutenant asked, having woken up in the morning after a ball...

*****

Natasha Rostova with Pierre Bezoukhov dances somehow on a ball. During dance Natasha sets question :
-Tell, Pierre if you were given a big ground in order that you put that-nibud
for the beloved that you put?
-Ya would set for it all field with roses!
-A if went here such (showing the breast) a hail?
PYER was embarrassed and nothing otvetil.
through Natasha Rostova dances some time with the lieutenant Rzhevsky and sets the same question .
poruchik:
- And I would set all with peas!
-A if went such (showing a breast) a hail?
poruchik, undoing shirinku:
- And if such pods!?

*****

Dances, it appears, Natasha on a ball with Andrey Bolkonsky and speaks to it in tantse:
-you know, you are not so clever as Sherlock Holmes and are not so kind as the doctor of Vatson.
bolkonsky from a grief went to himself and zastrelilsya.
tantsuyet Natakha Dahl with Pierre Bezoukhov and whispers to it on ukho:
-you know, Pierre, you are not so clever as Sherlock Holmes and are not so kind as the doctor Vatson.
bezukhov for offense left to himself and zastrelilsya.
tantsuyet Natasha is farther with Rzhevsim:
- The Lieutenant, you are not so clever as Sherlock Holmes also are not so kind as the doctor of Vatson.
-But @bus, as The Hound of the Baskervilles!

*****

Natasha with the lieutenant Rzhevsky dances and the Lieutenant speaks emu:
-, tell any entertaining istoriyu
-Please! There are I somehow on the wood, smotryu
tantsuyet the lieutenant Rzhevsky with Natasha Rostova. It fell, it to it helped to rise. Hearings went. 20y speaks 30mu:
-Rzhevsky danced with Natasha Rostova, she fell, he to her pomog.
40y-41mu:
-Rzhevsky danced with Natasha Rostova, it fell, he to it not pomog.
80y-81mu:
-Rzhevsky danced with Natasha Rostova, unexpectedly hit it on a face with a boot, it fell, it ushel.
100y-101mu:
-I Come to a ball, and there Gogol др#?ит.

*****

Natasha Rostova on a ball dances, does a jump, stretches out and unintentionally sticks 14zdoy to a floor. Pytayetsya
vstat-bolno. Well attracted. One suggested to drill a hole that air passed from the first floor and it released. Drugoy
-Is not present! You that?! Right there floors good. And here the lieutenant Rzhevsky gets: "And give it we will pull at boobs, it will be excited,
vydelit greasing. We will roll away it in the next hall, and there floors old."

*****

Natasha Rostova on a ball with the lieutenant of Rzhevskim.
- The Lieutenant dances, at you from a mouth stinks!
- Here swine! Again in soul of a nasr@la!

*****

The lieutenant Rzhevsky with Natasha Rostova on a ball dances. Suddenly Natasha looks at Rzhevsky's shoulder i
vzvizgivayet:
- The Lieutenant!!! You have a bug!!!
Rzhevskiy:
-Bug-with? And we it * - with!

*****

The lieutenant Rzhevsky with Natasha dances Rostovoy:
zatantsovyvayut for a column - the Lieutenant cheerful, Natasha ruddy, schastlivaya.
zatantsovyvayut for a column once again - the Lieutenant cheerful, Natasha ruddy, schastlivaya.
zatantsovyvayut for a column for the third time - the Lieutenant pale, Natasha Veselaya.
poruchika ask, what to it happened? He answers, what for the first time behind a column he kissed it, in the second for a breast potrogal.
a that there was for the third time a Lieutenant?
-A you a horse, sometime fed from a hand?!

*****

The lieutenant Rzhevsky with Natasha Rostova dances. Suddenly Natasha speaks:
-Ah, lieutenant, something to me badly! I will go to oknu.
-Of course, Natashenka, go and break, it is only short!

*****

The lieutenant Rzhevsky with Natasha Rostova dances. Nestled on it, rubs - and is silent. Natasha, seeing awkwardness of a situation, reddens and starts fingering a brilliant pin on the lieutenant's collar. And, to break awkward silence, asks:
-Glass?
poruchik squeezed golosom:
-Is not present... - and with relief - Flows down!

*****

The lieutenant Rzhevsky with Natasha Rostova dances. And here presses it to possat. He gallantly apologizes and leaves in park. Becomes under a tree and, in view of extreme not sobriety, obsykat not only a tree, but also the boots together with other details of clothes. Then comes back to Natasha and once again apologizes. Natasha, seeing his wet trousers and boots, asks:
- The Lieutenant, on the street a rain?
- Is not present, the madam, a breeze - with!

*****

Dances Rzhev with Natasha. Nestled on it, rubs - and is silent. Natasha, seeing nelovkost
situatsii, reddens and begins terebit
brilyantovuyu a pin on a collar poruchika:
-Glass?
poruchik squeezed golosom:
-Is not present... - and with relief - Flows down!

*****

Dances Rzhev with Natasha Rostova, well and irons her on a back and on з#днице, and then gets into the knickers and Natasha fades in nedoumenii:
-! At you х#й?!
Наташа:
- Is not present - I ср#.

*****

Natasha Rostova and the lieutenant Rzhevsky dance on a ball. Natasha to it and speaks:
- The Lieutenant, tell, why you, hussars, such ill-bred? Swear words the different bad all the time...
- Yes, Natasha, of course - we, hussars, the people rough... HORSES of ?$ЁМ-?!!!!!!!

*****

Dance on a ball a porutchik Rzhev with Natasha Rostova. Natasha speaks:
-Porutchik, tell, and difficultly to give birth?
rzhevsky in otvet:
-Natasha, tell, and to you sometime the chest on eggs fell?

