Anecdotes about the job

Read funny Jokes about doctors

<** Previous Topic          Next Topic **>

464  465  466  467  468  469  470  471  472  473  474  475

The doctor - bolnomu.
-I Find it difficult to make you the diagnosis. Probably it alkogolizm.
-is fine. Then I will come when you sober up.

*****

The doctor - bolnomu:
-Take this two pill today, and tomorrow if wake up, accept two more...

*****

Vrach:
-That with you?
patsiyent (upraising hands to the sky): As to you it is pleasant to
-? Studied 6 years and asks me my diagnosis!

*****

The doctor took vacation for a week and went on hunting. Comes back to hospital razocharovannyy:
-So anybody and did not kill! - he speaks medsestre.
-Da- And, that answers. - For this purpose it would be better for you to remain here, in hospital.

*****

The doctor comes back from a large pharmaceutical exhibition and tells kollege:
-Represent, let out super - a preparation! What
-?
- to the Corpse becomes an intramuscular injection - 10 ml of this means then it is possible to talk to it 2 hours!
- Yes well?
- However, it thus does not answer...

*****

The doctor writes out a pill blondinke:
-Take on two pieces before laying down in krovat.
-Aha, it on forty pieces a day turns out...

*****

The doctor speaks patsiyentu:
-you to me prishli.
-That such in time, the doctor? I have something very serious?
- One more day - and you would recover.

*****

The doctor speaks to the patient who regained consciousness from narkoza:
operatsiyu you transferred well, and here before her you behaved disgustingly: escaped, shouted, bit...
A your acquaintance from the next bed behaved even worse!
- Still! After all in clinic of a window to wash us sent!

*****

The doctor speaks to the patient suffering ozhireniyem:
-you can eat everything that want! And here to you the list of that you have to want.

*****

The doctor dictates praktikantu:
-Write: "Cranial injury of the head... "
- Perhaps, the craniocereberal?
- it has no brains, even there is nothing to check, - the doctor answers, - time on birthday of the wife with the mistress was secured.

*****

The doctor long examined the patient... at last speaks:
-I cannot understand In any way that with you. But I think, it because of alkogolya.
-is good, the doctor, I will come when you sober up.

*****

The doctor of only "fast" in the city died of a heart attack because there was nobody to go to a call.

*****

The doctor just finished operation on removal of appendicitis at krasotki.
- The Doctor, - with concern the girl asks, - and the scar at me will be visible?
- It will depend on you, mademoiselle.

*****

The doctor, filling history bolezni:
-Well - with, the darling, how old are you?
- is Twenty nine years old and some months!
- How many, how many months?
-Hundred ninety six!

*****

The doctor, studying results analizov:
-Yes at you a trichomonad. Than you treat them?
- Anything. They are not ill me...

*****

Vrach:
-you smoke? Drink
patsiyent:
-HET.
-?
-HET.
-He it is necessary to grin so idiotic, I all the same will find something!

*****

- As the doctor, I to you, Maria, so will tell is syphilis and as the husband - I will kill, a bough!

*****

The doctor - medsestre:
-If I am not mistaken, apparently, I charged to you to take blood from the patient from the sixth chamber?
- Yes, the doctor, I took. It exactly 5.2 liters.

*****

The doctor, having examined the woman, leaves in a corridor and tells it to the husband:
-U me for you two news: good and bad. Give to
- At first the bad.
- Your wife is sick with syphilis. What
- horror! And good? It caught
- it not from you.

*****

The doctor - onkobolnomu:
-Yesterday, smart guy, had "pleasure" to communicate with yours the wife i
tyoshchey...
- Well and what?
- Has to please you - You will die soon!

*****

The doctor examines the patient. Mutters under nos:
-So, well... It's cool... - And unexpectedly asks: - Listen, come to the pathologist...
patsiyent, becoming blue from uzhasa:
-Zzzachem? Understand
-, I, apparently, at it forgot a pen!

*****

The doctor examines the patient and swings golovoy:
-Something you are not pleasant to me...
- And you, doctor, not such handsome....

*****

The doctor - patsiyentu:
-your hours are considered! Tomorrow you go to work!

*****

Doctor patient:
- Something you was not long ago.
- Hurt.

*****

The doctor - patsiyentu:
-you have to refuse immediately from sweet, bakery products, any alcohol, cigarettes, coffee, to reduce sexual contacts to a minimum... Yes, and the most important - enjoy life, my dear more!

*****

Doctor to the patient:- Remember, what deep breath destroys mikrobov.
-Unless? But how them to force to breathe deeply?

*****

The doctor - to the patient: Smoke
-?
- YES! Drink
-?
- YES! Well so that you want
- after that?
- Woman!

*****

The doctor - patsiyentu:
-Well as, your memory improved?
- Of course, improved. But who you are such and why it interests you?

*****

The doctor to the patient after lecheniya:
-Old man, we made everything that could, but to, to a regret, is compelled to note that you needed to live at most two weeks. Pay the bill for lecheniye:
2000 dollars!
- My God and as I will get two pieces in two weeks!?
- Well, is good - three weeks!!!

*****

The doctor in paid policlinic - bolnomu:
-So, from now on - at all wine and vodka!
-U me something serious?
- Well. Simply save money to pay my bill for treatment.

*****

The doctor after survey of the patient tells ey:
At you headaches, a stomach not as it should be, high krovyanoye
davleniye. Forgive, how old are you?
-Twenty pyat
- And considerable loss of memory, - are added by the doctor.

*****

The doctor advised a thicket to breathe fresh air. It was necessary to put the TV directly at an open window.

*****

The doctor in psychiatric hospital solves krossvord:
-So … The island on which Napoleon … was born to patsiyentu:
-Hear
obrashchayetsya, the moron - You where was born?

*****

The doctor tells kollegam:
- At three o'clock in the morning phone call is distributed, I pick up the phone i
kakoy that the man declares that will die if I do not come. Ya
sprashivayu the address, it hangs up a receiver. And here the wife says that eto
zvonili to her.

*****

The doctor tells the kollegam:
-Imagine, today at three o'clock in the morning phone call is distributed. I pick up the phone, and some man declares that will die if I do not arrive. I asked the address the patient, but at this moment the wife told that call, probably, it...

*****

The doctor listens patsiyenta:
-Breathe! Do not breathe! Breathe! Do not breathe! Do not breathe! Do not breathe!
He breathe! Do not breathe!... Take out! Following!

*****

The doctor looks at him and speaks: "Well, pressure 146/63 - normal..."

*****

The doctor asks patsiyenta:
-Smoke?
- Is not present that you! Drink
-?
- Yes you that, I do not take at all!
-A with women as? I Avoid
-!
- So, at you absolutely any nedo
statkov?
- Well, there is one small. - What??? I Lie
- much!

*****

The doctor asks patsiyenta:
-you handled it to somebody?
- Yes, to the druggist. - I represent, what nonsense he advised you!
- Yes. He advised to address to you.