Jokes about Rzhevsky

Read funny Jokes about Rzhevsky

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In hussar club there is a meeting of New year. Still till midnight hussars touched, the lieutenant sleeps-faced in vinaigrette, and only one colonel keeps standing. Hours beat twelve. The colonel, having collected the strength says:
-Misters, long-awaited New year came, at last!
poruchik woken by a booming bass of the colonel raises the head and vosklitsayet:
-For the end? As it is cruel...

*****

In club hussars feast. The grand piano is broken, under its cover the hussar is pressed down, a corner two absolutely drunk hussars do to
V love with not menee
pyanymi young ladies. Everywhere nablevano, in a disorder valyaetsya
posuda and underwear. Two hussars beat each other muzzles...
vbegayet a cornet also shouts: "Misters, there is a lieutenant Rzhevsky here! "
sovershenno drunk Odoevsky raises the head from a plate with salatom
i speaks: "Well pancake.... now such will begin!"

*****

Two cornets and Natasha Rostova go to a compartment the lieutenant Rzhevsky. Suddenly who-to loudly pernut. Kornet:
-I Ask to forgive me, I behind a lunch ate pea soup... Well you understand... Some time again who-to pernut
through. The second kornet:
-Excuse me, ate, whether understand, a borsch with folsolyyu - now gases depart...
rzhevsky, leaving from kupe:
-I Will go to smoke and if Natasha again pernt, - tell that it I.

*****

In a compartment sit: Natasha Rostova, lieutenant Rzhevsky, Frenchman and Englishman. Suddenly Natasha did not endure and kak
s%ranet. The Englishman to take away a podozveniye from the lady, speaks:
-excuse the Lord not sderzhalsya.
vse at once forget about the incident and continue to play cards. Suddenly Natasha again. Frantsuz:
-Excuse not sderzhalsya.
nekotoroye there is Rzhevsky a time later and speaks:
-I will go to smoke and if Natasha still s%rant, tell that it I.

*****

In the small quiet provincial town the Hussars stopped...
B the first day misters officers raped all women and beat all muzhchin.
na the second day misters officers raped all men and beat all zhenshchin.
na the third day misters officers beat all men and raped all large horned skot.
a for the fourth day to the city at last there arrived the lieutenant Rzhevsky - and then such began...

*****

In the company of officers, behind a pool, Rzhev asks:
-Misters how you think, at whom the biggest eggs?
kornet Obolenskiy:
- At an ostrich, yes - with...
Rzhevskiy:
-Is necessary, and after all what music writes, shelmets!

*****

Waiting for Natasha Rostova's arrival the lieutenant Rzhevsky was engaged in self-control...

*****

In officer club hussars drink. There is one and speaks:
-Misters, we have so charm a rest, a
vot now will come Rzhev and all will vulgarize... Give as it will come, we will ask it to leave nashe
obshchestvo.
vse decide and to make... In a few minutes the door opens and comes Rzhev. Right there some people jump are enough Rzhev and throw out in a window. There is one and speaks:
-Misters! It was possible simply to ask it to leave our society. Why stekla
bit??....
TUT gets in through the window Rzhev and speaks:
- And concerning the Lord's glasses... Yesterday tak
nayeba ** sya that h*y does not get into a glass!!

*****

In officer meeting misters hussars thought up entertainment: spread out the maid on a grand piano, one to her in &*$%& thrusts cucumbers, and another on a stomach a cue billiard beats and to such manners at a portrait of the Monarchess Imperatritsy shoot. The lieutenant of Rzhevskiy:
-of the Lord comes, what you do?! Let's it better bang!
- Well here, came Rzhev and as always all vulgarized …

*****

In officer sobranii:
-Know, misters? It seems to me, present structure of our Duma, for pushchey
demokratii, some additional frictions would not prevent...
- is eternal at this lieutenant Rzhevsky, because of illiteracy, confusion s
glasnymi...
- of Any confusion, Lord! - deputies prezhnikh
dum were called as "vowels". And now it is members...

*****

In officer meeting Rzhev told a joke. All die laughing, only the striker Rzhevskogo sits with a dead-pan. Rzhev, doing brutal litso:
-Ah you are a s%ka! And well, to laugh, б^я!
denshchik, saluting and standing at attention smirno:
-Hee - hik - with, your nobleness, hi - hik - with!
razbuzhenny an alarm signal which did not sober up in a night the lieutenant stumbled about own boots and, having fallen, hurt a nose. Pripodnyav
okrovavlennuyu the head, it with drunk rage proburchal:
-Oh and to a za%b I you for it трип#здобл$дское a m@ndo%batelstvo in п#здопроушину, vy%blenny ?
растрип#здатую h%ynyu through трихем@ндобл$дину.
После it he got up and dirty swore.