*****

Dance on a ball the Lieutenant, Rzhev with Natashey:
-, yes at you all boots in g@vne.
-Yes it we a cow on a stable e @@ li.
-what Foo you the vulgar person yesterday, Natasha speaks and goes to complain to the father polkovniku.
-Father, father, the Rzhev such vulgar person, such vulgar person. The father nods and speaks:
-He not only the vulgar person, whether but also the joker here we a cow on a stable e @@ yesterday, so it approached behind and a stool from me from under feet beat out, so I half an hour on h@yu dangled.

*****

The lieutenant Rzhevsky and Natasha Rostova dance. The lieutenant not in mood, gloomy is silent, Natasha tries it razspeaks:
- The Lieutenant! Tell any amusing story!
poruchik ozhivlyaetsya:
-All right - with!... There are I the other day through the wood and see - some civilian on a clearing e%t a goat … Ha-ha-ha!!!
Natasha shocked. Pushes away the lieutenant and runs away to Pierre Bezoukhov. They with Pierre, and Natasha jal?etsia:
-Ah, Pierre, these so vulgar hussars … dance
-A what mean! Here to an e% I recently a goat on a clearing, and behind crept the lieutenant Rzhevsky, a wolf howled - so in hands ONE HORNS remained with me!

*****

Languidly moving with moustaches, the lieutenant Rzhevsky vzdykhayet:
-Ah, Natasha, I love you...
- Ah, the lieutenant, you say words behind which it is possible!

*****

Two prattle gusara.
-We thought up a new entertainment yesterday. Put on a table the prostitute and became her in a pizda ogurets
zavovyvat. And then the lieutenant Rzhevsky came and all vulgarized!
- That, vy%bat the whore?
- Is not present, the cucumber ate!

*****

Three ladies argue that is more sick: to give birth, do abort
ili to lose maiden chesti.
-Ekh, and to you sometime on eggs a frying pan beat? -
vmeshivayetsya in conversation the lieutenant Rzhevsky.

*****

Three officers played house cards at one of them. Only distributed, vdru
giz the nursery the son of the owner jumps out and shouts: "And the father has two aces". Delat
nechego - distributed on the new. Again the son jumps out and shouts: "And at kapitana
chervovy maryazh!" Again repeated. Again the son jumps out and shouts: "And u
poruchika... "
" Postoy" - the lieutenant Rzhevsky told, and took away the boy to the nursery. through
paru minutes left, sat down to play further. Passes 5, 10, 15 minutes -
malchika is not present. The owner asks:
- The Lieutenant, you that, beat it?
- As is possible, I am an officer! That did you make
-A?
-Ya он#нировать taught him.

*****

At the countess To *** a ball. The lieutenant Rzhevsky receives the invitation and in a presentiment of good evening prepares for a ball, polishes boots to mirror gloss and the dandy goes on a ball. A holiday in the heat. Rzhevsky dances with M *** and speaks:
-Madam, want I will tell what color at you shorts?
M *** reddens but not to seem the provincial, speaks:
-Try!
poruchik of times! to it a boot under a dress, and there as in a mirror all is visible, and speaks:
- And so, beige with a red kayemochka!
M *** faints, the lieutenant drags it for a portiere and vperdolivat. Invites To ***. Same history... drags for a portiere and... Tantset with Natasha Rostova and speaks:
-Natasha, want I will tell what color at you shorts?
Natasha:
- The Pancake the lieutenant, try!
NU Rzhevsky a foot to Natasha under a dress, lo and behold on a boot... and in a faint. Natasha drags insensible Rzhevsky in a corner the Lieutenant brings round and speaks:
-, I forgot to tell, I shorts not odevala.
rzhevsky wipe today a forehead and speaks:
-Faugh, б^я, and I thought - the boot burst!

*****

At the divisional commander sprashivayut:
-Truth your lieutenant Rzhev big vulgar person and swine?
- Yes. I bang a crustacean somehow a goat, and he behind approached and a wolf howled! So in hands of a horn remained!

*****

At the lieutenant Rzhevsky sprashivayut:
-Lieutenant, you nobleman?
- Yes, at me such family tree, ladies when see - faint.

*****

At the lieutenant Rzhevsky sprashivayut:
- The Lieutenant you were shot sometime because of the woman?
- Is not present. Because of a tree it was shot, and because of the woman it was not necessary!

*****

At the lieutenant Rzhevsky sprashivayut:
- The Lieutenant, you would like to become a swan and to float in this pond?
- Here still, hunting to me to wet an ass!!!

*****

At the lieutenant Rzhevsky sprosili:
-Tell, and whether it happened to you to get to train accidents?
- Was delo.
-Oh, tell!.
- Went I somehow in one compartment with the general and his daughter. And so, when the train drove in a tunnel,
Ya тр#хнул instead of the daughter of the general...

*****

Rzhevsky has a birthday. Natasha Rostova tells him that she has for him a gift. Strips to the skin, and it still has only bow on the juiciest place. The lieutenant Rzhevsky, rolling up rukav:
-Well and it is far he there?

*****

At Rzhev sprosili:
- The Lieutenant why you play for money?
- it is possible to Play for money in three cases. The first. If there are abilities and money. The second. If there is no money, but there are abilities. The third. If there are no abilities, but there is money.

*****

In the morning on a parade-ground meet the shtabs-captain going from the city, and the lieutenant Rzhevsky going from konyushni.
-Mister captain is glad you to see! How the night was carried out? Thanks
-, lieutenant, otmenneysha! In a brothel was, all maids peretrakhal-with! And you as? I was lost to
-A yesterday totally, without money remained. So it was necessary in a stable, with horses...
- of Fi, the lieutenant, same is low!
- Well you, captain! I substituted a small bench - and just right!