Jokes about Rzhevsky

Read funny Jokes about Rzhevsky

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The prince Obalensky comes into the hall. In a hall there is a table, hussars and each of them the muzhky advantage on a table sit at a table threw out. On the middle of a table the huge a lot of money lies. Under a ceiling the juicy fly flies. And in a corner the connected lieutenant Rzhevskiy.
-Misters lies, and what you do here?
-A we play game. To whom the fly on the member will sit down, the Rzhev sharper - page breaks bank.
-A why Rzhev in a corner connected lezhit.
- And the lieutenant. It is the member of... the m smeared - page.

*****

The lieutenant Rzhevsky and speaks:
-Misters comes! I have for you two news! One bad, other very bad! Give to
VSE:
- The bad!
poruchik:
- The Universe extends!
VSE:
-A very bad?
poruchik:
-We still the sober!

*****

Pierre Bezoukhov comes into hussar club and the regimental doctor of y it speaks supposedly hemorrhoids found. As it becomes clear, none of hussars do not know that such hemorrhoids - not for long thinking, Bezoukhov's
stavyat a cancer on a billiard table and attentively examine blood on an anus... The lieutenant Rzhevsky enters this moment, sees this picture and govopit:
-Misters! Bezoukhov to me in a cannon was blown yesterday, but, really, misters - we igpali
na money!!

*****

The lieutenant to "the man's room", well wanted and asks for leave at Natasha: "Excuse me, I will depart - with". And only departed, comes back i
speaks: "No, perhaps was late."

*****

- Know, misters, I rescued the woman from rape yesterday!
- As, lieutenant? Tell!
- As, how? Persuaded and вы$#ал!

*****

- Know, the lieutenant Rzhevsky, and Matviyenko and Pugacheva are recognized samymi
vliyatelnymi as women of the country! I do not know
-, than you for them voted, misters... Perhaps, even i
hands... but in my organism for vote on these questions

*****

- You know that Petrov from 10 "B" told me?
- That?
- That is necessary for me in the blonde will be recoloured!!! What for? of
-Here and I it asked
-, and he told that the hair color corresponded to brains, and and here brains, they gray?????

*****

19th century. The ball, columns, barons, ladies, the word all high society, slow talk, expect arrival of the lieutenant Rzhevsky. One count addresses to sobesednikam:
-Misters, I will be shot if Rzhevsky when comes, does not tell any platitude. After a while in a ballroom Rzhevsky and oret:
-Misters flies, you are able to play grand piano? The count is honestly shot. Rzhevskiy:
- And as I on it e... lsya!!!

*****

19th century, ball. Natasha Rostova dances with the lieutenant of Rzhevskim.
- The Lieutenant Rzhevsky, what you did this morning?
-A we with a cornet went to a stable of horses to bang!
Natasha of Rostov dances with kornetom.
- The Cornet, listen, the lieutenant Rzhevsky the joker or the zoophile?
- Of course the joker when we with it went horses today to bang it beat out a chair from under feet from me!

*****

There is a ball. All dance, drink, talk about secular things. Rzhev invites Natasha Rostova to dance. Natasha to keep up the conversation sets to it zagadku:
-That such small, long yes in a sexual crack?
Rzhevskiy:
-So old man, it H%y!
Natasha took offense, raskrasnelas:
-Yes that it with you? And Obolensky to me also otvetil.
rzhevsky udivlenno:
- And what it then in your opinion?
Natasha vozmushchayas:
-As that, same mouse!
rzhevsky frowning, and then it is quick-witted smiling speaks:
- The Mouse? In p% $ду?! Original with!

*****

There is a lady with a doggie, towards the lieutenant Rzhevsky and asks:
-Where you conduct this to a knot?
DAMA (reddening):
- It not a knot, and kobel.
Rzhevskiy:
-I ask not you

*****

There is a court session. Rzhev subpoena as a witness on the case of iznasilovanii.
sudya:
- The Lieutenant, tell court as was delo.
Rzhevskiy:
- There are I, misters, somehow in the evening on park, look - of bushes of a zh*p sticks out...
sudya (interrupts):
- Lieutenant, not a zh*pa, but basin. Choose in court of expression!
Rzhevskiy:
-is good. I glanced for bushes - and there enutsya...
sudya (again interrupts):
- d not enutsya, and snoshatsya!
Rzhevskiy:
-So I too thought in the beginning that snoshatsya, and got accustomed - enutsya! Well, so I one foot - po
tazu, and another - on a zh*pa!

*****

There is a wedding. The main manager runs in a banquet room and objyavlyaet:
- The Wedding is cancelled - the bride disgraced! All started gathering home. But here the same again enters rasporyaditel:
-Misters! The wedding will take place! Honor of the bride is restored. The lieutenant Rzhevsky apologized!

*****

There is a secular ball. The lieutenant Rzhevsky comes into the heat of a ball and pulls a toilet bowl on a rope. Tightens a toilet bowl on the middle of the hall, takes off trousers, sits down on it and speaks:
-I think, ladies will not object if I light?

*****

To the lieutenant Rzhevsky the young hussar comes and asks:
-Understand, I have the first appointment tomorrow, you could not borrow me the white socks? Take
-, of course, they in a corner stand.

*****

To PR the young hussar comes and speaks:
-Understand, I have the first appointment today, you could not give me white socks? Take
-, they in a corner stand.

*****

To Rzhev on a ball the young cornet and speaks:
- The Lieutenant approaches, about you tell improbable things. As if you can look at the woman and define, whether she takes in р#т.
- Ha, of course I can! Then tell
-, that lady from a window takes in a mouth?
- Of course beret.
- And that?
-I that beret.
-Fantasy! The lieutenant, you have to share sekretom.
-Yes what secret there., you see, the woman costs?
- Well, vizhu.
-it has Roth?
-Est.
-Means, takes!

