Anecdotes about the job

Read funny Jokes about teachers

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At a lesson istorii.
-For the sake of the homeland our ancestors gave to conquerors of wives!
replika with party:
-is clear Now why winners hasty ran.

*****

At a history lesson the teacher tells children about a concentration camp of Osventsim.
-my grandfather was lost in Auschwitz, - the small Stas proud of what mozhet
vydelitsya among others uchenikov.
-That he was tortured by Hitlerites shouts?
- Is not present, was drunk and fell from a watchtower.

*****

At a history lesson. The teacher asks uchenika:
-Ivanov who took Izmail?
ivanov (scaredly):
- the Word of honor, I did not take! Ask Sidorov, can do it he bral.
uchitelnitsa indignantly tells about this conversation to the director of studies. Zavuch
uspokaivayet ee:
-Well you worry. Same children: will play and otdadut.
uchitelnitsa goes to the director and transfers him conversation with zavuchem.
direktor (efficiently): What
-A it was a class?
- of the 5th "B".
-Is not present, these will not give!

*****

At a lesson the teacher explains to mathematics a statement of the problem: "Five flights have at home Lestnitsa
stroyashchegosya, each of which consists from 20
stupenek. How many steps it is necessary to pass to get on the last floor? "
- Everything, - the pupil answers.

*****

At a drawing lesson the teacher goes between ryadami.
-Tom why you draw a rabbit the orange? He carrot ate yesterday
-A, ate too much and it has an allergy.

*****

At a lesson of the Russian literature. Uchitelnitsa:
-Study children, and that will remain for the rest of life programmers...

*****

At a lesson the teacher asks:
-Children to whom at you the father or mother are similar?
VITYA:
-U me the father is similar to Boyarsky, at it same usy.
sveta:
- At me mother is similar to Pugacheva, at it same volosy.
Vovochka:
- At me the father is similar to Sherlock Holmes. Because when it comes home, goes to a toilet bowl and Wa - and - and - tson shouts" "!"

*****

At a lesson at school the teacher asks:
-Children! And who knows, who such Pushkin? One boy pulls a hand. Rises i
speaks:
-Pushkin was a pilot!
- Why? I the book saw
-A. There on a cover it is written "Pushkin the EXPERT".

*****

- Call two mestoimeniya.
-Who, I?

*****

Rustem drew a fly on points of the teacher. She puts on glasses, sees a fly, begins, waving a hand, to drive it. So passed a lesson. At last reached it that the fly is drawn. The teacher asks:
-Children who drew it?
Bce showed on Rustema.
prikhodit the teacher to his father and speaks:
-Represent, Rustem drew at me on points mukhu.
-Well and what?
- As it "well and what"? A lesson propal.
-you Will think, a lesson! Here he drew a beer barrel on a fence a week ago, so we with the neighbor of half a day in line for beer staid.

*****

The addict - the teacher zoologii:
-Children, write heading - "Cow" (fills a jamb). The cow belongs k
krupnomu to a cattle... (it is tightened, starting up a smoke in a window leaf - pykhkhkhkhkh...)
znachit, the cow has horns... (pykhkhkhkhkh...) The cow has an udder... (pykhkhkhkhkh...)
U of a cow is wings...
UCHENIK:
-Ho the cow has no wings!
uchitel:
-Is not present - will grow... (pykhkhkh...) Also weed - e - fir-trees!

*****

The coach of spiritual school punished the pupil for disobedience, having locked it in a class, left without lunch and gave a task to write the composition on a free subject with words on one letter. In 10 minutes the pupil demanded the mentor and handed it such composition: "From what the father Onufry died? "
one day, surveying vicinities of Lake Onega, the father Onufry found the bared Olga. "Oh, Olga! Be given, I will load with money". Olga was given. Having tried it, the father Onufry from payment appeared. The offended, deceived, angered Olga whacked the father Onufriya a huge shaft. From what the father Onufry died" .
udivlenny the bright adolescent, the father Onufry wrote on sochinenii:
" Perfectly, the damned adolescent. Leave to have dinner. Father Onufry".

*****

- Our teacher of physics talks itself with soboy.
-ours too, only he does not understand it. He thinks that we listen to him.

*****

The brand new art teacher conducts a lesson in 1-A klasse.
narisovala on a board a cucumber and asks:
-Children, tell - that I drew?
DETI (chorus):
- h@y!!
ONA in tears and to the director - a discipline pier in a class is not present,
malenkiye children, and use foul language... The director comes in klass:
-Ta-a-ak... Distsiplinka limps. Who on a board h@y drew?!

*****

The new teacher, having come to a class, found out that one boy tease Moyshe-durachok.
n to change he asked children, why they it so obzyvayut.
-Yes it indeed the little fool, mister teacher. If to give it a big coin in five shekels and small in ten, he will choose five because thinks that it is more. Here, look...
paren gets two coins and suggests Moyshe to choose. That, as always, chooses five. The teacher with surprise sprashchivayet:
-Why you chose a coin in five shekels, but not in ten? Look at
-, it is more, mister teacher!
posle of lessons the teacher approached Moyshe.
-Really you do not understand, what five shekels are more only by the sizes, but for ten shekels it is possible to buy more? Of course I understand
-, mister uchitel.
-So why you choose five?
- Because if I choose ten, they will cease to give me money.

*****

- Well and how to you at new school?
- Horror! To write off in general nothing vozmozhno.
-Everything the teacher - animals?
- Is not present, all pupils idiots.