*****

At the Parisian restaurant the orchestra plays "An emigrant tango". Behind a little table - the lieutenant Rzhevsky and the lieutenant of Golitsyn.
-Eh, melancholy what! - Rzhevsky speaks. - And there is a wish to get on a scene and nasr@t into this white grand piano!
- Is impossible, it to you, the brother, not Russia! French will not understand, cattle - with!

*****

In the secular company, for coffee, Natasha Rostova enthusiastically rasskazyvayet:
-… there, on a ball, me for the first time Balkonsky …
poruchik Rzhevskiy:
-Ha also met! It - our way! Well, and who is he, this gallant hussar? What
- hussar?
- Well which to you on a ball also met, and a vper, and vye6al horsely.

*****

The drunk lieutenant Rzhevsky on a party becomes hollow. Cornet of Obolenskiy:
-That, again pun?
rzhevsky, inspecting itself with nedoumeniyem:
-Again, a stake, again, "poison of a nasr@la on me.

*****

The lieutenant Rzhevsky and Natasha Rostova secular besedu:
-conduct on a ball Tell, the lieutenant, and what it is pleasant to you - the Pole or a minuet more?
- On the truth, the madam, both that is good, and it. But when together!.
- As it, lieutenant, they such different!
- Well why! Just recently one Pole sucked off me - so I will tell you, it about - go-go!

*****

More magnificent than halls. Music plays. Ladies and gentlemen dance. The roar, and to the hall of a zavalivayetsi Rzhev is suddenly distributed more terribly, dragging for itself unitaz.
stavit a toilet bowl in the middle of the hall, takes off trousers, saditsa on it and speaks:
-I hope ladies will not object if I light?
"All I will not be going to make contact lenses in any way. In them blevat
kuda as spodruchny, the main thing - not to roll up eyes", - said
poruchik Rzhev, getting points from unitaza.
poruchik Rzhev was going to descend in a toilet. Having come, he saw,
chto instead of a usual interior in a toilet - booths for vote. Poruchik:
- And, here now go time in four years?! Well. did not want by
ya to get in calculating komissiyu.
pereveli Rzhev to new part. It at soldiers asks:
-As here at you women, give?
- Yes, but since the beginning should be told that that sharp, slippery, juicy, what to intrigue them, well and predstavitsya.
podkhodit Rzhev to the lady and speaks:
-with Shiloh, washed, х#й. . and in general my name is Rzhev.

*****

Ball of high society. The seventy-year-old count dances a slow waltz with the forty-year-old baroness and from time to time bitterly usmekhayetsya.
-Of what you think, the count?
- Eh, me to throw off years twenty, - the count sighs, - I then also did not look at you!

*****

Evening. Ball. Porutchik Rzhevsky comes to a balcony and from a balcony celebrates small need. To a balcony there is Natasha of Rostova.
- The Lieutenant Rzhevsky as you are badly brought up!
- That you Natashenka! Look as in a moonlight shines, kak
perelivayetsya a stream as droplets beads lie on leaves of trees,
trave as if the wizard scattered handfuls brillianty.
-Da Va the romantic the lieutenant of Rzhevskiy.
-Well here, and that the vulgar person, the vulgar person.

*****

Evening, the lieutenant Rzhevsky comes to a balcony and speaks:
-What moon, what stars...
- Your mother, your mother, your mother... - on a habit the echo responds.

*****

Evening, in salon at Growth it is crowded. Tell different stories. Turn of the lieutenant of Rzhevskogo.
-Well and so, misters, business was during the Borodino battle. Means, there is our squadron to attack, here suddenly near me explosion, I am beaten out from a saddle, I jump - my companions are killed, my saber is broken, and on me three huge French cavalrymen with the sabers bare ride at full speed and... Misters, it is a shame to me, but I obosralsya.
v salon - silence, at last someone says:
- The Lieutenant, you, of course, are excessively frank, but, considering circumstances - a contusion explosion, three against one, feeling of inevitable death... In it there is nothing shameful, think, can happen to everyone...
- Well, misters, you did not understand - I was NOW trashed...

