Anecdotes about the time of year

Read funny Jokes about the seasons

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The little black boy prays bogu:
-My God! Why you made me the black?
nebesa to it otvechayut:
-That did not burn you hot African solntse.
malchik:
-My God, why you gave me these short black hair?
NEBESA:
-That did not prick you rigid sand and kolyuchki.
malchik:
-My God, well on a horse-radish then I was born in the center of Samara?

*****

Medical academy. Lecture on psychology. Professor:
-Companions students! Today we study degrees of irritation of the person. To science three degrees of irritation are known: weak, average and strong. I show on primere.
nabirayet casual telephone number, includes a public address system and a priblatnenny voice says:
-to Alla! Vitka it is possible?
B a dissatisfied voice advises the answer correctly to dial number and more according to this number not to call. Professor:
-Here weak degree of irritation, companions students. We dial still raz.
nabirayet on repetition number, again sets question :
-to Alla! So Vitek where?
B the answer are distributed abuse, a mat, the requirement not to call any more sounds. Professor kommentiruyet:
-Here average degree, we show silnuyu.
snova gathers on repetition nomer:
-to Alla now! You, a goat, Vitka give a tube!
B the answer sound the selected mat, threats, the promise to thrust a tube into an ass and Vitka, and calling and other sadistic fantazii.
professor:
-Well here, companions students, we on an example tracked consistently three degrees of irritation of the person. Questions are?
podnimayetsya student:
-Professor, I know the fourth, the highest, irritation degree man.
professor:
-to Science only three degrees are known. You can tell something about the fourth?
student:
-Ya is better prodemonstriruyu.
podkhodit to phone, dials on repetition number and says:
-to Alla! It I, Vitek. Nobody called me?

*****

The cop sends the wife with children to the southern resort, being going to join them in a week as earlier it holiday is not given. There passes one more week of a hard work, and it at last is free! On the same day it gets into the plane, meets the wife already late evening and speaks:
-I want you, simply forces are not present, undress!
-Yes you that, here children nearby!
-is exact, here it is impossible, then we will go we will walk on plyazhu.
oni come to a night beach, find the secluded town and merge in wild ecstasy. And suddenly in the heat of their groans, okh, sighs and shouts there are menty:
-Hey, you! Quickly put on, will pay now a penalty for violation public poryadka.
ment, putting on, shows a ksiva and speaks:
-it is quiet, colleagues! Everything normalno.
tut one cop to it speaks:
-is fine as you ours, go, but this whore not to get out of a penalty: we its already third time catch here!

*****

My last year. Rabota.
utrom left for work - 248 raz.
prikhodil in the morning for work - раз.
Чего did 196 there - 28 raz.
opazdyval after a lunch - 136 raz.
ne was late after a lunch - 9 raz.
otobedal on a workplace and fell asleep in the same place - 65 raz.
prosil in accounts department a salary - 24 raza.
stoyal on a lap at cash desk - 12 times for 3,5 hours (only 42 hours) .
vydali a salary - 9 times (but not me). Got paid - 3 raza.
prines a salary home - utochnyaetsya.
porugalsya with the chief - 95 times: he abused me - 94 times, I abused him - 1 raz.
uvolen from work - 1 time (but with a crash).
2. FAMILY ZhIZN
2.1. Work on domu.
zabil a nail - 1 raz.
vymyl ware - 2 times (only 5 subjects) .
chinil a tank in a toilet - 1 raz.
upal from a tank in a toilet - 1 raz.
pokupal a new tank - 1 raz.
vyzval bathroom equipment - 1 raz.
napilsya with the last - 2 times (with a break on a dream).
khotel to repair the sewing machine of the wife - 3 raza.
Wife was frightened and hid the machine - 3 raza.
obidelsya and left the house because do not understand thin man's soul - 5 raz.
2.2. Temperature in kvartire.
letom - 31 °c.
zimoy - 13 °c.
srednyaya in a year - 22 °C.
ZHEU considers that average temperature meets standard. Though my dog was enraged from a heat, and the cat froze to bataree.
2.3. Silent family radosti.
obrugal the beloved mother-in-law Violetta Sergeyevna the silly woman - 144 times, a goat simply - 362 times, a goat torn - 516 times, the stupid person - 1902 raza.
3. PROCHEE.
GOLOSOVAL on elections - 4 raza.
vybrali my candidates - 0 chelovek.
pomogal to the little son to solve a problem of arithmetics - 1 time (two days for 6 hours, solved nothing) .
podralsya with hooligans: I struck - 1 time, they hit me - 28 times (I won! They escaped, and I remained on the earth) .
izmenyal to the wife - 5 times: with the neigbour in giving - 2 times, with the fellow worker - 2 times, from the casual acquaintance - 1 time (all 5 times - mentally) .
travilsya "fake" vodka - 2 raza.
posmotrel on itself in a mirror also began to cry - 1 raz.
a more anything essential in a year did not occur. God grant, that the following was not worse.

