Jokes about Rzhevsky

Read funny Jokes about Rzhevsky

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The colonel on balu:
- The Lieutenant, tell something that soul amused, but without poshlostey.
Rzhevskiy:
- The Lord, there are I somehow on the wood, and there nightingales on branches a bang. sing, grasshoppers in a grass a bang. strekochat, cranes in the sky, understand - whether a bang. kurlychat, enviably, misters, - strekochat to itself in the fresh air, outdoors and eb "tsya.

*****

The colonel comes to the lieutenant Rzhevsky and speaks:
- The Lieutenant! I to you at the request of our officer meeting. The matter is that we were reached by data that you do not lead any sexual life with women. It very much disturbs us! And still we were reached by data that you also do not lead any sexual life with men, i.e. in homosexuality too are not engaged. It extremely disturbs us! And still we were reached by data that you also do not corrupt little boys and girls, means you as well not the pedophile. It extremely disturbs us! And still we were reached by data that you dig out graves and е#%те corpses on a cemetery at night. All this us so disturbs that we would like to receive yours objyasneniya.
Rzhevskiy:
-Well think, the colonel! How it can - be STUCK Х#ЕМ B of the LIVING PERSON?!!!

*****

The colonel wakes up in the middle of night and sees in the bed the spouse who is making love to the lieutenant of Rzhevskim.
- The Lieutenant, - the colonel exclaims, - what is it?
- Is a dream, - Rzhevskiy.
-My God answers, - again filling up, the colonel, - the same dream sighs the third week in a row.

*****

The colonel brings together officers and speaks: "Yesterday the lieutenant Rzhevsky dared to quote to ladies a joke from Dima Verner - madam Pulkina in a heart attack - page. The lieutenant, more carefully, not all ladies have sense of humour"
Ha the next day everything repeats: "Yesterday the lieutenant Rzhevsky dared to quote to ladies a joke from Dima Verner - madam Semkina got sick with a stroke. The lieutenant, more carefully, the Lieutenant, more carefully, not all ladies distinguish the truth from lie"
Ha the third day: "The lieutenant, I understand everything, but what horse-radish you and comments from this site tell them? You officer or who? And where your sostardaniye? "
molchavshy still the lieutenant sighed and told: "Mister colonel, so after all this only place, where demon of censorship. The demon confused"

*****

- Porutchik, women on you, probably, and dry?
- Well you, a cornet, they on me BECOME WET!

*****

Porutchik Rzhevsky and all company.... Boredom mortal.... Rzhevsky has an idea! The Lord's
-, and let's bath horses in champagne!!! To
-(gloomy) Rzhevsky, money netu.
-Well, then give a cat beer the obly.

*****

Porutchik Rzhevsky of Rostovoy:
-Natasha, you so remind me my grandmother!
- That, manners?
- Is not present when I to its eb in a mouth, it also in a disgusting way perdit!

*****

Porutchik Rzhevsky dances on a ball with Natasha Rostova. The charter fairly, having reddened ot
tantsev, Natasha speaks partneru:
-Ah the sir, here is stuffy, I descend to oknu
porutchik:
-Well well, descend break.

*****

Porutchik Rzhevsky was transferred to other part, and he asks officers as to make advances to local ladies as it is possible for their тра$ $ $ть. Say to it that this business thin. To get acquainted it is necessary to approach the lady and at first to tell something sharp, then - slippery, then - trite (zhenshchiny
eto love), and then it is possible and predstavitsya.
podkhodit for PR to the lady and speaks: "Шило-мыло-х$й! By the way, may I introduce myself, porutchik Rzhevsky!"

*****

Epimanikia Rzhev in orchestra seats of opera theater loudly are told to the friend by the next adventure. Sitting ahead dama
oborachivayetsya: - Silence! you prevent to listen to music!
rzhevsky: - By the way, about music! Madams, to you never had on a grand piano. Islyuchitelno slippery tool.

*****

The lieutenant Rzhevsky floats in the boat with Natasha Rostova. In time
nelovkogo silence the Lieutenant asks:
-Natasha, to you sometime an oar on a pizda beat?
- the Lieutenant and as you dare...
- Yes I so, simply wanted to keep up the conversation...

*****

- The lieutenant, Natasha died from cancer!
Yes, it was its favourite pose!

*****

- The lieutenant that it all of you about women and about women. Let's talk, for example, about fine, about music...
- Yes, by the way about music. I tore up one on a grand piano here recently - devilishly slippery tool!

