Jokes about peoples

Read funny Jokes about Georgians

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On the airport the Georgian waiting for the flight goes. Comes into the hall of playing machine guns. Approaches the display and
chitayet:
"Calls a nationality, the age and what flight departs. "
gruzin threw a coin, reads: "The Georgian, 27 years, departs flight 700. "
izumlenny the Georgian leaves. Changes clothes in the smart lady, again approaches the machine gun, the Georgian, throws 27 years a coin, chitayet:
", departs flight 700. "
togda it changes clothes in the old man. It is impossible to learn. Once again the Georgian, 27 years if did not toil with a nonsense throws a coin into the machine gun, chitayet:
", would depart flight 700."

*****

On the mountain Georgian road the Russian tourist drives the car. Suddenly sees towards there is a Georgian with a sawn-off shotgun in hands of
I aims in the car. The man stopped. The Georgian krichit:
-Vikhadi from the car!
muzhik leaves. The Georgian puts to him to the head a trunk and asks:
-Ananizm know?
muzhik ispugano:
-Chto-au-au?
G: - You know an onanism?
muzhik, even more ispugano:
-I Know … Do
GRUZIN:
-!!!
MUZHIK:
-What for? of
gruzin shouts and tycht a sawn-off shotgun in lob:
-I told a teba - do! delayet.
gruzin:
-Still do
muzhik!!! Still delayet.
gruzin:
-Still do
muzhik!!!
muzhik with a tear in golose:
-I cannot any more! I Tib Gavaryu - do
GRUZIN:
-A!!!
muzhik does with the last bit of strength and in exhaustion falls on a cowl mashiny.
gruzit goes to bushes, brings the girl from there and Tamara, dear, here the person who will bring you to Tbilisi speaks ey:
-.

*****

On the mountain Caucasian road the dashing Dzhigit on "Zhiguli" .
proyezzhaya the small settlement rushes, he does not manage to slow down and pereezzhayet
porosenka. The Dzhigit left the car, looked on the parties - anybody is not present - i
polozhil a pig to himself in a luggage carrier. Here also left from next doma
khozyain a pig with the gun in rukakh:
-Tolka ne dialects me that you in balnyets pavezt it!

*****

Down the street Tbilisi go two young man:
-Wai, listen, saw - the devyushka of krasyviya went? It to a mine ulibnutsya! When I tebya pervy time saw
-nedelyu laughed!

*****

On the central street of Tbilisi the wedding train rushes. Speed under 120.
gaishnik not to arrange accident, stops the last car and tells Driveryu:
-Daragoy, why so a bistro edishsh, ponimaishsh speed exceeded. Pay shataraf!
-of Eee, daragy, why so gavorishsh, vse so went! Zachem only stopped me?! Why shtrafuishsh!?
-of Slyushay, daragy, you kada-nibud fish caught!? Caught and!? Tell me it is honest, you how many ryb on one kuryuchok of
lovil???

*****

The Georgian visited a zoo somehow and tells the drugu:
-Slushch, the elephant saw, horoshchy such elephant, so big trunk, zhop
takoy big, uvazhyayu. The rhinoceros saw Ishche, big such horn, zhopa
khoposhchy, uvazhyayu. The boa saw Ishche - long - toshchshchy - the ass is not present sovsem.
henavizhyu!

*****

Place at restaurant of the Georgian for a little table to the Armenian. The Georgian - ofitsiantu:
-Bring us our Georgian vina.
prinosyat wine, spill in glasses. The Armenian takes the glass, chatted in it wine, rinsing, and vylil.
armyanin:
- And now bring to us our Armenian cognac...
VES is continued in the same spirit evening. Paying off, the Georgian leaves to the waiter $100 tip. The Armenian - $200. Clothes the Georgian of $50 gives
B garderobshchiku.
armyanin - garderobshchiku:
-Here to you, the brother, $100, and the coat is not necessary.

*****

- Defendant! The last word is provided to you!
-of Dvesta patdesit tysach...
-Court is removed on meeting!
-Defendant! You admit the guilt?
-Nat!
-Well what cannot be cured must be endured!

*****

The little Georgian approaches the father and speaks:
-Papa And you know that such a torch?
Well, the sonny, you has to know it, the torch it on Ukrainian водка.
- Is not present the father, a torch this little monkey!

*****

Train "St. Petersburg - Moscow". 3 men came into a compartment. Znakomyatsya.
-It is very pleasant. Ivan, moskvich.
-Oh, healthy bulls! Gritsko, zaporozhets.
-Vakhtang. Mercedes Benz.