*****

- Moysha, darling, it's ages since we met! Perhaps on a cognac liqueur glass for a meeting?
-A why is also not present?
-Well, is no and no.

*****

The young pair, the husband and the wife, decided to have a rest on islands in the Pacific Ocean, and to leave the five-year-old son there is nobody. They rang round and visited all acquaintances and relatives, but all under different plausible excuses refused to them. At last they found one woman who for a moderate payment agreed to stay with the kid... In a month holidaymakers and the sunbathed parents come for the son, and here the woman who looked for the child, to them zayavlyaet:
-your son raped me, I from it am pregnant!.
U of young parents, naturally, eyes on five kopeek:
-cannot be...
-It as early as small, sixth year only... It is impossible for
-...
prokhodit some time. Court. The lawyer of the boy lowers to it panties, puts to himself on a shoulder, takes two fingers for a willy and, emotionally gesticulating at each phrase the same hand, addresses to sudyam:
- The judge's Citizens! Look at this kid! Look at this! Unless these can have communication with the woman?! Unless from it she will be able to become pregnant?! Yes it contradicts common sense and all laws of the nature!
I here the boy bent down to it and shepchet:
-Hear, the man, once again so you will make, and we will lose the case...

*****

The very young daughter asks Siegmund Freyda:
- The Father, the same dream again dreamed me: I float by the ship, I get to crash, me unconscious and almost without clothes throws out on the unfamiliar coast, the tribe of terrible, bedash, black pygmies runs up to me, the leader runs out forward, has me few times, all tribe snatches then and have me in all holes on two, on three and even on five in time, and I laugh and I cry with pain, fear, pleasure and pleasure, finishing over and over again... What can mean this dream? The Girl washing
-, well there are dreams, simply dreams...

*****

The young astrologer on plyazhe:
- The Girl! Want I will make to you a horoscope?
OVEN:
-Yes, at once!
TELETS:
-is good, but give at first perekusim.
bliznetsy:
-Of course! But if it is convenient, somehow after to me makes a horoscope John, but earlier, than Tony, to the 25th of the following mesyatsa.
rak:
-This offer somewhere? You so want
LEV:
-of Times, I - the most suitable of all!
DEVA:
-Only if it will not do much harm to me!
VESY:
-Good idea, but, on the other hand... We Will look at
skorpion:
-now, whether you learn my answer?!
strelets:
-O'key! But somewhere, where really interestingly and neobychno.
kozerog:
-Seriously speak? And what your qualification?
vodoley:
-Always loved violet color. It such syurrealisticheskiy.
ryby:
-to me anybody never made a horoscope. I simply know everything.

