Jokes about women

Read funny Jokes about blondes

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One blonde to another comes. They do themselves coffee, but in a teapot there was a hot water. Asks one another: "What to do with hot water?" And the second answers: put in the refrigerator, hot water always to be useful

*****

The blonde came to get a job, and faces the elevator in complete prostration. The man and asks:
-What problems approaches? You understand
-, to me told that in a human resources department it is necessary to pass on this elevator on the third floor and to the right. And here only buttons up and down …

*****

The magnificent blonde came to an appointment, and that to her speaks:
-Remove everything, now I you osmotryu.
blondinka vozmutilas:
-But only tooth hurt me! Why everything to remove?
VRACH thought and speaks:
-Yes, you are right, leave stockings!

*****

The programmer tells the friends, same as on:
-Yesterday in night club I got acquainted with the cool blonde!
-Wow!
- Then I invited it to myself, we with it drank, I began it laskat.
-Fine! Here she tells
-to me: "Undress me! "
-is cool!
-Ya took off from it pants, put it on a table and directly on the keyboard...
-a horse-radish to yourself, you bought a computer? And what processor?
blondinka - podrugam:
-Yesterday I got acquainted with the programmer in night klube.
-Wow!
- Then it invited me to itself(himself), we with it drank, and it began me laskat.
-Fine! Here I told
-I to it: "Undress me! "
-is cool!
-He took off from me pants...
-a horse-radish to yourself, you that, walk in pants???

*****

The blonde under a cow wakes up in the morning and asks:
-Who from you four will bring me home?

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– How it is simplest to drown the blonde?
-to put a mirror on a dock apron.

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The psychologist - blondinke:
-you need to work over soboy.
ona came home and edited personal information in a social network.

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Drink the guy with the blonde wine. The guy spills, and the blonde emu:
-it is not necessary to me any more, and I have that with feet something strange …
-That, give away?
-Is not present, are moved apart …

*****

Talk blondinki:
- At you what sight?
-Minus 5.
-Oh, you probably freeze constantly!?!

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Two talk blondinki.
- And I with the quarreled yesterday. I speak to it, and well be developed on 360
gradusov and get out!
- And it that?
-Yes, anything. The poper turned as the fool and on me.

*****

Two talk blondinki:
-You know, what Petrov from 10 "B" told me?
-That?
-That I need to be recoloured in the blonde!!! What for? of
-Here and I it asked
-, and he told that the hair color corresponded to brains, and and here brains, they gray???

*****

Two talk blondinki.
- And you know that 23fevralya drops out on pyatnitsu.
-Though on the thirteenth.

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Two talk blondinki.
-You shout during sex?
-I Shout of course. It is glamourous! And you?
-Is not present konechno.
-Why? I do not understand
-how it is possible to shout when the mouth is occupied...

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Two talk blondinki:
-to the Husband my new scarf was not pleasant!
-So exchange it!
-Is idea! And where change husbands?

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Two talk blondinki:
-Represent this year on March 8 will be on Friday!
-Oh though it would be not the 13th!!!

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Two talk blondinki:
-Tell, and you could oversleep with my husband?
-In general, no...
-A why?! Yes it is better nothing for
-than mine!
-In general and...

*****

Two talk sekretarshi:
-Tanya, and what it at you for an icon in the right bottom corner of the screen of the monitor?
-Is AVP Monitor!
-What is it? of
-A is an antivirus for the monitor.

*****

Two NR.
-Well as your new secretary talk?
-Almost blonde...
-It as, red, what?
-Well, hair black, but DUUUUURAAAAAAAAAAAA...

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Conversation of two blondinok:
-to Alya, your phone works?
- The Silly woman, you call!
-my phone works. And yours as?

*****

Conversation of two blondinok:
-Katya, and you know why fishes are silent?
-???
-A you thrust the head into an aquarium and try something to tell!

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Conversation of two blondinok:
-this year New Year drops out on Friday, represent?
-Well, I hope, not on the 13th!?

*****

One blonde decided to go to the cinema. Long ago, thinks, did not go, all a video player yes a video player. Bought the ticket, came inside i
zakhotela to buy morozhenoye.
-Twenty rubles!, - tell it in bufete.
-Hm when I the last time was at cinema, ice cream costed twenty kopeks!
-Well then precisely will be pleasant to you the movie - now there is a sound!!!

