Jokes about peoples

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Tells Kiev. The Kiev time … can 3 hours the half-fourth.

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To tell "crests" - it is offensive. To speak to "ukroslavena" - it is offensive ("Ukraine" is a suburb (Ukraine) something bigger ;)) Politically correct - "Europeans of nemoskalsky
proiskhozhdeniya" or "nekatsapoyevropeyets"!

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Gritsko and Petro prepare drova.
-Petro, give a pole-axe!
-That on, catch!
-of He...
-That you not hekay! You show, caught, che?

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Two godfathers drink a torch under patriotic toasts. For independence drank, for a nezalezhnost drank, for sir Banderou drank, already and toasts did not remain, and the torch still is. Here and speaks:
- And we will drink one
kum, godmothers, for the Chinese gays!
-????!!! Stench
-A, a yak and we - ZhOVTO-BLAKITNY!

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Two Ukrainians razgovarivayut:
-You heard, what from fat there is a sclerosis?!
-That I think that when since morning of a salets I will eat, I do not remember the whole day that is there is a wish...

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Two Ukrainians. One friend pours self-race in a scoop. Yes where you stilko pour
-???
-So same to you...
-A, well Tats of shares still...

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- Girl, you from where?
-of Sho?
-Means from Ukraine!
-of Tyu?
-So from Kharkov...

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- Dita, go to eat apples!
-Dida, after all you have a gun... You us tavo...
-That otozh...

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- Dear Stephane! Yes that you do it? poshto you cut a birch? Such harmonous, young, directly was pleasing to the eye the greens - and you its that - down with!?
-Ah the neighbor, also do not tell, at heart is covered with blood, but there's nothing to

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Vasya drives the car and sees as on Petya Street of the Ukrainian kills. Ostanavlivayetsya
vasya also asks: "How so, and militia? Will catch, will put...". And Petya
govopit: "And I have permission to shooting" .
HU Vasya went to a mentovka and received permission to shooting. Vasya in myasnoy
magazin comes, gets the machine gun and let's scorch in turn behind fat. It is caught by cops i
govopyat:
-Ty che the man absolutely okhrenel?
So I have permission to an otstpel.
-Ha not in the reserve!

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The shchiry Ukrainian - wide trousers, moustaches goes by the trolleybus "on svy Kiev", an oseledeets, are goggled - all how to follow to be. In a word - "Ida"!
vdrug by his ear is given a lilac hand with a talonchik and it slishit.
-to Prokompostuyta, be caress, to exchange kvetka.
on turns and sees that it is a Black!
-?!!! D-da?. T-Ti?!. Ti hto takiya?
A the Black and otvechayet:
-I is an Ukrainian!
-of Sho?. Yak?!. Ukrainian?!!! And hto Tod I?! That measured with
A it slantwise vzlyady and speaks:
- And encore those a zna, chi the kike, chi the Russian...

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The Ukrainian and the Black go in one compartment. The Black gets bananas, and a crest, of course, fat. The Ukrainian asks negra:
-Qie Shu you takoye.
-Banany.
-Dai Poprobowat.
niegr gives. Then asks:
- And you have it that such?
-of Qie fat. Tilki you are ista yoga not budesh.
-It why? I ne will give
-of Bo!

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The Ukrainian and the Black with the manual monkey go in one compartment. The monkey jumps, her Black vospityvayet:
-Nicole everywhere, stop, sit quietly and etc.
khokhlu wanted fat, it gets a piece, and the monkey of times - snatched out a piece and got upward. The Black speaks:
-Nicole, immediately give to mister fat!
obezyanka does not listen, wriggles from above. Here the Ukrainian as will knock kulakom.
-Mikol, and well, give fat! You sho do not slukhat the father!

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The Ukrainian and the Jew go by the train. The Ukrainian guzzles fat, and the Jew gets a herring head and let's gnaw. Hokhol:
-You that? Whether
-Yes you see in it brains, I to a pogryzu-pogryz and poumeyu.
-Yes well!!!
-A from what your fat use! Listen to
-let's change!
HU here, sits the Jew fat consumes, and the Ukrainian pogryz a head, looked then so on evreya:
-Ah you a bough! You pidmanut me!!!
-A-a-a-a! Here you see - grew wiser!