*****

Moscow. Winter. Snow. The boy plays snowballs. The ring of the broken glass is suddenly distributed. The severe Russian janitor with a sweeper runs out and pursues for malchikom.
malchik runs from him and thinks: "Why, why it everything? Why all this image of the street urchin, all these snowballs, all these friends? What for? I already made all lessons. Why I do not stay at home on a sofa and I do not read the book of my favourite writer Ernest Hemingway?"
gavana. Ernest Hemingway sits in the office on a country country house, finishes the next novel and thinks: "Why, why it everything? As all this bothered, this Cuba, these beaches, bananas, a sugar cane, this heat, these Cubans! Why I not in Paris? Why I do not sit with the best friend Andr? Maurois in the company of two charming courtesans, drinking morning aperitif and talking about meaning of life?"
parizh. Andr? Maurois in the bedroom, stroking the charming courtesan on a hip and drinking the morning aperitif, thinks: "Why, why it everything? As this Paris, these rough French, these stupid courtesans, this Eiffel Tower with which to you spit on the head bothered! Why I not in Moscow, where cold and snow? Why I do not sit with the best friend Andrey Platonov at a glass of the Russian vodka and I do not talk to it about meaning of life?"
moskva... Winter... Snow... Andrey Platonov... in a cap with ear-flaps, in valenoks, with a sweeper... Pursues the boy and thinks: "Bl... I will catch up - I will kill on x... y!!!"

*****

The husband and the wife with four children arrived to the old woman mother to the village. Will breathe fresh air on Saturday and Sunday, and will leave children on everything leto.
starukha saw the young shouting crowd and turned pale. The daughter ey:
- The Woman also speaks, you though made a cheerful face as if it is scary glad to grandsons. People look - let envy!

*****

The husband with the wife, living on the seashore, organized a formal dinner party, decided to surprise guests eskargo - snails in French. The man went to a supermarket, and there are no snails. Then it took a bucket and went to a beach where many snails were frequent after a rain. On a beach he saw very nice girl in mini-bikini. Little by little, and it appeared at her place: kisses, caress etc. When regained consciousness, passed hour three. Soon already guests have to start coming. The man is enough a bucket with snails and runs to the house. At a verandah stumbles, drops a bucket, snails scatter on all verandah. For noise there is a wife ready to set to it on the first. The man looks at the angry wife, at the scattered snails, stretches to them hands and speaks:
-Give, children, creep! We already almost at home!

*****

The husband with the wife lie in a bed and cannot fall asleep in any way for excitement as their son has to go to army next day. The wife whispers muzhu:
-You know, our boy still such young and naive... You have to tell it... well, you know until it left, and that after all in army his colleagues zapozoryat.
-Yes, you are right. Still I somehow did not decide to tell it it, but tomorrow I it sdelayu.
na it try to talk the next day to the son, but for excitement cannot say words. He sees off the son on assembly point, on the road they come into the bar to pass on a glass, but even after that the father does not have enough courage. Here already all recruits get on the train, the train goes, the son waves to it a hand from a window, and here the father decides. He runs behind train and, feeling as though some block falls down from his soul, the Sonny shouts synu:
-... road... remember: FATHER FROST DOES NOT EXIST!

*****

The husband finally quarreled with the wife. Having collected the most necessary things in a suitcase, he told on proshchanye:
-I go voluntary in astronauts. Collision with meteorites, death on the unknown planet, than squabbles with you is better!
ON left, having left in a huff, however in a minute vernulsya:
-You were lucky. On the street a rain.

*****

The little man on "Zhiguli" is stopped by two beefy bulls and ask to bring. In the car skinheads start among themselves razgovor.
- The steamship with wheelbarrows from Japan met Yesterday. To a half of crew of beans visited, wheelbarrows pootbirat also on the following flight zaryadili.
-Yes it is a hogwash. Here the day before yesterday dismantling with thieves was. We opened firing. Twenty thieves filled up, one with a bullet in a bum ushel.
muzhichok sits the hardly live. "Well, - thinks, - got". Ha halfway one of bulls speaks:
- The Man, stop here, I descend possat.
-Children, it is not necessary to go anywhere. Pisaitie directly in the car.

*****

The man came to hospital to visit the friend who got to a road accident. At an entrance to chamber it meets the nurse and is silent asks:
- The Sister, whether there are at it any chances?
-Any, it not in my taste.