*****

- Lieutenant, who do you like more - women or horses?
- You see, gentlemen, if it were not for the horse - I would not have time to all the ladies who have success, and if it were not for the ladies - and go kind of nowhere ...

*****

- Lieutenant your member, how Siberian express.
-That such long?
- Is not present, costs everything minute!

*****

- The lieutenant, your member as Siberian express.
-That - with, such long - with?
- Well, costs everything one minute.

*****

- The lieutenant how on yours about what eggs usually fight?
- About sedlo.
-Well, about a frying pan!

*****

The lieutenant is very bad after a hangover. Just in case hussars reshili
poslat for the priest. However the priest was occupied, so instead of nego
prishla popadya. Naslyshanny about Rzhev, she decided to look on predmet.
tikhonko having raised a blanket and having estimated the size of the member, popadya sladostrastno
vskhlipnula. At this time the lieutenant regained consciousness and prostonal:
-Here it, punishment for my sins... In a death hour - the pop gay...

*****

- The lieutenant why all of you time break wind? Forgive to
-, madam, but I generally crap.

*****

The lieutenant rushes into a tavern where friends hussars and krichit:
-Gospoda drink him, let's bath horses in the shaman!
EMU Otvechayut:
-really, the lieutenant, salaries did not pay us already half a year! On credit we drink...
poruchik was rumpled and промямлил:
- Well then give though beer we will pour over a cat...

*****

- The lieutenant, yesterday you slept with me, and today even want to greet! Madam's
-, bed yet not a reason for acquaintance.

*****

- The lieutenant, you wipe lips after food? Watching
Rzhevskiy:
-what.

*****

The lieutenant came to the yard and all came back mokryy.
- The Lieutenant, on the street a heavy rain?
- Well, a strong head wind …

*****

- The lieutenant you speak on French?
- And х#ля!

*****

- The lieutenant, say, what you were in youth member of the court?
- Ah, youth... Member there, sleny here...

*****

- Lieutenant, why ladies do not take offense at your vulgarities?
- And my word is never at variance with the case.

*****

- Lieutenant! Do you like children?
- No. But the process ...

*****

- The lieutenant, you have children?
- Somewhere yes is.

*****

- The lieutenant, you е$#те me two hours, but did not tell any word of love... To
-Ah, forgive... I love you, a cornet!

*****

The lieutenant eats sweet cherry and spits out stones. Natasha:
- The Lieutenant approaches, and you will get where I will tell you, moving apart feet?
Rzhevskiy:
-Natasha, bring me peaches, please.

*****

The lieutenant plays with Natasha half-words. ONA:
- The Lieutenant, seize me for with... Its
ON BANG! for a boob... ONA:
- The Lieutenant, and now another with...
ON of its BAMS! for the second. ONA:
-Lieutenant, now yours ochered.
on:
-Horosho-sss. Natasha, take me for h*y two ru...

*****

- The lieutenant, you play the guitar?
-Igrayu.
-A on a grand piano?
- Of course igrayu.
- And on a drum?
-I on a drum tozhe.
- And on a harp, the Lieutenant?
- Is not present, on a harp is not present - cards through strings slip …

*****

- The lieutenant you play at hide- And-seek?
- Is not present, only in blyadka.

*****

- The lieutenant, you loved sometime?
-E %% lsya-S.
-Foo, the lieutenant, I tell about chelevechesky love …
- Skilled with and with lyudmi-S.
-Oh, the Lieutenant, I speak about pure liu …
- Happened, as in banke-S.
-Well, well I mean high l

*****

- The lieutenant, for what you are loved by women? You such poshlyy.
-Dyk at me the word never disperse from business!

*****

- The lieutenant, you had so many women how you tempt them?
- Usually I invite the lady in theater and at the most culmination point I bend and I whisper v
ushko: "Madam, allow you to vpindyurit? "
-Poruchik! But after all can give on a muzzle?

*****

- The lieutenant, you in youth had a hobby?
- Yes, even two - hunting and zhenshchiny.
- And for whom you hunted?
- For women!

*****

Poruchik and Natasha float in the boat. The lieutenant sitting on oars sprosil:
-Natasha! You were never beaten an oar on eggs?
- Is not present, and what?
- Well, anything - with, it I so, to keep up the conversation …

*****

Poruchik and Natasha dance a waltz. Rzhev speaks:
-Natasha, you today without shorts?
- Yes, lieutenant! And how you guessed?
- Ha! I have all boots in dandruff.