Jokes about women

Read funny Jokes about blondes

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One blonde asks at drugoy:
-you the husband who? That does he sell
-Kommersant.
-A?
-Vazy.
-Crystal?
-Is not present, zheleznye.
-Unless such happen?
-Of course! Fields, Ladas...

*****

One blonde asks druguyu:
-About what you dream?
-Ya I dream what somehow time I will meet the fairy who will present me hundred thousand dollarov
- And why not one million?
-Well, one million it is not real.

*****

- How to puzzle the blonde? To Treat with
-it М&М`s and to advise to eat in alphabetical order.

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What Are the traces on the computer monitor?
- blonde tried to enter the Internet.

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It: answer me, it is only honest and or not, well?
ON: sprashivay
ona: why men laugh at blondes?
ON: yes

*****

- How to define, what the blonde talks nonsense?
-Lips are moved.

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- How to define, what the fax was sent by the blonde?
-On it will be a stamp.

*****

The militiaman of a car with the blonde for rulem.
-stops your rights, You're welcome.
-That? Right
-, You're welcome.
- And what such is right?
-Is such bagatelle with yours fotografiyey.
-A-a-a-a. (Digs in the handbag. Gets a pocket mirror). You're welcome.
(Looks in a pocket mirror) - Well that you did not tell at once that you the militiaman.

*****

Selection round at competition of blondes. The organizer enters the hall, and You show on three blondinok:
-, you and ty.
-I too, I too - asked other.
organizer thought, and speaks:
-it is good, you too. Be quickly exhausted from here!

*****

- What will the blonde answer if to ask, whether the flasher works?
-Works. He works. Works. He works...

*****

– Why the blonde drinking milk was lost?
- The Cow sat down.

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For some reason with blondes I categorically am not lucky: either the silly woman will appear, or clever to I cannot, or in general what-nibud brunette.

*****

The astounding blonde to the sexopathologist comes:
- The Doctor, with me something not in an order!
-In my opinion, you everything is excellent y.
- Then why my husband enters me five times less often, than the Internet?

*****

The magnificent blonde came to reception to the doctor, and that to it govopit:
-Remove everything, now I you osmotpyu.
blondinka vozmutilas:
-Ho only tooth hurt me! Why everything to remove?
VPACH thought and govopit:
-Yes, you are right, leave stockings!

*****

- Father, father! Buy a dog. well buy.
-Leave alone the sonny, I zanyat.
-Well, buy a dog!.
-Leave alone I speak - go sell to the sister, she already made lessons!

*****

The guy wants will get acquainted with the blonde, approaches her and speaks:
-Devushka, and I have two tickets for Dima Bilan's concert!!
Ваау, here it was lucky! Two times descend!

*****

The guy to the girl blonde on train station:
-I go to army and my train soon sent.
-I will wait for you, darling!
-I will not be very long, go home.

*****

Crowded bus. From where from the center of crowd the female Man revolted golos:
-, what you do?
pauza. Female golos:
-That you do the same, the man?!
pauza. The interested voice with back ploshchadki:
- The Man, well you that are silent?

*****

Two crocodiles across Nile razgovarivayut:
-float And I the blonde swallowed last night. And before it had an empty pate that I cannot still plunge...

*****

Down the street there is the most beautiful blonde. And at it one boob sticks out of a blouse. Well all shocked, and only one cop found in himself forces to approach and skazat:
-Grazhdanochka! That it at you for a look in a public place!?
blondinka looks at a breast and vydayet:
-Ukhta! That in the bus forgot the child!?

*****

– How cells Of a brain Of the blonde perish?
-alone.

*****

Under windows roddoma:
-Svetka-a-a-a!!! Sve-e-e-e-t!!! Hi! Well, chyo, gave rise?
-Yes, Kohl!
-of Whom???
-Girl!
-A-a-a-a-a … And how it? Beautiful?
-Very much! Simply charm!
-A hair what?
-Belenky! The blonde it at us!
-is clear … Tells something? Ne-e-e-t
-, so far only smiles!
-is clear … And will be all life.

