Anecdotes about drug addicts

Read funny Anecdotes about drug addicts

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Two addicts sit on the road. One slowly lifts golovu:
-to Sing, on us the car prt, otpolzay.
-Will go round... To crawl away a fiasco...
-Is already close... Crawl away...
-Not... To crawl away a fiasco... The car approaches, of it looks out smoked Driver.
-Men, would crawl away... To go round a fiasco.

*****

Two addicts sit under an oak. On an oak the crow and karkayet
strashno sits. Addicts it besit.
-KARRRRRR!!!!
-Vasya, take measures....
-Kyshshshshshsh...
-of KA of RRRR!!!!!
-Vasya, take measures....
-Kyshshshshsh....
-KARRRRRRR!!!!!
-Vasya, take emergency measures......
-Kyshshshshshshshshshsh... INFECTION...

*****

Three sit at a fence narkomana:
1 - Changing, god pooslaat to Zemlyuyu to tvoriit kind delaa.
2 - Neeet, it changing god poslaat to Earth, chtobya to tvoriit kind delaaa.
3 - Koreshaaa, zatkniitsya, I a nikuda it posylaat anybody.

*****

Sit in the apartment three smoked narco and here it is ringing in dver.
prokhodit polchasa.
pervyy:
-Oh! Ring a door!
EShchE in half an hour второй:
- Yes! It is advisable to open!
EShchE in half an hour tretiy:
-I Will go I will open!
through hour at Dveri:
-wow!! Did not manage to call already open!!!

*****

Two addicts sit at movie theater. Light slowly, slowly gasnet.
odin speaks: "Why light so slowly dies away?". The second answers: "Here,
predstav to itself, comes the projectionist to itself into the box and m-e-e-dlenno pulls vilku
iz sockets".

*****

Two narik on a shop sit in the evening. Already smoked a jamb, hammer one more. Here one prislushivayetsya:
-Vasya, I hear a militia siren. It is necessary to hide!
skurili a jamb also decided to hide - a siren everything closer and closer …
nariki look - by just the herd of a kangaroo jumps. Decided to mask too under a kangaroo that cops did not notice. Took off from themselves clothes, were attached in the tail of herd and too jumped behind all. Here one kangaroo povorachivayetsya:
-Men! Take off socks, and kindle that all herd!

*****

Two narik sit, shoot up. Suddenly, one gets a knife and on the handle sticks in a stomach to another. That the slowed-down constrained voice speaks:
-Oh, seems you me zarezal.
i receives same slow otvet:
-Well, is direct so and "oh".

*****

Sit two narco, before them one doza.
odin to another speaks:
-Vovan and what will be if I everything to myself in heat it?
-U blood from a nose poydyot.
- And chyo so torknt you?
-Is not present, I to you will hurt a muzzle!

*****

Two people's commissars on an attic sit, pricked, to one another speaks:
-Vasya, you saw - from a window the red crocodile took off! Below under the house cost dva
menta one drugomu:
-Got on an attic, narok we drive, and saw that - from a window red krokodil
vyletel!

*****

Two addicts on the bank of the small river sit and smoke. Suddenly the cop approaches and asks:
- The Corpse did not float?
-NET.
I left. Then once again approaches and once again asks:
- The Corpse did not propllvat?
-Net.
opyat leaves. And then suddenly to the coast the corpse swims up. And addicts ego
ottalkivaya:
-Float the man, we otkosit you...

*****

Two addicts sit, to one another speaks:
-Now from KAMAZA.
-What for?
-B a window would look at a door...

*****

Two addicts junked, suddenly - a call in dver.
-Slu-ushay sit, someone zvo-onit... Da- And
-... Na-ado about - otkry-yt...
through oklematsya slightly days, open - on a threshold the third stoit:
-Well - at, brothers-y. You sho, under two-eryyu sat?
tolko called - at once opened - and...

*****

Two addicts in kitchen sit, a jamb radiate. Suddenly the door opens and on kitchen the dog of breed a dachshund enters. One addict at another asks:
-S-listen, and it does not seem to you that it has feet too short??? At
A the second addict, having looked appraisingly, otvechayet:
-D-a-a not, it is normal - reach a floor.

*****

Two addicts sit, are put down. Suddenly one became thoughtful i
speaks:
-Listen, leaves money for these drugs so much! If we did not sit s
toboy on a needle, for a long time the car would buy...
-Aha, cubes on fifty!

*****

Two addicts, old and young sit. Smoked on a jamb. Staryy
zaulybalsya, young sits - anything. Smoked on the second. Old sovsem
tashchitsya, young - though that. Smoked on the third, old - bryk pod
lavku. Young on it smotrit:
-Here the reptile, absolutely zabaldet, and to me though a little would give - so is not present,
tolko of a horn were combed...

*****

Two addicts - old and young sit. Smoked on a jamb. Old it razulybitsya,
molodoy sits - anything. Smoked on the second. Old absolutely trudges, young -
khot that. Smoked on the third, old - bryk under a bench. Young on nego
smotrit - "Here the reptile, absolutely zabaldet, and to me though a little would give - so is not present,
tolko of a horn were combed..."

*****

Two addicts on an attic sit. Pykhnuli.
-About! Look a crocodile departed!
-I that! In torkat!
A below at an entrance two starushki.
-Fie! Again on an attic addicts sit. From where et you know
-?
-Yes wons a crocodile departed. :-(

*****

Addicts at one friend on the apartment sit - are hollowed. Suddenly, the door takes off - cops. Vyvodyat
vsekh from the apartment and here notice that at one in a back on the handle the knife sticks out. Operas are enough the owner kvartiry:
-Yes you, your mother? Look - the person was killed! I Answer
narkoman:
-, the chief, it here already the killed came!

