Jokes about peoples

Read funny Jokes about Russian

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What is "that is ti - that is that-that"? It is new Russian in foreign otele
zakazyvayet two teas in the twenty second number.

*****

The six-hundredth gelding drives behind in a skating rink. Gets out of the car zdorovennyy
detina and starts calling on a mobile phone to the gaishniku.
through some time the police wheelbarrow, from it vykhodit
gaishnik stops, approaches the driver of a skating rink, takes him aside and zadushevno
shepchet:
-Well, tell. As overtook... As cut...

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- I, so with cool equipment - all from "Rebok" -
maska. flippers. tube. I take the boat for 500 dollars I drive off ot
berega on half a kilometer. then I dive and I float to the coast. and kater
za me. I swim up to a beach. I get up from water. and

*****

Ha the island after crash of the ship got the American, the Russian and the Ukrainian. Savages caught them and speak kazhdomu:
-to receive to pie and to take off from here, it is necessary to pay hundred dollars, or to eat a bucket of onions or you all tribe trakhayet.
amerikanets: - Easily! - gets hundred dollars and uplyvayet.
russky: - Easily! Onions bucket to me! - choking, eats up and uplyvayet.
khokhol: - Easily! Onions bucket to me!
nachinayet is. Ate polvedra.
-Is not present, I cannot more! Give bang better!
plemya bangs, passed 5 chelovek.
-That shcheb you skazitsya! Give the boat! - also gets hundred dollars.

*****

Nezalezhna Ukraine. City of Kiev. There are two men. The passerby approaches them and asks as to pass on the Khreshchatyk. To it in otvet:
-Sho?
povtoryaet a question on angliyskom.
-Sho?
Ha nemetskom.
-Sho?
Ha frantsuzskom.
-Sho? Having received
He the answer the passerby goes further. One man to another speaks:
-Divys Petro, yaks the clever person, how many many languages knows!
-Well and sho helped tse to it?

*****

We Broadcast "news" on Ukpaine:
-sport news. Yesterday again sportilos fat!

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The new coat of arms of Ukraine after Chernobyl: two-headed Ukrainian.

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And here one more from the western Ukraine. Two meet pana.
(1) - And sho the sir palyt? - palyt "Java" .
(1) - And sho the sir awaking Ban with
(2) palyt a yak without awaking "Reality"? - the sir awaking Todi with
(2) palyt I "Will accept" .
(1) - And a yak and "Accept" without awaking?
(2) - Todi piydemo palyt to a silrad.

*****

Army: Political occupations: Ppapop:
-Mykola. What is the Homeland?
M: - I know He, the companion ppapopshchik.
p: - Муд#к you, Mykola! Khabibulin, what such Homeland?
H: - The homeland is my MOTHER!
P: - Well, Mykola, what such Homeland?
M: - The homeland is mother of Habibulina.
p: - Mudak you, е# your mother! The homeland is and your MOTHER! Got that?
M: - Ponyal.
p: - Well and that you understood!?
M: - I am Khabibulin's brother!!!

*****

Americans, having learned that in Ukraine developed new option of the hryvnia supporting 21 extents of protection come to Kiev with a request to show a novelty - a pier, how so - at
dollara only of 20 degrees what it is possible to think up?
khokhly hold demonstrations. For test speak, the piece of polyethylene and a piece of fat is required. Got both. Put on a table new hryvnia with Bogdan's image of
khmelnitskogo. Cover it with transparent polyethylene, take belongings of fat and slowly drive it on a table. The effect - Bogdan Khmelnytsky's look is constantly directed towards
sala. Americans shocked. Ouch yes Ukrainians! Having a little bit departed from seen, one American puzzly asks:
-Well, but allow why beat this polyethylene is necessary!
-That, tse shob did not uzhrat! - unperturbably the Ukrainian expert answers.

*****

The Englishman has the wife and the mistress. Loves zhenu.
frantsuz has the wife and the mistress. Loves lyubovnitsu.
evrey has the wife and the mistress. Loves mamu.
russky has the wife and the mistress. Loves vodku.
ukrainets has the wife and the mistress. Loves Fat.

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The Armenian radio sprashivayut:
- What most unsuccessful Ukrainian surname?
armyanskoye of radio otvechayet:
- Moskalenko.

*****

The Armenian radio sprashivayut:
-Hazovit the most unsuccessful Russian Familiyu.
-Khokhlov.

*****

- The father, Maria at the house?
-. And sho you hotiv? That hotiv it a stick postavity.
-That deliver to
-it in an outer entrance hall.

*****

- Bachish as Muscovites nazyvayut our borsch?
- Yak?
- Pe-he first (mockingly)
- Povbyvav would ...

*****

Benderovets comes with a sawn-off shotgun in Moscow trolleybus:
-Panov! Kotra of a godyn? (what time is it now)
tryasushchiysya the Black rises and speaks:
-Dvadtsyat godyn forty of these hvylyn trydtsyat five seconds!
benderovets:
-Are full, full, to the son and so vydno shcho you are not a Russian!

*****

Two ykpaintsa:
-of Petro, ti zna?sh, a yak of a stench kazhut on ours "Shabl" talk?
-Jac?
-"Silently, Girls"!

*****

In Kiev there passed the presentation of the saloimitator developed by the Ukrainian scientists.

*****

In Moscow survey was conducted. On a question "What do you think of Ukrainians who come to Moscow? "
40 of % answered: "And sho to us, - do not find fault to §nut! "
40 of % answered: "Slyushay daragy, start up go and! "
20 of % answered: "And to we do not care, we not local!"

