Jokes about peoples

Read funny Jokes about Americans

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The American billionaire, having sighed, grabs heart and it is disturbing Roger speaks to the pomoshchniku:
-, buy any decent hospital somewhat quicker. I have, apparently, a heart attack.

*****

The American oil tycoon arrived with the wife to Paris. Having stopped before the Eiffel Tower, he shook
golovoy enough and told the wife: - This tower costs here already the devil knows what is the time. And they, so did not find oil.

*****

The American and Russian spaceships successfully joined in space and crews fly over Earth already of
vmeste. The USA fly by and see, what the country is captured dymom.
- At you so many fires? - Russians kosmonavty.
-ask Is not present. Simply today a weekend and our citizens left on barbekyu.
proletayut over Russia and see millions of telescopes sent to the sky. Americans in shoke.
- At you there are a lot of scientists in the country?
-Is not present. Simply today a weekend and our people drink from a throat.

*****

The American student American professoru:
-Here all of you speak: "World War I... World War II," -
A that though what was earlier?

*****

The American tourist in England speaks to the gatekeeper in zamke:
-We made the most stupid mistake. Tipped to the lord, but not VAM.
-Ouch, ouch, as it is bad, the sir. Now to me not to see your tip.

*****

The American tourist goes with the guide on Londonu.
-All at you such small, clamped here, - he speaks. - This building, for example, would be in America time in ten
VYSHE.
O, of course, the sir! It is psychiatric clinic.

*****

The American tourist in Moscow fatally wants to write.
prosto of urine is not present. Well, he approaches some house, only undoes a fly, to him calls militsioner:
-E! You that do it?
TOT answers unylo:
-But I very much hochyyu pisayt!
-is impossible Here, we will go with mnoy.
otvodit it to some well-groomed park, nearby the beautiful high house cream tsveta.
-Here, here pisay.
amerikanets undoes a fly, does the part, turns and asks, smiling into all rot:
-Oh, it hit perfectly! Tell, it is the Russian hospitality?
-Is not present, it is the American Embassy.

*****

The American tourist comes to Tel Aviv. There he decided to descend on a concert of philharmonic hall of Israel in a concert hall of
IM. Mann. Asks the gida:
-This concert hall is called in honor of Thomas Mann, the writer?
-Is not present, in honor of one American - Friedrich Mann from Filadelfii.
-Never about such heard. And what he wrote?
-Check.

*****

The American school student in court achieved the right to wear at school a t-shirt with George Bush Jr. portrait and an inscription of
mezhdunarodny the terrorist. There are no proofs and certificates of that that this t-shirt could cause disorders of
ili to do someone harm - the judge declared on process. He did not see any political slogan in this
nadpisi.

*****

Americans argued with Azerbaijanians at whom elderly more long zhivut.
priyekhali Azerbaijanians to America and in the old area, pod
kapelnitsey in reanimation found the 103-year-old old man in hospital...
poyekhali Americans to Azerbaijan. See a mountain on huge skorosti
starik climbs down. It is stopped, asked, how old is he. On
otvechayet: "102". Americans breathe sigh of relief, against a pier won. And tut
odin from them interesuyetsya:
- And where you so hurry?
starik otvechayet:
-From the father ubegayu.
amerikantsy pereglyadyvayutsya.
- And why?
-Ya insulted the grandfather.

*****

Americans interrogate Saddam, but demand not to specify any more where the weapons of mass destruction are hidden, and to explain,
kak to it was possible to pacify 30 years Shiites and Kurds.

*****

Americans think that if to speak more slowly, all understand English.

*****

- Why are Americans so lovingly refer to people with disabilities?
- habit. Indeed, the majority of American women wear instead of breast silicone implants ...

*****

- Why do Americans have set the Statue of Liberty on the island?
- And that beyond this island is not covered.

*****

Americans such amerikantsy.
v 1943, during the Pacific campaign gallant American soldiers valorously struggled with Japanese for the Aleutian
ostrova. After bloody battle on Atta, disembarkation of
NA the island with the romantic name Kiska.
100 of the ships had to become a point in occupation of islands by Americans, 35000 soldiers prepared for operation. On August 15 8000 from them rushed on the island and carried everything in down of
I ashes, combed tunnels, were valorously torn through the jungle and watered the island ognem.
313 Americans with honor was lost from mines and each other bullets. Managed even to undermine the boat. Perhaps, losses were
BY more if on the island there was … at least one yaponets.
za two weeks (sic!) before storm Japanese, understanding that to them not to keep the isolated island, quietly, under cover of
tumana, in 1 hour shipped 5183 soldiers on pair of cruisers and destroyers, and, passing terrible blockade, quietly took out
NA other island.

*****

The Englishman and the American together, approach to liftu:
-I Ask you, the sir, - the American, - a proydemta in "elevator" (the elevator, an amer speaks. English).
- The Sir, - are answered by the Englishman, - this piece is called as "lift".
-But why? After all it was invented in America! Perhaps you will approve
-, as English invented in America?!

*****

England, London, are on the square two American turistki.
pervaya the second (disappointedly):
-Yes... Appears, "Big Ben" is hours!

*****

Joke from the American "marins" (paratroopers).
-Why Supreme gave to paratroopers on one crinkle of a brain more, than to horses?
-That did not spoil on parade.

