Jokes about Rzhevsky

Read funny Jokes about Rzhevsky

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To Natasha Rostovy nineteen. The dark room enters a name-day-
nitsa with pie on which only eighteen burn svech.
-Hussars, - it addresses to attendees, - on pie ne
nashlos places for one candle where to me to put it? Lord's
-, word about a pizda! - the voice of the Lieutenant Rzhevs-
ky is distributed.

*****

The lieutenant Rzhyovsky found a horseshoe, brought home, wanted to hang up on a wall, turned, and there a horse.

*****

- Why you were not on service yesterday? - ask Rzhevskogo.
-So I in guard was!
-I could not find you in guard...
-Zdraste-You're welcome! In guard put, but cannot find.

*****

Night. Knock at a door. Disturbing female golos:
-Who there?
- Lieutenant Rzhevsky, madam!
- will say scurrilous things Again and to stick to me?
- Of course! Wait for
-, I will find a key...

*****

- Of what you think, the Lieutenant? The same
-O, about what and you, Foo's Natasha.
-, the lieutenant, well and the vulgar person you!

*****

The family the column of Rostov has dinner. Ate, to clear the table dashing there is no wish. Decided that the one who will exorcise the first, will clean. Suddenly the lieutenant Rzhevsky comes. Greeted all - silence. Poruchik:
-Perhaps, I will eat. Silence. The lieutenant has in perplexity dinner. Solved razvlechsya
-Graf, you will not be against if I have a good time with your daughter? Silence. Rzhevsky made the delo.
-by Graf, you after all not against if I have a good time with your wife? Silence. Rzhevsky was again tickled. Having got tired, decided to go home. Approaches a mirror and sees that the lip was weather-beaten a little. Addresses to grafu:
-Listen, the count, at you will not be a little vaseline? This
-A not - ena - and - ado! - the count told and silently went to clean ware.

*****

- Pay attention, misters, - thoughtfully noticed shtabs-kapitan
sukhovo, - what refined formy.
ofitsery, having crowded round a table, thoughtfully examined predmet
vseobshchego interesa.
-Paints amazing..., - the cornet without mustache, obuchavs

*****

Once, the lieutenant Rzhevsky visited Pushkin's club... there all spoke about Pusshkin what on
veselchak as is able to communicate with girls, and heard following istoriyu.
"Once Pushkin played at hide- And-seek with girls, hid in a moss and girls could not ego
nayti in any way. And when they asked Pushkin, where you? He answered: In a moss I. "
rzhevsky everything listened to it and decided to tell in we will wash away hussar club. Comes and speaks:
-Rebyatya, I in Pushkin club was today and here that uslyshal:
" Once Pushkin played at hide- And-seek with girls, hid from them and they it to find not mgl. And kogda
oni sprositl Pushkin where you? He answered them: And x "y to mother Vashey!!!"

*****

Once in the spring Natasha speaks to the lieutenant of Rzhevskomu:
-Ah, the lieutenant, now such warm nights...
- of Hm, well, type, yes.
- the Lieutenant, and at night so are sung by nightingales...
-AGA.
-A I, the lieutenant, sleep on a verandah, absolutely alone... Type
-, cool!
- of Fi, lieutenant, well what you dull! Come to me tonight, I will be given you...
- A-a-a! The hint understood, I will come!

*****

Once at a formal dinner party the lieutenant Rzhevsky took a fork for lobsters not in that ruku.
-to Fi, what bad manners! - one told elderly dama.
s that time about the lieutenant tell any mucks...

*****

Once the prince Golitsyn told on a ball as Pushkin with ladies went to the wood on griby.
"It tak
daleko left forward that ladies lost it from a look and shout: Pushkin, hey! Where you? And that in reply: In a moss I knee-deep!
HA-ha! Feel what clever game of words? "
poruchik Rzhev uslykhav it right there pomchalya to the neighboring hall where messieurs had a rest after dances of the lady s
kavalerami and krichit:
-Madam! Just heard... Alexander Sergeyevich with ladies... in the wood... They: Pushkin, where you... And it to them: Here to you x-y! What clever game of words! "It passes
potom into the following hall where the high society plays cards and snova:
-Madam! monsieur! Heard news! Alexander Sergeyevich... ladies... wood... They: Pushkin, where you! And it to them: You went on x-y! What clever game of words!! Poet, in a word.

