Jokes about peoples

Read funny Jokes about the Chechens

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In Moscow robbed bank. There arrived investigators, study matheral evidences. Around journalists turn, ask
mentov:
-Well, what can do this it again Chechens?
Te otvechayut:
-Well. Traces human...

*****

As a result of the next operation in Chechnya the following fighters were detained: KamAZ of Waste, Blasting Foundations, Running of
debilov, Stole Shells, Stealing of BelAZ, the Car of g@ndon and Hachik H@ev.

*****

In the center of the aul two mountaineers argue. Both excited, are ready to shoot down each other from guns. One of the arguing
utverzhdayet, what in the aul day, another - noch.
ostanovili the man passing by, was brought to his head by guns and sprashivayut:
-Answer, day in the aul or night? I do not know
-A, I not from your aul, - the man answered and walked away.

*****

In Chechnya war. On the road by Grozny there is a family. Ahead the mother-in-law, is farther some wives, children. And head of
pletetsya family behind. Russians ask a post muzhika:
- And why you go behind all, not according to the Koran somehow it turns out, you are a man! That that otvechayet:
- And unless in the Koran something is written to
Ha about minefields?.

*****

The announcement hangs and on it is written: "The young intelligent Chechen will rent apartment in your house".

*****

Voyentur offers:
unikalnye Chechnya tours on T-72! Achkhoy-Mortan, Vedeno, Grozny... You pay only for diesel fuel. Departure - in process of
komplektovaniya of battalions.

*****

Here the column on march - shines the sun, armored troop-carriers, tanks, at the head the gallant colonel move (or,
dopustim, the batyanya-battalion commander). Here because of the next hillock there are bearded Chechens led by authoritative field
komandirom.
-A well stop! - the authority then the situation can quite develop orders as in known anekdote.
-Lay down arms and lay down the person in sand, and we will shoot down that, - demands field komandir.
polkovnik starts something muttering (i.e. expresses a resolute protest), but Chechens distort locks. To do
nechego, it is necessary to submit. When the last armored personnel carrier hides behind the hill, the faithful fighting companion of Pasha Mercedes of
vstayet, shakes off, and then (having looked around) asks staff a question: "And know, they us did not shoot down
pochemu?" "Why?" - the shy question follows. "Yes because we - Army! Army! Army!"

*****

The drunk mountaineer came into movie theater. Ahead the huge big fellow sits, and his head covered all screen. The mountaineer of
tolknul ahead of sitting and asks:
-Hey, the friend, what show there?
-of Jackie of CHAN.
- And it not you are Jackie Chan? You took
-C of that? - was indignant zritel.
-I Swear, I except you see nobody.

*****

Exhibition vooruzheniya.
eksponat N1. Russian rocket of the class "Death to a Goat to Dudaev". It is directed at a signal mobile radiostantsii.
eksponat by N2. Chechen rocket of the class "From a Goat I Hear". It is directed at shout "Hallo! Shamil Basayev?! Speak louder!"

*****

Somewhere between Chechnya and Ingushetia -
patsiyent stomatologu:
- And at you, the doctor, at most any zuba.
stomatolog:
-Well you know our laws - a murder for a murder, tooth for tooth.

*****

- Where your son, Abdurrahman?
-B uletel.
-One released Moscow? You are not afraid of
-Odnogo.
-?
-A of that to be afraid? Behind it, speak, all Moscow militia looks after. Day and night do not take eyes from it.

*****

2020... Novosti:
yesterday in the territory of the Chechen republic the column of internal troops was fired, in an ambush there was a person without
nog and one hand, eyewitnesses identified in it the famous field commander Shamil Basayev. Despite all attempts of
skhvatit of the criminal, the terrorist managed to leave.

*****

The mountaineer leaned against a monument to the leader. Approaches militsioner:
-do not play the fool. Go domoy.
-Not I put it and I am not going to drag it.

*****

- Ladies and gentlemen! Acts …
-Keep silent …
-A why I have to be silent?!
-Because everything love silent Chechens!