*****

Jokes about Barack Obamu:
- The Ninetieth: America Klinit. Two-thousand: America Storms. What waits for America in new decade? America Than differs in
prevratitsya in a barrack of Obamy.
-Barack Obama from Robin Hood? Robin Hood took away at rich and gave to the poor. Barack Obama takes away from
srednego of a class and holds for bednykh.
-Why Obama wants to raise taxes? Because does not want to be nalogoplatelshchikom.
-Why Obama went to elections as the democrat? The Communist party has not enough izbirateley.
-Why the presidential plane of Obama will badly fly? It will have only left krylo.
-a Candidate Obama told us "Yes We Can". What will the president Obama speak to us? - Yes You Will.
-B than a problem of jokes about Obama? His supporters do not consider them ridiculous. Other people do not consider them shutkami.
-Why Obama does not joke over by itself? Not to seem rasistom.
-Why Obama changed a name of Barry on Barack? - Barry sounded too po-amerikanski.
- The Entertaining fact: if to put Obama's age and McCain's age, the received number will be equal to number "e",
kotorye are said by Obama, answering on questions.
-America passed a big way: in one and a half centuries the hut of the uncle Tom expanded to a barrack of Obamy.
-George Bush ask that he knows about Obama. Bush: Obama - one of states of the USA.

*****

Apollo and "Union" after joining fly together. They fly by over the Soviet Union and see millions of telescopes,
ustavlennykh in nebo.
-What thirst for science in your people! - admire American kosmonavty.
-Is not present, they from a throat drink it!

*****

The Arab journalists opened plot against the Islamic world. It became clear that Americans specially started
ptichy flu to destroy all hens, then started a pangolin for elimination of all cows, then will start other
virusy that Muslims from meat still had only one pork.

*****

The Armenian radio sprosili:
-That the general at the Russian smokers and the American cowboys?
-Both often shoot.

*****

Americans call Indian summer in the Indian summer. From here the conclusion - the good woman is a dead woman.

*****

The Indian talks to the radical inhabitant of New-York. Inhabitant of Hyu-Yopka:
-Hy, how to you our city? Indeets:
-It is simply fine! And how to you our country?

*****

Two foreign aircraft designers talk. One asks at drugogo:
-Why helicopters Americans on skis, and Russians on wheels? I do not know
-, perhaps, at everyone the preimushchestva.
-That is interesting, the Russian pilots allow opportunity start of the engine from the pusher.

*****

The Russian and American generals talk. Russian speaks:
-our Russian soldier receives 2 thousand calories daily!
amerikansky otvechayet:
- And our soldier receives 4 thousand calories daily!!! Not vyderzhivayet:
-you Lie
russky, a pig NATO! The simple soldier two bags of a swede in a day cannot eat!

*****

Thanks to the American computerized election system of the president, thousands of Russian hackers could accept
uchastiye in vote...

*****

Two aliens in a terrestrial orbit dangle. One looks down, sees on Earth a silhouette of the person with raskinuty hands in
storony the size to all America and speaks to the workmate: - Good, after all, people these Americans! What
privetstvennuyu an inscription was zababakhat! - Yes, is not present! This is the ensign Sidorenko the day before yesterday being drunk fell to the panel yes and
otpechatalsya in scale 1:10 000 000!

*****

Board of the personal plane of the U.S. President. The cabin of the pilot leaves the person obviously Arab natsionalnosti:
-Mister president, to you where: in the Pentagon, or to the White House?

*****

Britain and France declared the company on laying of the tunnel near English Channel. Americans suggested to dig two years, with
for surestyyu
soyedineniya of 15 meters. Japanese suggested to dig year, with an accuracy of 5 metrov.
vyshel Russian and speaks:
-Means so! Let's dig 2 weeks. I do not guarantee the accuracy of connection, but, as a last resort, you will have two
tunnelya.

*****

The Russian, German and English students were sent to one of the American universities.
kazhdomu was given a personal task for a year. In a year the Englishman brings 12 thick notebooks:
-Here, professor, the report for January, here for February, here for December. The German brings 3 thick volumes:
-Is laboratory researches, it is theoretical part, these are conclusions. Russian does not bring anything.
professor:-???? - Professor, you know, I so was hurt yesterday by the head...

*****

- Why in the American movies of the man standing at the urinal, look as we not down, and at a wall?
-Yes because to look have nothing!

*****

In the American army the recruit asks skilled soldata:
- And than the courageous soldier differs from the careful?
- The Courageous soldier will say directly to our sergeant everything, what about is mute dumayet.
- And careful?
-A careful will make too most by phone.

*****

In the American army the sergeant tells the otdeleniyu:
-Russians have such troops - airborne forces - there on one their two nashikh
nuzhno! But it still anything. There are at them marines - there on odnogo
ikhnego our three it is necessary! But the most terrible - at them is troops,
stroybat is called - to so those animals in general even the weapon do not give!

*****

In American bulochnoy:
-to me long loaf and floor of the black! I apologize, a half of an Afro-loaf!

*****

In the American religious family the son asks ottsa:
- The Father, buy me mashinu.
-Well, but here three conditions: you have to study, go well to church, and be tonsured, then on the 16 anniversary I to you
podaryu mashinu.
podoshlo time...
- The Father, me is 16 years tomorrow, I studied well, went to church...
-But you not postrigsya.
-Well just like that is pleasant to me more, look - in all pictures Jesus Christ and apostles always too with long
volosami.
-I that, they drove cars?

*****

In the American prison conduct the criminal on an electric chair. Palach:
-Please, give us addresses your the next rodstvennikov.
-to give out them my ashes?
-Is not present to issue them the account for electricity.

*****

At the American school teaches Russian the emigrant from Rossii.
dzhon - uchitelyu:
- And how "My cop" (my police officer) is in Russian written?
-Also, only together.

*****

In the American national park recommend to buy all visitors on an entrance hand bells for scaring away of
grizli.
-A how to learn, what there passed a grizzly?
-On a dung! Than it differs in
-A?
-B is mute always hand bells...