*****

Once the lieutenant Rzhevsky decided to dry up the socks. Hung up them for the night on a bed back in barracks, and went to bed. In the middle of night he woke up because that a cornet for plecho.
- The Lieutenant fiercely shook it! You change socks?
- Of course! On vodka!

*****

Once the lieutenant Rzhevsky decided to leave hussars and to pass in grenadiers. In a month ego
sprashivayut:
- The Difference is? (Confusedly)
- Understand
poruchik, hussars have only one ball in a week, and we tear up every night Gren.

*****

Once the lieutenant Rzhevsky learned that with devushkoy
nado to be suitable for acquaintance, easy to talk about weather and after etogo
predstavitsya. On one of walks he met the girl walking s
bolonkoy. The lieutenant approached it, kicked her lap dog so, chto
ta far departed and said:
-Low flies. To see, by a rain. By the way, may I introduce myself,
poruchik Rzhevsky.

*****

Once the lieutenant Rzhevsky was told kalambur:
- The clipper, on a clipper the skipper, at the skipper tripper.
prikhodit the lieutenant Rzhevsky to the hussars and speaks:
-Misters Floats on the river, here to me such ridiculous pun told: the barge floats on the river, to the people on it one thousand and all have a syphilis.

*****

Once, after an unsuccessful joke on a ball, the lieutenant Rzhevsky approached k
vseznayushchemu kornetu:
-Kornet! Tell me any story more interestingly, chtoby
ya then could tell it to ladies. Only poprilichney.
-Horosho, lieutenant. You know how in Africa catch ostriches?
-NET.
-Tuzemtsy shave nalyso the head, and bury in sand completely. Straus
dumayet that the head is egg, and sits down on it. Here they i
khvatayut.
poruchik thanked him a cornet, and right there decided to tell this istoriyu
ofitseram which were in kazarme:
-Gospoda! You know how in Africa catch ostriches? Shave nalyso to a go-
lov, bury in sand completely and when the ostrich passes by, his
khvatayut for eggs!
Постойте, lieutenant! And why to shave голову.
- Well... There's nothing to be done, Africa, misters, Africa …

*****

Once B. Shaw came on a visit to Pushkin. There is it across Mikhaylovsky, and around - silence, neither peasants, nor the cows who are grazed, even dogs from under a fence do not tell lies. He was surprised and asks:
- And what it, you have Alexander Sergeyevich in the estate such calm? Neuzhto
mor happened?
-Ouch, twist if plague what - half-troubles is, and so absolutely badly put,
namedni in Trigorskom an opportunity happened: arrived to local pomeshchiku
ofitser one, drank all moonshine, peretrakhat all women, cattle, then vsyu
noch chased the owner, and today and here on a visit intends... Here u
menya all and popryatalis.
-are My God sacred, Alexander Sergeyevich, really the lieutenant Rzhevsky? Will listen to
-, Ben, well you vaashche! Rzhev from other joke. And u
nas - the critic Belinsky!

*****

- Oh, the lieutenant, on you an insect!
- That - with? Where - with? Ah, it is a bug - with, and we it eb-with!

*****

- Both of them are magnificent! One is better another! - admired Rzhev, glyadya
na horse walk of Ksenia Sobchak.

*****

Officer meeting. Hussars miss. Here the lieutenant Rzhevsky takes off trousers and propukivat "My God, store the tsar!". General delight, storm of applause. Here the colonel and speaks:
-Bravo, the lieutenant approaches the lieutenant! But you could not execute "Luchinushka"?
- Alas, mister colonel. Me on high notes a diarrhea prokhvatyvayet-with

*****

Officers gathered before a ball and discuss - as if to get rid of the lieutenant Rzhevsky. Mood gloomy because feel that "everything will be vulgarized, by all means vulgarized". Here the cornet Obolensky comes into the room and, having learned the reason of burdensome thoughts, promises to eliminate threat in the person of the lieutenant. The ball begins, all nervously look back, but the lieutenant it is not visible anywhere and all start relaxing slowly. At the most inappropriate moment the door is opened from a kick and to the hall the drunk lieutenant to a hall Rzhevskiy.
v becomes hollow there comes death silence, but here to poruchiku will run about kornet
obolensky and, having seized him by a hand, zovet:
- The Lieutenant, it is possible you on only two words, only on two words?
kornet with the lieutenant are behind a lateral door. In a few minutes the cornet appears one and all with relief sigh, a ball vozobnovlyaetsya.
prokhodit some more minutes, the lateral door is opened and because of it there is a lieutenant Rzhevsky with lowered shtanami:
- The Cornet! You were right! The bagel cannot be pushed in an ass if ego
ne to oil!

