Anecdotes about drug addicts

Read funny Anecdotes about drug addicts

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The people's commissar to same ukurenny tatuirovshchiku:
- The Brother comes ukurenny vusmert, you to me can pin the tank on a back?
-As two fingers about asphalt! Lay down! That laid down, in two minutes the master speaks:
-Everything, is ready, get up!
-You che, in nature is ready?! You che, in a couple of minutes pinned the tank?! che to prick
-A there? Only four letters...

*****

The addict came to shop, stands in a queue. The metalworker i
speaks approaches: For what you cost
-?
-Behind some cheese And it is heavier than metal? I do not know
-, did not smoke!

*****

The addict came to a hairdressing salon... in earphones, also speaks:" Tonsure me beautifully, but only I will not remove earphones, I will well pay "
parikmakhersha:" Ok, give" Almost already stopped it cutting - and the awkward movement, incidentally dumps earphones from the head on a floor.... The guy starts coughing and rattling, becomes blue and in spasms dies in the face of workers of a barber's shop. The master who turned white from shock takes earphones in confusions, puts to an ear and hears:"... breath..... exhalation... breath.... exhalation.....

*****

The addict to the stomatologist and speaks:
- The Doctor came, pull out to me zub.
-to you under local or under the general anesthesia?
-That, became stupid!? Under the general, of course!
I so 32 times...

*****

The addict came to the Chuya valley and sees poppy, well he took a scythe and nachal
kosit. After a while saw a cops' revolving object, thinks that zhe
delat, and on the edge of a field Indians ran. It threw off from itself(himself) clothes, raskrasilsya
i was attached to crowd. Here to it the neighbor speaks:
-You would throw off sneakers, and that friends popalit.

*****

The addict wakes up, goes outside and the Man, today Thursday asks prokhozhego:
-?
-Is not present, today voskresenye.
-That, was Thursday yesterday?
-Is not present, yesterday was subota.
-Sho, tomorrow there will be a Thursday?
-Is not present, tomorrow there will be ponedelnik.
-a Man, well I did not understand, sho Thursday will not be?

*****

The addict wakes up in the morning, waking up sees in a mirror instead of the reflection of Zmeya Gorynycha.
-Yes, - the addict thinks, - it is time to tie to guzzle for the night acid...
-Yes, - thinks Zmey Gorynych, crawling away from a window, - it is necessary to tie for the night to guzzle addicts...

*****

The addict grew rich somehow, bought "Tavry". And friends prikalyvayut:
-Good fellow, Gosha! Cool you to yourself snipped off a wheelbarrow! Yes cho you understand
-? You did not see how it on the route all right! I on it made six-hundredth "Mercedes" yesterday as standing!
-Ouch, molode-ets! At that, probably, and the mitten drooped?
-Mitten? That's not the word for it! Already the filling hose from hands fell!

*****

Two drunks talk. One asks:
-it is interesting why I was given the nickname Genie? Probably, because I mnogoye
mogu?
-Is not present, the Genie, it is simple as soon as someone starts opening a bottle, ty
tut appear.

*****

Reflections on obkurke:
v to year of 365 days if I change every day socks, for half a year I will replace: 365 to divide into 2 (half a year) and to increase by 2 (socks) =
vyvod: 2 days in a year I walk in one sock!!!

*****

Early morning. The elk in sneakers runs on the wood, looks, the hare kanaplyu mows, it to it speaks:
- The Hare, think again, only the sun rose, and you were engaged in already nasty business, ran with me,
vozdukhom we will breathe, we will correct health, we will lighten mood. The hare thought and agreed, begut
vmeste - look, the fox is going to smell cocaine. Elk to it speaks:
-Fox! You that, since morning for such business - look at us with a hare, only the sun rose, we na
probezhku. Ran with us, we will take a breath, we will correct health, we will lighten mood. Lisa
podumala also agreed. Run three together, look - the wolf prepares a syringe. Elk speaks:
-Wolf and what you, really?! Give up this business, ran with us, we will take a breath, zdorovye
podpravim, we will lighten mood. The wolf thought and agreed. Run further, look, a bear monagu
varit. Elk speaks:
-Bear! And you there, ran with us...
-Run from here, an elk! Run! And that as you will be smoked, you drag all wood behind yourself!!!

*****

Advertisement: "We relieve of alcoholic and drug addiction for one session. To regular customers - a discount!"

*****

The Man to himself pretty sobaku.
ppishel on the market decided to get somehow: thoroughbred dogs on 60, 80, 100, 150 baksov.
smotpit - in the corner the dirty old man with some porshivym psom.
-How much a dog, the grandfather sits? Thousand baksov.
-Yes for such porshivogo of a dog I and a bean would not give
-!
-Yes you do not get excited, a dog after all govopyashchaya.
-you Fill in that, the grandfather! You take
-A yes spposi.
-You sho, it is valid _GOVORYASHCHAYA_ sobaka.
-Yes, I the speaking dog - pes.
ppishel the Man in himself quietly answers, laid out piece and zobral sobaku.
ppivel home, washed - not to recognize a dog - lovely sight! Than I will feed you with
-? - tells about himself Muzhik.
-Yes you do not worry - the dog answers - I can food sostpyapat.
i the dog prepared a nice dinner. The man not napaduyetsya.
- And what you still are able to do by a dog? Yes I everything can do
-. Even let's fly umeyu.
-Ana, leti.
sobaka waved ears and took off for the yard through a window leaf.