*****

To Rzhev obpashchayutsya:
-Listen, the lieutenant, you always so poshla or only on Fridays?
- is exclusive on Fridays. |:)
- Ah about whom tell this: "seven patnitsa during a week"...
- of $8

*****

The cadet Rzhevsky, the great-grandson of the well-known lieutenant, came into cellular shop and went deep into studying of phones. Having seen this disgrace the girl manager of very pleasant forms approached it. Languidly looks at it and asks.
" - the Young man, to show something to you? "
kadet translated the view of the girl-menezhdera.
" - Yes, if it is possible show your breast is the most interesting that is in your salon!".

*****

Somehow at a formal dinner party the lieutenant Rzhevsky took a fish fork not in that pyky.
"to Foo, what bad manners" - told old grafinya.
... Since then about the lieutenant tell different mucks.

*****

The lieutenant Rzhevsky and Natasha Rostova in the boat ride. By floats a swan. Natasha:
- The Lieutenant, you would like to become a swan?
- in any case - with!
-A I here would like...
-I hunting to you, Natashenka to wet an ass! Would become better a cancer - with!

*****

When the Hussars were lodged in the settlement of Ikhdyr near Andijan, the favourite toast of the lieutenant Rzhevsky sounded so: (to read aloud!!!)
"For health fine an andizhanok and an ikhdyrok!".

*****

The Cornet Obolensky (CO) speaks to the lieutenant Rzhevsky (LR):
KO: You know, the lieutenant, what the lieutenant Golitsyn has a cancer?
PR: Natasha Rostova too suffered yesterday when I started tearing up her rakom.
ko: And what, you have such big penis?
PR: Well, I do not play tennis, simply at me h@y did not get up.

*****

The cornet Obolensky addresses to Rzhevskomu:
-Tell, the lieutenant, what main symptoms of venereal diseases?
- Well, judging by Venus Milosskaya, first of all, fall off hands.

*****

Cornet Obolensky and the lieutenant Rzhevsky started conversation on theater. Cornet asks:
-Lieutenant, and what such tragedy?
- Is whom, is where, but than?
-A comedy?
- Is whom, is than, but there is no place!
-A tragicomedy?
- Is than, is where, but there is nobody!

*****

Cornet: The lieutenant, you watched the Eurovision final?
rzhevsky: Eurovision... hu*videniye... no, not smotrel.
kornet: Lieutenant! You passed much!!!
rzhevsky: Well... passed three in a night.

*****

To the lieutenant of Rzhevskomu:
- The Countess Pirozhkova changes a cornet to the muzhu.
Rzhevskiy:
-About! Good news, it would only be desirable to specify a source of information,
eto simply hearings, or she asked it to transfer to me?

*****

- A cornet, listen, what poem I composed: "Upotreblyayte
marakuyyu, it brings benefit to an organism! "
-Poruchik, and where rhyme?
- Cornet, and you there. At first provoke to a rhyme, and then vsem
rasskazyvayete, what Rzhev vulgar person - wit

*****

The footman during a lunch at Growth solemnly objyavlyaet:
-sturgeon with a horse-radish will be Now served!
poruchik Rzhevskiy:
-Still I thought that to a horse-radish there is only a sturgeon, but, chtoby
osetrina was with a horse-radish...

*****

The lieutenant Rzhevsky and Natasha Rostova in posteli.
-Natasha, you - just like the battery steam otopleniya.
-That, so warm lie?
- Is not present, rebristaya.
obidelas Natasha and too solved sjyazvit.
- The Lieutenant, and here yours h%y - as if the London express!
- That, such fast? - was delighted poruchik.
-Is not present, there are exactly two minutes

*****

The Englishman, the Frenchman, the German and Rzhev fly by plane. The plane starts falling, it becomes clear that a parachute one on all. Rzhev starts putting on a parachute himself. The Englishman, frantsuz:
- The Lieutenant, among us the woman!
rzhevsky, thoughtfully, looking on chasy:
-you think, we will be in time?

*****

The young lieutenant Rzhevsky tells friends as he went at night to Natashe:
-Means, misters, I come to it into a bedroom and at once, without postponing, I put it a hand under a skirt...
- Well, lieutenant, well! What's next?
- of Hypermarket... Misters, you sometime fed a horse from a hand?

*****

Madam, I have no honor to be presented to you, however I will dare obespokoit
vas a question: "To be given are not interested?"

*****

Madam, to you where?
- politely inquired the lieutenant Rzhevsky.

*****

- The mademoiselle, you weighed not everything, rejecting my love, -
said the lieutenant Rzhevsky, carelessly poigryvy a hand in a pocket.

*****

Mother says to Natasha Rostovoy:
-Natasha, what such, you are married with a porutchik the fifth year, and you still have no children?
- Mother! What you?! That I swallowed of this muck?!

*****

On March 8 the lieutenant Rzhevsky walks from Shurochkaya. Speak about that, about sem.
- The Lieutenant, and figure 8 does not speak to you about anything?
-of Shurochk, I have to recognize: you have feet the eight.

*****

Many mobile phones contain the option "Vibrator"...
Ho nobody will guess to equip vibrators with an option "Call"!

*****

The young hussar asks the lieutenant Rzhevsky as it to it is possible to have such success at zhenshchin.
-Very simply, - he answers, - it is necessary to approach the woman and to tell: "Madam, allow you to vpendyurit!" And vse.
-Lieutenant! But after all for such it is possible and on a muzzle!
- Is possible and on a muzzle. But usually I vpendyurivat.