*****

We, the undersigneds, address to you with the following trebovaniyami:
1. Immediately to improve weather to solar in all regions which are unfairly deprived spring nastroyeniyem.
2. To dismiss snowdrops, tulips and kidneys in everything mire.
3. To make obligatory at vstreche:
a) ulybku;
b) rukopozhatiye;
v) objyatiya;
g) friendly (and not only) potselui;
d) tender vzglyad;
e) spring in glazakh.
4. To declare rainy weather the enemy of mankind in general and us, the undersigneds, in chastnosti.
5. To shoot weather for the drizzling, annoying, opposite, boring rain on meste.
6. To consider competent only pouring rains with the thunder-storm, sound warm rains and a lung nakrapyvaniye.
7. To give to pools exclusively local harakter.
8. And dirt on sidewalks to eradicate pools on roads as remnants winter proshlogo.
9. To transfer streams from a deep state to a condition of a cheerful lung zhurchaniya.
10. To execute everything vysheperechislennoye.
v a case of non-performance of these conditions we, the undersigneds, we will pass to drastic measures, such kak:
1. Let's declare spring cancelled, and you insolvent then you will be ignored in all subordinate instantsiyakh.
2. Let's get on belltowers to disperse tuchi.
3. Let's call astral forces for performance of our conditions and in case of a successful outcome we will replace you on above-stated sily.
4. We will consider Maslenitsa incapacitated and zastoynoy.
5. Let's cancel love and we will replace it with sex (in the morning, in the afternoon, in the evening and at night) therefore you will remain without electorate, i.e. an excess element on our commemoration of life (what a holiday here).
6. Let's republish calendars, now on them there will be only dates of February (from 30 indefinitely).
7. Let's consider you as traitors and helpers of the Snow Queen, therefore, we will destroy you irons, blowtorches, soldering irons and other heating devices (groups of fighters train in the conditions which are most approached to fighting, some years).
8. Let's exclude from dictionaries all words in which syllables - ve-occur, - on - - a dream - - weight-. Off Spring group it is replaceable on On Winter.
9. We boycott cold-storage facilities and plants on production of refrigerators, than we will cause the world economic crisis, and also we will remove the Arctic and Antarktidu.
10 from maps. Let's execute everything vysheperechislennoye.
11. (Specialy for J. Bush). Let's take away all gold medals for the Olympic Games in Salt Lake City from Americans, Canadians and Japanese and we will distribute them to athletes (in alphabetical order) of Afghanistan, Vietnam, Iraq, Korea, Palestine, Yugoslavia, and also to the Chinese and Russian athletes (and one medal to the French judge). Our requirements are exact and clear, our threats are real. Do not take in head to forget about it. Army of fight during the spring.

*****

On the bank of the beautiful sea there lived to herself a Little Mermaid. It was beautiful, with white curly hair which fell down from her shoulders. It liked to lap and be played with beautiful dolphins, to luxuriate on gold dust, to play nacreous cockleshells. All admired it because it was beautiful-beautiful. But sometimes it was attacked by inexplicable passion, and then it departured far in the sea, to the beautiful island where only stars broke its privacy, she jumped out of water, highly threw back the fine head and a gentle maiden voice orala:
-E-GE-GEY-Y-Y-Y-Y, TVOYU MAT!!!

*****

On diving with instructors two teams went. And here in the high sea the ship starts sinking. The first instructor runs up to the komande:
-So! Attention! The ship sinks, quickly allocate the equipment we act on obstoyatelstvam.
vtoroy further the instructor runs up to the team with business vidom:
-Ta-a-ak-s! Means, chipped in together on 50 dollars and we will plunge on the sunken vessel. (Recalculates money.) And on 50 dollars that you will be on it the first.

*****

On plyazhe:
-Girl, and water today the warm?
- The Man, you that, forgot? We already struck yesterday!

*****

On plyazhe.
- The Girl, do not swim away for anchor buoys!
-It not anchor buoys, it I on a back float.

