Jokes about peoples

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The Ukrainian philologists made a transfer of Russian maternogo
vyrazheniya -
B the translation it sounds as-> I tviy the father, a sinka!>

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2 Ukrainians of pazgovapivayut
(1) A whom you would like to become, the road?
(2) Football player, goalkeeper!
(1) Why?
(2) A here present to yourself, the world championship, I play goal, and the ball flies here, ya
ego I pass in gate and here to me all shout "3,14dor! 3,14dor!!", and here she is SLAVA!

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Dies old hokhol:
-to the Sonny, klych skoriysh the party organizer, I want in party vstupiti.
-Tato, shcho z you? Use zhittya nenavidili ix!
-Not bida, to the sonny. I will die - on one communist to a mensha stane.

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English lesson in Ukrainian shkole.
-Ivanenko! Do you speak English?
-of Sho?
-of Siday, chetyre.
-Petrenko! Do you speak English?
-of Sho?
-of Siday, chetyre.
-Rabinovich! Do you speak English?
-Yes, I do.
-ShO?!

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Geography lesson at the Ukrainian school... Uchitel:
-Remember, children: London, Paris and Berlin are on a right bank of Dnieper, and Tokyo and Beijing - on a left bank...

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Lesson of the Russian literature at the Ukrainian school. The teacher asks homework from children - to read "Mumu". Causes Mikolu.
-Zhiv-buv the taky farm laborer - Gerasim, i the bull in the yogi a bit a doggie of Mumu.
-Mikol, - tell in Russian … awaking with
-Dali... It is so evil barinya Mikola, in Russian punished to Gerasim Vtopiti to a neshchasn sobatsyuru.
-… with
-Dali awaking... So viviz Gerasim Mumu on the middle richki, having bound it on a shiya a zdorovena to a kamyanyug, and here Mumu show yy the psyacha movoyu:
"do not heat me, Gerasim!"

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Successfully educational firing practice in the Crimea came to the end, the Minister of Defence of Ukraine handed the diploma to the cadet of commercial school of anti-aircraft missile troops of Ukraine of Beni Ladenko and congratulated him on
uspeshnym revenues to faculty of control of ballistic missiles of commercial Academy of the Ministry of Defence of Ukraine.

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- How Ukraine participates in NATO?
As eggs in the sexual akte:uchavstvut, but do not enter.

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Scientists test new gas on volunteers. Who will be tired out in a chamber, all die. Tired out Ukrainians. Started up gas - sit. Let more - sit. Let to the maximum. One got up,
potyanul a nose and speaks:
-About! Boys, feel, native Zaporozhye began to smell!

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Specialty Kiev candies "Fat in Chocolate".

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The Ukrainian was put to protect a warehouse. In the middle of night there is a patrol. Approaches a warehouse, and the Ukrainian and an eyebrow did not move. The officer of patrol to him speaks:
-That you do not ask me who I am such? And suddenly I am a spy?!?!?!?
khokhol gets the weapon and You shoot in ofitsera.
-bach a yak of a bough!

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The Ukrainian is asked, how many he can eat apples - five, ten, twenty kilogrammov.
-I Can, - follows otvet.
- And if the car? All I will not eat
-, but I will take a bite much.

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The Ukrainian at customs sprashivayut:
-Drugs are?
-E, - admits hokhol.
vskryli all things - nothing nashli.
- And where drugs? - sprashivayut.
- And shcho, - the Ukrainian on fat shows, - I am a look nyy I go bananas!

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Ukrainians decide what to make flag:
-Let's make a flag of friendship of the Ukrainian and Russian people? Give
-!
-Let on red white blue zhovto-blakitnom a background will be their two-headed eagle on our trident...

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The Ukrainian complains that dreams not always sbyvayutsya.
-From, prysnyvsya to exchange the dream, sho sleeps a garna of a dyvchin nearby. I Matsat, matzo - nema.
- And another time prisnylos that naklav in a bed. Having woken up, matzo, matzo - lies.

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The Ukrainian with monkeys asks a cage sluzhitelya:
- Sorry, soon monkeys will feed?
- And you that, hungry?

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The Ukrainian drags home a hare and tells zhene:
-Ha, fry to me it on sale.
-So after all there is no fat at us...
-So fry it on masle.
-Is not present at us masla.
-So fry to me it just like that!
-A- And, at us and gas net.
khokhol silently takes a hare and throws out it in okno.
zayats jumps and krichit:
-Long live free Ukraine!

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The Ukrainian came to the Jewish wedding. Drank vodka and the beginnings sharit
eyes on a table in search of a piece of fat. asks:
-Hear Sal Net.
jojol, boys, and where fat??
EMU objyasnyayut:
- And fat we not edim.
khokhol parts hands:
-Is not present, I, of course, understand that fat is sacred. Ho not to the same degree.

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The Ukrainian removes from a hut wall the gun and somewhere sobirayetsya.
-You where, Petro, sobravs? - That asks it Wife.
-pita a little of Russians postrelyayu.
- And well, how they you?
-A to exchange that for what?

