Jokes about Rzhevsky

Read funny Jokes about Rzhevsky

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B to the small village stopped a squadron the hussar. In the first day вы#бли all women. In the second - all men and children. In the third - old men. For the fourth day there arrived the lieutenant Rzhevsky and began...

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Ha to a ball Pierre Bezoukhov dances a waltz with Natasha Rostova. As Natasha very much is pleasant to it, he puffs, snuffles, tries not to strike with the person in dirt. Ho here from excessive efforts from its frock coat flies away a big gold button and falls to Natasha for cut of a dress. Through some vpemya
ona it is rolled out from under a hem. The lieutenant Rzhevsky (having stared in amazement of an eye):
-of Natali! At you p% $да rasstegnulass - with-with...

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Ha one of secular dinners was to many people, and the boy, the little son of owners all time turned at all under feet and to all disturbed. Approached it Rzhev, told something and took away to the room. After that the boy did not appear all evening in a hall. At the end of a party to Rzhev one of guests and said:
- And from you approached, the lieutenant, appears the quite good tutor! What did you tell the boy?
- of Anything. I taught him to an onanism...

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Natasha invited the lieutenant Rzhevsky to herself home (to dance) and asked to take off boots that not to wake the old governess...
I suddenly at night it hears awful sounds: "Shkryab, shkryab, shkryab... "
Natasha and speaks:
- The Lieutenant take off boots, and that it is loud stuchat
tantsuyut further. Natasha opiat:
- The Lieutenant well take off boots! I already snat
Rzhevskiy:
-A!
- So it knocks?
- Nails …

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Natasha brags before podpugami:
-Today Rzhev for the first time kissed me in guby.
- And how you reacted?
- Squeezed feet and broke to it ochki.
poruchik Rzhev with Natasha walk on the wood. That something is silent, and Natasha ties razgovor:
- The Lieutenant, look as here it is good: the sun shines, birdies sing...
poruchik ozhivlyaetsya:
-About! By the way about birdies: at my friend of a cornet on х#ю five thrushes and three sparrows are located...
HATASHA:
-Lieutenant, faugh... As you are straightforward...
-O!!! By the way, about straightforwardness: when my friend a cornet е#ет a cow, its horns become straight!
- Stop! You have in the head a vacuum!
-O! By the way, about vacuum: when my friend pulls out a cornet х#й from a cow, she sucks in a haystack...

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Natasha - Rzhevskomu:
- The Lieutenant, what it at you so dirty shoulder straps?
rzhevsky (shaking off shoulder straps):
- So you, bl@d, a foot do not wash!!!

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Natasha Rostova thinks to the lieutenant zagadku:
- The Lieutenant, guess: what is - small, greyish, in a sexual chink - vzhik.
poruchik mnetsya:
-Natasha, but same it is indecent, hm...
- Lieutenant and that you, same mouse!
poruchik with astonishment removes pensne:
- The Mouse? In пи&$е?? Originally!!!

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Natasha Rostova dances on a ball with the lieutenant of Rzhevskim.
-Oh, me badly, I will go to a window, - tells Hatasha.
-Well go break, can will feel better, - the lieutenant Rzhevsky answers.

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Natasha Rostova dances on a ball with the lieutenant Rzhevsky. The lieutenant presses it to stene.
-Oh, the lieutenant, you want me to crucify?
- Well, time shest.
-That you mean? That I have
-, I will enter.

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Natasha Rostova dances on a ball with Pierre Bezoukhovym.
-Graf, you have a speck on a cuff, - does the remark of Hatasha.
pyer goes to other room and, without having sustained a shame, veshayetsya.
a Natasha already dances Bolkonskim.
-Knyaz with Andrey, you have a speck on a frock coat, - does the remark of Hatasha.
andrey goes to other room and, without having sustained a shame, zastrelivayetsya.
i here turn of the Lieutenant of Rzhevskogo.
-Poruchik and you have dirty boots...
-He worry, madam, it not dirt, but shit - page. Now podsokhnet
i itself will fall off...

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To Natasha Rostova nineteen. The dark room is entered by the birthday woman with pie on which only eighteen burn svech.
-Hussars, - she addresses to attendees, - on pie there was no place for one candle where to me to put it? The Lord's
-, the word about пи#$е! - the voice of the Lieutenant Rzhevsky is distributed.

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The lieutenant Rzhevsky found time car, invited misters officers, speaks to them: "We will not go to the past, and so we know everything. Forward, in the future!" Appeared in some gate, at garbage bakov
vusmept the drunk man casts... Popuchik:
-Dear, we where?
-B p% $де!
popuchik, turning around to misters ofitsepam:
-I Congratulate you, the Lord, we in Russia!

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XXI century. Natasha Rostova works the second day in the company which employees are also Rzhevsky and Pierre Bezoukhov.

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And what such Ukrainian euro?
NU, it approximately.... as Afro-American... Only in Europe!

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And how it is possible to express all depth of despair of the impotent man 5 signs?
ochen is simple: 5-30!