*****

On a beach the wife speaks to the husband who leaves from morya:
-Jean! Do not sit down on sand! I hate when on teeth creaks!

*****

On a beach the family has a rest: father, mother and little boy. The boy caught a goldfish from water. A small fish vzmolilas:
-Release me, the boy! I will execute three of your desires...
malchik:
-I Want a hamster!
PAPA:
-B p... hamster du!!!
MAMA:
-From p... dy, from p... dy hamster!!!

*****

On a beach the having a rest man asks at young mamochki:
- The Boy who takes out from water sand in my straw hat, and there is your son?
-Is not present. My son - that boy who now checks, whether will tell your transistor under water...

*****

On a beach the grandfather with the grandson sits. Dedushka:
-Hear, Vasya, is pleasant to you that brunette with long legs and in a blue bathing suit?
-Is pleasant, the grandfather!
-A here that blonde, thin, how stem?
-Still as is pleasant, the grandfather!
-A of wons that ryzhenky in a red bathing suit as to you?
-Is tremendous! And so remember
-, Vasya, forever: to have such remarkable girls, it is necessary to study well!

*****

On judicial protsesse:
-So, you work as the druggist. You are accused of charlatanism. You sold to the clients of doubtful quality drink, giving out it for an elixir of eternal youth. Whether you were previously convicted on similar charge?
-Yes. In the 1590th year, in May, 1673, in 1854...

*****

At Russian lesson the teacher speaks:
-Children, today you should have written the composition about winter. Vovochka, you performed homework?
-Is not present, Marya of Ivanna.
- Then leave to a board. You will tell us about zimu.
-But, Marya Ivanna, I know nothing!
-of Anything, we to you pomozhem.
-Well, pokholodalo.
- The Good fellow, Vovochka, you already earned one point!
-Leaves from trees upali.
-So, already 2 balla.
-Snow, vypal.
-Well-well, 3 balla.
-Ice on reke.
-is good, already four balla.
- And under the bridge wolves eb... sya.
-Vovochka, same it is not convenient!
-Of course, not conveniently, paws on ice part!
-of Vovochk, two!
-Of course, two, che to do to the third there?

*****

The addict goes in the winter by the bus, to it the granny speaks:
- The Sonny, close a window leaf, on the street holodno.
-I Will close a window leaf, on the street will become warmer?

*****

There came the fall, and Indians of one of reservations asked the leader a question what will be winter. As the leader was modern, he lost for a long time abilities to use signs. Here and now, looking at the sky, he could not tell anything acceptable. However just in case he answered that the winter will be cold therefore all members of a tribe have to stock up drovami.
cherez some time to it other idea came to mind: whether he called in local hydrometeorological center and sprosil:
- There Will be the forthcoming winter cold?
-It seems that will be winter rather cold, - answered it meteorologi.
togda the leader collected the tribe and told them that the winter can be very cold and that firewood will be required more. A week more later he again calls meteorologists with the same question and receives the affirmative answer that the winter will be very cold. The leader again collects the tribe and orders them to reserve even more drov.
spustya two more weeks he again calls in gidromettsentr.
-you are sure what the winter will be very cold? - asked vozhd.
-Absolutely, - answered it - probably, it will be one of the cold zim.
-But from where you know it? - it is not appeased vozhd.
-Indians stock up with firewood as abnormal, - answered it.

*****

The Black studying in Petersburg higher education institution calls home to far Africa and talks to relatives. They it sprashivayut:
-As there at you in Russia? Cold probably in the winter?
ON to them otvechayet:
- When winter with leaves - still anything, and here when without leaves - that is cold...

*****

The untanned resident of Arkhangelsk arrived in September to the Black Sea. Came to a beach, undressed. It sprashivayut:
-From where you arrived? From Arkhangelsk ya.
- And what you had no
-of summer there? You all belyy.
- The Summer was, but I this day was at work.