*****

In the evening, being going to officer club, the lieutenant Rzhevsky found out that it catastrophically does not have tricks and jokes. Stepaaaaaaaaaaaaan was necessary to ask for the help to irreplaceable denshchiku:
-!
-Ya here, vashbrod!
-Ya now I go to Club, something urgently is required ridiculous that by
ne it was a shame to tell in obshchestve.
- And here, vashbrod, a cool pun. Teacher of physics rasskazyvayet
gimnazistam:" All subjects at which we look through an aquarium,
kazhutsya to us as if behind a magnifying glass".
- huya did not understand, - Rzhevsky after half-hour razdumya.
-Well as, vashbrod told if to look at any subject through an aquarium,
TO seems that look as if through a magnifying glass. And if to tell that predmety
kazhutsya as if behind a magnifying glass, it is possible to think that they seem zalupy!
prishel Rzhevsky on a ball and speaks:
-Misters, here now told such ridiculous pun to me! Well to look at
If through an aquarium at any subject, this predmet
nepremenno will be similar to a zalupa!

*****

Question Armenian radio:
-That the general between doctor Freud and the lieutenant Rzhevsky?
- the Doctor was the theorist of sexual revolution, and Rzhevsky - ee
praktikom!

*****

- In total I will not be going to make contact lenses in any way. In them to bl%vat where as spodruchny, the main thing - not to roll up eyes, - the Lieutenant Rzhevsky told, getting points from a toilet bowl.

*****

In total I will not be going to make contact lenses in any way. In them to vomit where as spodruchny, the main thing - not to roll up eyes", - the lieutenant Rzhevsky told, getting points from a toilet bowl.

*****

The lieutenant Rzhevsky met the daughter of the generala:
-Poruchik tell any Istoriyu.
-well! When we went to have horses..... What
Da you low person! I will complain to father!
Father lieutenant Rzhevsky such low person!!! The daughter washing
Da when we went it took to have horses always with itself(himself) a stool!!!

*****

Natasha meets Rzhevskogo:
- The Lieutenant, you where?
- of Cows eb "t!
- Ah, as low!
- is not low, I took a stool.

*****

- Yesterday I rescued the woman from rape...
- Oh, interestingly, the Lieutenant, tell!
- A- And, I simply finished it.

*****

- What do you do at me on a back, the Lieutenant? I
Look for breasts, мадам.
- Yes they in front...
Tam I already looked for, madam.

*****

Causes, so the lieutenant Rzhevsky of the striker and speaks:
-Hear, Petro, I will be in light today, it is necessary to flash intelligence,
rasskazhi to me something interesnoye.
-is fine, listen, the barin as in Australia natives of ostriches catch: shave,
znachit they to themselves the head, are dug in in sand up to a neck, the ostrich runs,
dumayet: this its egg, sits down on it and starts hatching out. Tut
aborigen it is enough also all tut.
na for a ball. Rzhevsky with Rostovoy.
-Natasha, and want I will tell you as in Australia natives strausov
lovyat? Yes, I want
- - with, all right!
- Shave, means they to itself the head, are dug in in sand on yayets, straus
bezhit, thinks: it its eggs, sits down on them and starts hatching out. Tut
aborigen it is enough and tut.
-Wait everything, the lieutenant and why they the head shave?
- Savages-with... The lieutenant Rzhevsky read
molodoy in the book about rules of a good form kak
razgovarivat with ladies. There approximate topics of conversation were given: o
zhivotnykh, about weather, about music, about lyubvi.
poruchik was not slow to take advice and decided to get acquainted s
damoy which walked with bolonkoy.
-What small doggie at you, - the Lieutenant told and, having approached closer, pnul
ee a boot, - low departed something, by a rain to see. However I poruchik
rzhevsky, am a drum at my place, go потр#хаемся...
Natasha of Rostov - to the lieutenant of Rzhevskomu:
- The Lieutenant, you sometime loved?
- Of course #бал-с!
- Is not present, I mean something bigger, vozvyshennoye.
-Was! Once was! On a belltower - with!
Natasha of Rostov celebrates the nineteen-anniversary. Hussars, among them - the lieutenant Rzhevsky are invited to a holiday. Natasha Rostova brings a pie with eighteen candles, and speaks:
-On a pie there was no place for one candle, I do not know where to insert it?
poruchik swells up and addresses to gusaram:
-Misters! Words about п#зде!

*****

There is Natasha to a balcony... Mai, the moon, an oak gets out of hand, around it is so romantic... Suddenly the Lieutenant, why you such small sees below, in a high grass, golovu
poruchika Rzhevskogo.
-?
poruchik:
-Ya not small... I to a s@.....

*****

There is a lieutenant Rzhevsky from a concert of Vysotskogo
i sings: "Better than women there can be only women on whom did not happen yet... "
bayka. The lieutenant on a ball dances with Natasha Rostova. Suddenly it, strong holding one hand of Natasha, lowers it and throws svoyu
nogu through it and starts shouting heart-rendingly:- Oh Natashenka that you do! Release my eggs, the minx! Natasha reddening tyanet
ruku and it is so violent that the back at the lieutenant is lifted up to top. The hall applauds - Ai yes the lieutenant, ouch yes the rascal.