*****

The blonde approached shop, on the plate: "Openly", came. Bought that was necessary, approached an exit, on the plate: "Is closed". And stayed in shop before completion of work.

*****

The girlfriend asks blonde:
-That sad?
-B embassy did not accept the questionnaire for vizy.
-Why? Right at the end in the column "Not Fill" I wrote
-"Well".

*****

Girlfriend, you that such sad?
-Yes so... Got acquainted with one good boy, and he told that me will meet, only if to lift my IQ at least to forty!
-It Celsius, or to Fahrenheit? In it I understand nothing
-Ya, but it told something about forty according to Mendeleyev...

*****

I approach parking and I do not trust eyes - the blonde fills in oil in the engine! I approach closer - no, everything is all right - fills in in a washer reservoir.

*****

After ship-wreck on the island there were a blonde, the brunette and red. Having consulted, they decided to float home though the distance was 100 miles. All sailed at the same time. Having floated 25 miles, the brunette drowned. Having floated 50 miles, the red drowned. The blonde, having floated 75 miles, was tired and floated back.

*****

Why blondik do not go to church?
-Because when they kneel they open a mouth.

*****

Why two blondes froze in the car in a car movie theater?
-Arrived to watch the movie "It Is Closed for the Winter".

*****

The very young blonde to the schoolmate went to do mathematics in the evening and came back home only utrom.
roditeli in a trance. And the blonde twirls pants on a finger and I speak roditelyam:
-I do not know as it is called, but this hobby for the rest of life!

*****

Send as - that two blondes to the wood to walk, found them night there and they decided to pitch tent, well one another speaks:
- The Tent should be pitched on a roadside dorogi.
vtoraya ey:
-You that the silly woman? The tent should be pitched on the middle of the road, in the same place after all the district rovnee.
nu is shorter they long argued and the second won... They put tent on the road and lyagl to sleep. Prosypayutsya they also see in the morning on a roadside the turned truck rolls. Well the second the first (with feeling of triumph also speaks): Here you see
- And if we arrived on yours and put tent on a roadside, it would crush us.

*****

- Hi, you from where call me? Number something is not defined? - on-door speakerphone
-C, the silly woman. Open a door!

*****

The blonde to vrachu:
- The Doctor comes, everything hurts me: I touch a nose - hurts, I touch a knee - hurts, I touch a stomach - hurts...
-U you is broken a finger.

*****

The blonde comes to Avtozapchasti shop and asks prodavtsa:
-you have sensors?
-What sensors?
-Well, such that when I to the back gave bulbs lit up...

*****

The blonde comes to office, asks as to find department kadrov.
ey speak: "On the elevator upward and to the right". The blonde approaches k
liftu and stops. The man approaches it and asks:
-Pochemu you do not go?
me was told on the elevator upward and napravo.
knopku upward I see, and where the button to the right?

*****

The blonde comes to pass entrance examination in university. And, as you already guessed, znayet.
chlenam the selection committee wanted nothing it pomoch.
nu take other ticket - speaks to it one of members komissii.
blondinka buys the ticket, does square eyes and speaks: Not znayu.
togda they decide to set it question :
-Skazhite please, how a surname of the current U.S. President?
-Not znayu
-Think, the Second letter U.
-All right consists of three bukv
-Not znayu
-?!

*****

The blonde to the stomatologist comes. It at it asks:
-you will not shout?
ONA otvechayet:
- And, will be pleasant?

*****

The brunette comes to shop of the blonde and speaks: I can call
-Ya?
-Yes, of course.
beret from the shelf is ringing and gives to the brunette.

*****

The little girl home comes and complains mame:
- And why in the yard all tease me a pig??? Mother it otvechayet:
-Take
A a leaf, a pencil and peshi:
-Not "pig" and "blonde"