Jokes about peoples

Read funny Jokes about Ukrainians

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Reporters ask the Minister of Defence of Ukrainy:
-As so it turned out that the rocket got to the passenger plane, same is improbable!?!?!?
-Well, on everything Allah's will...

*****

The Russian leader in Ukrainian kontserte.
s bewilderment looks in the list of performances...
potom uncertainly objyavlyaet:
-Hung a pisenka?!...
chitayem dracha
poluchil today the two on Ukrainian literature.
est the poet such - Ivan of Drach.
nu and so, I was late a little, apologized, sat down on the mesto.
a the teacher speaks, a pier: children, we read verses of a drach!
-Ya asked again: what doing, forgive?
belaya, tasty, but not salo
bratya Ukrainians, be careful of fakes!
zhevatelnaya an elastic band - a symbol of the American image zhizni.
belaya, tasty, pleasantly smells, but it - not fat!! Our
vernite gaz
-You from where?
-From Ukraine! Return to
-our gas!!
-Aga! Shchazz, I will break wind in an envelope and I will send pochtoy.
breshut
-Ded, people speak, you have a rifle? lyudy.
-Ded, people tell
-of Breshut, you have a machine gun est.
-Breshut lyudy.
-Ded, people speak, you have a gun est.
-Breshut lyudy.
-Ded, people speak, you have a tank est.
-Breshut lyudy.
-Ded, people speak, you have an atomic bomb est.
-From what a nem of that nema.
morgat
-As will "blink" in Ukrainian?
-of Bachit z intervalami.
pytka hokhla
troye Russians caught the Ukrainian and decided to mock, stuff over it his mouth vareniki that that choked. Two Russians hold the Ukrainian by hands, and the third by force of vanities vareniki in a mouth.
KHOKHOL:
-Monsters, sho you are robit. Means so, one holds, and two pikhayut.
kharvard
-your education? What is it?
-of Ne I know
-Harvard.
-A, me the mother skazav.
viktorina with geographical uklonom
ukraina. In a minibus radio works: there is a children's quiz with a geographical bias. The announcer asks a question:" What name of the city in Ukraine consists of two parts: the first - that,
bez of that of people cannot live, the second - that brings to people rest." Answer: "Zhitomir". The aunt in salon: "And why not Kherson?!"
interesno
rossiya laid a sewer pipe through Ukrainu.
interesno, will steal or not?
He mozhu
ukrainskaya the village, noch.
muzhik under a hut window (in a whisper):
-of Mykol!
ottuda (the squeezed whisper):
-Chey?
-of Vykhod!
-What for? of
-Ya laid up torches here, dumplings fried, mushrooms, cucumbers, we will drink! That I do not smear
-!
-A che???
-That ebis I, be it wrongly!!!
maksim in you?
Marina: Maxims in you?
tanua: No, it already vynul.
marina: Whom tse vin vinuv???
tanua: You that in Ukrainian asked?
Marina: Suchko.
kinozaly lezhat
-Due to the translation into Ukrainian of all movies, in Ukraine in the movie "Pirates of the Caribbean Sea" there was a new character - ZhEK of Gorobets. Cinema halls lezhat.
-It still hernya. Know as now the movie "Feelers" is called?" Matsyaltsya" razgovornik
russky variant:
-Sorry, I did not hear .
russko-Ukrainian, repeat still raz.
ukrainsky variant:
-Hectare?
russky variant:
-I do not believe in everything that you to me saidi.
ukrainsky variant:
-Tyu!
opyat?
ukraina. Farm. A painted sun blind in a mazany hut swings open, a garn of a divchin Oksana spreads a magnificent breast on a window sill and loudly calls in okno:
-Mykola-a! Pod to Maine!
IZ of beds with turnip rises ordinary-looking kazachishko in the uncombed bryl, with the drooped moustaches, and it is sad asks:
-Shcho?. Again ibstys?!
-That, - is conciliatory Oksana answers. - A borsch I will pour!
lesnoy koshmar
khokhol meets halfway on the wood, suddenly to it the huge boar jumps out. Both stiffen, ostolbenev.
- The Boar! - scaredly the Ukrainian thinks hokhol.
-! - scaredly thinks kaban.
klyatye moskali
malysh asks deda-ukraintsa:
-Dida why you do not drive the car?
-klyaty Russians do not love us, do not give us nefti.
-Dida and why at our place the gas stove does not work?
-klyaty Russians do not love us, do not give us gaza.
-Dida and why our gene pool is reduced? I say to
-Yes, klyaty Russians do not love us!

