Anecdotes about the job

Read funny Jokes about teachers

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The teacher makes in the second class experiment with elektrichestvom.
montiruyet some scheme on a table. From a back school desk golos:
-But does not ebnt?
- Yes it seems would should not... Who told?!!?!!

*****

The teacher - roditelyu:
-From your child badly pakhnet.
- And you do not smell, you learn!

*****

The teacher in a heder explains detyam:
- Theft - a grave sin. The Lord severely punishes the thief, forces ego
ispytyvat terrible torments of conscience... Tell, Berele, what you would make,
If, God forbid, would pull down in a bench a piece of cloth?
-Ya would make to itself... new trousers!

*****

The teacher angrily asks the pupil why he looks every minute on chasy.
- Therefore, - that answers, - that I awfully worry, as if the call did not interrupt fantastically interesting lesson.

*****

Teacher: Sidorov, tomorrow without parents do not come to school!
sidorov: And the day after tomorrow?...

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Uchitel:
-Sidorov, tomorrow without parents do not come to school!
sidorov:
-A the day after tomorrow?...

*****

The teacher asks Vovochku:
-Why for you homework is done by the father?
-U of mother of time is not present!

*****

The teacher asks:
-That means expression: "She blushed to the roots of hair..."?
UCHENIK:
-It means that it was painted.

*****

The teacher asks:
-Who will tell how there lived ancient Jews?
PETYA:
-Ya!
- Well?! Definitely I do not know
-, but I guess that is bad, since obrezaniye
proizvodili stone axes...

*****

The teacher asks:
-your jacket from what is sewed?
- From sukna.
-is right and from what manufacture cloth? From shersti.
-Well done! And wool who gives
-?
-Ovtsy.
-Clear head! Means, what animal gave you a jacket?
- Father.

*****

The teacher asks uchenika:
-You why yesterday was not at school?
-U us addition semeystva.
-Yes? Brother or sister?
- Is not present. Mother, at last, married.

*****

The teacher asks uchenika:
-That such horsepower? Otvet:
-It is the speed which gathers a horse weighing 1 kg and growth 1 metr
-Yes where you such horse saw it? So simply also you will not see its
-A. It is in Paris, in the Board of Weights and Measures.

*****

The teacher asks uchenikov:
-Children, tell, how many will be seven seven? Well tell, I do not hear Petya.
-, Ivan of Sergeevich.
uchitel approaches Petya closer and asks:
-How many will be seven seven? I do not hear
-, Ivan you Lie Sergeevich.
-. And well let's exchange mestami.
petya Ivan Sergeyevich comes at a teacher's table and asks:
-! When you cease to go to my mother?
- That-that?
- When you will cease to go to my mother? You watch
-! And really it is not audible on this school desk.

*****

The teacher asks uchenikov:
-Someone from you saved human life? Yes, once I changed for
-contraceptive tablets of my sister.

*****

The teacher sprosil:
-Jeffrey how you think where now there is a Lord?
- Likely, still in ours vannoy.
-It why? - was surprised uchitel.
- And in the morning when I washed, heard, how the father said:
-My God! How many you will sit there!

*****

Uchitel:
- The Subject of today's lesson - .
ves klass:
-U-u-u …
uchitel:
-Well all right, all right, at the end we will a little dance "The solution of quadratic equations", we will listen to music.

*****

Uchitel:
-to The one who will go the first to a board, I will put on a ball bolshe.
uchenik:
-Ida! Put to me the three!

*****

- Teacher: How to increase fraction by number?
- Pupil: To increase fraction by number, it is necessary to increase number by fraction!

*****

The teacher ucheniku:
-I see, you were afflicted not really by my yesterday's arrival to you home?
- Is not present, after all I earned ten. Mother gave me them that I did not ask,
pochemu at you by the evening reddens a nose.

*****

The teacher - ucheniku:
-I with pleasure would deliver to you "badly", but I have no right to overestimate an assessment.

*****

The teacher - uchitelyu:
-Well and a class got to me the stupid! I explain the theorem - not ponimayut.
objyasnyayu the second time. Do not understand! For the third time I explain. Itself already understood. A
ONI do not understand...

*****

The teacher of physics awakes fallen asleep uchenika:
- And whom you dreamed?
-of Lomonosov. He to you, Pyotr Ivanovich, said hello!

*****

Teacher fiziki:
vot two charges. One is loaded positively, another - is neutral...

*****

The teacher of physics approaches to starsheklassnitsam:
-it is necessary to wash the floor Here. Perhaps, you, girls... Those hmuro:
- And who here girls? He jumped aside and decided to look for somebody pomladshe.
vidit - pyatiklashki.
-Girls, you could not... Those zarzhali:
- And where you saw girls here? It in horror, approaches the first grader, kotoraya
prygayet through a string,
- Well you though the girl? That podmigivayet:
-I do not know. Yesterday drunk was.

