Jokes about Rzhevsky

Read funny Jokes about Rzhevsky

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Young cornet on a ball at the lieutenant of Rzhevskogo:
- The Lieutenant, I want to get acquainted with that lady, but I do not know, whether it takes in rot.
-Wait a moment, a cornet, now she will turn back, skazhu.
dama povorachivayetsya.
-Takes!
- the Lieutenant but how you guessed?
- the Right, a cornet if the lady has a mouth that and not to take it!?

*****

Young cornet the Lieutenant asks the lieutenant of Rzhevskogo:
-, it is the truth, what in youth you were going to become member of the court?
- Ah, youth, youth! The member - there, the member - here...

*****

The young lieutenant Rzhevsky plays at theater. The first it rol
zaklyuchalas that the Lieutenant has to step on the stage, proiznesti
"Balabuyev, here your cane" and to give it. Hussars posporili
s the Lieutenant that he will be mistaken and instead of a surname Balabuyev from volneniya
skazhet Balakhuyev. And here goes spektakal and Rzhevsky leaves on stsenu.
-Balabuyev, - the Lieutenant speaks and victoriously watches in orchestra seats, - here yours х#й...

*****

The young lieutenant Rzhevsky read in the book about rules of a good form how to talk to ladies. There approximate topics of conversation were given: about animals, about weather, about music, about lyubvi.
poruchik was not slow to take advice and decided to get acquainted with the lady who walked with a lap dog. Approaches, from all force kicks a sobachenka the sapozhishchy - that with we howl departs in kusty.
-Low departed, a bough - to see, by a rain... By the way, I am lieutenant Rzhevsky, at my place there is a drum, goes we will fuck...

*****

The young lieutenant Rzhevsky tells friends as he went at night to Natashe:
-Means, misters, I come to it into a bedroom and at once, without postponing, I put it a hand under a skirt...
- Well, lieutenant, well! What feelings?
- of Hypermarket... Misters, you sometime fed a horse from a hand?

*****

N. Rostova: the lieutenant, let's lose in words!
P: And, it?
H.P.: I will begin the word, in you continue it! For example - la...
P, heatedly: thigh!!!
H.P.: N - no, the STRAP!, clearly?!
P: No!
H.P.: Ruo...
P., it is joyful: ASS!
H.P.: N-N-not, YELLOW blouse. Now, clearly?!
P.: Yes.
H.P.: well, and you, begin the word...
P.: Natasha, take me for h
rzhevsky, with the sore head after a yesterday's wine party with party fellows, gathers v
ofitserskoye Meeting. The striker as it is necessary, irons the lieutenant's uniform. Rzhevskiy:
-Hear, shelmets, think up to me any kalamburchik, and the head something does not cook that at all,
DA and not conveniently somehow in empty-handed Meeting idti.
denshchik:
-Yes is, yours blagorod, one, so to speak, kalamburets, but only it on a religious subject... Give
Rzhevskiy:
-rather, the bastard, speak, do not pull!
DENSHCHIK:
-Adam, having pressed Eve to a tree,
porval to it virgin plevu.
Rzhevskiy:
-What syllable, devil take it! What thought, razraz me thunder! The good fellow, I praise!
odevayet a uniform also leaves. In the evening, in Meeting, again drunk Rzhev, having used minutnoy
pauzoy, oret:
-Ga-a-a-s-sspada! New... e-e-e... pun!
"Adam, having pressed Eve to a tree..." Ah, b@ya, further ne
pomnyu, however it unpicked it as to a sidorov a goat!

*****

N. Rostova talks with porutiky Rzhev, it to it speaks:
-Natasha you that without trusikov.
a it emu:
-As you learned
I?
- On dandruff on slippers.

*****

On a ball, in far garrison, there come ladies. Porutchik Rzhevsky dances from one of them. Was tired. Speaks dame:
-to Madam, and would be не^уево something to drink, and that at me already eggs got wet, and at you, probably little cowards to п^зденке stuck!
DAMA, having been indignant, runs away. Towards to it the sea captain. She tells it about Rzhevsky. It to it it is polite sochuvstvuyet:
-Hey yeah - with, the cape of these is with overland зам^донцев we know - with, we them for х^й-с, i
za a board - page.