*****

Nudist beach, people relax... One man, having covered the face with a newspaper, lies with the standing member... The woman, without maintaining, the Man approaches with slovami:
-, I understand everything: a nudist beach, all naked, but it at you that?
muzhchina, looking at the dostoinstvo:
- These are a sundial...
-Well and how many now time?
-a Half shestogo.
zhenshchina, watching on svoi:
-Here also is not present, here and without five...
-B... I, again lag behind, it is necessary to bring, - the man answers, doing thus the characteristic movements by a hand...

*****

Two British who visited Russia communicate. Odin:
-Well in any way I cannot understand psychology of Russians...
VTOROY:
-Yes that psychology, I at them do not understand physiology. I stand once in the winter in Moscow on a stop, and the wife speaks to the husband: "PUT ON the CAP ON HER, And EARS you WILL FREEZE THAT!!!"

*****

The announcement in gazete:
"St. Joseph's Cemetery will be closed for the winter. Clients ask to consider this circumstance and to behave respectively. Funeral house of Johnson. Detroit, USA".

*****

One man somehow arrived to business trip to the unfamiliar city. Stayed at hotel, sits in the bar in the evening. Sees that near a rack there are two astounding little girls. He called up the bartender, asked who oni.
-Is sisters, Siamese twins. They cool, but a little strannye.
muzhik became interested, approached, got acquainted. Easy conversation is started. The bar is closed. He speaks to one of nikh:
-If you were one, I would invite you in number, and so I do not know, as delat.
ta otvechayet:
-Anything terrible, we with the sister all life in such situations while everything is normal. Let's go to tebe.
podnyalis to number, continued to drink, business goes to a bed. The man again asks, whether conveniently eto.
-Everything is normal, we privykli.
oni go to bed and have tremendous sex. In the middle of action the lonely sister asks:
-you will not object if I a little play a flute?
muzhik goes nuts, but agrees. They continue, and the sister plays on a pipe. When they finish, the sister with a flute asks:
-you so had everything cool, you could not repeat with me the same?
I the man repeats everything with the second sister. At the height of the act the lonely sister asks:
-Anything if I on the violinist play?
dostayet also starts playing the violinist. In the morning the man lovely says goodbye to sisters and leaves. In 6 months it again can be in the same city. He stays at the same hotel and in the evening again sits in the bar. The same Siamese sisters come into the bar. One of them sees the man and speaks vtoroy:
-Look, it is that! We with it were so cool tickled last time! Let's ask, maybe, we again with it will come off?
vtoraya the sister with melancholy in a voice otvechayet:
- And you think, he still remembers us?

*****

One man came on a visit to the buddy. And that sits on a sofa, under eyes circles, all some killed. On a table a bottle. The buddy asks:
-happened to Che, the brother, che is thumped? Yes we do not thump
-. And in a bottle the genie, executes any zhelaniya.
-Wow! Let me try! Drag
-. Only this genie on sex specifically pomeshannyy.
koresh took a bottle, rubbed it. Appeared dzhinn:
-That you will desire mister? I Want
-simple man's schastya.
trakh-tibidokh-tibidokh!!! Bang. Around everything changed. The man in some nasty bar sits. The Troll plays "Mummies", on a table is full of vodka, beer, any grub. And around some drunk hairy men have fleshy and sweaty blondinok.
- The Genie! I want something decent!
TRAKH-tibidokh-tibidokh! Bang! and again everything changed. Elite club. "Moonlight Sonata" of Beethoven sounds. On a table it is full of refined viands, and around gentlemen with cigars in teeth and in dress coats have fleshy and sweaty blondinok.
- The Genie! To me something sacred!
TRAKH-tibidokh-tidibokh! Bang! again everything was replaced. Church. Chants sound. Huge bearded priests in cassocks swing censers and have fleshy and sweaty blondinok.
- The Genie! Enough! I Want back!
TRAKH-tibidokh-tibidokh! Bang! the situation changed. Apartment of the friend. Shouts sound: "Genie, your mother". A sofa, a table, on a table a bottle. On a sofa the buddy with the last bit of strength has the fleshy sweaty blonde.