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Two Ukrainians from fair through the wood go. Suddenly robbers stop them and demand money. Then one Ukrainian speaks drugomu:
-On, the godfather, take hundred ten hryvnias, I occupied one hundred from you yesterday. I give with percent!

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If to drive the car from Ukraine to Russia how it is possible to define where Russia begins?
Kak only of a cow become CHEAPER than women.

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Western Ukraine. Lviv. The Banderovite with the machine gun enters the trolleybus. Distorts a lock and asks: "And hto to exchange skazhe kotra of a godyn?" The Black jumps here and on absolutely pure
ukrainskom says: "Visimnadtsyat godyn dvadtsyat hvylyn" And the Banderovite speaks to it: "Siday hlopche, I and so to a bach shcho you ne Russian".

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Sits it is glad on Ukraine.
predsedatel:
-Moskaliv it is mute?
IZ zala:
-Is mute, mute!
-is Precisely mute?
-is exact nema
-Well, it is possible and to talk in Russian.

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The Black with a monkey comes into the bus. She - shast also escaped from it...
NEGR: - Mickey, Mickey...
khokhol caught a monkey and speaks to her: "Mykola, what you do not slukhat the father?"

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To come the uncle at a compartment of a po§zd. Tamo two sit negra.
-Hlopts і, and shcho at you gor_lo here?

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Call from regional committee to the chairman kolkhoza:
-Mikola, to you foreigners left, so you quickly guided an order in cowsheds, pigsties, and that will chatter away for the whole world about ours bardake.
-Yes do not find fault slander, imperialists damed!

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Zustr_chayutsya dvo є krokodil_v:
-Well, yak polyuvannya? Dvokh negr_v z' §v (ate)
-, and ti?
-A I one moskalya.
-Breshesh, and well DIHNI...

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- And how it is Ukrainians a five-meter pig grow up? They hind legs concrete
-A, and the trough is put aside by all further and further...

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There is a meeting of the Verkhovna Rada in Kiev. One deputy approaches a microphone and speaks:
-to Shanovni (dear) deputies! Permit to exchange of a skazata for zhidiv.
-Not, not a treba. Bo tse natsionalistichnyy.
-Toda permit a question to exchange of a skazata for moskaliv.
-it is not possible, bo tse tozh natsionalistichnyy.
-Well tod permit a question to tell for ekologiyu.
-For ecology davay.
-to Shanovni deputies! Sho at us to be quailed?! Wuxi povisikhala richka, povirubala wood mustache. It is mute the kike drown and the Russian hang for a while!

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There is a meeting of our Ukrainian brothers... In summary one speaker decided to throw a two-three prizyvov:
-Huy live ours ridna Ukraina! (applause!)
-Huy live ours ukrainska a mova! (applause!)
-Huy live... (a voice from the hall)... hto from Kym Bazhaye! (storm of applause!)

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There is a meeting of the Ukrainian nationalists. In summary one speaker decided to throw couple prizyvov:
-Huy live ours ridna Ukraina!
aplodismenty.
-Huy live ours ukrainska a mova!
aplodismenty.
-Huy live...
golos from zala:
... hto with Kym hoche!
burnye applause.

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Go (r) usskiya and (at) krainets on the seashore, suddenly see - on sand an old mossy bottle. Naturally they opened it, and from there (D) zhin.
dzhin suggested everyone to think on zhelaniyu.
(at) - I Want that from Ukraine drove out all Russians and that they did not return, on all border there was a high wall!
(p) => (D) - made?
(D) - Yes.
(p) - All our drove out?
(D) - Yes.
(p) - And a wall strong?
(D) - Yes, gospodin.
(r) - Well, fill in!!

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There are down the street tipsy dollar and pound sterling. Towards young, beautiful, graceful, air, in a short short skirt. Dollar:
-Give it zakadry, we will get acquainted and we will fall in love!
-You that, went nuts! Same Ukrainian hryvnia! Still you will pick up inflation!

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From the official statement of Ukrainian MIDA:
NAROD of Ukraine grieves together with the people of the USA and Israel on the lost astronauts, but we firmly declare that the Ukrainian forces of air defense are not privy to accident of the shuttle "Colombia" in the sky over
tekhasom, and any doctrines with combat missiles of C300 on the coast of the peninsula of Crimea on Saturday, February 1st, 2003, was not carried out.