*****

On masquerade Rzhev put on in all red and gathered in a mouth mayoneza.
prikhodit on a ball. Here the girl in a pink dress, with two pink bows, in pink shoes and with a magic wand in a hand runs up to it: "Hello, lieutenant! I am a fairy! and you who? "
poruchik (spitting out it in a face mayonnaise): "And I am a spot purulent!"

*****

On a ball the general Rzhevsky, in youth the lieutenant, all in fighting scars and awards, sits with gostyami
za a table, drinks wine and tells baizes. Whether young girls from blagorodnykh
semey and sprashivayut:
- And the truth run up to it, what in youth you were member of the court?
rzhevsky (pensively, with nostalgia): Da's
-., know., youth... youth... Member here, member there...

*****

On a ball a cornet Obolensky approaches the lieutenant Rzhevsky and asks:
- The Lieutenant you so easily approach with women how you manage it? Them I tr@khat
-Ya, and it very much pulls together.

*****

On a ball Natasha Rostova approached the lieutenant of Rzhevskomu:
- The Lieutenant, answer me: why you do not love me?
- Strange question, madam! Where?

*****

On a ball Natasha Rostova approaches the lieutenant of Rzhevskomu.
- The Lieutenant, I forgot to put on the new hat. It lies highly on a case in my room. Go with me, you at first on a case place me and then behind podstrakhuyete.
poruchik, tightening up usy:
-Oh this naughty youth! And you are sure, Natali, what on a case we will not fight the heads about a ceiling? Whether it is better simple - on a bed?

*****

On balu:
-Here, the lieutenant, get acquainted with Natasha Rostova, she does not drink and does not smoke!
- of Open company, Natasha, you do not drink and do not smoke!
- A- And I - more cannot any more!

*****

On a ball, the lieutenant Rzhevsky, being fairly drunk, leaves in a toilet. Comes back, having forgotten to clasp buttons... Natasha:
- The Lieutenant, at you approaches it there... torchit.
rzhevsky, having looked vniz:
-you flatter me, Natasha! Does not stick out, and hangs …

*****

On a ball the lieutenant Rzhevsky tells to Natashe:
-This waltz I would like to dance to utra.
-you think, during this time you would manage to learn it?

*****

On a ball the lieutenant Rzhevsky, having got drunk as a pig, stuck to zhenshchinam.
pri it it did not interest neither appearance of the woman, nor age, her floor any more.

*****

On a ball the lieutenant Rzhevsky dances with Natasha Rostova. That all the time wrinkles the nosik:
- The Lieutenant, at you from feet stinks - go take off socks. The lieutenant for a minute left, returned and again began to spin with Natasha in a waltz. It with otvrashcheniyem:
- The Lieutenant, all the same stinks. You took off socks?
-A as: here they - in a fist - with!

*****

On a ball the lieutenant dances with Natasha. Natasha:
- The Lieutenant, what moon behind a window! What brilliant parquet in a hall as iron lakes! And we as two swans!
poruchik is silent. Natasha:
- And you would like to be the lieutenant a swan and to slide on a water smooth surface near Luga?
- Naked ж#пой on cold water? Brr... Dismiss - with!

*****

On a ball the lieutenant Rzhevsky Bezukhov.
poslushayte approach Pierre, the lieutenant, - Pierre speaks enthusiastically, - today I danced with Natasha Rostova i
osmelilsya to kiss her on a cheek!!!
- Well and what, I with it danced yesterday also a hand to it in pants zasunul.
-Oh, the lieutenant, and what feelings? Well as to tell
- to you... Sometime the horse from a hand took sugar from you?

*****

On a ball to Rzhev the Lieutenant approaches young gusar:
-, about you
- Then speak as of the good expert zhenshchin.
-Well yes. prompt - that beautiful blonde takes in a mouth?
rzhevsky looked at the lady and uverenno:
-Of course, what conversation, takes!
NU young took away the blonde on a balcony, everything grew together in the best way. Happy approaches to porutchiku:
-you were right. But still a question - and that brunette takes?
rzhevsky smotrit:
-Konechno.
istoriya on a balcony repeats. The hussar dopytyvayetsya:
-Porutchik, tell young a secret: how you learn about takes or not?
- Yes here and a secret is not present and to learn nothing nado:
smotryu on it - if the mouth is, means takes.