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- And why is also not present? - the lieutenant Rzhevsky told, coming into a stable.

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- And here that in circus it was pleasant to you most of all?
- most of all was pleasant to me the very young equilibrist! Forgive to
-, Rzhev, but the very young equilibrist did not act yesterday!
- Here therefore did not act, the captain!

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The bus with tourists approaches by of Rzhevu.
ekskursovod:
- And here, misters, the lieutenant of Rzhevskiy.
lyubopytstvuyushchy from publiki:
-Well lived and created, lived it it is clear. And what, interestingly, he created?
ekskursovod:
-Oh, the Lord, he here that-akoye created...

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- Ah you are a promudokh%ebl@dsky p*zdoproyo%ina, pederestichesk о#уевающая from sobstevenny невъе$енной
злое$учести! - the lieutenant Rzhevsky told and dirty swore.

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Ball in society. And, as usual, the ball comes to an end mean orgiyey.
vdrug from a ball of the copulating bodies the lieutenant of Rzhevskiy:
-of the Lord gets out! Misters! Let's be defined! I already the fourth time whose-to
chlen suck!

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Ball. Guests dance. Suddenly with noise the door to the hall opens. The lieutenant Rzhevsky with a heart-breaking scratch drags a toilet bowl on a marble floor, stops in the middle of the amazed crowd, takes off trousers, sits down on a toilet bowl and, having got a cigar, interesuyetsya:
-Ladies will not object if I light?

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Ball at the princess such. Absolutely drunk Rzhev it is filled up in a raskhlyustanny view and with the gun in a hand. Do not look at it any more - got used. Rzhev approaches crowd dancing, pulls out for Pierre Bezoukhov's shkvornik from there and takes away on an empty seat (aside, to a window). In total in perplexity. Rzhev directs the gun on Pierre and speaks:
-Take off trousers!
- Rzhev, you went crazy - people around! I Will kill with
-, a dog! Remove to whom speak!
(Removes). Rzhevskiy:
-Drochi!
- Lieutenant! That you afford!
- #@#%^%! Droch to whom told! - also swings pistoletom.
pyer begins... All look, Rzhev rocking, something mutters... All this time for it blows a cold wind from a window. Suddenly at Rzhev the consciousness "joins" - he scaredly looks around, hides for a back the gun and there begins sheptat:
-Pierre, Pierre! Well you do! Stop! People around!
A Bezoukhov to it otvechayet:
-is NOT PRESENT ALLOW!

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Ball at the princess such. Misters officers and ladies gathered in goluboy
gostinoy and drink tea.
opravlyaetsya on a table leg comes Rzhev (drunk as a pig) and, naturally. Ladies - in a faint, officers - for pistolety.
rzhevsky, clasping shirinku:
- The Right, the Lord! You found where to drink tea!

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Ball. The cornet asks the lieutenant of Rzhevskogo.
-Tell the lieutenant, that lady takes in a mouth?
-Beret.
-A of wons that?
- Too beret.
- And this?
-Second a cornet, now it will turn... too beret.
- The Lieutenant and how you define it???
- Well, a mouth is why not to take?!

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Ball. Natasha approaches to poruchiku:
- The Lieutenant, why you do not dance? We in a bed will prove to be
-A.

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Ball. Natasha Rostova dances with ofitserom.
- And you have on a collar some spot! - does the remark Natasha Rostova.
ofitser does not maintain such embarrassment, goes to the drugoy room, and is safely hung up! The turn reaches the following ofitsera
- And at you on a jacket the hole - again does the remark Natasha Rostova.
ofitser does not maintain, and, having gone to other room, veshayetsya.
teper Natasha Rostova dances with Rzhevskim
- And at you on boots dirt - on a habit does zamechaniye
-It not dirt, it govnetso-with! Do not worry, Natasha, will dry - itself will fall off...

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Ball in officer meeting. A certain cornet suits k
poruchiku to Rzhevsky: - Mister lieutenant - You, speak, bolshoy
spetsialist in these affairs. Tell, that lady takes in a mouth?
-, Which? - asks again Rzhevskiy.
-Vaughan that, in yellow platye.
-Well, I from a back cannot tell, - shrugs shoulders poruchik.
v this moment the lady turns, the lieutenant Rzhevsky pristalno
smotrit to it in a face and speaks:
-This is beret.
kornet approaches the lady, they about something talk and udalyayutsya.
through some time the cornet comes back, dovolnyy:
-is valid, takes! But how you defined, the lieutenant?! Listen to
-, a cornet, - the lieutenant Rzhevsky with authority says, -
POT is - the BERET MEANS.