*****

One friend calls drugomu:
- At me anniversary. What to buy me wines: white or red?
-Yes who will drink your wine? Buy better than vodka and pobolshe.
-Well here. You want to make of a great event ordinary pyanku.
-That you. Just the opposite! I want to make a great booze of an ordinary event.

*****

Again killed the Black... In the winter against white snow they so irritate...

*****

Features of winter fishing: 1. If to add some drops of laxative to bait, fish will return to the lured place bystree.
2. If it should be noted an ulovisty place on a reservoir, and the buoy near at hand is not present, we suggest to use the next way. Drink two thirds from a vodka bottle, cork, bind freight on a cord of necessary length. The anchor buoy is ready! But the most important that then, you will find the drunk not enough bottle unlike a usual anchor buoy surely, even at night and with closed glazami.
3. In the winter on fishing of an oparysh it is best of all to hold for shchekoy.
4. When using the ENERGIZER battery even after when all fish took rest, your electrorod continues to work, work and work!!!
5. As the majority of modern carbon fiber spinningovy fishing-rods quietly transfer a frost, they can be stored in holodilnike.
6. That it will be convinced of reliability of throughput rings, upon purchase of a fishing-rod, take with yourself in shop a small round file. If on rings there are no traces from it, any cord to them not strashen.
7. If does not peck in the winter, before lowering tackle in a hole, breathe on a crank. Its drunk noise can attract rybu.
8. Experience shows that the come-off ice floe with the fishermen dressed in white maskhalata, the helicopter finds much later, therefore, there is a chance to catch more ryby.
9. Now on many reservoirs not to remain without catch, fishermen practice a new method: brought - released - poymal.
10. Using a laser pointer, it is possible to allure fish, especially if a place superficial, and clear water. The red point dancing on a bottom, on supervision of the fishers who mastered this method best of all attracts okunya.
11. If on winter fishing you failed under ice, do not hurry to get out, after all you had an opportunity to learn a lot of the new. For example, you will be able to see without sonic depth finder, whether there is a fish, to determine water temperature. If you got feet a bottom, a vzboltayta silt. The cloudlet of dregs can attract fish. If it is deep, simply clap in palms, it too can interest a predator. But do not sit in water long, after all there can be poklevka in others lunkakh.
12 at this time. If to pour vodka in the big canister, it is possible not to take a fishing box, after all it is possible to sit and on ney.
13. Since new year in many countries it is allowed to catch not only on a dead small fish, but also on the dead chervya.
14. Need for expensive tackles will disappear by itself soon. It will only be necessary to bring on protected a basin with clear water, and fish itself will jump out in it from dirtied vodoyema.
15. The scaffold will never tear if you agree with fish not to do sharp movements and to observe mutual care at a vyvazhivaniye. 16. Once and for all to exclude disputes on a place of assembly of coils, many known firms started letting out the products in unassembled form. Now the fisherman himself can assemble the coil in that place, where to him nravitsya.
17. Level of equipment of local fishermen in Karelia strongly increased recently as the passing kayakers, somersaulting, leave in reservoirs the favourite rotational sticks and various shimany.
18. As it became clear, the principle "caught - release" is only the next cunning of the western fishers. Having nullified on fishing, they use this excuse before more successful colleagues.

*****

Two friends on a beach have a rest. Round one of them girls and curl, and the second sits alone. And here he decided to ask the friend in what his such success at a female is covered. The friend Sanya to it and speaks:
- And you thrust a potato to yourself tomorrow into pants when we go to a beach, then to you too maids will stick!
priyatel and made, chose a potato more and went to a beach... Only he looks, and girls and on 5 meters do not approach him, on the contrary - jump aside away!
poshel it to the friend for konsultatsiyey:
-Sanya, - tells, - I after all made everything as you told, and girls and close do not approach me! Sanya looked at
DRUG at it and speaks:
-Tomorrow when we go to a beach, you put a potato forward...