Anecdotes about drug addicts

Read funny Anecdotes about drug addicts

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Two addicts go by the trolleybus. One approaches the driver i
asks:
-I will reach by this trolleybus to the station?
-Net.
vtoroy narkoman:
- And I?

*****

Once upon a time there was in one kingdom the king-addict, also it had a son Ivan-durman.
polyubil it Vasilisa Kumarovna and followed her in a faraway kingdom, to fight the so
zmeem-Geroinychy. They hammered on a jamb, hammered on the second - Geroinych:
vot to you four chests begged - only do not open the fourth. Ivan Pervyy
sunduk - there opened jambs-samopykhi. Opened for the second - there wheels scooters, opened tretiy
-bayans-samotyki there. Pritorchal also thinks: I will open the fourth, can chego
novoye... Opened, and there Menty-Samovyazy.

*****

Residents of one apartment complain uchastkovomu:
- At us here on a floor some addicts live. Constantly zhzheny stinks of rags, some laughter reaches. You understand there …
uchastkovy is knocked on that apartment. Some guy with the smoked spoon and a syringe in rukakh:
-opens for you whom?
uchastkovy emu:
-Here neighbors complained of you. Speak, from you zhzheny stinks of constantly some rags, the laughter unclear reaches … You than here in general are engaged?
TOT shakes plechami:
-Yes so … Rags zhzhy, we laugh …

*****

The addict hammers a jamb, here cops suddenly approach. The addict continues. Hvatayut
ego, drag in a mentura. The addict does not react. In an hour in court a voice sudyi:
-to Rise! The court all right! the Addict looks around, swells up and krichit:
-Oops! Cops!

*****

The addict got a dog. Other addict and asks:
-comes to it As a dog called?
-Kosyachok!
-A why Kosyachok? Here watch
-A. Kosyachok, voice!
kosyachok:
-Pykh-h-h!!! Pykh-h-h!!!

*****

Ask a question narkomanu:
-What your favourite letter?
-Y.
-A why "y"?
-... y-y-y-y-y-y.

*****

Teenagers lit hemp, sit a kosterka, dymkom
naslazhdayutsya around. Approaches militsioner:
-That you, children, do?! Badly! People - addicts are engaged in it tolko
nekhoroshiye... y-y-x (deep breath)... faugh - at (exhalation) poets,
pisateli.

*****

Comes named in a phone booth and starts urinating there. The woman standing nearby revolted seen shouts on nego:
-As it is not a shame to you?!! Immediately leave!
narkoman, having made a helpless gesture, vosklitsayet:
-Here a pancake! Got to a female toilet!

*****

The addict comes into the bar and will carry shit in hands. Speaks barmenu:
-Estimate, I in it nearly came!!!

*****

One person to the acquaintances, and there simply drug addict party comes: all sit, and one syringe in turn a dose peredayut.
-Children and you that are not afraid of AIDS!!??
-A cho to be afraid, we all in condoms!

*****

The hare (Z) sits on an edge is going to nail a jamb from bushes an elk (L)
L here - a hare you that hemp smoke?
Z - well, and what?
L - yes you the fool it is necessary to breathe air, life naslozhdatsya.
zayats thought, thought and solved yes a pancake an elk of the rights I will not kumarit more. Well goes on lesu
vozdukhom breathes life enjoys the fox (Li) watches a jamb prikolachevayet.
z - a fox you that hemp smoke?
LI - well, and what?
Z - yes you the silly woman it is necessary to breathe air, life naslazhdatsya.
l - thought, thought and speaks: yes a hare you will not be right bolshe.
idut they on the wood air breathe life enjoy, look the wolf with a bear (M) sits neigh on all les.
z - You that smoked?
M - well, and what?
Z - yes vydurak it is necessary to breathe air, life naslazhdatsya.
m - and to you it is an elk told?
Z - well, and you from where know?
M - yes it is the fool how to be smoked always same declares

*****

The man rings a mortuary and speaks:
- The Doctor, come - it seems to me, my wife died...
-A why you so think?
- The same Sex, but ware starts accumulating in kitchen.

*****

One addict calls another on sotovyy:
-Alya, you where are?
-Ya on birthday, and what?
-O... And where it is a birth Bottom?

*****

The call to a door - nark opens and sees before itself something big-big, smelly and gpyaznoye:
-Yo8-0 YOU WHO???!!!
-Ya? I - Пи@#$ц.
-Well and what???
-Yes here... came....

*****

Call in dver.
-Gosha of the house?
-Gosha Umer.
through five minutes snova:
-Gosha of the house?
-told you that he died!
-Ya did not understand something: he that, behind poppy will not go?

*****

Call in dver.
-Who?
-Mosgas!
-of That is necessary? Gas to smell
-!
-could not be Done? Go to smell glue with boys from Moskley better!

*****

Winter. In the trolleybus the addict opens a window. The wind blows to it in litso.
pozhilaya the woman vozmushchayetsya:
- The Young man, close a window! On the street it is cold!
-Ya I stick out, grannies. If I close a window, on the street that, will become warmer?

*****

There is a granny down the street. Bach - in the middle of the street costs the girl and a kosyachok zabivayet.
-Vnuchenk, it will kill you! Give
-my God, the grandmother, give my God...

