Anecdotes about students

Read funny Anecdotes about students

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Professor asks studentku:
- And you can prove, what water attracts electricity? Da's
-! Every time as soon as I get into a bathroom, calls phone.

*****

Professor asks studentov-medikov:
-Whose it is a skeleton? Collective farmer's
-! - the student of Rabinovich.
-Why answers?
- handed over Meat, eggs handed over, wool and skin handed over - odni
kosti and remained!

*****

Professor to students: - If among you is though one numskull, get up! After a small pause at the end of the hall the tall guy rises. - So, so, so you consider yourself as the numskull? - it is interested professor asks. - No, it is simple to me it became a pity that you cost one there.

*****

Professor studentam:
-If among you is though one numskull, get up!
posle of a small pause at the end of the hall rises tall paren.
-So, so, so you consider yourself as the numskull? - zainteresovanno
asks professor.
-Is not present, it is simple to me it became a pity that you cost one there.

*****

Professor to the student linguist who is bringing down next zachyot:
- Well, well, reluctantly I will pass to you if you skazhete
mne, what three words most often use studenty.
- I not znayu.
- Absolutely correctly! Give a record book!

*****

Professor - whether studentu:
-you Can tell me something about great chemists of the XVII го century?
- Of course I can. All of them died!

*****

Professor - to the student on ekzamene:
-What you know types of childbirth?
student:
-Premature, overdue, nepravilnye.
professor:
-is more detailed, You're welcome.
student:
-Premature - one year prior to a wedding, overdue -
through is three years after death of the husband, wrong -
kogda instead of the wife the neigbour gives birth.

*****

Professor who is not satisfied with the answer of the student in a record book writes "ram". The student with a sad look leaves, but cheerful and speaks:
-Professor suddenly comes back, you did not give a mark, likely, forgot but only undersigned.

*****

Professor, having been tired to extend the student on the three, speaks:
-well …. Tell, in what subject lectures were given?
student molchit.
-Tak …. Tell though who gave lectures?
student Molchit.
-leading question: you or I?

*****

Professor filologii:
-Give a question example that the answer sounded as refusal, and at the same time - as soglasiye.
student:
-It is simple: "Will drink vodka? - Ah, leave!"

*****

Professor gives lecture about relationship of floors. One of its subjects - intensity of sexual life. A question to auditorii:
-Who from you comes into contact once a day? - a quarter zala.
vtoroy a question to auditorii:
-raises hands Who from you comes into contact once a week? - the most part of the hall raises hands. And, at last, the last question :
-Who from you comes into contact once a year? - unexpectedly from a back row the guy and oret:
-I jumps! Professor! It I!
-Hmm-m... Interestingly, the young man and to that you so rejoice? Understand
-, professor, - chokes with delight that, is proizoydet
segodnya!

*****

Professor gives lecture on quantum physics. Writes on a board dli- And- And- And-innuyu a formula. Writes, writes, on one line does not vlazit, it transfers it on following, then to the third …
B is time at one student the handle falls. It bends down that to lift it, and behind to it under a bum fill office buttons. The student on them saditsya:
-A- And! You that, okh%et?!!
professor opravdyvayetsya:
-It not I, is a formula such.

*****

Professor gives lecture on mathematics. Writes out the long, absolutely vast formula on a board and having declared: "From here with evidence follows..." writes out even more bulky formula. Suddenly, for a minute reflects, then, having apologized, leaves audience. Approximately in half an hour comes back and, having carelessly thrown a pile of the used-up paper on chair, declares: "Yes, it is really obvious" and continues lecture.

*****

Professor at examination speaks студенту:
- Yes old man, something is rather weak you to my lectures went?
-pointed professor!
- That I will not remember, where you sideli.
-S to edge for Kolonnoy.
-Nadeau, such narrow column, and you already the ninth who behind it was located.

*****

Professor on ekzamene:
-Describe to us orally such phenomenon as an echo. Well, are not silent...
- to be silent... to olchat... chat... to at... t... soft sign... soft sign...

*****

Professor on ekzamene:
-Give an example of automatically adjustable biological mechanism of following of a live matter towards solntsu.
student:
-For example, on Fridays all live matter seeks to leave Moscow before rush hour. And rush hour is automatically displaced towards to the sun.

*****

Professors of mathematics sprashivayut:
-you will go to vote?
- Certainly is not present. I have more important dela.
-Why, professor? Same your civic duty! Know
-, I am a mathematician, I on probability theory estimated, what my voice on anything not povliyaet.
-But, professor, and what if all will be same "clever"? You will disrupt elections! Know
-, I am a mathematician, I on probability theory estimated that there are so much clever at us in the country never will be gathered.

*****

Professors accepted examinations and valeryanku.
sdavali students and nerves.

