Jokes about peoples

Read funny Jokes about Ukrainians

<** Previous Topic          Next Topic **>

319  320  321  322  323  324  325  326  327  328  329  330

- To Kuma, I chuv your Xing at moskaliv pratsyu є (works).
-So, so! Pratsyu є in a kremator і ї - to scorch moskal_v, and yy for tse shche y grosh_ give!

*****

The new Ukrainian bought himself six-hundredth "Zaporozhets"...

*****

Lie Galya with Mykoloyu on a mow. Galya speaks:
-Mykola, thrust in exchange palets.
mykola zasunul.
- And now look for odyn.
mykola zasunul.
- And now all ruku.
mykola zasunul.
- And now and drugu.
mykola zasunul.
- And now clap. Bachish, a yak it is a tugenka!!!

*****

The Ukrainian and the Russian fly in the plane. Here the plane is wrecked, the Ukrainian manages to grab a piece of fat, and the Russian a bag of money. Two of them fall on the desert island. Through some
time the Russian wanted to guzzle already nevterpezh. It approaches to hokhlu:
-Hear, the Ukrainian, give with you we will play a market: I will be a buyer, and you prodavtsom.
-Give. The Russian approaches the Ukrainian, looks on salo:
-How much fat?
- The Bag deneg.
- And che is so expensive?
-A you walk on a market, you will cheaper find the International Federation of Journalists.

*****

Clothing store in Odessa. The woman with malchikom:
-comes I Want to buy the son a suit. Tell, it from what your suits? Madam's
-, is the best fabric. It, madam, real English cloth. To demolition net.
- And it does not sit down? Madam's
-, sho you such speaks? You know, what such English cloth? The boy such will carry
VASh to starosti.
-Well, pokupayu.
malchik puts on a new suit, they with mother go outside. In five minutes it starts to rain, the suit instantly shrinks. Sleeves become to elbows. Trousers knee-deep. Mummy,
tashcha by the son's hand, in anger flies back in shop. Towards to them hozyain:
- The Boy as you grew up!!!

*****

- Kievan Rus' was Mamo, and sho?
-Was, to the sonny, was...
-So sho, all of us are Russians?
-That not, Russians all Ukrainians.

*****

- Maryyka, you are a dyvchina?
-... Dy-yvchina.
- And shtozh you ne bubble?
-A you to a vzha vper?
-Vpe-er.
-... O-oh, to a ma-am!

*****

- Mikola, and having heard a yak Russians call our borsch?
-Jac?
-of Pe-e-ervoye …
-of Au-oh, povbyvav...

*****

- Mikola, and having heard a yak Russians pyvo call ours?
-Jac?
-of Pi and-Iwo …
-of Oo, povbyvav …

*****

- Mikola, and having heard a yak Russians call our pokhydna?
-Jac?
-Derivative … (in sense - a function derivative)

*****

The Ministry of Education of Ukraine considers that the special attention should be paid to development of artificial intelligence in children and teenagers.

*****

Look younger the boy prokida?tsya to wounds (early in the morning) p_slya the terrible I will rehash і by a zhal_bny voice prosit:
-Mamo, give gor_lka! That is mute
-, a sinka...
-A in a kutochka?
-That to Velikden zh vipit...
-A for a dverim?
-That p_slya Velikodnya pokhmelyalisya...
-A at shaf і?
-That that batkov_ on sorokovin!
-of Otozh I marvel, booze the father pod_lis.

*****

The Russian and the Ukrainian sporyat:
-What at you Ukrainians, ridiculous words. For example: PEREMOGA, EDALNYa.
- And at you, moskaliv, even more ridiculously. For example: "COMPARE"
-A of that of the ridiculous here?
-Yes chi srav, chi.

*****

The Russian comes to the Western Ukraine to business trip.
one day, having got lost in the city, it asks the passerby:
"Show to a mine be caress de an ostanivka here?".
-of Zupynk round the corner, and you to a moskalyk vzhe priyekhyv!!!

*****

The man sells on a market of the speaking parrot. The aunt with distant hutora:
- The Axis of a yak of a garn a birdie, yaks plumelets, a sock, lapotulk approaches …
TUT a parrot speaks:
-Went, the silly woman!
-Oh, a zvinyayta the uncle, I thought you a bird.

*****

The man gathered for rest to Odessa. All acquaintances speak to it: "Do that you want, DO NOT go at NIGHT TO DERIBASOVSKAYA only AT ALL!!!". The man arrived, has a rest, but once
zamayalsya, got lost and late at night came to the deserted street. The full moon, a wind drives scraps of newspapers on sidewalks and hoots in wires. On a corner house an ominous inscription:
"Deribasovskaya". On hours, 23.55. "Well, blya, got!" - the man solves, but the way to hotel lies directly through this hell. It gathered and with small steps meets destiny. Here hears
preprotivnykh a scratch and in several meters before it the gate on a wheelchair is left by the gray-haired old man. A wind the ominous smile develops his long hair, on a face. "I will be given to live
NE!!!" - the man thinks and with running start in a jump a foot beats the old man on an ugly face! "Ha-a-a!!!". The old man grabs two hands the face injured vdryz and shouts: "Spoke to me not to go
nochyyu to Deribasovskaya!!!".

*****

- We take interview from the first counter inhabitant of Kiev for kanadskogo
telyavidenya.
- Zdpavstvuyte.
- Some words about a situation in Ukraine, you are listened by all Kanada.
- Help!!