*****

There is Winnie- The-Pooh, in palms bears on hemp handfuls, mood good, sopelka composes. Saw a burro of News agency, approached it, shows ladoshki:
-Well as, News agency, we will blow?
IA blew at Winnie's palms ….
-Uuuuu, settled in nature …

*****

There is a ready torchok through the road on red light. The GAI officer catches it i
nachinayet to run: that you, a ram where you prt, bothered to live, you do not see - von
krasny light burns... On what quietly otvechayet:
-Well so switch off a torchok...

*****

There is an addict, smokes a kosyachok, by the hand leads the daughter. Dochka:
- The Father, look, on the sky crocodiles fly! The addict raised the head, zatyanulsya:
-Fall, here and fly...

*****

There is an addict and the elephant speaks:
-bears on hands slonika.
tut Bothered, give I poydu.
idut they vdvoyem.
slonik:
-nearby Not, bear everything menya.
podnyal, neset.
tut slonik:
-Something is cold, wrap up menya.
snyal a jacket the addict, wrapped up rodimogo.
neset dalshe.
slonik:
-Not, hot, remove pidzhak.
narkoman raises eyes to nebu:
-My God and when releases me?!

*****

There is an addict smoked. To it the boy and asks:
- The Uncle comes, tell, how many now time?
-How many now time if it pins you, the boy.

*****

There is an addict on park and will carry in hands a pink elephant. Suddenly an elephant speaks:
-Release me in a grass to run about!
-Not the question, run! The elephant ran about, ran about, returned back and jumped on hands. Go further. An elephant snova:
-Release me in a grass to pee!
-Not the question! The elephant ran about, peed, jumped on hands, go further... Slonik:
-Release me in a grass to run about! The addict releases an elephant in a grass and thinks: "My God, when will release me?!"

*****

There is an addict on the desert. Towards the bedouin on verblyude.
-Hey, the man, at you here that - ice?
-You that, okhrenet, what here ice?!
-B to nature: to so many sand filled!

*****

There is an addict, pulls along a thread. To it govoryat:
-Hey, you that, the fool, pull along a thread?!?
-A that, me it ahead of itself to push, perhaps?!?

*****

There is an addict down the street. Under the arm holds a doggie. Children as saw it, began draznit:
- The Addict! Addict!
B otvet:
-Repyayayayata, stop to trasniiit me. I on face to a sapaaaak spushchuuuu.
- The Addict! Addict!
-of Repyayayayat, stop to trasniiit me. I on face to a sapaaaak spushchuuuu.
- The Addict! Addict!
-Dimidroool! Faaaas!
-Kaaaaaf! Kaaaaaaf! Kaaaaaaf!

*****

There is an addict down the street and pulls along a rope. At the intersection stops it postovoy:
-Hear. You why pull along a rope?
-A che, me it ahead of itself to push, perhaps?

*****

There is a smoked boy with pink slonikom.
slonik:
-Oh, cold холодно.
Мальчик puts on him a sweater. S:
-Oh, I want on ruchki.
malchik takes it on handles and goes further. S:
-Oh, I want legs-nozhkami.
malchik releases it on the earth and dumayet:
"My God when releases me?"

*****

There is a trial of two addicts. The judge speaks:
-I look, children you quite good. Therefore instead of a measure of restraint I give you zadaniye:
vy will go to the street and will forever convince other addicts to throw narkotiki.
through two days will come to report on the progress. Well, children through dva
dnya to sudye.
tot come asks odnogo:
-How many the person you dissuaded from drugs?
-Semnadtsat.
-Good fellow. And how you made it?
-Ya drew two circles, small radius and big. Bolshaya
okruzhnost, I speak, it is a brain before cocaine use, and small - posle.
sudya at other guy asks:
-Well, and you have what progress?
-Ya, your honor, could persuade 156 chelovek.
-156?! It's cool! But how to you it worked well?
-Ya too drew two circles, small and big. Showed on malenkuyu
i govoril:
-Here, it is the amount of your back pass Before you get to prison...

*****

There are two narco cops see go to one another speaks.
-Smile, and that zagrebut.
-Will be enough to smile we already in a mentovka

*****

There are two addicts. One speaks.
-Vas, Vas, smile doggy edet.
-to Vas, Vas, stop smiling we already in doggy.

*****

There are two narkomana
odin to another speaks:
-Vasya smile doggy goes...
through ChASA
-FLOOR Vasya will be enough an ulibats we will fish in doggy

*****

There are two addicts. To one another speaks:
-Vasya, smile! Cops idut.
through 20 min.
-Vasya, stop smiling, we already in a mentura.

*****

There are two addicts on platforme.
tut suddenly from a window of the car the bum vysovutsya and shit gets on narkomana.
narkoman 1: What spittle, and?
narkoman 2: And lips, lips what!

*****

There are two addicts with a dachshund. Them sprashivayut:
- And what at your doggie such legs short?
-A- And! The earth reach and it is fine.

*****

Choose one from five following concepts, not connected on sense with four others: plane, helicopter, spaceship, tram, konoplya.
-Of course, hemp: only it is not mashinoy.
-Incorrectly. The correct answer - the tram: only it is not means for flight.

*****

- Kenta, and skok now time, and?
-Thursday …
-Wow, summer soon!

*****

To Birthday mother bought a little bit drugs... Laid a table, covered chairs - but most of all covered mother and guests!