Jokes about Vovochku

Read funny Jokes about Vovochku

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In sadike:
-Yulenka, you that you will put on a holiday?
-Ya I will put on all zhyoltenky and there will be tsvetochkom.
- And you, Dashenka?
-Ya I will dress all green and there will be yolochkoy.
- And you, Vovochka what you will put on?
-A I will put on all brown and I will be a shit which will spoil to you all holiday!!!

*****

The most interesting moment the room to parents is entered by Vovochka.
papa asks:
-Vovochka, you whom want the brother or the little sister?
-of Begemotik!
-Not poluchitsya.
-Get down, let me try.

*****

In a family retsidivista.
-Vovochk if you study well, the father will steal to you the bicycle.

*****

In the third class girlfriends share the same desk at a lesson and talk...
ODNA speaks:
-Ya yesterday Vovochke in a lobby the girlfriend sparashivayet:
-A that such mint delala.
a a lobby?

*****

The fly got to an inkwell. Vovochka, the son of the doctor, rescued her and put na
chisty a sheet of paper. Passed some minutes, from the room poslyshalsya
radostny a voice of Vovochki:
-Mummy! Mother! Look, the fly writes just as our father...

*****

In shkole.
-Vovochka how use chicken down?
-Not znayu.
- And on what you sleep? On polu.
- And on what the head you put
-?
-On valenok.
- And on what parents of honey agarics?
-On polu.
- And on what put the heads?
-On valenki.
- And on what the grandmother sleeps? On pechke.
- And on what the head puts
-?
-On podushku.
- And in a pillow, what down?
-A in a pillow of valenoks.

*****

At school ask children who whom wants to become. Mashenka:
-I want to treat people. I want that nobody was ill. I want, that ours narod
byl the most healthy and strong in the world. Therefore I will go to study v
meditsinsky universitet.
petenka:
-I want to feed people. I want that nobody starved. I want that nasha
zemlya was the most fertile and rich in the world. Therefore I will go to study v
selskokhozyaystvenny institut.
Vovochka:
- And I want х&ра not to do, but to receive for it real grandmas. Hochu
klast on all, even on the president. I want not to pay taxes, i
chtoby menya
nikto even a finger did not dare to touch. Therefore I will go to study v
dukhovnuyu seminary.

*****

At school there is a preparation to kontrolnoy.
uchitel:
- The serious illness with the reference from vracha.
golos with mesta:
- And how about full sexual exhaustion can be the Only cause of absence on the control? You will write
- Then with other hand!

*****

At school there are occupations, and the teacher explains a difference mezhdu
vetrom, a zephyr, a breeze, a tornado, a trade wind, sirokko. Privodit
primer:
-Recently I went by the train and when a portiere at a window slegka
otklonilas, I felt a gentle, caressing touch k
shcheke. What was it?
Vovochka lifted ruku:
- The controller's Kiss, the mademoiselle

*****

At school there are lessons. Vovochka gloomy wanders about a corridor. It is noticed by the director, Vovochka, you why not at a lesson approaches it and asks:
-?
-I do not see logic!
-A that happened?
-Sat I at a lesson and unintentionally broke wind. I was expelled from a class, and to smell all class left. I do not see logic!

*****

At school there are lessons. Vovochka gloomy wanders about a corridor. It is noticed by the director, Vovochka, you why not at a lesson approaches it i
asks:
-?
-I do not see logic!
-A that happened?
-Sat I at a lesson and unintentionally broke wind. I was expelled from a class, and to smell all class left. I do not see logic

*****

At school speaking zverey.
tanechka brought competition popugaya.
kolya prin with skvortsa.
Vovochka prin with ezhika.
vse gathered round a Vovochka and start arguing on, whether speaks or not to show garrulity of a hedgehog, a Vovochka thrust to it a finger in zadnitsu.
(further it is necessary to prodemonstriovat as the hedgehog sniffs.)
Zh: - ffft!
Vovochka of dreams thrust a finger in ezha:
zh:-ffffft!
Vovochka again thrust palets:
ezh:-fffffatit!