*****

The teacher draws a triangle on a board and asks What Vovochku:
-it is a corner - sharp, direct or stupid? Vovochka in stupore.
petya podskazyvayet:
-Same, as you!
Vovochka radostno:
-This corner ABRUPT!

*****

The teacher talks to first graders about Mezhdunarodnom
zhenskom day, Seryozha, who your mother asks about mam.
-? My mother shveya.
-Good mother at Serezhi; she sews
- to us, children, odezhdu.
-we will ask Kolya, who your mother Now?
-Doyarka.
-Good mother at Kolya: gives to drink to us, children, milk,
- Petya, and your mother?
-A my mother prostitutka.
-What bad Є what bad boy. We go k
direktoru.
otvela the indignant teacher Petya to the director, all emu
rassaida, returned to a class. Soon also Petya.
-returned That you were told by the director? Everyones are necessary to Mother's
-, mothers everyones are important, and wrote down our address.

*****

The teacher brings the computer in a class. Puts on a table. Asks at uchenikov:
-Children, how many on a table of computers?
-Odi-in. Hardly the teacher brings in a class second kompyyuter.
-Children, how many on a table of computers?
-Two - and. Becoming exhausted the teacher drags in a class third kompyyuter.
-Children, and now how many on a table of computers?
-Three - and. Wiping sweat from a forehead, the teacher shepchet:
- And everything, with apples was somehow easier!

*****

Uchitelnitsa:
-Volodya, tell me where we will get if we drill Earth na
ekvatore through?
-B madhouse!

*****

The teacher entered a class, sat down at a table, undertook hands whisky -
golova hurts. Then by a weak voice asks:
-Children, what lesson at us of the schedule? The Mathematician's
-, Mar Write Ivanovna.
-a statement of the problem: two young, intelligent zhenshchiny
vypili two bottles of vodka. It is asked in a task: on which X to them it is necessary byla
eshche and a wine bottle?

*****

The teacher in time uroka:
-Children! I now will tell you the fairy tale about devochku.
-About the girl? - with astonishment ask deti.
-But same the fairy tale, children!

*****

The teacher enters a class and sees: all board is used up and that that х@#
или P;' "A.
-Children - tells the word - let's be disaccustomed to bad words. Now we will close glaza
i we will count up to sixty, and for this time that who wrote these slova
podoydet and will erase ikh.
po to a signal everything closed eyes, counted to sixty, otkpyli.
hichego did not disappear, and below poyavilos:
" And here х$# to you the teacher! You will wait He. Fantomas".

*****

The teacher marries the millionaire. Her girlfriend asks:
is, probably, love at first sight?
- No, from the second. At the first look I did not know yet, chto
on the millionaire.

*****

The teacher speaks uchenikam:
-Children, think up the offer that in it there were words "just in case" .
podnimayet a hand one of uchenikov:
-War is not present, and we keep army on everyone sluchay.
- The Good fellow, correctly! Still who thought up?
vtoroy uchenik:
-is not present the Fires, and firemen we hold on everyone sluchay.
-Well done! Who else thought up? A hand of Vova:
-our neighbor the wife has no
podnimayet, and x... costs on everyone sluchay.
-As it is not a shame to you, Vova! Unless it is possible to tell such things at Russian lessons?
Bo change time the teacher approaches Vovochke.
-Give me the address of your neighbor just in case.

*****

Uchitelnitsa:
-Children, twice two will be chetyre.
Vovochka:
- The Bayan!

*****

Uchitelnitsa:
-Children, how many will be five to increase by five? Children horom:
-Seventy!
- Well that you, children! Five yu five will be 25... well 26, well 27, well in kraynem
sluchaye 28, but in any way not 70!

*****

The teacher set the composition on a subject "That I would make, if by
poluchil one million?" In half an hour one kid rose from a place and approached k
ney, holding in hand two leaves with some raschetami.
-Forgive, Fr?ken, - he told, - and whether it is impossible to add 100 thousand more?

*****

Teacher: what planets you know?
-Venus, Earth, Mars, Snickers... Teacher: what isotopes you know?
- caesium-137, carbon-14, Arzamas-16...

*****

Uchitelnitsa:
-Masha, distribute notebooks. Also do not forget two in prikup to put!

*****

The teacher younger klassov:
-Children, now I will tell you the fairy tale: "Once upon a time there was on light the girl... "
klass laughs loudly. The teacher was confused and pokrasnela.
-Children, well same the fairy tale!