Jokes about women

Read funny Jokes about blondes

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The engineer Kolya somehow from work, tired, on the street snow, a slyakost, cold comes back... Decided a wheelbarrow to catch. Land Rover of a latest model stops, the window, there the finest blonde in leather salon, asks:
-to You where falls?
-... I to Butovo live and you do not worry.
-Yes not, everything is all right, went we will come for my friend, I you is free to the house dokinu.
poyekhali, come for the girlfriend, not less dazzling brunette goes down, takes seat nearby. Blondinka:
-Well, shcha in mazagin here nearby also we will bring Kolya?
zayezzhayut in a supermarket, buy a bucket of black caviar, Hennessey. Approach the house. Brunette: - Listen, in the car there is a wish to litter not can we will rise in you, we will drink, we will eat?
podnimayutsya to Kolya and all night long make love three together. In 3 months, on a glamourous party, meet the brunette the blonde, one drugoy:
-Listen as everything bothered, all these singers, actors, figures are lousy, lifted up. . Oh, do not tell
-, there is a wish for something. Something. Listen, and can we will call Kolya from Butovo?
-to Kolya!!?? To Kolya from Butovo! Cool!!! And, you think, he will remember us?

*****

Three blondes from the resort come back. Pervaya:
-Here now I will arrive and I will tell everything muzhu; where, when, with whom!
vtoraya dumayet:
-Well and silly woman!
tretya dumayet:
-Well and memory!

*****

Four blondes from the resort come back. Pervaya:
-Here now I will arrive and I will tell all muzhu; where, when, with whom!
vtoraya dumayet:
-Well and silly woman!
tretya dumayet:
-Well and courage!
chetvyortaya dumayet:
-Well and memory!

*****

Station. The blonde sees off parnya.
paren: - I leave for a long time...
blondinka: - I will wait for you!
paren: - No, I will not be very long, go home.

*****

Question: Why blondes always carry shoulder pads?
otvet: That it was not sick with it when they speak, "I do not know!"

*****

Question Armenian radio:
-That the general between the blonde and the Internet?
otvet Armenian radio:
-is A lot of users...

*****

The doctor writes out to the blonde lekarstvo:
-Accept on 2 tablets before laying down in krovat.
-It on 40 pieces a day, it turns out...

*****

Doctors decided to look what to be in the head at blondinki.
vskryli a skull and saw only a thin straight line polosku.
- And what will if cut off this strip? - asked one vrach.
- And give poprobudem.
prererezali - and ears fell off....

*****

The world congress of blondes, the best representatives, full stadium gathered. There is a leader-blonde and speaks:
-We gathered here to prove to the whole world that we not such stupid as think of us. Now I will cause at random any of you, and we to all of them pokazhem.
vyzyvayet the first blonde and asks:
-How many will be twice three?
blondinka wrinkles a forehead, painfully thinks and vydayet:
-Vosem.
vedushchaya grustno:
-Unfortunately is wrong. But you likely volnuyetes.
povorachivayetsya to stadionu:
-we Will give it one more chance?
stadion horom:
-Give it chance, give it shans.
vedushchaya:
-All right, how many will be four times four?
blondinka again strains izviliny:
-Dvadtsat.
vedushchaya ogorchenno:
-Again incorrectly. Well I understand, you very much are nervous, after all in your hands honor of all blondes. Well, we will give it still chance?
stadion:
-Give it chance, give it shans.
vedushchaya:
-Well. How many will be twice two?
blondinka reflects and vydayet:
-Chetyre.
stadion horom:
-Give it chance, give it chance...

*****

Two blondes Vsterchatsya. One another speaks:
- And I have a mobile new phone! What
-A at you phone? Samsung or Beeline???

*****

One blonde druguyu:
-Well meets, you handed over physics?
-Yes filled up - professor angry got. All went on to me - the intelligence is necessary here, the intelligence is necessary here, use it. And I such device never saw how I will use it?!?

*****

Two meet blondinki:
- And than now Mashka is engaged?
-Learns literature!
-Nightmare! To that can she teach literature?.

*****

Two meet blondinki.
-You where hurry? Yes here I want to return to
-a scarf to shop, and bought that yesterday, and it to me presses...

*****

Two meet blondinki:
-Why men always keep to me the appointment the unshaven??? - And you tried not to be late?

*****

Two blondes meet, speaks:
-I yesterday the oculist had one another! Da's
-? And what he told you?
-Told the alphabet to learn!

*****

Two Blondes meet. One another speaks:
-Prikin the girlfriend I did not even know that to connect one sweater 3 sheep are necessary!!!
A second answers: I even did not know
-A that sheep are able to knit!!!