*****

In shkole.
-Mashenka, write on a board the offer with the word "girl" and with the word "wood" .
mashenka leaves and writes: "The girl came out of the wood".
-is good, Mashenka, sit down. Vovochka, leave to a board and make of this offer otpitsatelnoye.
Vovochka leaves and writes: "He the girl came out of the wood".
-of Vovochk, it is wrong! It is necessary to correct!
-Mar Ivanna, it you will not correct is for the rest of life any more.

*****

In shkole:
-Mashenka, write on a board the offer with the word "girl" and so
slovom "wood" .
mashenka leaves and writes: "The girl came out of the wood".
-is good, Mashenka, sit down. Vovochka, leave to a board and make from etogo
predlozheniya otritsatelnoye.
Vovochka leaves and writes: "Not the girl came out of the wood".
-of Vovochk, it is wrong! It is necessary to correct!
-Mar Ivanna, it you will not correct is for the rest of life any more.

*****

At school the young teacher the first time conducts zanyatiya.
-Children, let's get acquainted! - joyfully she proclaims. - Here you,
malchik how call?
-Petya Ivanov!
-A you, girl?
-Masha Petrova!
-A here you boy?
-of Vovochk!
-A surname? - asks uchitelnitsa.
-Well, knows, I have such surname... Well, such, what you every day in rot
berete?!
-H-ev, perhaps?!
-Well, Lozhkin!

*****

At school on uroke:
- And well-ka children, tell, please, with whom your parents work!
MASHA: - my mother - the prostitute. Of course, I understand that it is not really good, but but we live in dostatke.
igor: - my father GAI officer. I, of course, ponimakyu that not all love it, but we live in dostatke.
Vovochka: - a my father trucker. And if not the Car mother and Igor the father, we too would live in prosperity.

*****

At school distributed sheets with marks in a year. Vovochka comes back home and, looking to the father in eyes, speaks:
- The Main thing, what all of us are healthy, however, the father?

*****

In shkole:
-... well here at us... so, theorem of a rhombus. well, draw a rhombus!.
Vovochka, draw a rhombus!. Vovochka, you that, do not know as a rhombus looks?
BUBI, Vovochka, Bubi! Here so, the good fellow, go - the three.

*****

At school at a mathematics lesson an uchitelka Sprashevayet:
-Petya ..
-A?
-x$& on, how many will be 2*2?
-5.
-Sadis the fool .
Вася..
-А?
-х$& on, how many will be 2*2?
-3.
-Sit down the fool .
Вово?ка..
-А?
-х$& on, how many will be 2*2?
-4.
- The Good fellow, sit down, professor budesh.
Vovochka: - Uchitelka.
-A?
-х$& on, get up when hundred-fight professor talks!

*****

At school the teacher (at) asks what children they znayut
doistoricheskikh zhivotnykh.
mashenka:ya I know - there were mammoths!
(y): correctly, and still?
Vovochka: still there were paponta!
(y): and it who?
Vovochka:a they banged mammoths!!!

*****

At school the teacher asks:
-Children how you think, what such temptation?
-Is bananas, oranges, - tells odin.
- The Cud, candies, - continues drugoy.
-It is buttocks of the beautiful girl, - Vovochka with the first party.
-from a class speaks! And that tomorrow in school with the father!
Ha of Vovochk comes the next day to school without father and sits down at the last school desk. The teacher asks why the father did not come and why Vovochka took seat behind the last partoy.
- The Father told if for the teacher buttocks of the beautiful girl not temptation, so he is a gay and it is necessary to steer clear of it.