*****

On a ball at Growth the footman objyavlyaet:
- The Prince Golitsyn with the spouse!
- the Baron Finkinstein with the spouse!
- its excellency the general from an infanteriya Stroganov with the spouse!
- the Lieutenant Rzhevsky with... with... bottle!

*****

On a ball. Hussars stand apart, whisper about the love affairs. One tells how it had the lady in Balagoe.
prokhodya by, to Rzhev only "Balagoye" reaches. The lieutenant izrekayet:
-That - from the Lord, Balagoye - das, a hole I will report on you, rare.

*****

On a ball the lieutenant Rzhevsky and Natasha of Rostova.
- The Lieutenant dance, what you do it at me on a back?
- I Look for a breast - with! So it speredi.
-In front I already looked for
- …

*****

On a ball the crowd of hussars conducts intelligent conversation about the last opera. Rzhevskiy.
-By the way about music approaches. Yesterday had the woman on a grand piano - awfully slippery tool.

*****

On hussar pyanke:
-Misters! Well all of us about an ass and about an ass?! Give, for example, pro
taliyu!
- Is absolutely fair! Here, for example, at the countess Dryuchinskaya pryamo
osinaya a waist! Da's
Rzhevskiy:
-! And below - SUCH ASS!!!

*****

Invited to an invited ball the hussar. They in a corner topchatsya, do not dance...
-A that is misters hussars at us do not dance?
-A we... we in the %bl will prove to be!

*****

On reception at Growth there is a small talk, misters discuss ornithology. The lieutenant of Rzhevskiy:
-About what the speech, misters approaches?
- About ornithology, the lieutenant, about birdies - with! Da's
-! By the way about birdies! At us in the village somehow the priest from a belltower e%nutsya while flied - three times karknut - and piz%ets!

*****

Having appointed appointment to the lieutenant Rzhevsky at night, the lady asked it, having entered the house, to take off boots not to wake the house. It is on tiptoe stolen to it in a bedroom. On the house the terrifying gnash is carried. The lady, running out to it on vstrechu:
- The Lieutenant, I asked you to take off boots!
-Ya removed - with! Than you so scrape
-A?
- Nails-with!

*****

Natasha stirs with poruchikom:
- The Lieutenant, you come to me today...
- Why - with? I a ladder will put
-A to a window of a bedroom...
- Well and what?
- We will be absolutely alone...
- Not ponyal-S.
-Oh, My God! Well and blockhead! You will come to strike today to me or not, the idiot?
- understood the Hint - with...

*****

Natasha comes back home from Natalie which swelled up shchekoy.
mat asks:
-, my god, what with you?
- Maman, we with the lieutenant Rzhevsky boated... And suddenly to me the bee sat down on a cheek!
- It stung you, ma chere?
- Is not present, the courageous lieutenant killed it with an oar!

*****

- Natasha, you are already married with the Lieutenant Rzhevsky two years, and u
vas is not here children...
- Oh, mother that I at least once could swallow this muck …

*****

Natasha comes into the room and the Lieutenant sees the lieutenant Rzhevsky for royalem.
-, you that - play music?
- Well, just like that on keys h.yaryu!

*****

Natasha (addressing to Rzhev and to Bezukhov): Misters! Whether someone from you where this brilliant round diskette is inserted will prompt?

*****

- Natasha, why you have such gentle white hands?
- It from that, the lieutenant that I all life wear silk gloves!
- is surprising! All life I wear silk underpants, and a zh*p all in spots!

*****

- Natasha, goes - we pofintindoritsya!
- Lieutenant! So after all it is possible and to be hit on a muzzle!
- Can and be received. And it is possible and to pofintindoritsya!.

*****

Natasha and the lieutenant go in poyezde.
- The Lieutenant, you sometime got to accident on the railroad? Skilled page
-. Here, for example, we went somehow to a compartment with the general and ego
docheryyu. And here, when the train stopped by in the tunnel, I instead of the daughter trakhnul
samogo the general.

*****

Natasha:
- The Lieutenant, me it is bad, I will go to oknu.
-Well go break, it is only short.

*****

Natasha Rastova asks the lieutenant of Rzhevskogo:
-Tell, the lieutenant, you do a pedicure?
-A it as?
- Scissors...
- K-as??