Jokes about women

Read funny Jokes about blondes

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The blonde bought the cell phone. Took it with itself and went to shop. And when stood in a queue phone call was distributed. The blonde answers:
-Hi! And from where you learned, what I in shop?

*****

The blonde in shop buys shnurki:
-to me, please, two shnurka.
prodavets:
-to you what?
-Right and left.

*****

The blonde in shop asks two laces.
-What to you?
-One the right, one left!

*****

The blonde in masterskoy:
-Bought the praised German juice extractor, and it slomalas.
- And you squeezed out a lot of juice?
-Yes slightly apple and orange, and already on birch it was also covered.

*****

Blondinka:
-I cannot sleep in full darkness, I do not understand, I closed eyes or not.

*****

The blonde washes and Drugoy:
-Dai tells shampoo!
Ta gives, and блондинка:
- Well you that, is right there written for dry hair, and I already wetted them!

*****

The blonde robbed bank.
vykhodya from bank, she put the gun to own temple and krichit:
-do not shoot! I have a hostage!

*****

- Why the blonde discovers yogurt directly in shop?
-Because on packing is written: "To open here".

*****

The blonde opened firm. The first day at office. On a threshold there is some muzhik.
-a Client!!! - the blonde was delighted, grabbed phone and became speaks:
-… is not present, … in any way … many orders will not be secured today … Perhaps, in a month … Well, I will write down you in turn!
kladyot also tells a tube muzhiku:
-Excuse! It is so much clients! May I help you?!
MUZHIK:
-of the Operator caused? To connect the line?

*****

The blonde sent to the husband of the SMS: "Darling, you left at home phone"

*****

The blonde makes out credit.
menedzher: - Here write the sum out in words!
blondinka: - And it as?
menedzher: - Letters!
blondinka: - Man, you in the right mind? How I will write figures letters?!?

*****

The blonde - parnyu:
-That you bought it?
-Bread for tostov.
-You are a host?

*****

The blonde was recoloured in red color. Drives the car and sees, the herd of sheep is grazed. The blonde approaches the shepherd and asks:
-If I without mistake count all, you will give one to me?
pastukh agreed. Counted all correctly and dragged a sheep to itself in mashinu.
pastukh to her the Girl and if I guess your natural color shouts vsled:
-, you will return a dog to me?

*****

The blonde rises on lestnitse:
-It is the second floor?
-Is not present, tretiy.
- And where the second?

*****

The blonde fought with the husband, is knocked to the neigbour, too blondinke:
-Represent, he hit me! Look - blood goes, does not go?
-Goes, but you, generally, blood does not go...

*****

The blonde - podruge:
-Here electricity want for failure to pay vyrubit.
a I so think: on a horse-radish it to me was given?
smotret the TV yes behind the computer to work is and by candlelight it is possible...

*****

The blonde suits to muzhu:
-to Darling at me the car broke, in the carburetor water popala.
-Yes that you understand! You do not know at all that such the carburetor! Where your car?
-B lake...

*****

The blonde acquired the rights, the husband's visors from work, approaches k
perekryostku and safely the Darling passes it on krasnyy.
-, you where go on red light?!
-is strange, I went in the morning - green burned!

*****

The blonde understood that her guy changes her. It took the gun, rushed into a hotel room. Also saw the guy in a bed with ryzhey.
ona put the gun to itself to golove.
"Oh, is not present! Do not do it" - shouted paren.
"Shut up! You following" - answered the blonde.

*****

The blonde went to a concert to philharmonic hall...
-does not seem to you, what in this hall bad acoustics? - asks it sitting ryadom.
-you are right, I too see nothing!

*****

The blonde on reception at vracha:
- The Doctor why you told that I put out tongue?! I already half an hour so sit, and you do not even look at it!
- When you are silent, it is more convenient to read the clinical record...

*****

The blonde arrived to car service and speaks:
-Children, I do not know, bought the car, and she is not brought.
master, examining mashinu:
-Well, you, a grazhdanochka, give and here works the heap, the carburetor knocks, the valve knock...
blondinka:
-My God, it absolutely new, in how many to me it will leave. To
MASTER:
-Well, give 300 dollars and in a week we will give.
-A if in an hour??
-Well, then 500!
blondinka counts, and ukhodit.
master:
-Vas, fill to this lady gasoline!

*****

The blonde comes to the lawyer and asks:
-It is the truth, what at divorce it is possible to receive a half of a condition of the husband? If everything to make
-competently, yes, such it is possible. And why you want to divorce?
-Well, I for the present only want to find the suitable husband.