*****

There is Pierre Bezoukhov in the morning to a balcony, stretches, yawns. Lo and behold down, on the street, and there, down the street, on all fours all somehow creeps in dirt the lieutenant Rzhevsky. Well, to Pierre such picture spoiled all mood. He also shouts Rzhevskomu:
-you, the lieutenant, at me are associated with the PIG!!! .
rzhevsky, so stops, raises the head, directs sharpness at Bezoukhov i
vygovarvayet:
- And you at me the expert... with. expert. and. automatic telephone exchange... ATSOSITE!

*****

Mr. colonel brought together misters officers and reported, what in the city epidemic gorbatogo
sifilisa rages and whether therefore not to refrain misters officers from visit of brothels?
Bce refrained, and Rzhev, estessno, did not refrain. Early in the morning the lieutenant went to a latrine, sat down, thought for zhist, then - time! - but cannot rise! The terrible thought pierced consciousness: "Ached! "
B such here bent situation prikovylyal in a staff and, having appeared before eyes of the commander of a regiment are clear, Seem to
prosipel:
-, I picked up it, your nobleness?
- of Whom, Rzhev? - took an interest polkovnik.
-Humpbacked syphilis, nobleness is higher! The colonel took
gospodin a monocle and, having bent through a table, with interest looked on poruchika:
-Well, about humpbacked syphilis I do not undertake to judge, Maun Cher, but here a fly from a collar vam
otstegnut would be advisable.

*****

The hussar regiment costs in the Caucasus. For a raising of mood of gallant misters officers and local population the corps de ballet which arrived from Rostov appears on stage. Wild Caucasian men,
nikogda not seeing so many half-naked women, immediately rush behind the scenes, on a scene, start all touching, to be enough - generally, terrible mess. I Said to
poruchik Rzhevskiy:
-Bezukhovu that it "Dance with bl% $дями", and it took: "With sabers, with sabers"...

*****

Hussars in despondency - in the district town of N. did not remain alcohol at all. Passes hearing that y of the leyb-physician remained for the medical purposes a vodka bottle. All regiment rushes to the physician, pulls out a desired bottle and... here all understand, chto
spiptnogo for such heap of the people will not be enough. Labe physician advises hussars to do by this vodka of an enema - and "will take away" more, and on everyone - on a drop... There is nothing to do, put a cancer of the lieutenant Obolensky, insert to it into an anus a large bottle and here... Rzhevsky enters. The lieutenant Rzhevsky (pulling out a bottle and emptying to the bottom):
- Rascal Obolensky! Zanachit a bottle and where hid, the villain!!!

*****

Hussars in officer meeting carry on serious conversation. Suddenly the door opens, and in officer meeting the naked maid, then the second runs... The second lieutenant Dubrovsky and speaks:
-As usual, only began serious conversation... Now and naked Rzhev will appear!
B this moment opens a door, enters Rzhev, dressed in a smart uniform, and speaks:
-Present, misters, three years the smart uniform looked for, and here understand, I undress and... here it, as newcomer!

*****

Guardsmen-hussars argue on the one who from them managed to oversleep with the youngest devitsey.
-Me somehow time climbed on 15-year-old, - speaks odin.
- And I somehow time was on a mow with 12-year-old, - speaks drugoy.
- And I once climbed on 3-year-old, - tells Rzhevskiy.
-Forgive, but unless it is possible? - are surprised ofitsery.
-Perhaps. Raspryag also climbed! - answers Rzhev.

*****

The general wakes up from a deep hangover. Does not remember that with it was yesterday. Nearby there is a striker and irons his single-breasted coat. "Had a shower bath, - with horror the general thought. - Anything, I will get out". You Know
-, yesterday such nonsense happened to me. Arrived to a regiment, and here from round the corner the drunk lieutenant Rzhevsky on me flew also all single-breasted coat to me, a reptile, obdelal.
- And you that, your excellency?
- Well, and I how it is necessary, - 10 days to it, to parshivets, vlepil.
-is Not enough distance, mister general.
-Why? This impudent fellow to you still got
- cold feet...

*****

Misters hussars thought up new type of a pool. At billiardnogo
stola billiard pockets are cleaned and instead of them put naked women. If
gusar sent a sphere directly between feet, it receives to potselo-
vat it the handle. About it the lieutenant of Rzhevskiy.
-learned Listen, but it is not better than them simply vyeb@t?
- Well here as the lieutenant Rzhevsky so eternally will come will vulgarize everything …