Jokes about peoples

Read funny Jokes about Ukrainians

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Paris, cafe, two French drink coffee. - You know Louis as svinyatnik in Ukraine call the city. How?? You will believe
He - ZAPARIZHYE.
UUUUU - would kill.

*****

Two Ukrainian cops patrol the road. Catch the maiden and ask eyo:
-You hto?
-Manekenshchitsa.
-of Qie yak?
-I go in beautiful clothes on podiumu.
-Clearly. Mykola, write - "бл@дь" .
potom catch druguyu.
-You hto?
-Naturshchitsa.
-of Qie yak?
-I Undress, and the artist me risuyet.
-it is clear. Mykola, write - "бл@дь" .
potom catch tretyyu.
-You hto?
-Prostitutka.
-of Qie yak?
-I go from a column to stolbu.
-Clearly. Mykola, write - "electrician".

*****

The Ukrainian through border moves. His customs officers sprashivayut:
-Well, the uncle that you carry? Perhaps drugs, gold? Gold
-not May, and shcho tse "drugs"?
-Well, as if to explain to you is about what are wild and baldeyut.
- And, tse. So from the yogi here tsily klumok.
-Where? And well we will look..... Tyu, so this fat! What fat drug?
-of Mozhe, tse i not drug, Alya I vid the nyy go bananas...

*****

The crowded bus in Kiev. There is an Ukrainian in wide trousers with mountain moustaches. On a seat the 100% Black opposite sits and reads the Zhovtnevy Prapor newspaper on ukraiinskoy movi.
khokhol it so carefully asks: And sho, sir rozumy our mova?
NEGR: And a yak zhe.
khokhol, after thought: So to a mozha sir shche y Ukrainian?
NEGR: And a yak zhe.
khokhol, after long thought: And I tod who?
NEGR: That to a mozha and Russian.

*****

- Petro, and you wash?
-Yes at richke.
- And in the winter?
-Yes how many that winter!

*****

- Petro, catch a pole-axe! (an axe in Ukrainian)
-of He …
-You not hekay, you show, having caught, chi?

*****

... A penguin - a bird rare. Means, has to reach the middle of Dnieper.

*****

Letter of the Ukrainian student home: "Left fat!!! Hi, mother …"

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The Ukrainian across Mississippi floats. Suddenly someone grabs it a heel. The Ukrainian turns around - "In Sho tse take?" Nobody responds. Floats further - again someone drop down for a heel - "Sho tse take?"
opyat silence. Floats further - someone again be enough for a heel - the Ukrainian wants to turn back, but leaves under water. From under water the muzzle of a crocodile - "Sho tse take, Sho tse take leans out... Qie
-crocodile!"

*****

Under the reached agreement Russia will sell to Ukraine gas at $230,
A Ukraine will buy it from Russia for $95. When learned about it in Israel - Sharon was enough blow.

*****

The Ukrainian visited Spain (U1), arrived, well and this business discusses (U2)
(U2) with the friend - Well y that ti bachiv there?
(U1) - Bullfight bachiv. (U2) - And that tse?
(U1) - Yes there vbili.
(U2) - That for shcho hammered a small bichk?
(U1) - That vin is hefty rozserdivsya.
(U2) - That that vin rozserdivsya?
(U1) - That tobi before a muzzle a moskalsky flag would pomotat!

*****

Mean revelry of science. The other day in Kiev scientists-wreckers brought the pig consisting of pure meat. Fat gram. At once after that they were broken off by the flown into a rage crowd.

*****

There went an Ukrainian to Spain, returned and rasskazyvayet:
-Drove to exchange on bullfight. Bullfight - that prick vivodyat a bik, and the boy before yoga a nose a chorvony prapor rozmakhivaye.
-Well y shcho bik to quail?
-A shcho ti robiv, Toby's yak before a nose a chorvony prapor of a makhala?

*****

One Ukrainian of another on a visit for lunch called. Well, that on a hungry stomach was secured, waits for some food. And the owner a sigarette at him shoots and the market long gets. Smoked, chatted...
khozyain - again starts a sigarette, and again conversations and so to most vechera.
gost does not stand, vstayet:
-Well, all right Mikol, thanks for a lunch, I will go...
-A you next time with the wife come for a lunch!
-Is not present, Mikol's thanks, it at me non-smoking...

*****

Called the godfather's godmothers on a visit. Set the table: torch, jelly, all honor to honor. Leaving, the guest asks:
-Qom, and the godfather, from what at you a jelly?
-From a horse-flesh, kum.
- And why such firm, how iron? That wife forgot a horseshoe to tear off
-.

*****

Gagarin departed to space. The little Ukrainian runs on the village and shouts in everything gorlo:
-Dida, Dida, Russians departed to space!!!
A the grandfather old sits quietly, smokes and asks:
-Jac, Wuxi at once?

*****

Americans of the spy sent to Ukraine. He lived in Ukraine, learned language, customs, traditions. In 2 years there is it on the road, and a navtrech the grandfather. The grandfather bows to it and speaks: "Hi,
amerikansky spy" Spy with astonishment: "Yes what I am the American spy - I to garen the boy! "
" da what you garen boy, Niger gubaty"

*****

After long searches of orientation to the West or on the East, Ukraine chose nonconventional orientation.