*****

The grandfather Basayev tells grandsons about the podvigakh:
- And here, seized us with Hattab of a gyaura. Interrogate: "Where your people are hidden, where the weapon, in what banks money?
otvechayte, and that we will shoot!" Hattab was frightened, all told them, the traitor...
-A you, grandfather, how?
-A shot me

*****

The passenger goes to a taxi in Grozny. It still in Soviet vremena.
kogda already arrived, asks:-How many I have to?
taksist, of course, bright, but not ran into that, answers:-To the state of 80 kopeks, and me-20. Total 1 rub of
passazhir speaks:-With the state I already in calculation, and hold 20 kopeks!

*****

If at your place the small jar with the cut-off parts of the captured soldier is stored in the cellar, you are a Chechen.

*****

If the Chechen departed to space, two people - Chechens with pride and Ingushs with envy would be lost......

*****

The man in a mosque with a knife in a hand runs and shouts at all mosque: "Who believes in Allah here???!!! "
Bce sit, are silent...
A it again: "I asked who believes in Allah here???!!! "The boy also tells
vstayot: "I trust. "
muzhik brought him for the territory of a mosque where on a meadow rams were grazed, killed one lamb and gave to the boy from
slovami: "Believe in Allah further, the boy! "
zatem the man returned back to a mosque and is again also loud: "Who else believes in Allah here???!!! "
uvidev blood on a knife blade praying thought that it is the boy's blood, and came in uzhas.
a the man is not appeased: "Who believes in Allah here???!!! "
TUT rises some guy and speaks: "Of course, the imam believes in Allah! "
golos of the imam: "What do you lie, I passed by and came to the friend here?!"

*****

Teroristy-Chechen seized the plane. One terrorist goes on salon and asks a pasazhirovimen. Approaches
girl and asks:
-What is your name?
Fatima, - answers ona
chechenets was deeply moved and speaks:
-my late mother was called Fatima. You will be released as soon as we arrive in the airport!
podkhodit to the young man who was sitting next asks a name, and that otvechayet:
-My name is Ivan, but friends Fatima call!

*****

Means, the column of the Russian tanks across Chechnya goes.
IH meet by fire there, some tanks already burn, it is visible, as the rest soon the end nastupit.
iz one tank leans out the commander and krichit:
-Kto-nibud, tell Chechens that war was won by us!

*****

There is a war in Chechnya. On the road about Grozny there is a family. Ahead the mother-in-law, is farther some wives, deti.
a the head of family trudges behind. Russians ask a post muzhika:
- And why you go behind all, not according to the Koran somehow it turns out, you are a man!? That that otvechayet:
- And unless in the Koran something is written to
Ha about minefields...

*****

There is a man, Quaker, across the destroyed by bombing Grozny, with full arms, a bazooka and other personal belongings,
poteryanny such is seen, meets patrul:
-Men, I here wander 3 hours, remained nobody, where here the following level?

*****

There is a meeting Chechen teppopistov.
ppedsedatel:
- And now will honor memory of our brother of Ali.
abdylla:
-who was lost at a mortgage of a bomb....!? What happened? It seems and explosive took good American and the timer abrupt Japanese....... Yes it the timer transferred
predsedatel:
-to summer time.

*****

It is known that during fight for the Caucasus during the Great Patriotic War Germans were stopped near Malgobek. The history tells
ofitsialnaya about courage of the Soviet soldiers protecting approaches to the Grozny oil. But we after all
znayem that it only part of the truth of Smile))
VOT as was everything on most dele:
fashistskiye troops approached Malgobek, but ran on fierce resistance of Ingushs. Efforts of fascists of
prorvat defense were vain - Ingushs died in the last ditch. Fights became more fiercely, but Germans could not to
prodvinutsya a step. Concerned by a delay in advance of troops, Hitler rings on the Malgobeksky front generalu:
-what business, the general why we stand?
-Oh, Main the Fuhrer, - are answered by the general, - we cannot take Malgobek!
-But why? It after all only savages, and you are armed with the newest German weapon, your Tigers, Panthers!
-Oh, Main the Fuhrer, even the best tanks do not help - their armor melts from the Ingush show off...