*****

To professor of the right for lectures set question :
-That such bigamy and how it is punished?
- Bigamy is a presence of two wives which is punished by presence of two mothers-in-law.

*****

The vocational student - masteru:
-It is ready, the master … Bungled! All bungled ten!
MASTER:
-So after all nine was … the sample bungled
-I!

*****

The prostitute Veronika arrived on a call to a sauna and saw the teacher there. Well, as they say, both laughter, and a sin, and offset in a subject.

*****

Five students welded on pelmeni. Armed with forks and stali
est. There was one smallest dumpling. Everyone began to offer ego
drugomu. Here light went out and was distributed vopl:
-A-a-a!
vklyuchilsya light was also found: on a plate the hand which clamped a dumpling, and v
ruku four forks are thrust.

*****

Two teachers near dekanata:
-Here talk if I at examination put though one four, the whole group on hands will carry me! If I at examination will deliver to
-A at least one three, the whole group will carry me on hands!
MIMO there passes the dean. It is connected to razgovoru:
- And if I both dismiss you, the whole faculty on hands will carry me!

*****

Students work at building. The building is already leased, the commission has to come... The foreman strictly instructs studentov:
-Whatever happened, pretend that and it is conceived!
khodit the commission on building, looks... Suddenly in one place with a roar the wall collapses. One of students, having looked on chasy:
-10:35! Precisely according to the schedule!

*****

The joyful student jumps out because of a table and runs to vykhodu.
-Handed over!
-of Postoyte! - professor shouts, pointing to a record book, - It is necessary otmetit.
-we will note in the Evening! - reaches because of a door.

*****

The joyful student resorts from computer zala:
-Oleg Grigoryevich, I made! On a piece of paper to bring to you?
prepodavatel:
-In a matchbox!

*****

I talk to the acquaintance - the student of the third kursa:
-Well as examinations?
- is bad!
- That so?
- Yes the head of group - the silly woman, the blonde tupogolovy... The teacher was coded recently, and she guessed to present him a bottle of expensive cognac... Speak, yet not to time so did not bring down...

*****

Two talk podruzhki-studentki:
-Listen, how to you Romka from the second floor?
- Yes not really. Yesterday came to me, brought a small bottle of Pepsi Cola, and it is so much claims: boobs small, ass cold...

*****

Two istorikov:
-talk Speak, the well-known Galileo Galilei possesses a familiar expression "And nevertheless it spins!", which he said before inquisition, without renouncing the belief what Earth rotates round the Sun?
-K a sozhaleniiya, the colleague is a historical myth. Wise Galileo after all renounced the belief, having said thus other phrase: "You want to live - be able to spin!"

*****

Two teachers talk. One speaks drugomu:
-I Hate when at my seminar students watch on chasy.
-It still anything - notices another. Here when they after etogo
podnosyat them to an ear …

*****

Two teachers near dekanata:
-Here talk if I at examination put though one four, me whole gruppa
na hands will carry! If I at examination will deliver to
-A at least one three, me tselaya
gruppa will carry on hands!
MIMO there passes the dean. It is connected to razgovoru:
- And if I dismiss both of you, me the whole faculty on hands nosit
budet!

*****

Two talk studenta:
-If the dean does not take the floor back, I will leave from instituta.
-Interestingly, what such he told you? He told
-: "Wons from institute!"

*****

Talk studenty:
-You already how many examinations filled up?
- Together with tomorrow's - five.

*****

Two examiners after ekzamena.
-talk Represent, the student, stupid to horror got to me today. I asked one question it - he does not know, the second asked - does not know, the third, fourth, fifth, well I 5 delivered to it, suddenly something knows... On what answers it vtoroy.
-Estimate, and today such clever got to me, all my questions answered, - well I 2 delivered to it, suddenly something does not know.

*****

studentov:
-You fluorography passed conversation of two?
-Aha, from the third time.

*****

Conversation in institute tualete.
golos from the first booth - Well, handed over?
golos from the second - Not - and. The dean, a reptile, not dal.
golos from the third - Also I will not give the admission.

*****

And studenta:
- And tell conversation of the elderly grandmother, the sonny, whether there are miracles?
- Is not present, not byvayut.
-Well here the man climbs on church, falls also any scratch. Unless not a miracle?
- is simple vezeniye.
-It the second time climbs and again falls and again anything?
- It sluchaynost.
-It for the third time...
-A it already habit.

*****

Conversation in a student's hostel of art HIGHER EDUCATION INSTITUTION, students gather on praktiku:
-Molbert took? Took
-Vzyal.
-Kisti? Took
-Vzyal.
-Kraski?
-Vzyal.
-Politru took?
Da I thought on liter will be a little, took on two.

*****

Conversation on student's svadbe:
- And what is the bride does not eat, does not drink?
-A it did not chip in together...