*****

In one compartment the Ukrainian and two Black students go. The Ukrainian gets bread, fat,
pomidory and begins with taste is. Sho, boys notices hungry eyes negrov.
-, hochit ist?
glotaya slobbers, those nod. The neighbor good-natured parts hands:
-Izvinyayte, boys, bananas of a nem!

*****

In the Parisian cafe the elderly German sits, drinks coffee, and a row the company of mountain boys drinks covertly moonshine and jams salom.
nemets in perplexity: "Forgive, misters, you from where?"
-Yes from Ukraine!
-A that this such: Ukraine?
-Not the zalezhny power, grandfather! At us both the coat of arms, and the anthem, and a flag!
-A where it?
-You sho went balmy? At us both a flag, and the coat of arms, and the anthem. You sho do not know Donbass?
-U of my father there of mine were still. But same Russia!
-Absolutely sduret, old! At us both a flag, and the coat of arms, and the anthem. Crimea!
-Ya of young men was at war in the Crimea with Russians. But same too Russia! And what language at you?
-Ukrayinsky! Derzhavna of a mov!
-A as in Ukrainian will be "foot"?
-Foot, grandfather!
-A "hand"?
-Hand!
nemets pribaldet: And "bum"?!!
-of Srak!
-So you because of one SRAKI invented the coat of arms, the anthem and a flag?

*****

In Russia three troubles: Fools, roads and the national team on futbolu.
a in Ukraine five: Fools, roads, Russia, national team on soccer of Russia and the soccer national team.

*****

In Ukraine in there is a verrkhovna is glad!
A of that won is glad?
A that sho not a thought!!

*****

In the Ukrainian hut the man wakes up in the morning and sees before himself the wife who set on him obrez:
-Petro, you are the foreign spy!
-of Tyu! Sdurela woman! You in a dream spoke
-Russian!

*****

At the Ukrainian school there is urok.
uchitelnitsa asks:
-Dit, a yak a nation for half of liter zrobe vse?
Russians, - chorus answer ucheniki.
-Pravilno! And yak nation of Lubeh pennies, safes, banks?
Kikes, - chorus answer ucheniki.
-Pravilno! And a yak the nation will sell mats, a tattoo for chervonets?
B a class molchaniye.
i suddenly from a back school desk someone quietly says:
-but a yak the spivay...

*****

At the Ukrainian school there is an examination in the native language. The ticket comes across to the pupil where it is necessary to call everything months on-ukrainski.
uchenik the beginnings quickly otvechat:
-Lyuten, sichen, traven...
A forgot month of "Gruden". The teacher, wishing to help out the pupil, shows hands on the grud.
uchenik speaks:
-Sisen!?!
uchitelnitsa quickly lowers hands and twirls golovoy.
uchenik krichit:
-by PUZEN!
uchitelnitsa reddens, hands clamped between kolenyami.
uchenik krichit:
-PISEN!
togda the teacher quickly hides hands for a back not to provoke answers uchenika.
uchenik was delighted and zakrichal:
-A- And! ZhOPEN!

*****

The Verkhovna Rada of Ukraine to eradicate the last remains of discrimination from Russians, decided to rename Ukraine into Useredina.

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Vibili n_mts_v z Ukra§ni. Turned the soldier on a r_dna zemlyu.
-Ah, svolot, us_kh zhid_v beat ours. From we will reach Berl_n, tod_ §khn_m to kikes spare without awaking!

*****

To attention of air passengers and travel companies. The Ministry of Defence of Ukraine realizes wholesale and retail the schedule of doctrines air defenses for 2002.

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During war before fight the Ukrainian soldier writes a note: "Yaksho vbyyut, I ask vvazhit to exchange komunistom, and yaksho ni, ni".

*****

All know that to Zakarpatye coffee - above all!
razgovor between the man and zhenshchinoy:
m:priglasi me on coffee!
zh:prikhodi. Only in a bed not to smoke!

*****

- After all, Ukraine - the country original and zagadochnaya.
-Why?
-A where you still saw the state called in honor of the bicycle?

*****

All become closer and closer than the relation of Ukraine and Russia. Here the prime minister of Ukraine Yanukovych was had again in the Kremlin.

*****

Emerges somewhere in states Ukrainian underwater lodka.
nu, Yankees start neighing over them, a pier antediluvian such,
dazhe cannot normally float and here one of amerikantsev
mezhdu business asks:
- And it will make 5 knots?
KHOKHOL:
-Sdelayet
-A 10?
-Will make!
- And 15?
-If from us do not posletat flippers, will make.

*****

Two godfathers met and started arguing... One speaks:
-to Kuma from sporymo sho I to you on the head to a malenk a shit a zumiya vysraty.
-Oh you tell lies to the godmother...
-Well, sporymo...
posporili, one sat down, another got up over it pressed close, pressed close it ponosom
kak will carry by... That from below krichit:
-to Kuma shosh you robysh!.
-Well prograv I to the godmother, prograv...

*****

Two Ukrainians meet. One - all perebintovannyy.
-Mykola, sho z you? Yes shank of mice to catch
-, so usyu a hut mousetraps ustavila.
- And you here at what? So there them on fat to catch
-!!!

*****

Yesterday reported on the president of Russia that from now on for Russians crossing of border with Ukraine possibly according to the internal passport with an insert. Today customs officers of Ukraine determined
vkladysha sum in 100 rubles.

*****

Geologists come out of the wood. Hungry, hudyushchy, unshaven. On an edge the Ukrainian cuts fat chunks. Geologi:
- The Uncle, let's a salets eat? That you it will not guzzle
-...
-But why? That I will not give
-to you a horse-radish.

*****

- Gay, godmother!
-of Sho?
-A sho there at you bilya (near) a threshold lies?
-A that miy zly sobaka.
-Tyu! And I about the yogi of a foot a wind!