*****

- Well, how your affairs in school?
- Bad. The teacher asks all the time and asks. Probably, knows nothing...

*****

- Explain to me why you at school get the lowest marks? I do not know
-, the father. Probably higher at them go for export.

*****

- Cucumbers, - the teacher during a lesson speaks, - wake the soseda.
-Why I? After all it you lulled him?

*****

One rich man hard zabolel.
dni the pro-Veda-
val lasted painfully long, and him nobody. The rich man worried because of it and asked the servant why to nemu
nikto not prikhodit.
sluga otvetil:
- Many people owe you money and are afraid even to napom-
nit about sebe.
togda the rich man ordered to declare on the city that remits svoim
zemlyakam all debts and from now on to it anybody nothing dolzhen.
i people tumbled down to it. Calmed, encouraged, with-
vetovali how it is to recover rather.

*****

One boy wrote the word "went" all the time through "about" (went) .
uchitelnitsa it forced to remain after lessons and to write this word of 50 times, to remember
chtob. The boy made everything as the teacher ordered. Leaving home, on
ostavil zapisku:
-I wrote it 50 times the word "went" and went home.

*****

One boy wrote the story: "Unsuccessful hunting" .
poshel one uncle on hunting. Also drowned. And his dog is not present. It was shot.

*****

One teacher complains drugomu:
-Well and the class got to me the stupid. I explain them the theorem - not ponimayut.
vtoroy I explain time - do not understand. I explain the third time - itself understood, and oni
vse equally do not understand...

*****

Once Teachers sprosili:
- The Teacher, you could explain well, what such electricity?
- You see - answered the Teacher looking for, is enough objyomnoye
ponyatiye. Just as has the Druze of crystals improbable kolichestvo
graney, also and the term "electricity" has a set razlichnykh
aspektov. Yes, I can explain one of aspects dostupno.
-I Ask you, the Teacher, - begged ishchushchiy.
uchitel took the heavy bamboo stick and with all the heart burst ishchushchego
po bashke.
-Here, in particular, the electricity fights current, - unperturbably zametil
uchitel.

*****

- What does the formula H2SO4 mean? - asks uchitel.
-One minute, monsieur, - the pupil reflects, - the word spins at me on yazyke.
-spit out Quicker, - the teacher, - same sulfuric acid is frightened.

*****

About school the man walks. The teacher approaches it and asks:
-Forgive, you to a zhdgta a rebgnka?
- Is not present, I simply such well-fad...

*****

- You why late? - Asks Mendel uchitelnitsa.
- I was attacked by hooligans and ograbili.
- What do they have you?
- Book with homework.

*****

- Why you were late in school?
-Ya rose at eight o'clock, I watch - already nine!

*****

- Again, Perepelkina, you know nothing! - The teacher of physics shook golovoy.
-Well, it is necessary to cause in shkolu.
-not to turn out your mother! - Perepelkina.
-It why sighed? - Olga was surprised to Maksimovna.
-She left on two-month cour

*****

The father Vovochki on parental sobranii:
-Well you will do, Vovochke in one ear flew, took off for another … physics
uchitel from the mesta:
-Are mistaken, the sound in vacuum does not extend …

*****

Little Kostya's father privatized boarding house morya.
uchitel asks Kostya at a lesson ashore, how many exists times goda.
-Five, - Kostya.
-How many answers? - the Spring, summer, fall, winter and a dead season is surprised uchitel.
-.

*****

The father after final vechera:
-Well, the son, you already the adult and I allow you to light! Thanks
-, but already two years as I threw.

*****

The father with the son go from shkoly.
otets:
- The Sonny, you see that girl?
SYN:
-Vizhu.
-What it pretty! Da's
-!
- What legs at it, what figure! Da's
-! So remember
- that such girls sleep only with excellent students.

*****

The brand new teacher of geography comes to a class, and there a loud laughter, squeal nu
i etc. Speaks, znachit:
-Hello, deti.
a to it in otvet:
-Went from here, suchka.
hu it with sobbings takes off from a class and to the director... And it govopit:
-With them it is necessary to it in a different way - it is necessary to surprise at first and zaintepecovat.
idet it in a class, and the teacher behind it trudges. A door as it is necessary,
nogoy otkpyvayet:
-Fine men...
- is healthy, dipektop.
- And poorly to pull a condom on the globe...
-A that such globe?
-A here about it to you and raskazhet the new teacher.

*****

- The father why you instead of the signature in my diary put a dagger?
- That your teacher did not think that at such intelligent person,
mozhet to be such stupid son.

*****

- Father, and this uncle, probably teacher?
- Why you so think, the sonny?
- Because before eating, it attentively examined a chair.

*****

- The father, you in school are called!
- What for? of
-Ya glass razbil.
otets descended. Next day the son speaks:
- The Father, you in school vyzyvayut.
-What for?
- Chemical laboratory szheg.
otets again descended. Next day the son agai

*****

On the first of September the Minister of Finance visited financial college, ministr
oborony - Suvorov Military School, the Minister of Culture - school of arts,
ministr of internal affairs - school of werewolves.

*****

The first grader begs at starsheklassnika:
-Dai for 10 kopeks! Well give 10 kopeks!
TOT:
-Otstan.
a thought then, took out ruble and speaks:
-Well, on. Probably, and mine somewhere so runs...