*****

The lieutenant Rzhevsky on a ball - genepalu:
-Guess a riddle: without windows, without doors the room lyudey.
-is full Zhopa.
-Well, incorrectly, it is a cucumber. And here still: seven clothes and all without zastezhek.
- The Ass...
- Well!. Same lukovitsa.
- And when is about an ass?.

*****

- The lieutenant, and you would like to become a swan and plavat
v this pond?
-Vot still, hunting to me to wet an ass...

*****

Natasha Rostova to Rzhev comes in the morning and sees - the lieutenant cruelly suffers with boduna and in general is terribly unfriendly. Natasha, having thought, the Lieutenant decides to set it on the way istinnyy:
-, well as it is so possible! Really you in life to anything do not aspire, except alcoholism any more!!? Rzhev (sadly): Know
-, Natali - y me here never was the patrimonial estate. Hatasha:
-?! Rzhevskiy:
- And so, the devil take, there is a wish to spend on drink him!

*****

First ball of Natasha Rostova. The dashing dragoon who flew up to her carried away it on round of a waltz. The grown bolder, reddened Natasha started coquetting with nim:
-Mister dragoon! Guess a riddle. What is? Inside yellow, and at the edges beloye.
-Hm! Ass-with!
- Ah! - Natasha settled in a faint on a parquet. When it again opened eyes, over it strove and the lieutenant of Rzhevskiy.
-brought round That happened to you, mademoiselle? - it is sympathizing he asked. The turned white lips Natasha told to the lieutenant about proisshedshem.
-Hm! Dragoon-with! The rough people - horses eb. hardware! - contemptuously he answered...

*****

Before a ball at the governor the lieutenant demands from the striker the next history. The striker rasskazyvayet:
-Here history, mister lieutenant as in Australia natives catch ostriches: shave the head, are dug in in sand, leaving on a surface only the top. The ostrich runs, sees the shaven top, thinks that this egg, and sits down on it. Here his native is also enough. All evening the lieutenant cajoles to a gubernatorsh, and in the end decided to subdue completely it the ostroumiyem:
- And you know, madam how natives in Australia catch ostriches? They shave to themselves the head, are dug in in sand and expose outside of egg. The ostrich thinks that it his eggs, and sits down on them. At this time the native is enough it for eggs! Wait a moment
-, the lieutenant, and the head why they to themselves shave?
- Savages-with!

*****

The lieutenant Rzhevsky in the boat with Natasha of Rostovoy.
Natasha:
-Oh floats, the lieutenant, look - swans!... As if I wanted to become lebedem.
poruchik something looks for in vode.
-Oh, the lieutenant, look, there in the wood deer!... As if I wanted stat
olenikhoy...
poruchik something are looked for in vode.
-by the Lieutenant!? What you there look for all the time?!
- Cancers... Crayfish.... Where crayfish?

*****

The lieutenant calls the striker Ivan that that descended in a bench behind wine. The striker says that money there were only 10 kopeks and on anything will not be enough. Rzhev, scratching in zatylke:
-Take them then to yourself, Ivan. Though is not present, go to the clerk better, buy the sheet of paper more, draw on it ж#пу yes expose in okno.
ivan:
-Why it, yours-brod?
poruchik:
-Yes here, will go by somebody, will surely come to ask, why ж#па in a window. Here I it that to keep up the conversation, behind wine also will send!

*****

The lieutenant is almost on the deathbed after a hangover. Any case hussars decided to send to Ha to it the priest that he took the sacrament. However the priest was occupied so instead of it sent popadyyu. Popadya, naslyshanny about pokhozhdeniyakh
rzhevskogo from the husband to whom numerous ladies complained, decided to look regarding. Having quietly lifted a blanket and having in a feminine way estimated the size of the member of the lieutenant, popadya it is voluptuous vskhlipnula.
v this time Rzhev regained consciousness and prostonal:
-Here it, punishment for my sins! In a death hour - the pop homosexual!

