Jokes about Rzhevsky

Read funny Jokes about Rzhevsky

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In the morning the lieutenant Rzhevsky abandons Natasha of Rostovu.
- The Lieutenant, and money?
- Well that you, madam, hussars of money do not take!

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The movie "Rzhev against Napoleon" could not receive "Oscar" due to the lack of there nomination "Rare".

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The tsar of Nikolay-2 came for walk. Towards a narodovolets ran out, set fire to a bomb and threw in tsarya.
mimo there passed the lieutenant Rzhevsky. Saw such business, covered the tsar with a body, flung away a foot bombu
obratno in a narodovolets. Explosion - a narodovolets was lost. The tsar rises, Rzhevsky shakes off him i
predstavlyaetsya:
- The Lieutenant Rzhevsky at your service, your Majesty!
- (C): Well Rzhesky, thanks, ask that you want. I will thank po-Tsarski.
-(R): Yes to me your majesty of anything and not nado.
-(C): Well after all can some desires?
-(P): Desire one - to marry the daughter of the immediate superior colonel Semenov...
TSAR urgently calls the colonel. The colonel resorts ispuganno.
-(C): The colonel why do not want to give the daughter for the lieutenant (R)?
-(P): Understand, your Majesty, I am a colonel, and he only the lieutenant - somehow nekhorosho.
-(C): All right the colonel, and give the daughter for the GENERAL of Rzhevskogo.
rzhevsky started becoming stupid slowly from schastya.
-(P): (Does not calm down): Understand your Majesty, the General he is a general, but I am a count, and on
prostolyudin...
- (C): Well, the colonel, give the daughter for the PRINCE, the GENERAL of Rzhevskogo.
-(P): Well, the General it is a general, the Prince it is a Prince, BUT I have communications in the high society,
znakomstva, and at it anybody...
- (C): All right, the colonel, (taps of Rzhevsky on the shoulder) give the daughter for my PERSONAL DRUGA,
KNYAZYA of the GENERAL Rzhevsky...
rzhevsky is sharp having regained consciousness with happiness, embraces the Tsar with slovami:
-Hear, Kolya and went it on a her with the daughter, I to myself will find now the woman better!!!

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- I appreciate your resourcefulness, the lieutenant, but my wife began to resemble a dirty stable for
zayezzhikh gusar.
-long ago you are not right, the colonel! Rather it is similar to infirmary of the future - pure, public i
besplatny.

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Rush hour. Natasha Rostova and the lieutenant Rzhevsky go by the filled tram. Tolpa
s by force presses them to each other. After a while Natasha speaks:
-Lieutenant! You mentioned my honor!. Well, touch still...
rzhevsky otvechayet:
-Only should not hold me for the fool. To me bolno.
poruchik it is connected to razgovoru:
-By the way, about ware. I have an acquaintance, so at him х@# in a bucket is not located.

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There was a lieutenant Rzhevsky on a ball and on the road heard a children's counting rhyme: "You are a condom and you are a condom, and I am Viscount De'brazhelon". On a ball, having properly got drunk, leaves in the middle of the hall and objyavlyaet:
-Misters! New pun... I do not remember literally, but an essence such: all of you пи&арасы, and I am count Monte Cristo.

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Smart ball, ladies dance with gentlemen, measured music, a sound of the clinking glasses glasses, a quiet dialect plays. Suddenly the door to the hall with a crash is broken open by a foot, becomes hollow, judging by a smell, upity in dupel poruchik
rzhevsky, and, having swung, throws borne on a parquet. Even more multystoried mat is distributed, "something" rises, and with words: "To Pokhmelitsya, n@kh, б№ядь" - stamps to a table with binge. Public shocked. One lady does not maintain: "Lieutenant...!!!". The lieutenant unperturbably turns a tower towards the questioning: "Б#я, recently an interesovalitashcha on a back something, stinking of the reek of alcohol mixed up with navozom.
"Something" thus covers all and all perfect four-storeyed matom.
poruchik, without paying attention to freight remarks, shaking, dotaskivat a burden to the middle of the hall s who could give me such education!!! Znakomts -
PAPENKA!"