*****

The Russian soldier sits and eats fat. The colleague Ukrainian and asks:
-That approaches it, a parcel from the house received?
-Sent, - the Ukrainian answers. - And you that, want fat?
-AGA.
-Well, write, let will send.

*****

The Russian asks at ukraintsa:
- And the truth, what Ukraine the certain state now?
-Truth! We have the flag, both the coat of arms, and the anthem!
-I the language?
-Yes, ukrainska of a mov!
-A as in Ukrainian hand?
-Ruka.
-A foot?
-Noga.
-A ass?
-Sraka.
-I that, because of one sraka at you the flag, the coat of arms and the anthem?

*****

Since July 1 for the citizens of Ukraine leaving in the USA are entered into questionnaires three new punkta:
1) That he looks for in the far-away country?
2) Who was thrown by it in the native land?
3) On how many threw?

*****

Marriage the objyavleniy:
khokhlushka-laugher looks for a subject in the newspaper in the section a bulbasha-pencil. Uzbek chebureks request ne
bespokoitsya.

*****

The most intimate dream of Ukrainians - that the Iraq-Texas oil pipeline passed through Ukraine.

*****

Today, on June 3 - the most terrible day in world aviatsii.
segodnya Day of troops of air defense in Ukraine.

*****

The family of Ukrainians, the son asks at ottsa:
- The Father, and who such п#дор?
- the Freak!
TUT interferes mama:
- At a bottom.

*****

The Ukrainian in the elevator sits, spoils. The second comes, with the smoking cigarette in zybakh.
1 (groaning): - And you probably. y-y-y. from Moscow?.
2: - Yes, from Moscow. And how you learned?
1: - And y us in elevators. y-y. do not smoke.

*****

The shchiry Ukrainian sits at a table, navorachivat a borsch. Suddenly the fly - bzzzzz flies by... The Ukrainian eats further. A fly again - bzzzzz... The Ukrainian loured and further
navorachivayet. A fly again - bzzzzz... The Ukrainian - crack! - beat a fly. Takes it for wings, smotrit:
-Well sho, the Russian? Dolitavsya?

*****

Two Ukrainians in an entrenchment sit, and suddenly on them because of a hillock the German tank leaves. And the strange stench spread on okopu.
-Mykola, I feel that you usratsya z to the repole!
-! Qie not z to the repole - tse z fierce hatred!

*****

The Georgian and the Ukrainian sit, food eat (have dinner). The Georgian speaks:
-Give sol.
-He Saul, and sil, a chock non-russian!

*****

Two Ukrainians sit. One reads the book and briskly speaks drugomu:
-to Golopi%denko! Look a yak the surname - Einstein is wonderful!

*****

- How many it is necessary Ukrainians to twirl a bulb in a chandelier? - five - one costing
on a table holds a bulb, and four others twist a table.

*****

- Heard, Mikola, sho at us shcha in Ukraine the most tall person lives in the world? And everything grows and grows!
-Well and sho?
-So understood now, sho such democracy and freedom? As were exempted from Russians, so at last
-A started growing.

*****

Shchirny Ukrainians gathered. One of them asks:
- Moskaliv is mute here?
- is mute, - answer emu.
- is Precisely mute?
- for sure.
- Well then let's talk in Russian...

*****

Meeting in the Village Council. Predsedatel:
- The Floor is asked by the former Banderovite Panas of Golovko.
kriki with mest:
-Is not present! Not to pledge the word to the Banderovite! But it wants to act as
-on ecological temu.
- Then let speaks.
-Boys, protect the woods! They still will be useful to you!

*****

The old Ukrainian nationalist on the congress on ecology. Decided to act on a favourite subject, but with a bias in ecology that from a tribune not poperli:
-Look, what rivers, lousy in Ukraine... Yes...
-Look at
-, what trees, lousy in Ukraine...
-Yes...
-will come time Soon, what not will where drown or hang up this klyaty Russian!

*****

The student in Ukraine entered the institute, gathered the necessary number of points, passed competition and Mother, є sends to mother telegrammu:
-balls, to manut primut.
-Donechk, that do not find fault to enut, ABBA studied.

*****

The son at the Ukrainian married, and here the first marriage night, and at it not poluchayetsya:
-Batko, ne lize!
-of Sho ne lize?
-Х#й at пи$ду ne lize! You grease
-A with a smetanka!
-Father, ne lize!
-of Sho ne lize?
-Х#й at a krinka ne lize...

*****

The sonny asks mamu-hakhlushku:
-Mother! And cheesecake red?
-Red, synku.
-... with black specks?.
-Well. Happens and with pyatnyshkami.
-. and with short moustaches?
-You that, a pig, again ladybugs got drunk?!

*****

Only pigs can claim that Ukrainians are guilty of everything!