*****

Two blondes meet, one drugoy:
-Estimate this year on March 8 drops out on Friday... Foo's
VTORAYA:
-thank God what not on 13...

*****

Two meet blondinki:
-Where today was?
-B parikmakherskoy.
- And that did there?
-Hair krasila.
-is healthy! And in what color?

*****

You think, time the blonde, in computers the full silly woman. No, the hard drive from the winchester I still can will distinguish

*****

You know history about the blonde who went crazy?
Tak here, it worked in a brothel of 6 years and suddenly incidentally found out that all the rest for it, it appears, pay!

*****

- You heard about new Blonde paint? She is not too beautiful
-, but easily lays down.

*****

The blonde from a fitting room runs out and shouts prodavtsu:
-to me badly, badly...
-That happened?!?
-Yes both things is bad...

*****

The GAI officer blondinke:
-you why did not stop?
-Ya was frightened, the staff was too dlinnyy.
-It not a staff, it is a barrier.

*****

The GAI officer stops the smart car. At a wheel blondinka:
- The Girl, you just crossed double sploshnuyu.
-I... that?.
-you crossed the double continuous!
-Where?
-Leave, please, the car: Look to yourself under feet. You see two stripes?
blondinka, with horror looking under nogi:
-That? Two stripes? Oh, my God! I am pregnant!.

*****

The GAI officer asks the blonde for RULEM;
-Pochemu, you passed on a red signal of the traffic light?
Well to a ponimayete: me red lipstick, red handbag, red boots, red dress, red car. Well as and I can go in all this to the green?

*****

The guide conducts tour on ruins ancient architectural pamyatnika:
-I Ask to pay attention - this tower is built three thousand years nazad.
-do not tell nonsenses, - the blonde, - after all now grins only the 2009th year!

*****

The gynecologist blondinke:
-How many at you was men? Or shest.
-He so mnogo.
-Yes, was not successful in
-Five week.

*****

The gynecologist - blondinke:
-With how many men you had sexual relations?
-C five or with six...
-He so is a lot of...
-Yes... Something was not set week...

*****

The gynecologist delivered to the blonde a spiral. The blonde put on and asks:
- And you will give "Calgon" to me?
-A why to you "Calgon"?
-you that, do not know, what without "Calgon" on a spiral the scum is formed?!

*****

The chief physician makes round. In one of chambers to it govoryat:
-Here, last night arrived... Blonde... Broke a leg, cleaning a rake listvu.
-Hmmm... It is interesting how it managed it?
-Is very simple. It Zazevatsya and fell from a tree.

*****

- What does the bolondinka when gives rise speak?
-of Hypermarket, you are sure, what it mine?

*****

– What the right foot Of the blonde left speaks?
-Of anything. they never meet.

*****

– What does the blonde when to her in a glass pour milk speak? I did not drink
-Of such wine yet.

*****

- What does the blonde speak, whether if to set as her question :
- The flasher Works?
blondinka otvetit:
-Works. He works. Works. He works...

*****

- What does the blonde speak, coming on a belt into water?
-It is higher than my understanding!

*****

- What the blonde after the twenty fifth orgasm speaks?
-Children, and you the truth play in one team?

*****

The truck approaches the traffic light, pulls up, and here from next mashiny
vybegayet the beautiful blonde, and runs up to a cabin. The driver otkryvayet
okno, and she quickly blurts out: "Hello, my name is Sheelah, and at vas
iz bodies something pours". The driver swings the head, and goes dalshe.
ha the following traffic light history repeats itself: the girl again runs up, i
opyat shouts to it in a window: "Hello, my name is Sheelah, and at you iz
kuzova something pours" .
To occurs on the following svetofore.
kogda on the way there is the fourth traffic light, the driver, hardly uspev
butrmozit, jumps out from a cabin, runs up to the girl's car, i
krichit to it: "Hello, Sewed! May I introduce myself, I - Driver
gruzovika with salt, and in the State of Wisconsin now winter".

*****

The group of blondes students of university received a task to measure flagstaff height. Having gathered with itself ladders and roulettes, they went to a flagstaff and began to measure it, falling from ladders, dropping roulettes and in general creating awful besporyadok.
prokhodivshy by the student of engineering faculty, having decided to help, approached them, took out a flagstaff from the earth, put on the earth, measured it a roulette, and, having transferred result of measurement to blondes, went vosvoyasi.
blondinki exchanged glances, burst out laughing, and one told drugoy:
-Well here is how always, these to me stupid engineers. We need height, and it measured length.

*****

- Give shampoo!
odna dala
-This for dry hair, and I already wetted them!