*****

The blonde comes to the gynecologist, and he to her speaks:
-you are pregnant!!!
blondinka in confusion, asks:
- The Doctor, and this my child?

*****

The blonde comes to the gynecologist, and he to her speaks:
-you are pregnant!
-From whom, the doctor?
-Well, to you it is better to know … Even I do not represent
-… The doctor, and you are sure, what this my child?

*****

The blonde comes to shop and sees some strange adaptation. Asks at prodavtsa:
-What is it?
-Termos.
-A that it does?
-B it hotter remains hot, and cold - holodnym.
blondinka buys a thermos, next day comes with it to work and speaks:
-Look, it is a thermos. In it hotter remains hot, and cold - holodnym.
- And what you put there?
-Two cups of hot coffee and ice cream.

*****

The blonde comes to shop and sees an unfamiliar subject. asks:
-What is it?
EY govoryat:
- Thermos. In it hotter remains hot, and cold - cold. She buys it, next day goes with it to work. Shows sosluzhivtsam:
-It is my new thermos. In it hotter remains hot, and cold - holodnym.
ee sprashivayut:
- And what at you in it?
-Two to a cup of hot coffee and ice cream.

*****

The blonde comes to salon krasoty:
-I Want smooth skin and big shining eyes. How much?
-1500
of Dollars, for operation?
-of Rubles, for a gas mask.

*****

The blonde comes to the plane, takes a window seat. The man approaches it and speaks:
- The Girl pass on the mesto.
blondinka otvechayet:
-to me and here horosho.
muzhchina:
-Well then take a steering wheel and fly up.

*****

The blonde came to a zoo, on imprudence too close approached a cage with a male gorilla, the animal pushed paws through a lattice, dragged the girl in a cage and raped. Next day to the girl friends come to hospital, and she bitterly cries. Sprashivayut:
-That, painfully?
-Cattle! After all event neither called, nor wrote!

*****

The blonde came to a casino, took on all money of a counter, and puts everything at once in a roulette on number 23.
sharik dropped out on number 23, it again puts everything on number 23, the croupier speaks:
-Just dropped out number 23, it is not enough chances that will drop out opyat.
ona all the same puts and again wins. Puts again on the same 23rd number, the croupier speaks supposedly cannot be that dropped out again, she put and ruined all casinos svy number 23.
podkhodit administrator:
-Tell, how so, from where such luck? Understand
blondinka:
-, I arrived to this city flight number 7, in hotel me lodged in number 7 when went to a casino to a taxi, long waited, and only the 7th car stopped, and here I decided, what it is a sign me.
administrator:
- And and here number 23???!
blondinka (with astonishment):
-As, and unless 7 on 3 not 23!?

*****

The blonde came to militia to get a job. The elderly chief of office led round it one look and said:
-I will ask you some questions. How many will be twice two?
-of Eeeee... chetyre.
-it is good. Know a square root 100?
-of Nnnuuu... ten!
-is excellent. Who killed Pushkin? pomolchala.
-I do not know
blondinka, - at last told ona.
-Well, think, look. Come zavtra.
blondinka went home and called the girlfriend. That asks:
-Well as, took you for work?
-Not only took, - the blonde brags, - but already charged me murder investigation!

*****

The blonde - programmistu:
-That you do? I Collect
-new kompyyuter.
- And why you disassembled the new computer?

*****

The blonde passes near a farm by the car. Having driven up to the farmer, asks:
- And why your cow has no horns?
-of Eee... The cattle can cause a loss the horns. Here we also cut them. Sometimes we also use acid for this purpose. And, in general, many breeds of cattle are specially removed hornless. But, the main reason for which this cow has no horns is a horse.

*****

The blonde - prokhozhemu:
- The Man! I cannot increase something 23 on 25 in any way?!
- The Dearest! It is the on-door speakerphone, but not the calculator!!!

*****

The blonde for work of the secretary ustraivayetsya:
-I print with a speed of two thousand two hundred blows in minutu.
vse gasped!
-However, such nonsense turns out...

*****

The blonde tells podruge:
-Yesterday very successfully ran into a bordyurchik - at the same time changed all four wheels...

*****

The blonde tells the girlfriend the blonde.
-This morning I broke a plate! I am afraid that it could frighten my child whom I bear. To
-Silly, you trust in signs? In two months prior to my emergence mother broke a phonograph record, and me anything... and me anything... and me anything...

*****

The blonde decided to become a singer. Politely refused to it conservatory, having told, what it does not have slukha.
- And why it to me? Listeners have to have hearing!