*****

There went Gogi to business trip, comes and writes otchet:
"1. Bed linen - 5 rub,
2. Tickets of-10 rub...
10. The girl of-25 rub" to
hachalnik to it speaks:
-Gogi, you do not write "girl", and the accounts department will not pass that. Write, for example, "a zabivaniye of nails". Well, Gogi and
sdelal.
v the following time comes from business trip and writes otchet:
"1. Bed linen - 5 rub,
2. Tickets of-10 rub...
10. Zabivaniye of nails - 25 rub,
11. Repair of a hammer - 50 rub.

*****

Somebody from Tbilisi went to Moscow. Upon return of it sprashivayut:
-Where was, Gogiya what saw?
-Was in theater, smatrel the ballet - "Zhizel" nazyvayetsya.
-Well and how to you?
-Yes as... On a scene there are a lot of women in korotky skirts - mechutsya
tuda-here, to and fro. Vibegayet the man in stockings - caught one, lifted,
ponyukhal - not Zhizel. Caught the second - lifted, smelled - not Zhizel. Tretyyu
poymal, smelled - Zhizel! The hall to it shouts - EBIS! EBIS! Did not become, proud -
gruzyn, probably...

*****

The Georgian son's Georgian father called somehow. And the son such 2-meter kakhetinets, ambal.
-Here, - the father, - Gogi speaks, I now will teach you to wisdom. Take one hvorostina and break ee.
tot took, slomal.
- And now, - the father speaks, - take ten hvorostin. Slomay.
syn took, slomal.
-Here, - the father speaks, - and now break a faggot!
GOGI - time about a knee - and slomal.
-Vakh, Gogi, - are told by the father, - You were born the fool, the fool and will die!

*****

The man (M) caught a wheelbarrow. Goes - looks drove (In) one traffic light on red, drugoy
na red M - You that, bothered to live? In - is quiet I the Dzhigit. Suddenly on the green -
vodila on brakes. The m - That happened? In - And if there other Dzhigit?

*****

The Georgian went to a bath to be washed, comes back almost same gryaznyy.
ego sprashivayut:
-You in a bath were, why such dirty? Behind a basin I hold
-not to tempt. In front I hold a basin, that ne
soblaznitsya. Wai! Unless it is possible to be washed by one right foot well?

*****

Present: Georgia, mountains, pass, costs the chernousy Dzhigit Givi in is dazzling a white suit and bitterly cries.
ostanavlivayetsya the magnificent foreign car leaves it other Dzhigit and asks at pervogo:
-Slyushyay, daragy why to cry ti? What ne Caucasian man? Pasmatri vnyz.
pervy watches
- And sees Padumayesh broken inomarku.
-! New sebe kupish.
-Neeet. Pasmatri on peredny sydenye.
pervy looks and sees looney beautiful dead blonde.
-Padumayesh! New to a seba naydesh.
-Da Nath … Ti pasmatr that at it va to a mouth!!!

*****

There comes a rich Georgian from the USA to the Caucasus in search of the husband. A pancake, everything rummaged - anywhere cannot find worthy
muzhika. Went to mountains and found the shepherd there. Suggested it to become his wife if of course satisfies. Well,
postaralsya it wonderfully well. She to America calls him, and on:
-Zachem Ameryka? I have goats, panimaesh. And here I know one dzhigyt, so still Vichy lives in mountains. The courses to a nem,
DA?
-That, such good man?
-A year ago this dzhigyt a bear so poymel that that to it till a sy time honey nosyt!

*****

There comes a Georgian to Moscow and, passing by pet-shop, he sees smart popugaya.
zakhodit in pet-shop and a parrot to it at once speaks:
-Hello, dear Gatso! The Georgian a little also decided to buy
podumal this clever bird. Approaches the seller, and that to him otvechayet:
-This bird is not on sale but if you wish, I will sell you eggs which she just snesla.
-it is good, - the Georgian speaks, - give eggs home desit shtuk.
privozit Gatso, puts in an incubator and, through the term determined by the nature, baby birds -
tsyplyata hatch, ducklings, gooses, even voronyata.
through some time comes back the Georgian to Moscow, comes into pet-shop. Only it opened a door as hears
golos popugaya:
-Gatso the fool!!!
To that I am a fool, you znaesh and I know it. And that that you are a prostitute, ves Tbilisi knows it!!!

*****

There comes somehow to the Georgian school in a far kishlak the commission. Na
peremene members of the commission leave to the yard and soon the children excited zabegayut
v an office direktora:
- At you there put a donkey the back and started banging, all classes v
ocheredi stoyat.
direktor with anxiety asks:
- And what color settled?
-Belyy.
-Everything is all right, white donkey children's.