*****

Sit narkomany.
-San, sometime the car hit you?
-Yes.
-Well and how?
-Nasmert.
-A, well excuse that asked.

*****

Two obdolbanny addicts sit. Suddenly one narok tells drugomu:
-Vas, and Vas!
-Well that to you?
-Look, I have a fly not a rasstegnuta?
-Is not present, not rasstegnuta.
-Yes? Well, then to a poss...

*****

Two addicts sit at a stop of Prokopevsk. Ukurennye to green brooms. The addict approaches tramvay.
pervy lifts golovu:
-Oh, the tram goes...
VTOROY:
-Oh, same h%ynya.!.

*****

2 addicts sit at a table. Before them lies broyler.
odin asks: "It is chicken? "
vtoroy answers: "No, it is havayeets.

*****

Two addicts and the syphilitic sit in a prison cell. At the syphilitic the ear fell off, he threw out it in a window, the nose fell off, too threw out. Addicts went nuts, one speaks:
-Well, the dude, pryot as you in parts knock down me...

*****

Three are imprisoned: (A) the alcoholic, (P) blue and (N) the addict, also think as ubezhat.
(And) - And let's the escort give to drink in zero and we will dump otsyuda.
(P) - You that! Saw, what it healthy? Where you will take so much vodka? Give better I it sovrashchu.
(And) - Yes it has at liberty ten women, unless on
na you klyunet.
- And let's buy (N) herbs, it is a lot of grass, we will be smoked and will ask for leave in an amicable way.

*****

- Tell, Holmes, you actually saw The Hound of the Baskervilles? Try
-, Watson also will see not such! - Holmes told stretching it the tube.

*****

Two addicts were going to other city. Come to the station za
biletami, one went to cash desk. Comes with big round eyes, its
vtoroy asks
-Well, bought tickets?
-Not - and, was told that tickets give out after arrival of the train! Yes from where ya
znayu, when at the train arrival?!

*****

The wolf is situated on the bank of the river. Slowly smoking a jamb suddenly sees the young frog came up. Volk:tebe of that? Lyagushonok:day to try. The wolf gives it a jamb. The Lyagushonok:a as it is necessary? You take be tightened and dive, and on that coast let out a smoke. The young frog dived, hardly held on to other coast. The hippopotamus and asks:chy it with you saw it? The Lyagushonok:a you dive, on that coast you will see a wolf, he treats all. Well the hippopotamus dived, on the following coast the head as a wolf an oryot:lyagushonok only seemed exhale.... exhale...

*****

There is a man at a tree. Vomits. Terribly vomits, with everything userdiyem.
mimo passes another, sees it delo:
-This correctly! That's our way! And that then still ср#ть to suffer!

*****

There is an addict in avtobuse.
-Who lost 10 rubles?
molchaniye.
-Who lost 10 rubles?
molchaniye.
-So who lost 10 rubles?
babulka:
-Oh, seems I... So chyo you cost
narkoman:
-? Look for!!!

*****

There is an addict at the machine gun, and pushes there already, probably, the 100-th coin, rakes up a heap of five-copeck coins in a pocket... Feverishly still the 20th cop and again looks for... Behind golos:
-You that, the man, was stunned! Turn nevertheless... I will Play
-while it is lucky!

*****

There is an addict near transition, smokes. The little man and asks:
- The Mobster approached it, will not prompt how to me to find Lenin Square?
narkoman thought and said:
-It you should increase Lenin's length by Lenin's width.

*****

There is a smoked named with the shouting tape recorder on a shoulder at the road and catches a wheelbarrow. The Chief stops taksi.
-, you are free? Da's
-!
-Well so leave, we will dance!

*****

There is a smoked punk at a stop...
-of Ta-a-am! (shows bad shot)
podkhodit muzhik.
-That there?
-of Ta-a-am!
podkhodyat some more people and etc.
-That there, well there?
-TAM-TAPAPAM!

*****

There is a guy, on a hand the plan, hammers a jamb. The garbage, nakryvayet
ladon the guy svoyey:
-Here article approaches!
paren overturns both palms, and all plan appears at palms u
musora:
-Watching a coma!

*****

There is a guy, on a hand the plan, hammers a jamb. The garbage, pokazyvayet
na ruku:
-Here and article approaches!
paren blows on a hand and blows off all plan:
-Here there is no article!

*****

The dude is on Red Square and fills a jamb. Cops looked-looked and tied it. Carry in "moon rover", and it does not pay attention - continues to fill. Brought, drew up the statement, became the plan to take away. He looked round yes as zaoret:
-Jiggers! Cops!

*****

There are in the tram a grandma, the addict and the sailor. The grandma appeals to the addict to transfer money, the addict povorachitvatsya to matrosu:
-Hey, the soldier, - transfer dalshe
tot:
-I not soldiers, I am a seaman!
narkoman turns obratno:
-Break off, the granny - we by the ship!

*****

There are four addicts and catch a taxi. Stop. One approaches and speaks vodile:
-Five to the station will throw?
-Why five, you four?
-A you che, will not go?

*****

The student passes the last examination. Whether professor sets question :
- The cow Can make abortion?
student asked to leave. All are asked knows by nobody. Left university, sees round the corner, the addict hollows a jamb. Asked it, and that answers it, tightening kosyachyok:
-Well you paren flew!!!