*****

After accident of the shuttle "Colombia", the commission on investigation of causes of accident first of all requested data on the last maneuvers of air defense of Ukraine.

*****

Put the Ukrainian boy to protect a warehouse with the weapon. Approaches prokhozhiy
- And that you protect here?
-Machine guns, machine guns, rifles... You all this tell
-A of that to me? I can the spy?
avtomatnaya ochered.
-You bach, yak of a bough!

*****

Why in Ukraine love fat?
PO to the same reason why in Austria love garlic: The Austrians do not love vampires, and Ukrainians - Jews.

*****

- Whether the truth, what Ukraine turned facing Europe?
-Is not present, it only bent down in front of Russia.

*****

There arrived a sucker from the city to the farm. Well his mother raasks:
-Well yak there to the sonny?
-That. Hlopts show sho I the sucker!
-Well yakiya zhe you are a sucker?
-A show sho konkretniya!

*****

There arrived foreigners to collective farm, get acquainted with life of peasants. Notice that in huts there are no bathtubs. Ask hokhlushku:
- And where you wash?
-So wines in ozere.
- And in the winter?
-So skilk of that winter?!

*****

The Ukrainian nationalist after meeting, tired, hungry comes home, looks,
lift at an entrance works, runs to the apartment, and there the wife on gas cooks food,
tomu already poplokhet, comes into a bathtub, and there hot voda.
spolzaya on a wall, shepchet:
-Everything, again invaders returned!

*****

The western Ukrainian comes to Communist Party committee and speaks:
-Accept me at KP.
-V what KP??
-That in KP - CC... And tell
-in KPSS.
- That, I to a vzha having entered CC!

*****

The godfather to the godmother in gosti.
-Well comes give, the godmother that to eat, and there we will have a look...
Ha a table stood two bowls, and the godfather took himself big and was accepted est.
-Hey, the godmother! And why it is your dog on me growls? You from its bowl eat
-A.

*****

The Chukchi to doktoru:
- The Doctor comes, make to me that-nibut with brains, and that was tortured already about us the Chukchi by jokes travit.
doktor made to it cranial trepanation, looks - and there one crinkle and that straight line, he took it and put an anesthesia cross-nakrest.
posle the Chukchi woke up, approaches a mirror, hair smoothed and speaks:
-Well yakiya I am a mountain hlopchik!

*****

Came on a visit to the Ukrainian of godmothers. They sit, a torch consume, and the owner notices that the godfather everything leans on fat, it was a pity for it for fat, well it and speaks:
-Qom, you this, tomatoes salty try, sharp!
-That, at exchange and fat stupid...

*****

The Ukrainian came to restaurant, drank a small decanter, called up it the waiter and asks:
-Sho there in a corner is blackened? It is ZhYDI?!
-Is not present, it royal.
- And sho there in a corner is grown white, ZhYDI!?!?
-Is not present, keys on royale.
- And sho they kaki zheltenk?
-So after all are made of an ivory!
-From a zhyda the proklyatushchy! Well poshto elephant of a zmordovala?!

*****

Let's sell lunar grunt.
predoplata 100%. Samovyvoz.
khokhlam discounts.

*****

The Ukrainian (x) the mother sells. Other Ukrainian (X) approaches:
(X) - how much mummy?
(x) - ten shekels!
(X) - and why it is so expensive?!
(x) - So, money are necessary.

*****

There was a ship-wreck... only 2 Ukrainians survived and came up on malenkiy
ostrovok... two days, three days sit... week, month. also see as terpit
krusheniye one more ship and 2 girls escape, come up on the neighboring island... Odna
devushka it is soon womanly undresses and krichit:
- Children! Want what did not try for a long time?
ODIN the Ukrainian jumps in water and with a mad speed FAT floats to that island bystro
povtoryaya "! FAT! FAT! FAT! FAT!"

*****

- Pysay, sonny, pysay!
- The Mother, does not pysatsya! The Yak you will pysat
-, after all you on pysyu having come!

*****

Two talk lesbiyanki:
-Listen, you do not know incidentally why in Italy there are a lot of Ukrainians?
-Well, simply people with the most beautiful languages to each other last.

*****

Tell conversation of two Jews in Odesse:
-please, on what to me to sit down to get on Degibasovskaya?
-you Sit down on an ass, already on Degibasovskaya!

*****

The difference between the Ukrainian and ukraintsem:
- The Ukrainian from capital letter writes the word "Ukraine", the Ukrainian from capital letter writes the word "Fat".
- The Ukrainian lives in Ukraine, and the Ukrainian - where is better.

*****

Morning early earlier. The farm in fog. Divchina kitchen gardens makes the way domoy.
mat with a hvorostina caught for it and give luptsevat:
-you the bull the she-devil such?.
-Oh mother!! Maine the boy kokhav (loved)!
MAT in ispuge:
-Jac kokhav?
-Oh mother... That in pisyu, in a bottom, in pisyu, in a bottom...
-Silly woman! It you eb!!
-Oh!!!

*****

The veteran of war tells, hokhol.
-Somehow I and three more Russians was caught by Germans and forced shit is. Russians did not sustain and died, and I am living remained. In as!
-A as you survived? I luchshenky chose
-A!