*****

- Mykola! And poshto to a toba in party not of a prinyala?
-That say that at a wedding at the father Makhno byv, speak - on an accordion played... So you tell
-, what nebyv.
-That a yak I will tell them, Kada they Tam Tangqiewala?...

*****

- Mykola, you shcho the domashnyu stranytsyu on the ru domain zasuvav?
-A sho?
-So that "Russia"!
-From, reptiles! And I dumav, Ridna Ukraine!

*****

- Mykolo!
-of Hectare! You know
-of Chi, the yak tsi klyat Russians to znut our borsch?
-Jac?
-of Peeeervoye!
-of Povbyvav!

*****

- Mykolo!
-of Hectare! You know
-of Chi, the yak tsi klyat Russians to znut our sour cream?
-Jac?
-Mayoneeeez!
-Ooh, povbyvav!

*****

- Mykolo! Lova to a sokyr!
-G;-;-Y...
-You are not G;, and show piymav chi!

*****

On Ukraine:
- The Wife, finish every week a hut to paint - there will be no place to live soon!

*****

(It is necessary to show, and that is not ridiculous)
IDET examination in the Ukrainian mova. There arrived the solid commission. To the pupil gave a task to call months in Ukrainian. It slowly vspominayet.
-Lyuten. sichen. traven …
A "gruden" forgot. The teacher shows it on grud.
uchenik:
-Sisen!
uchitelnitsa reddens and hands lowers on zhivot.
-Puzen!
uchitelnitsa is confused even more and hands hides between kolen.
-Pisen?!
uchitelnitsa absolutely with shame of a hand behind the back spryatala.
-Popen??

*****

Beginning usual: Ukrainian, fishing, goldfish, three desires...
-Mmmmm... I want that mongolo-Tatar took Sweden!
-? Please... Now I want
-that Swedes drove away basurman! Desire
-... Last yours zhelaniye.
-I Want that infidels again took Sweden!
-? You that, starcha? Same last desire!
-Well so sho... But to Russians notably kitchen gardens were trampled!

*****

The Black sto§t posered vulits_ і p' є (drinks) milk. To P_dkhodit the uncle, dovgo to marvel і kazhe:
-N_ a sinka, not a dopomozha!

*****

Novini on Lv_vskoma telebachenn_:
-І a naostanok of a garn of a novin: at Moskv_ tomorrow m_nus 2, mokriya sn_g...

*****

New Year will not be!!! - Bloody Ukrainian air defense brought down Santa Claus.

*****

New Year's carnival. Vedushchiy:
-First place was won by a mask of "sucker" - the 3rd row the 8th mesto.
iz zala:
-Oh... and yazh ne igrav!

*****

News: In response to opening of Hollywood restaurant in Kiev in Hollywood "Idalnya of Dovzhenko" opened.
A before its entrance to asphalt are immured fifteen salads with prints of persons of our movie stars.

*****

At night in hate:
-Galya.
-Sho?
-of Ishsho!
-Yes you sho?
-A sho?!

*****

One Ukrainian speaks drugomu:
-You look, Perepechko, a yak is ridiculous familiya.
-Gu - at-usev!

*****

One neighbor asks drugogo:
-Mykol, and sho you during a holiday buv yesterday? You an axis the yak of a tantsovala, tantsovali.
-Yes that not a holiday, ours Dida a beehive turned.

*****

Suburb of the Ukrainian town. In a forest plantation two godfathers sit. Have a rest with vodka and snack. Saltso, onions...
NAD a near field flies an agriculturial aeroplane. There, here... Opyleniye.
vo turn time the agriculturial aeroplane starts reeling all over, loses height and with a crash crashes into "khrushchyovka", extreme to a field, brings down two balconies and a heap falls in a front garden.
ODIN from the kumovy looks at another without changing expression litsa:
-Bachiv?
vtoroy also spokoyno:
-Bachiv.
-Well?
-of Sho well? A yak the power - taky y act of terrorism...

*****

The old Ukrainian caught a gold small fish. The small fish also speaks to it,
chelovecheckim golocom
-Release menya, didu, I to you three desires icpolnyu.
-to Dobra, am bony chudovishcha.
-Kakoe your first desire?
-Shchob Finns to China z viynoy pishli.
-A second?
-Shchob China then z viynoy on Finns pishov.
-A third? shchob Finns znova to China pishli.
-Listen to
-A, the grandfather, why you all it is necessary to a?
-So a mustache through Russians yta quarrystone!

*****

There arrived the American group of tourists in Ukrainian depevnyu.
sppashivayut the first passer through the translator: "Who from you the wisest? "
-Vin, there sydyt the old man and kupit.
podkhodyat to nemu.
-That you most of all love on light? - ask ego.
-About tse, men, kuryty I love. Here kuryl to yourself and kupyl.
- And still that you love?
-A still, men, ybatysya I love. Here it would ibatsya to itself and it ibatsya, only nayti
by to itself such pizda, what to get into it and that only lips were napuzhu.
- And lips that?
-O tse, men, kuryty I love.

*****

The next Ukrainian samoletik falls, two pilots sit, with grief look v
illyuminator and silently beseduyut:
-I understand He and why seamen so rejoice to approach of the earth...

*****

- Daddy, and why to Ukraine Black Sea fleet?
-That was on what to leave on the middle of the sea and to be drowned when there is nothing to guzzle!
-A nuclear missiles?
-Well not to die them alone!
-I when it will occur?
-Never! What fool w

*****

The fellow drives to the telke-Ukrainian in the neighbor zarubezhye:
- The Girl, you acted in at film?
-B of cinema - no, and at hotel is every evening.