*****

The tourist in Kiev asked the passerby to tell story of a monument to Bogdan of Hmelnitskomu.
-History such is, - there began a passerby. - Bogdan Polish shlyakhtichy crushed and returned with a victory to the city. Drove on a horse on a hill, and round one thousand people. He extended before itself(himself)
bulavu and said: "Healthy bulls, gramadyana Ukrainians!" In reply sounded: "Zdgastvuy, tovagishch Bogdan!". Here it also hardened...

*****

At a zoo to stand poruch (nearby) ros_yanin і the ukra§neets і rozglyadayut for zagoroddyu zhirafu.
ros_yanin mr_ylivo (pensively) speaks:
-From a yakba in exchange bulo to a dovga gorlechko, I vipiv a glass, pok alkogol
d_yshov to a shlunka, sk_lk I zadovolennya d_stav!
-Ha! And yak bi ti rigav??

*****

Ask the inhabitant of Kiev who is guilty that Kiev so suffered as a result of Chernobyl avarii.
- The Prince Ky! Why founded the city so close from the reactor?

*****

Ukraine...
bolshaya a family, 5 divchin, 5 hloptsev.
vse divchina is married, 4 boys are married. The mat.
-Mykola, dyvys, Gala addresses to the single! Jac of a garn maiden. Figure skater ets... You want?
That I do not want, mother...
-A of wons, Oksana, yaky father rich, skotynka e..., bird e... pennies e...
khochesh?
That I do not want, mamo.
mat in serdtsakh:
-A whom you want? Of Pyotr I want
-Ya...
Yak?!!! Wines Russian! :-[]

*****

Ukraine categorically against carrying out frontier on a bottom of the Sea of Azov.
- The Ukrainian boundary dogs flatly refuse to serve in aqualungs.

*****

Ukraine. Summer. Heat. Donkeys shout. Flies fly. In the house the Ukrainian sits at a table. It is boring for it. It opens a window and oret:
-Mykola! Go to pass! Gorilka e, tsigar e, we will sit, pobalakay!
B answer silence. Minutes through 10 it again oret:
-Mykola! Go to pass! Gorilka e, tsigar e, we will sit, pobalakay!
B answer silence. Even minutes through the 10th crest Mykola shouts opyat:
-! Go to pass! Gorilka e, tsigar e, we will sit, pobalakay! House window
IZ opposite leans out the sweaty, tousled crest and krichit:
-Yes ebus I that it died!

*****

- Ukraine sends troops to restore order in Irake.
- Why?
- home to not bully.

*****

Ukraine started providing humanitarian aid to Muslims of Iraq. The first echelon with fat in way!

*****

Ukraine submitted the application for the introduction in NATO.
TEPER she waits when NATO adds her as a friend and does note on photos.

*****

- Why Ukraine celebrates the Independence Day on August 24?
-Because is necessary to Ukrainians the Russian gas in the winter...

*****

The Ukrainian speaks to the son pepepostku:
-Gritsko, it is time to marry to you, look how many maids goes. Here, for example, Galinka!
-Yes are not wanted by me mother, I ee.
- And here do not kokhat Tatyank!
-Yes is not pleasant it mene.
- And hto it is pleasant to you?
grisha reddens, looks away and speaks:
-Vanya.
mamko in uzhase:
-So wines the Russian!

*****

Ukrainian village. At young the first marriage night. Parents of the young sleep in the neighboring room. The door creaked...
-of That of Toby syncou.
-Batko lize.
-So you are yoga at a glechik z smetankoyu.
through some time opyat:
-Batko lize.
-That I show Toby at a glechik...
-So at a glechik lize.

*****

Ukrainian wedding. In a dymina the drunk groom, sleeps at a table, the friend and speaks:
-Mykola approaches it, wake up, you on svadbe.
zhenikh:
-Ik... At whose wedding?
-Yes at your wedding! You zhenilsya.
-I married today?! And who is she? Yes we its sense also did not see
-. You got acquainted with it and in three days zhenilsya.
-As though her name is? Yes we do not remember
-, chi Galya, chi Polina...
zhenikh (clutching at the head):
-of Chipolinno?!

*****

The Ukrainian climbers rose by Everest one day later, than rossiyskiye.
eto allowed them to set at top the Ukrainian flag and to remove Russian.

*****

The Ukrainian nationalists put forward the new program of revival of Ukraine. The program consists of three punktov.
1) to Banish Tatars from the Crimea of
2) to Elect the new president of
3) to Sell the old

*****

The Ukrainian ornithologists noticed new feature of behavior of migratory birds. Now when calling air space of Ukraine geese carry out antiantiaircraft maneuver.