*****

At school the teacher speaks detyam.
-Mashenka, write on a board the offer with the word "girl" and with the word "wood" .
mashenka leaves and writes: "The girl came out of the wood".
-is good, Mashenka, sit down. Vovochka, leave to a board and make of this offer otritsatelnoye.
Vovochka leaves and writes: "NOT the girl came out of the wood".
-of Vovochk, it wrong and it is necessary to correct!
-Mar Ivanna, it you will not correct is for the rest of life any more.

*****

At school. The teacher speaks klassu:
-Children, today we write the letter to Ded Morozu.
deti turned at once to work. Passes 5 min. and Vovochka pulls ruku.
-That, Vovochka?
-Marya Ivanovna, and Father Frost lives there where is cold? Yes. it gifts brings
-to
-A free of charge?
-Of course!
-Means, it has a lot of money?
-of Hm... Well navernoye.
- And "Father Frost" is a pseudonym?
-of Hm... well I do not know, Vovochka. navernoye.
urok it is ended, the teacher re-reads Vovochki's letter,
kotoroye begins so: "Dear Roman Abramovich..."

*****

At school the teacher gives a task detyam:
-Children, let's dream up that will turn out if skrestit
dvukh animals different vidov.
tyanet Mashenka a hand, the teacher causes it also it otvechayet:
-If to cross a cow and a pig, it will turn out nourishing moloko
i tasty myaso.
uchitelnitsa praises it and calls Katenka. That otvechayet:
-If to cross a rabbit to chicken, will turn out fur and yaytsa.
tut the hand is pulled by Vovochka. The teacher did not want to ask it, more anybody a hand does not pull
NO, it was necessary to ask. And Vovochka otvechayet:
-If to cross pubic louses to glowworms...
-That? - The teacher choked. - What you such speak? To
-Well, present. You come home, to you is boring, lonely. One lozhites
v bed. Nobody warms you, to talk there is nobody, to you is sad. And here,
VY lift a blanket, and there Lasvegas!

*****

At school. Uchitelnitsa:
-Children who will think up offers with words: a vice i
kuvalda.
petya:
- The Worker clamped preparation in a vice and a sledge hammer the Good fellow, Petya.
masha:
- The Sledge hammer beats po
zagotovke.
uchitelnitsa:
-it is the working tool by means of which it is possible v
tiskakh to make necessary detal.
uchitelnitsa:
- The Good fellow, Masha.
Vovochka:
- And it is possible in verses? Give
uchitelnitsa:
-, Vova! If to deliver you to
-a cancer,
-I to clamp nipples in tiski
-&^нуть on ^&$де kuvaldoy
-Scatter on pieces.

*****

At school uchitelnitsa:
-Children, today we will pass the word "definitely". Sostavte
predlozheniye with it slovom.
masha:
- The Sky is certain goluboye.
-No, it does not approach, the sky happens serym.
katya:
- The Grass definitely zelenaya.
-Again does not approach, the grass happens zheltaya.
Vovochka:
-It is possible a question?
-Yes.
-A perdezh happens lumps?
-As to you is not a shame!
-Means I definitely was trashed.

*****

At school the teacher meets pupils, asks as call, who roditeli.
vstayet Mashenka, speaks:
-Masha Ivanova, the father the Russian, mother Russian, I too the Russian. There is Moysha i
speaks:
- And I have a father the Jew, mother the Jew, I was born in Russia, therefore Russian. Tut
vstayet Vovochka and speaks:
-It that such turns out, I have here a father the Russian, mother Russian, I was born v
garazhe, so I that, ZIL-130?

*****

At school. The teacher asks:
-Children whom you will be when mature? Vovochk
-Inzhenerom.
-Ekonomistom.
-Yuristom.
Vovochka:
-Seksopatologom.
uchitelnitsa:
-, and you represent though approximately than sexopathologists are engaged?
-Konechno
-Objyasni
-Here, for example, Marya Ivanovna, go down the street two women, at both in hands on ice cream. One bites the ice cream, another licks. Who from them it is married?
-Well - at... I think that that which kusayet.
-Is not present, Marya Ivanovna. That at which a ring on a finger, and such as you I will treat is married.