*****

Comes to the unfamiliar city in business trip one dama.
v one hotel was pushed, in another...
prishla in the last, plopped a suitcase on a rack, Vzmolilas:
-anywhere, though in a corridor... Administratorsha,
pokopavshis in the talmude:
-Vy know, we have only one empty seat,
NO in a triple room, and there already live 2 gruzina.
vy as? Let's go. Were knocked, entered, sprashivayut:
-K you can settle the woman?
-of Kanechno is possible! But with the uslovyy!
MI we will ask it a riddle: malenky,
krasnenkoe, on a dlynny nozhke and ochchen vkusnoe.
otgadaet - will be to us as sestra.
ne will guess - I and its Givi we will be...,
poka ne will guess! The woman remained,
administratorsha left,
ko corridor on vsyak a case poprosila
za that number to look after... Passed days, adm.
zastupila and on vsyak decided to check a case for watch,
kak there her lodger. At corridor asks:
nu as? That in reply: Everything is silent, during all the time nobody left. .
NU all! zatrakhal vusmert.
Took atm. the door-keeper, the mechanic of the person on duty,
vzlamyvayut a door and vidyat:
sidit this lady in a chair a foot on a foot, in teeth a cigarette,
gruziny near it on kolenyakh:
-Well tell "vishenk", vi-shen-@...
-Not - and, tomato!

*****

There arrived Brezhnev to Georgia. Goes on the Georgian village and sees that to it towards the Georgian bears barana.
-Genatsvale, sell a ram! Choose
-! (stretches a ram). As
-Yes that to choose, at you only one baran.
-You at us too one, and here we choose you.

*****

Arrived to act Makarevich, but, as ill luck would have it, broke usilitel.
gruzin to him speaks:
-Listen, expensive! Let me be the amplifier! Give
makarevich:
-poprobuyem.
on on mikrofonu.
-Time, time, raz.
gruzin:
-Odyn, odyn, odyn.

*****

There arrived a Georgian to the native village from Moscow. The crowd to the people and prosyat:
-Givi gathered, tell, daragy that you in Maskva videl!
-E-e-e, Maskva, listen, the good city. Kremlin videl, Lenin videl, ballet videl...
-of Givi, tell, what such the ballet, and?
-E-e-e, ballet … It is such balshy the house with columns. You come - there vse razdevayutsets. To the hall you pass, and there
predstavleniye.
-A what, daragy?
-Well, at first vibezhyal on a scene one man and three woman. The man to one padbezhyal, it raised a foot, smelled - ne him …
K another padbezhyal, smelled - ne it. To thirds padbezhyal, smelled - it! Its
vzvalil on plecho, there pabezhyal - negde * baht, here pabezhyal - negde * bat.
stal the man with ney in the middle of a scene also cries... And vse from the places were undermined and shout, panimayesh: "E encore, e encore! "
A гдэ ebis, if negde?

*****

There arrived somehow one Muscovite to Tbilisi. And, as usual, reshil
vospolzovatsya services of a taxi. Gets into the car, and there sits gallant vida
gruzin.
-To such street will not throw?
-of Paekhali, daragoy.
edut. Suddenly, red light ahead lit up (on the traffic light). The driver -
bats! - stamps on gases against the stop and the car dashingly rushes through perekrestok.
-you that how it is possible - on red light?!
-But as Dzhigit praletel!
EDUT is farther. Ahead again the intersection - same kartina
-you that, the suicide bomber?!?!?!?!?
-But as Dzhigit praletel!
NU, well, how many times red color will not get - all povtoryaetsya.
nash the Muscovite in a corner was clamped, the life finally remembers. And here bang!
zeleny burns color. The Dzhigit on brakes!
-Well, what you stopped? - the Dzhigit praletyt gets out of a corner moskvich.
-Padazhdi, daragy, sechas on the right!

*****

The UFO on a beach arrives, from it two aliens jump out and start forcing all women of
podryad.
-U you that, such hot all there?
-Yes vse, but a plate only at menya and Gogi.

*****

The Georgian with the girl comes to restaurant. Ordered to itself a smart dinner,
NU binge, snack there - all table filled. And the girl - has more, menshe
-a glass to tea. To the waiter it became curious, approached, listen to a pier, explain, kak
tak. Gruzin:
-Panimaesh, daragy, me the doctor told: lozhis to sleep on galodnyy
zheludok, huh?