*****

Somehow Caucasians of a wolf caught and decided it to teach to razgavorivat, the first there began Dagestanis as
U them did not turn out, Kabardians, Balkars, etc. so far then undertook the turn did not reach the Chechen. He took an iiiya lash kaaaak to
udaril of a wolf and speaks to it: nokhch vu?, and the wolf answers it: to a vuuuuuu...!!!

*****

Well, Ingushs gathered and solve: here, type, Chechens became famous for the whole world. also something is necessary to us such
uchudit that and about us started talking. For the second day on news report: the group of the Chechen terrorists took
kreml and impudently claim that they are Ingushs.

*****

Purchase of journalists, for an exchange for the Russian prisoners of war in Chechnya.

*****

Dzhokhar Dudaev, Boris Yeltsin and Clinton flies. Fly by air space of the USA the alarm and attack of
samolyota begins, Clinton contacts the and speaks:
-Children, it I Bill we simply shutim.
obstrel stops at once, fly by air space of Russia. Same attack, Yeltsin also p% $дит.
proletayut air space of the Chechen Republic of Ichkeria. Dzhokhar asks:
-you took parachutes? My children do not love
TE:
-Net.
dzhokhar:
-A shutit.
i jumps out with a parachute of the plane.

*****

The plane with paratroopers flies - Chechnya bombit.
chechensky the terrorism it seems is, and here Chechen terrorists are not present

*****

Dudaev, Yeltsin and Bush fly somehow by plane. Fly by America and fighters start shooting at them. "It is
nashi joke!" - Bush speaks. Fly by Russia and air defense starts shooting at them. "It is ours joke!" - Yeltsin speaks.
proletayut Chechnya. Dudaev dresses a parachute and is going to jump off. "You that, Dzhovkhar?" - ask Dudaev. "And our
NE joke!" - Dudaev answers.

*****

Putin, Clinton, Blair fly in the plane, leaves pilot:
- At us on a wing the devil sits, from a muzer at a covering shoots, will punch the khan nam.
klinton pilotu:
-Tell that money of ladies, euro repair transferred in a hell of cdelayet.
pilot. The devil is not appeased, everything scorches on a covering, Blair calls pilota:
-Tell that 3 islands I will give also Ireland poluchit.
. The devil is not appeased, everything scorches, already in windows to aim. Putin calls pilota:
-Tell that well shoots, to Chechnya will go...
(the devil as a wind blew off)

*****

Little Vova found pulemet
bolshe in Chechnya nobody lives.

*****

Cops conduct interrogation, interrogate chechentsa.
pod a nose stick a knife and shouting at it ask: Hun of a doyza h1ar Urse, doyz?!!!!! (you learn this knife, you learn?!!!)
A that answers them: Doyz! (I learn!)
menty: And hayn h1itsalts tsa doyz h1und Bahar akh?!!!!!! (So why you all this time said, what you do not learn?!!!)
chechenets: Doyz fly tsa doyz, ash Sung and Urse H1okh of tires battakh measures k1el ha 1utsh hilcha!!!!!! (as to me not to learn if this knife to me within two months thrust
VY under nose!!!!)

*****

On a post stopped the Chechen: "Your documents!". "What documents?!" - the Chechen is indignant, - "I am national
artist, all know me, you that?!". "Akh!", - in reply to it the greenhorn with the machine gun, - "in the afternoon all of you are actors".

*****

The brick fell on the head of the militiaman. The Chechen passing by, vozmushchayetsya:
- The Disgrace! And if there was a person?!

*****

On a fork of three roads in Chechnya there is a federal soldier. Before it kamen:
"you will go On the left - will kill. To the right you will go - will kill. You will directly go - will kill with" .
"What to do?" - the federal soldier thinks. Here the internal voice speaks to it: "Think quicker, and that will kill directly here!"

*****

- As this noise bothered! So there is a wish to go to have a rest somewhere - in a quiet place … To Ingushetia, for example …

*****

Night near Grozny. The group of vakhabit brings down towards mountains, ahead a field. One "kamandyr" tells Basayevu:
-Listen, and that if a this minefield, huh?
BASAYEV:
-of Bez of a market forward! Do as I - one foot here, another there!