*****

At school the teacher asks at rebyat:
-Children what you eggs saw?
NU, children otvechayut:
-White - at kur.
-Pestrenkiye - kukushinye.
-What else? - asks uchitelnitsa.
-Violet, - offers Vovochka.
-Where you such saw?
-U of the grandfather a gate pinched...

*****

At school of the teacher submitted the application that Vovochka got at lessons matom
rugatsya and on changes for boobs to be enough. Went the director of studies to him domoy
razbiratsya. Rings a door - the butler in a tuxedo opens and pensne:
-To whom desired to welcome?
zavuch nearly obmochitsya: - To Vovochka!
dvoretsky with self-respect is developed na
kablukakh and Vikenti shouts in the direction spalni:
-! To you the lady!!
khriply Vovochki's voice from spalni:
-Pizdish!
dvoretsky with amazement removes eye-glasses, parts hands.
-Blya I will be!

*****

At school final lesson of Russian. The annual assessment is solved. The teacher asks children:
-Explain, children that means expression: "To be born under a lucky star"?
mashenka:
-my grandfather was born under a lucky star. When there was a war, the rocket got to its tank, a tower tore off, all burned down, and the grandfather vyzhil.
petya:
-my father was born under a lucky star. When it was alloyed on the mountain small river on a raft, the raft turned over, all drowned, and it came up. and etc.
doshla turn to Vovochki:
-my cat was born in rubashke.
-Why, Vovochka? Objyasni.
-I ate five tablets of viagra yesterday, and his house was not!

*****

In school the kommisiya priyezhat and the teacher instructs devochek:
-If Vovochk, chtoto will blurt out you will get up and uydete.
inspektor comes into a class and asks:
-Deti, what you would like to construct?
MASHA: - Shkolu.
petya: - the Palace pionerov.
tanya: - Sadik.
Vovochka: - Public dom.
devochki rise and ukhodyat.
Vovochka: - Where b-L-|? I after all only laid the foundation.

*****

The new girl came to school. Vovochke very much wanted with ney
poznakomitsya.
na a break the Girl, and what do you think of sex with unfamiliar men approaches it and speaks:
-?
-is negative! Then I am simply compelled by
-it will be presented: Vavan!

*****

In the evening before going to bed Mother takes a shower, and the father comes into a bathroom at this time and brushes teeth. Saw mother through a curtain and there was a wish to it to mother tr %% chick-pea. He got to it into a shower and give it!. .
TUT in a bathtub incidentally glanced Vovochk and everything uvidel.
papa thinks: "Yes, badly it turned out, it is necessary to dodge somehow..." .
NU, the father decided to represent punishment - beats mother on a bum and prigovarivayet:
-It to you for that you did not shout at Vovochka! Did not shout!
Vovochka:
-is correct, the father, correctly! And a cat of a vy@ba that it was not scratched!

*****

The enraged parents, the scattered things, beer banks... And drunk Vovochka everything tries to pick up Mr. Propper's melody on a bayan...

*****

During the control Vovochka whispers to the neighbor on parte:
-Cool buttocks at our new teacher! Vovochk's
uchitelnitsa:
-, do not whisper, Kolya knows everything.

*****

During medical examination at school the doctor asks Vovochki:
- At you have any complaints to ears and a nose?
-Is. They disturb me when I put on a sweater.

*****

In the yard children sit, and everyone brags at whom that houses are. The turn reaches Vovochki:
- And here we have everything now! Yesterday there arrived the father from business trip and brought some gonorrhea. So mother told that only it and was not enough for us.

*****

- Vova, and you what kind act made today?
-A I saw off the father and saw how the uncle runs behind the leaving train. So I released the dog pit bull terrier of Rex and the uncle was in time on the train.