*****

Decided somehow time of the blonde to prove to brunettes that they not such the stupid. The jury was chosen from brunettes and group of participating blondes. Other blondes came to be ill for the to the hall. So, the first question :
-How many will be twice two?
blondinki confer minutes five and otvechayut:
-TRI
ZAL:
-Give them still chance! Give them still chance!
bryunetki:
-is fine … Well, how many will be twice two?
blondinki very long confer and otvechayut:
-Five …
ZAL:
-Give them still chance! Give them still chance!
bryunetki:
-is fine … Last chance … How many will be twice two?
blondinki, at last found the calculator, counted and govoryat:
-Four …
ZAL (consisting, we will remind, too only from blondes):
-Give them still chance! Give them still chance!

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– With What words there begins a blonde the clever speech?
-my friend told that …

*****

- Sasha, you presented a zephyr to me that with me to oversleep?
-Yes.
-Dima, and you presented the apartment to me that with me to oversleep?
-Yes.
-Seryozha, and you presented the yacht to me that with me to oversleep?
-Yes.
-Something

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- Why when the lightning sparkles the blonde is by the window?
-Thinks that it photograph!

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The blonde passes examination in drawing. Absolutely knows nothing. The teacher old man thinks to what her to ask an elementary question that though on the three to pull. asks:
-With what drawing begins?
devushka, nedoumevaya:
-From sharpening of a pencil?
-Is not present, think! Paper purchase
-C?
-NET.
-From a ruler?
prepod, not vyderzhivaya:
-From the AXIS!!!
-That, is direct here?

*****

– What the blonde after viewing Of the movie on DVD will make?
-will Try to rewind it.

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The blonde, fancy, just from salon sits, the hairdress, nails consignment notes, a make-up expensive, prikid put everything, feet from molars. Sits flaunts. Suddenly at it in golove:
-Tuk-tuk-tuk!!!
blondinka vstrepenulas:
-Oh, who there?
-Chervyak-Mozgoyed! That do you do
-A there?
-I Starve, however...

*****

The blonde at work sits the client and asks.
-approaches it Why you have a Tampax behind an ear?
-Oh! And where my pencil?

*****

The blonde sits and hears some noise in the head. Looks around and asks: "Who there?" - I? Chevr-mozgoyed. - And what you do there? - I starve.

*****

The blonde, all such fancy, just from salon sits, the hairdress, nails consignment notes, a make-up expensive, prikid put everything, feet from molars. Sits flaunts. Suddenly at it in the head - tuk-rat-tat!!!
blondinka vstrepenulas:
-Oh, who there?
- The Worm - mozgoyed! That do you do
-A there?
-I Starve …

*****

Two blondes sit and discuss the theory of relativity of nuclear particles of the second order, the man approaches them...
-So, a chickie, we discuss a TV series...

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2 blondes in cafe sit. One speaks:
-Kakoy tasty tea!!
vtoraya
-Dura it not tea, it kofe
ofitsiant suits and speaks:
-Vam still to cocoa?

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Two blondes in the room sit. One another speaks:
-you Want focus I will show? Give
VTORAYA:
-!
PERVAYA:
-you See light burns? Well I see
VTORAYA:
-!
pervaya approaches the switch and turns off the light and speaks:
- And where it now? I do not know
VTORAYA:
-! (bewildered)
pervaya approaches the refrigerator opens a door and krichit:
- And HERE IT!!!

*****

Two blondes sit and discuss the theory of relativity of nuclear particles of the second order, the man approaches them...
-So, a chickie, girls, we discuss a TV series...

*****

Two blondes sit. One drugoy:
-Mashka, well as to you your new lover?
Da znash, so-so, neither fish nor fowl...
Che, mushrooms perhaps???

*****

Two blondes sit, drink kofe.
odna speaks: our life is similar to a cup kofe.
vtoraya: why?
pervaya: I do not know, I am not a philosopher.

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Two blondes sit in the plane. One suddenly speaks:
-Smotri, at the plane krylsya now will fall off!!!
A another to it otvechayet:
-Dura! It waves them!