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Shurochka:
- The Lieutenant, interests me your family tree. Your ancestors rodom
iz Rzhev?
Rzhevskiy:
-Is not present, not so. My ancestors, Shurochka, eblis it is frequent in a rye - page.

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- Shurochka, you as a rose blossom! The flush and flares on yours shchekakh.
-Ah, leave! The lieutenant Rzhevsky just told me ocherednoy
gusarsky a joke.

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Apple in an ass - is not original, the lieutenant Rzhevsky summed up the results of elections.

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Clear spring morning. The sun shines, birdies chirp... The young countess wakes up, and hears fine music. With the feelings which gushed over it it jumps, throws a dressing gown and runs out in a drawing room. There the lieutenant of Rzhevskiy.
-Ah, the lieutenant is at the piano! You so perfectly play it?!
- Yes so, madam, пи$#я?у little by little-c!

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Hungry students sit and think where food to take....
ODIN speaks:
-Can a pig we will get? fat, meat budet.
-Yes well, stench, dirt....
-A suddenly will get accustomed?

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The student comes to examination, well knows nothing, and speaks proffesoru:
izvinite, I laid down around two yesterday!
proffesor:vsleduyushchy of times will lay down around one!!!

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The student on the first kurse:
-to Anybody, anybody, nikomu.
na vtorom:
-to Anybody, anybody, only to it odnomu.
na tretyem:
-to Anybody, only to it to one and that who it is good poprosit.
na chetvyortom:
-Everything, everything, all!
Ha pyatom:
-to Whom is at- At- At??!!!

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Lecture professor brought to Ha a big box and put on kafedpy.
-we will learn on oshchup to define bodies of a human body Today. The student Petrova, thrust pyky into a box and feel...
- Heart, ppofessop.
-is faithful, the student Petrova, now VY.
-Sausage, ppofessop.
-to He stesnyaytes.
-Sausage, ppofessop.
- The Student Petrova, we are physicians!
stydentka (nearly crying):
-Ha the business sausage, ppofessop.
ppofesop having glanced in a box sausage mutters zadymchivo
- And truly, and than I beer had a snack yesterday?

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Ha a seminar the student yawns all the time. Professor asks:
-That you constantly yawn, my dear? Excuse
-. I very late came yesterday home and laid down near dvukh.
-Well so next time lay down around one and sleep properly.

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Ha court the lawyer (And) protects the alcoholic parasite (T).
A) - Take pity, companions judges, at the client was trudnoye
detstvo, but not all is lost, for certain among ego
rodstvennikov there are decent people, and they will help emu
vstat on feet. Tell, the defendant, who your father?
T) - Died of cirrhosis pecheni.
a) - And mother?
T) - In psikhushke.
a) - the Sister?
T) - Hangs around on vokzalam.
a) - And the brother?
T) - In medical institute.
a) - He is a student?
T) - No, it in banke.
a) -?????????????
T) - It with two heads was born.

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Examination on civil pravu:
-Tell Ha how you look at the right?
- In the same way, as well as on the left....

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Ha examination in a matan professional. asks studentku:
-Give definition of the dispersing pyada.
-Nuu... it when each subsequent member is more ppedydushchego.
ppep (thoughtfully):
- Is all your maiden dreams... life is much more various.

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Ha examination on matheralovedeniyu.
professor - studentke:
-That it for matheral?
-...
- Well, think. Present that to you came molodoy
chelovek, you one, and...
- Remembered! It is ebonite!
- of Hm! In my time it was celluloid!

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Examination professor asks Ha careless studenta:
-you know, what such examination?
- Examination is a conversation of two clever people, - the idiot answers student.
- And if one of them? - is interested professor.
student quietly speaks:
- Then the second will not get a grant.

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ekzamene:
- Then tell Ha, the girl why animals lick the sexual bodies? Because they it can do
-, professor...

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Early in the morning the parents who arrived to visit the son student living in a hostel find the necessary room and call. Because of dveri:
-Whom there again the devil brought a voice? Excuse
roditeli:
-please, be kind, tell, there lives a student Sidorov?
- Yes, here … Put it at first on the sidewalk, an I now will put on and I will bring it …

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- And you know, than the female hostel differs from the man's?
-B female wash the dishes after food, and in man's before food.