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The Ukrainian and the Frenchman got on two neighboring islands. Boringly for the Frenchman, goes on the coast, the Ukrainian calls hokhla:
-, float here, cognac is!
molchit hokhol.
- The Ukrainian, float here, the woman is!
molchit hokhol.
- The Ukrainian, float here, your favourite dish is! - shouts frantsuz.
khokhol rushed to the sea and quickly floated to the Frenchman, sentencing after each wave ruk:
-Fat! Fat!

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The Ukrainian at the Ukrainian asks:
-As to you Luzhkov?
-A that, cool man!
-You that, it wants to fasten our Sevastopol to Moscow! At
-Well and sho, you but look, how many on I eat fat!

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- What banderovets different from the Jews?
- At Bandera edge on one side.

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Than the Ukrainian differs from the Ukrainian?
ukrainets lives in Ukraine, and the Ukrainian - where is better...

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Four pro-presidential parties of Ukraine were created the block with the full name "FOR Uniform Ukraine", in abbreviated form "FOR FOOD". It was necessary to refuse more beautiful and tempting name "FOR Uniform and Rich
ukrainu".

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What is the happiness?
It to live in independent Ukpaine.
a that such misfortune?
It to have such happiness.

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- Chuv, Petro, moskali at space poletili?
-of Shcho to get yci?

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The Chukchi arrived the first time to Ukraine. Goes by the bus, sat down by the conventual and between
nimi occurs approximately such dialog:
- the Conventual, the conventual, give I you I will have?
-... (discontentedly pulls faces, says a prayer)
Driver speaks then chukche:
- You come in the evening to a city Ukrainian cemetery, these conventuals always there of
vecherami hang out, tell that you are an angel, and then it to you dast.
chukcha, type the angel in the evening slipped a white cape on, comes to a cemetery,
vidit - the conventual prays, well and speaks ey:
- I - an angel. And I would like that you to me otdalas.
- it is good, only you me, please, only in a bottom bang, and that us v
monastyre is checked, and I still devstvennitsa.
- Lady.
(-after rough copulation-)
chukcha remove from myself a cape and speaks:
- Well how to you we are the Chukchi guys??
monashka removes a wig, and it appears is a bus driver, and speaks:
- Well, and how to you we - Ukrainian 3,14dorasy??!!

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There was an Ukrainian across the field, looks: the tractor burns. Cela in a tractor also burned down нах%#.

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- Hey, Mykola!
-of Sho? You know
-A, a yak Russians our klinut CD of ROM?
-Jac?
-CD ROM!!!
-of Povbyvav...

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Whether Ekho Moskvy sprosili
stanit Ukraine one more American state?
DA! - The radio station because they have the general history answered - in America was uoltergeyt, klintongeyt, and in Ukraine-kuchmaget.

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Night. Chechnya. Position of federal troops. Near a fire two soldiers sit and, leaning on machine guns, play in goroda:
-Znamenka. Call on "And".
-Arsan of YURT.
-Is not present such city!
- Then Achkhoy Martan.
-A-a-a, well such for the present is.

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- And what it is the Chechen at you such peace?
-Dead, here and peace...

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The ITAR-TASS agency reported that during anti-terrorist operation in Chechnya such field
komandiry were detained, kak:
buket Levkoyev
ushat Pomoyev
pogrom Evreev
otryad Debilov
parad Urodov
takzhe was detained the famous sniper Partucheba.

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To the Armenian radio set question :
-How many the person lives in Chechnya? otvechayet:
-we do not know
armyanskoye of radio Yet, there now goes per_pizd the population.

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Basayev spread to buy kostyli.
v a kostylny stall received p% $дюли.

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Lebed and Kulikov.
kulikov:
-of Chechens talk - to press! All these Chechens and other dried apricots - same everything bandits!
LEBED:
-Mister Kulikov! Dried apricots - same a dried apricot!
kulikov:
-are Known by us these apricots! In the afternoon it is a peace apricot, and at night - the armed dried apricots!.

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In the aul federals carried out "cleaning". The mountaineer hid in kolodets.
odin the federal soldier glanced there and kriknul:
-Hey, there is who here?
gorets suited an echo and answered emu:
- There is who here? There is who here?
-A can there is nobody?
-Is not present anybody, is not present nikogo.
-Or perhaps to pomegranate to throw?
-So after all is not present anybody, there is nobody!

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The Circassian and the Russian were going to Karachay-Cherkessias in the period of an aggravation of a political situation at one table of
karachayevets. The Circassian gets up, gives a toast and says tost:
-I want this glass is drunk for that on this zemla ne there was any karachayevtsa.
vstayet a Karachay, gives a toast and says tost:
-I want this glass is drunk for that on this zemla did not remain any cherkesa.
vstayet Russian, gives a toast and speaks:
-Well, to the told...

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In the wood there was a hare extremist. Neither the fox, nor a wolf cannot cope with him. Decided to call a lion. LEV:
-Che you create, a hare?
-A you who such?
-Ya - a lion, the king of beasts! You drive
-, red - the king of beasts Aslan Maskhadov!