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From decisions of the commission on modification in ukrainskuyu
grammatiku:
1. To write the word ChLENN through two HH (shob was longer)...
2. To write the word HEAPS without (shob was firmer)...

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July. Heat. Vnukovo. The flight Moscow - Odessa. Flight for the unclear reasons is late, the plane already solid hour costs on an airfield, passengers sit in salon, silently swearing at all
aeroflot together with the close relatives of crew, inertly driving away importunate flies and becoming stupid from closeness. But by them something the anxious stewardesses vividly scurry about,
aerodromnye employees - a cock-a-hoop and a mess run across the field, their shouts and abuse are audible. Then, at last, someone from stewardesses loudly asks on all salon:
-Passengers! Who handed over in baggage of the SKI?.
izumleniye on litsakh.
-Passengers! I repeat: who handed over in baggage of the SKI?!!
LYUDI start exchanging glances and here notice the subject of characteristic Odessa appearance of uncertain age who is peacefully dozing on a place 13B. The stewardess approaches it, carefully Forgive to
budit:
-, it is casual not you carry skis?.
subjekt, opening glaza:
-Yes... I. and sho such?!...
-Sorry, there such problem... Hm. . We, apparently, lost one ski... but you, please, do not worry. we now will find it, not bespo.... Who told
-A to you, sho I carry TWO?!!

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Every day on roads of Ukraine two absolutely identical six-hundredth geldings with identical numbers travel about together, in one of them Kuchma - the Ukrainian roulette sits.

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How to distinguish the real hryvnia from the false? The sheet of paper undertakes, the hryvnia by the image of the politician is put on it up and led round by a piece of fat on perimetru.
If the person represented on the note will look after fat - hryvnia real...

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- What of languages most difficult for studying, Chinese or Hebrew?
-Ukrainian because a half of Ukrainians cannot still learn it.

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Ki§v. Dn_pr's coast. Potopayuchy Help a repet of є:
-, help!
Ha berez_ I (protect) sto§t the uncle z vusam і to tell potopayuchomu:
-to Krashche ti, a sinka, vchivsya plavat, and n_zh from ї psyacho ї mov.

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The client comes in turagentstvo.
-I would like to go to the sea, cheap, so to fly nearby, well and that something like that unforgettable, well exciting on the way...
- Then to you to Tunisia. Hotel of 5 stars, 600 - in a week for two, a beach with a microclimate, 4 hours of summer. In!!! Remember rest on all zhizn.
- And where exciting on the way?
-A from four hours of flight of 30 minutes in a zone of responsibility of air defense of Ukraine!

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- Godfather, what you do in my cellar?
-ishchu.
- And fat why ate You?
-A that did not get in the way.

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- Godfather, there are I to myself home yesterday, and near my house there are two Russians, and so in own way murmur, so murmur...
-Well and sho...
-Ya run on an attic, embraced the machine gun and I pay... also I pay...
-of Tyu and that to cry?

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To Kuma and chy the real KIKES a type of spravzhny JEWS vidriznyatsya?
-of Spravzhni of EVREI tse to dobra people yaks live at Israel, are at war z Arabs that zaymatsya by business. And the real KIKES live in Ukrayna, guzzle the Ukrainian fat, drink an ukrainska a torch that
buduyut nationwide Ukrainian gosudarstvo.
-to Kuma and chy RUSKIE spravzhn a type of the real RUSSIANS vidriznyatsya?
-of Spravzhni RUSKIYE tse to dobra people yaks live in Russia, are at war with Chechens, sell us cheap gas that naphtha. And the real RUSSIANS live in Ukrayna, guzzle the Ukrainian fat, drink
ukrainsku a torch that buduyut nationwide Ukrainian gosudarstvo.
-to Kuma and chy the real UKRAINIANS vidpriznyatsya a type of spravzhny UKRAINIANS?
- The Real UKRAINIANS live got, zaymayutschya than got. And spravzhn of UKRAINTsI tse to dobra people yaks live in Ukrayna, eat the Ukrainian fat, drink an ukrainska a torch that zavazhat
zhidam that to Russians to buduvat the national Ukrainian state.