*****

- The lieutenant why you so strange hold a saxophone? I want to terminate
-Ya on a lyrical note!

*****

The lieutenant Rzhevsky comes to officer meeting and speaks:
-Everything, the Lord, will be enough бл#дей and bachelorhood! It is solved, I marry Natasha Rostova! In one golos:
-Ho after all it is married
gysapy to Pierre, the lieutenant!
rzhevsky, with amazement splashing pykami:
-Natasha is married to Pierre?! And so who in the neighboring room snores every night! And that took: "manual bear, manual bear..."

*****

The lieutenant as soon as Natasha left a drawing room, here zhe
pazdelsya and waits for it. Natasha enters, obaldevayet:
- The Lieutenant, I still should be won!
popuchik (dispersing in its party):
-URAAAA!!!

*****

- The lieutenant, guess a riddle. About what eggs most often fight?
- of Hm, about sedlo-S.
-Well, the lieutenant! About a frying pan!
- of Hm, a frying pan on eggs... Amusing page.

*****

The general to poruchiku:
- The Lieutenant approaches, here I have a general salary much more yours, but I constantly have no money, and at you of them is always full. How you manage it? Everything is very simple
-, mister general. When I finish money I go to the beloved, I embrace her gently behind and she gives me how many nuzhno.
general jerked home, approached behind the wife and obnyal.
Wife:
-That, the lieutenant, again money ended?

*****

Natasha to a poruchka and asks:
- And the truth approaches, what you can jump on a horse on full to his skak?
- It to us nekh@y sdelat.
(Natasha faints) .
poruchik catches it, and brings the izvineniya:
-Sorry, h@ynyu talked nonsense - with

*****

Obolensky approaches somehow the lieutenant Rzhevsky a cornet and speaks:
- The Cornet, me on a ball tomorrow, know any new kalambur.
-Yes, to me told recently: A.S. Pushkin native played at hide- And-seek somehow, hid, An naytit it and cannot, then it as will jump out of a moss yes as will shout: "In a moss I!!!!" (H%Ya is heard as YOU!!!)
- Yes, good kalamburchik-with, - are told by Rzhevskiy.
na the next day on a ball it rasskazyvayet:
-Here, the Lord - with, kalamburchik-with new is known. M. Yu. Lermontov with native plays at hide- And-seek somehow, hid, and cannot find him, then he as will jump out of bushes yes as will shout: "And H%Y to YOU P%DORA BL @!!!

*****

The cornet approaches the lieutenant Rzhevsky and tells the story which happened to it segodnya
utrom:
-I Come, so - to send the letter to mail, and the postwoman speaks to me: "And at you pislmo without date". And I answered it: "And itself p% $да you" .
poruchik, clearly put, remembered this baize and sredi
ofitserov solved blesnut:
-I Come to mail - to send the letter, and the postwoman tells me a pier at you the letter without date. And I answer it: and you went on h%y!

*****

Train. In one car, but in different compartments the lieutenant Rzhevsky and Natasha Rostova go. The lieutenant left in the general corridor and stared that to examine that on that party of a window. After a while in the same corridor there was also Natasha, she got up near the next window and began to draw attention of the lieutenant in every possible way. And so she will get up, and so, both hair will so erotically do up, and for a platitsa will correct. Lieutenant zero attention. Looking at such behavior of the lieutenant, Natasha decided to strike up conversation itself. Having noticed a ring on Rzhevsky's hand, she approaches it with voprosom:
- The Lieutenant, what fine ring, and how many carat a stone, what gold? Well simply charm but not ring!
Ha that the lieutenant drearily looked at Natasha and said:
- At the Word of honor Natasha, there is no wish, simply today there is no wish.

*****

Late fall. Natasha Rostova invited somehow the lieutenant Rzhevsky to walk. There were they ne
spesha to ozeru.
- The Lieutenant, look as wonderfully: the nature, a thin ice on the lake, white swans prepare k
otletu, the sun, easy frost. Charm. And it is pleasant to you? You would like to be a white swan?
-Swan!? Naked zh@py in cold water!?
BR-rr. No, perhaps would not like.