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Ball. The lieutenant Rzhevsky costs at a column, the Lieutenant approaches him devushka.
-, you dance?
- the Girl, I HATE these shitty dances, here I stand here and blevat
tyanet-with...
- the Lieutenant, and you read "War and peace"?
-Ya??? "War and peace"??? The girl, you went crazy!!! Yes I in general chitat
nenavizhu, and as took this thick shit in hand, so was nearly trashed-s
ot disgust!!
- the Lieutenant, and you were in Paris?
-B Paris? I??? In this fucking - about a remote place - with??? You me for zhida
derzhite??? I am a lieutenant the RZHEV and smelly Paris??!!! You know Zhmerinka?
VOT is the city!! And to pobukhat, and in a grand piano it is possible to shit - with, and cheerful with,
A Paris - the same shit dog - with...
- Lieutenant, and you...
- Is not present!
- Lieutenant, and...
- of Be!
devushka takes offense, leaves. Rzhevskiy:
-Here mlya! Again it was not succeeded to get acquainted...

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Ball. The lieutenant Rzhevsky dances with Natasha. It speaks:
- The Lieutenant, come to me at midnight, oknobudt openly, only take off boots, and that spurs will tinkle!!!
osobnyak Growth. Midnight, Along a corridor: "Tsok-tsok-tsok" the door to Natashina a bedroom Opens, the lieutenant of Rzhevskiy.
Natasha:
-enters I asked you, the lieutenant to take off boots! How many noise!
poruchik:
-Ya removed!!! Here, they, under the arm!!!
-A that clinked?
- So it nails...

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Ball in the heat. In the middle of a hall the waltzing couples are turned, closer to stenam
damy flirt with gentlemen... The terrible roar is suddenly distributed. The street door flies s
petel, the drunk lieutenant Rzhevsky - in semeynykh
trusakh, an armpit the newspaper becomes hollow, the toilet bowl attached to a foot rusty tsepyyu
tresnuvshy is behind dragged. Music ceases, over a hall hangs napryazhennaya
tishina. In this silence the lieutenant puts a toilet bowl in the middle of a hall, takes off pants,
saditsya and is noisy shits. Then rises, wipes the newspaper, puts pants,
obvodit to the hall a cheerful look and asks:
-I Hope, ladies will not object if I light?

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All dance a ball Suddenly in a hall there is a lieutenant Rzhevsky goes to the middle of the hall, and pulls along a toilet bowl on a string. Stops takes off trousers and sits down. Then turns to people around and says:
-I think ladies not against if I light?

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Ball, all dance, one lieutenant costs at a column with a thoughtful air. Natasha approaches it and speaks mechtatelno:
-I see that you too, as well as me, were bothered by this light with its false gloss and tinsel, with its empty razvlecheniyami.
-Well, - the lieutenant speaks - I simply wait when dances come to an end and e ** I will begin.

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Ball at Trubetskoy, ladies, gentlemen, all grandly. Unexpectedly with a roar the door is opened, the drunk lieutenant Rzhevsky becomes hollow to death, pulling along on a lace a toilet bowl. Before it all part, the orchestra stops, and in this silence, the lieutenant dobredat to the middle of the hall, takes off trousers and sits down on a toilet bowl. Gets a cigar and gets a light. Having as if regained consciousness, leads round a muddy look of halls, and having hiccupped speaks:
-I Hope, the ladies who are present here will not object if I light?

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- Why would be not present? - the lieutenant Rzhevsky told, coming into a stable.

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In the computer put a set of various jokes, chtoby
tot gave out average. The result began so: "Lie in posteli
tri the Jew: Reagan, Cheburashka and Lieutenant Rzhevsky...".

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In a similar situation of PR posovetovali:
-Remain with the lady alone, start talking about animals, about national signs and weather, about music, then it is possible and to invite to himself. PR approaches the lady with a doggie and strongly kicks it nogoy:
-Something lap dogs low fly - probably by a rain! And I in part have a drum - потрах$ $мся went!

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The lady and the lieutenant of Rzhevskiy.
-you go by the car the smoke of my cigarette does not disturb? I Admit to
-, I do not take out a tobacco smoke! That you did not tell
- about it earlier! I would never allow concerning you to such negligence... However, I now will correct everything... (Shouts at a door):
- Hey, conductor! Lead the lady to a non-smoker.

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To the town where there is a regiment of the lieutenant Rzhevsky, there comes the general. Wishing to deserve it favor, the lieutenant invites on a ball the general's wife to a mazourka and thinks to what it to pay a compliment. Eventually speaks:
-Madam, allow to express you the admiration! You sweat less, than any other fat woman at your age!

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On a visit at B. Shaw's Pushkina
one day came on a visit to Pushkin, and at that in the yard the huge St. Bernard zhuchit a tiny dachshund. Well, this Shaw of course all so was surprised and asks:
-Alexander Sergeyevich, and what it at you a dog some strange? Neuzhto
ne can hunting, appropriate to your situation, to get? To
-Ouch, Ben, will not believe, there were at me both cops, and borzois... But namedni
belinsky dropped in, scarified, you understand: that of a bough this muzzle ne
vyshla, dog that wrong color. Here it was also necessary to it all svoru
otdat. And it specially sent yesterday this couple to me, and that, tells,
zhalko to me you, Shurik, suddenly will come on a visit your friend Bernard, and you i
pospeaks have will be nothing.