*****

The Georgian () to the doctor comes somehow (d) and speaks: () - the Doctor! Otrezhte me
chlen! (e) - And what befell? () - Yes I as soon as will see the girl, it at mena
shirynku tears! (e) - Well let's tie him threads. In couple of days: () -
doktor! Ne I can so! Vse broke off trousers! (e) - Well let's try krepkuyu
verevku. After a while the Georgian goes down the street and sees the smart girl,
padayet on asphalt and begins writhes, the girl turns around and... -
ChTO happened?! To you it is bad?! () - LEAVE STEEEERVAAAA, VIVERNEEEET FEET!

*****

The Georgian to the sexopathologist comes. Approaches a table and spreads everything svoye
khozyaystvo. Vrach:
-Well sho? Is not necessary? Muzhik:
-That neeet!. That what pasmatra handsome!

*****

The Georgian comes to a bakery shop, wants to buy two rolls, and forgot as in Russian there will be "two",
nemnogo thought and speaks:
-give Devushk to me three roll, - then adds, - odyn ne it is necessary!

*****

The Georgian to the psychic comes, speaks:
-Listen, the head hurts, help!
ekstrasens closed eyes, moved over the Georgian hands. Then speaks:
-you on the head have a magic hair if to pull out it, any desire will come true!
prikhodit the Georgian home, sits and tears out a hair for volosom:
-I Want the car! I want the car! I want the car!...
I occurs nothing. The Georgian all already bald sits, there is the last hair. The Georgian in yarosti:
- The Dagger to me in an ass!! ААААААААА!!!

*****

The woman to the sexopathologist comes. Comes into an office, and there for the Georgian in white halate.
zhenshchina speaks:
- The Doctor sits, I have a problem. When I have sex, I do not test any oshchushcheniy.
gruzin speaks:
-Razdevaytes, lozhites!
zhenshchina undressed, laid down. The Georgian had with it sex, asks:
-Well?
-Is not present, nothing chuvstvuyu.
gruzin krichit:
-Vano, ides here, try!
prikhodit the second Georgian in a white dressing gown, too has sex with the woman. The woman speaks:
-All the same I feel nothing.
gruzin speaks:
-Yes, the woman, the truth is necessary to you to the sexopathologist!
- And YOU THEN WHO?
-Yes we here krasy, white...

*****

The little Georgian boy home, and speaks:
- The Father comes, to me today at school told that I am a Georgian. It's true?
-Yes synok.
- The Father, and you is a Georgian?
-Yes, synok.
- The Father, and my elder brother Givi - it too the Georgian?
-Is not present the sonny, it is new Russian...

*****

Petka to Vasily of Ivanovichu:
-Hosh a joke comes somehow I will tell?
-Leave alone, Petka. You have all jokes about the Russian, the Georgian and armyanina.
-Yes not, a cool joke about three Blacks!
-of Hm... Well, give, rasskazyvay.
- There are, so on the desert three Blacks - the Russian, the Georgian and the Armenian...

*****

One representative of the Georgian nationality to another home comes and sees that his friend ties himself with belt
vokrug a rope. It asks:
-Givi, what you do? You do not see
-, I am hung up?! Why for a stomach a rope you zavyazivat
-A? it is necessary for a neck...
-of Eee... For a neck tried, I choke...

*****

The Georgian to the doctor and speaks:
- The Doctor came, at me in ears are ringing razdayutsya.
- And you do not answer!

*****

The Georgian came to shop and speaks: "The girl, give me big a kepk".
A the seller answers it: "Caps are not present, I can give you a papakha". He tells
A: "E the girl, the pas to a groin will be sick, give me a kepka".

*****

The Georgian to ekstrasensu.
-Me came torment head boli.
ekstrasens examined him and speaks:
-you in the head have a magic hair,
If it to pull out, any will be executed zhelaniye.
prishel the Georgian home,
sidit pulls out on volosku.
-I Want the Volvo car, I want the Volvo car .
ostalsya the last volos.
gruzin razjyarennyy:
- The Dagger to me in an ass! And... and... and...

*****

The man came to the Georgian restaurant, orders boiled yaytsa.
sidit, waits. Passed 10 minutes, half an hour, hour, and egg is not laid. Vozmutilsya
posetitel also asks ofitsianta:
-What is the matter? I after all only ordered couple of boiled eggs. Neuzheli
vashi cooks cannot make such simple thing? Forgive to
-us, dear, all who could, but not znayut
odnogo gathered on kitchen: how to put pepper in eggs...

*****

The Georgian with a parachute jumped, letit.
nastalo time to develop a parachute,
dernul for a ring - anything, a parachute not raskrylsya.
dostayet the Georgian a dagger, lowers trousers, and with slovami:
-Teper ti me ne is necessary! - cuts off to itself chlen.
bakh, parashyut.
i the Georgian with slovami:
-reveals here And teper ti me ne is necessary! - cuts off a parachute...