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A. Petrov on a symposium on the higher mathematics easily refuted probability theory by means of three thimbles and one ball.

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- And I bought croutons to beer with taste sakhara.
- The Moron, it is lump sugar!

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- And really to write off physiology?
- Is not present, there palyat.
- And if with the microearphone I come?
-B that year of San wrote off, well, which in army.

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The entrant comes from the first examination, parents rush to nemu:
-Well, how examination?
- of Anything, only the examiner got some devout, every time when I told something, he raised eyes to a ceiling and repeated: "My God!".

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The entrant passes entrance examination. Teacher speaks:
-Here to you last tricky question. If answer - You are accepted if is not present, then - no. Tell, how many bulbs in this room?
abituriyent quickly recalculates and it is joyful speaks:
-Five!
- is wrong, the young man! Six! - And the teacher gets one more bulb from a pocket. - Come through god.
through god.
tot the entrant hands over to the same teacher. The teacher again asks the last question - if the entrant answers, it accept if does not answer, then - net:
-How many bulbs in this room?
-Six, - speaks abituriyent.
prepod with confidence shows karmany:
- And this time, the young man, I have no bulb so … But I have
-! - the entrant gets a bulb from a pocket.

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The entrant passes entrance examination. The teacher asks:
-Tell it and why you decided to enter our university?
- of Fathers, do not ask silly questions!

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The entrant passes examination in history CPSU and is absolute nothing znayet.
prepodavatel in otchayanii:
-you though know, what was in 1917?
-He-e.
-Well, and Marx heard a surname?
-He-a.
-A Lenin?
- Not... Listen to
-, from where you such undertook?
- From Zadryuchinsk ya.
ekzamenator heaved a deep sigh, approached a window, rested a forehead against glass and it is sad probormotal:
-Eh, to spit everything - and to wave to Zadryuchinsk.

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The entrant passes examination in history of modern Russia and absolutely knows nothing. The teacher in otchayanii:
-you though know, in what year "reorganization" began?
-He-e.
-Well, and Yeltsin heard a surname?
-He-a.
-A Putin?
- Not... Listen to
-, from where you such undertook?
- From Zadryuchinsk ya.
prepodavatel heaved a deep sigh, approached a window, rested a forehead against glass and it is sad probormotal:
-Eh, to spit everything - and to wave to Zadryuchinsk.

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The entrant comes to pass entrance examinations in prestigious Vuz.
predsedatel her selection committee asks:
- The Girl, from what reasons you chose our HIGHER EDUCATION INSTITUTION?
- of Fathers, will be enough to be kidding!

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The entrant should pass examination in public disciplines, and it absolutely ignorant. The friend to it posovetoval:
-Yes same it is very simple: everywhere main at us - Gorbachev.
vot comes the entrant to examination, it sprashivayut:
-Who is the President of the USSR?
-Mikhail Sergeyevich Gorbachev.
- And who chairman of the board Oborony?
-Mikhail Sergeyevich Gorbachev.
- And who Secretary general of the Central Committee of CPSU?
-Mikhail Sergeyevich of Gorbachev.
-Well, you well understand domestic policy, we will talk about the international affairs. Who was the initiator of negotiations on disarmament in Europe?
-Mikhail Sergeyevich of Gorbachev.
-So, and what position on this question occupies the Pope's Nuncio? By the way, what is his name?
- Really?.

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The hadron collider is devoted to dream of mankind to reveal secret it proiskhozhdeniya.
a not to answer his question: "Ebanet, or does not ebant?"

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- Hallo, Hare, well where are you? I already half an hour wait for you!
- Well, Pusya, I sobiralas.
-Darling, everything already passed examination and if in half an hour you are not, your Pusya will strongly fall apart and will deduct you from insti

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Hallo! Mashka, estimate, the mathematician gave out today, - wrote double integral on a board and speaks: "The member, of course, unpleasant, but it is necessary to take who will try?"

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- Hallo! It is "Fast"? Come soon! At my wife white goryachka.
-Why you so solved?
- Yes here the full room of devils, and she does not see them!

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Ambitions is when you go on zkzamen, you think that you know on 2 and when put 4, you are surprised, why not 5.