Anecdotes about the job

Read funny Jokes about doctors

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- The patient, on what complain?
- On information leakage, the doctor!
-A what is the matter? of
- The Agent of funeral bureau came before you!

*****

The patient complains on bessonitsu:
segodnya at night for example: woke up 12 times and never posle
etogo fell asleep.

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The patient complains to the doctor:
-U me it... here... well, how is called when you forget?
- Are long?.

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- The patient and how you fall asleep?
- is good. I count up to three and zasypayu.
-As, only to three!!!
- Well... sometimes to the half-fourth.

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- The patient, well as you came? You the patient, or think, what we make jokes here? Leave, and come as it is necessary: feet are bent, a hand on a stomach, from a mouth vigorous groan.

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Patient, ispuganno:
-Doctor! Doctor! What for the diagnosis you write me?
doktor, bodro:
-do not worry, it not the diagnosis, it is the obituary...

*****

- The patient, we can quickly relieve you of this illness, and blagodarya
vashey to genetics you can live hundred more let.
- Then what problems at you?
- Not at us. Yesterday I incidentally saw your wife and the mother-in-law here...

*****

- The patient, you suffer nightmares?
- Is not present, I enjoy them!

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The patient needs timely departure of the doctor, and the quicker the doctor, the better for the patient will leave further!

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Patient (anxiously):
- the Doctor, and what at me?
doktor (is proud):
- Crustacean-with!
bolnoy (beggarly):
- the Doctor, but you said that it is a stone in kidneys!
doktor (with a celebration in a voice):
- is correct. A stone, and under a stone - a crustacean - with!!!

*****

The patient opens eyes, sees the person in a white dressing gown and slabo
stonet:
- the Doctor, I will live?
- I am not a doctor, I am Angel Gabriel.

*****

The patient got to hospital with gastric poisoning, nothing el.
in the Morning to it made an enema. Called Wife:
-in the afternoon As you feel?
- Not in the best way. I can give advice. If it appear in my situation,
NE refuse a lunch! I not stak am yesterday soup, so to me it segodnya
vlili through back pass.

*****

The patient after a heart attack asks the doktora:
- The Doctor, and I can light?
- Well, if this your last desire...

*****

The patient was on the mend. But did not reach.

*****

The patient comes to vrachu:
- The Doctor, I was at you three months ago. You found in me rheumatism and recommended to be afraid syrosti.
-Yes, I remember. And with what you again to me welcomed?
- Doctor, darling, I can be washed, at last?

*****

The patient recovers after operatsii:
-Thank God, all already behind!
- is not self-confident, - the neighbor noticed on the right. - They forgot in mne
salfetku and were compelled again rezat.
- And me too cut repeatedly, - the neighbor told at the left, - forgot там
какой instrument.
v this time in the doorway of chamber the head only chto
operirovavshego hirurga:
-seemed Nobody saw my hat? - asked on.
novichok fainted.

*****

- The patient, wake up... it is time to accept sleeping pill!

*****

- The patient, wake up, now we to you will make couple of ukolchik and a svechechka.
- Perhaps is not necessary, the doctor? The candlestick still hurts me.

*****

- Patient why you black eye?
- Urine head bruise udarila.
- But then where?
- So piss in the pot was.

*****

- Patient, how old are you?
-Forty soon budet
-do not worry, will not be!

*****

- The patient, for the 100-th time I repeat: amnesia we do not treat!

*****

The patient asks at doktora:
- And after operation I will be able to be a father?
DOKTOR:
-will be able... only ROMAN!

*****

- The patient, how do you feel after operation?
- Now is it seems normal, and here before operation there was such feeling as though a log knocked on the head... Well excuse
-, the patient: our anesthesia came to an end!

*****

- I am afraid that from this day you have to stop drinking, smoking,
vstrechatsya with zhenshchinami.
-But after all I am a man, doktor.
-Can continue to have a shave.

*****

The former employee of "McDonald's" settled in a drugstore. The buyer comes and speaks: Give to
-packing of candles.
- will be or z yourself Here.

*****

The patient comes into an office of the proctologist. The doctor comes off ot
zapolneniya clinical records and wearily asks: "What at you,
golubchik?" The patient, being confused says that at him pricks in zadnem
prokhode. Even more wearily the doctor speaks: "Undress,
nagnites, I will look". Having looked, in full smyatenii
speaks:
-My God and you have a doctor a rose there!
- It to you, doctor...

*****

In a mortuary delivered an unknown body of the drowned man. Somebody poprosil
pokazat ego.
-Is not present, it not I - was told by him and udalilsya.
the Watchman told about it to the manager morgom.
-As you allowed it to leave? It abnormal!
- Why it? Because he shows
- on the dead man and tells "It not I! "
-well, quite normal, the drowned man and really on nego
deystvitelno is not similar.

*****

In a drugstore near a show-window, thoughtfully there is a guy of years 20. - Young man! To help you? To you what condoms?
paren grustno:
-Late... Diapers and baby food, please!

*****

In apteke:
-Give me lekarstvo.
-What?
- On your taste!

*****

In apteke.
-you have iodide potassium?
- Is not present. Is cyanic kaliy.
- And what difference?
- Is two kopeks more expensive.

*****

In apteke:
-you have any good contraceptive krome
pilyul?
- Is. Sleeping pill.

*****

In apteke:
-you have something from glucocorticoids?
-NET.
-A glucose?
- Is not present!
-A...
- Here to you a calcium gluconate also slide from here, the addict unfortunate!!!

*****

In apteke:
-to me something that with girls it turned out...
- Viagra, perhaps?
- Or perhaps chloroform?

*****

In apteke:
-you have something from a gonorrhea? Yes.
- Wrap
- is a gift more beautifully!

*****

In apteke.
-to me half of liter spirta.
-A you have a recipe?
is. Kilogram to sugar, half a kilo of beet and sto
gramm yeast.

*****

In apteke:
-Tell, you have no powders from those powders, what I bought the day before?

*****

In a drugstore the Girl, how much is an enema runs muzhchina:
-?! But we have no
-klizm.
pokupatel thought and speaks:
- Then give, please, 100 pipettes.

*****

The intelligent man comes to a drugstore and something in a whisper asks the shop assistant. That it is loud vozmushchayetsya:
- The Citizen! What else "protective equipment"? Here drugstore, but not the Ministry of Defence.

*****

In a pharmaceutical window the man and asks:
- The Girl is pushed, you condoms have a ХХХХХ size?
- Oh, the man that you stand. You come!