*****

Elephants decided to hammer a jamb. Got herbs, and feet thick, it is impossible to hammer. The hare, his elephants prosyat:
- The Hare runs by, help us to hammer a jamb, and that we have thick feet - not poluchayetsya.
zayats:
- There are no problems, in half an hour will return with kosyakom.
zayats takes a grass and goes to bushes. Elephants wait for half an hour, hour, two hours … Did not bear, went to look for a hare. See - the hare lies in bushes, ukurenny in stuff. Elephants emu:
- The Hare, give our jamb!
ZAYATS watches and molchit.
slony snova:
- The Hare, where our jamb?
ZAYATS otvechayet:
-do not load me, BIG GREY CLOUDS!

*****

- Actually the business is not present. In the activity the egoism of business is concluded - and naoborot.
naoborot we will receive a turn on, and thus we will turn obraz.
ya I do not speak about the dialect nature in a sort at already any more. Uzhi

*****

- What sow that?
-Reasonable, kind, vechnoye.
-Et, hemp, perhaps?

*****

The mosquito, silly, on narkomana:
-Nuuuuu, hi, a reusable syringe sat down!

*****

The mosquito on narkomana:
- And, a reusable syringe sat down.

*****

The bear on penek sat down, drove in a jamb, has a smoke. Sees - the hare runs. The bear speaks - I will catch up and I will eat him and only forces on 100 meters hvatilo.
sel and reflected: "It is good that the hare did not pursue me".

*****

Sensation! Our scientists learned to cross cherry to hemp. Now iz
nee it is possible to cook tasty and ridiculous jam.

*****

The ready addict sits in the bus. The grandfather without nogi.
- The Guy approaches, I lost a foot...
-Well...
- The Young man, I lost a foot...
-Well...
-Ya lost a foot!
-Here got, I did not see your foot!

*****

The crow on a tree sits and sees - two addicts a jamb zabivayut:
-Children if to you not vly, give a jamb zabit.
-Well, spuskaysya.
spustilas and back on a tree. They get novyy.
-Children if to you not vly, give once again zabit.
-Well, spuskaysya.
spustilas, hardly back got, they following dostayut:
-Children if to you not vly, give once again zabit.
-Well, spuskaysya.
-Children if to you not vly, bring down me a stick.

*****

The smoked eagle sits on a mountain ledge, twists the head and dumayet:
-I Will look on the left - mountains, I will look to the right - mountains, and in a bottom of I will peck - painfully!

*****

The company of addicts at one of them stays at home, smoke something svoye.
i there here one jumps and shouts: "Cops!", all began to hide quickly bychki
kuda got. One thrust it into a wall clock with a cuckoo. Militsiya
proshlas, found nothing and left. And here the door in hours, ottuda
vylezayet a cuckoo and a drunk voice asks:
-Hey, you, at the left, what time is it now opens?
TOT, osharashenno:
-Hour of
- Then to a ku-k.

*****

The boy on a grass sits and cries about the broken machine. By there is narkoman.
-E-ee, Pa-a-tsan … You che cry?
-lost the Wheel …
-Went, I the ugoshchu.
-Am not present you, to me mother ordered to sit on a grass …
-to me - such mother!!!!!

*****

Sits named on a bench, well smoked, happy, kind. Sees, the old man goes straight weak-sighted on open sewer lyuk.
-Ded … you … this … Uo-o-opa …

*****

The addict ashore rechki.
podjezzhayet the man on the jeep and asks:
- The Man, the small river small sits? I will pass? Yes, you will pass
-...
poyekhal the man to the small river, but could not leave, his jeep sank, and itself hardly came up. Well he also asks at narkomana:
-Why you told, what here small?
-A-a-a-a, ducks passed - to them on - a breast was.

*****

The addict sits, hammers a jamb at himself na
ladoni. The girl approaches it and speaks:
- The Uncle, and the uncle, how many time?
narkoman overturns a hand and spitefully otvechayet:
-I will kill you the girl!

*****

The addict on a roof three-storyed stays at home, the jamb hammers. Hammered, it was tightened, it zapyorlo it is concrete, and it with a wave left from the third floor down. Lies on the earth, around already people, as usual gather, and it unconscious. Here his friend goes, too the addict, saw that occurred and speaks:
-Vasya, what here occurs?
NUT Vasya podprygivayet:
-Yes here itself I do not know, only itself approached...

*****

The smoked hare in bushes sits. Filled in a paw to planets and hammers.... Here in bushes pushes the sting a stupid elk and asks:
l. A hare, you che do?
Z. (The hare of an elk does not notice.)
L. A hare, well che you do?
Z. Hear, the elk, you za@bat! You tell better - You will blow or not?
L. (The C stupid face) And che, I WILL BLOW!
... and with all the dope blows on a hare!!!
Z. WELL YOU, In NATURE, the ELK!!!

*****

The smoked addict sits, the jamb blows and shouts: "oh I to a lechuu.... "
podpolzayet to it the drunk, also speaks: "Hear, the brother, give will be tightened! "
narkoman speaks - take, the market is not present!
alkash blew and speaks - the brother, hear, me not tashchit.
a the addict to it: "Given rise to creep - cannot fly!"

*****

The smoked addict on the river bank sits. Suddenly new Russian on the 600th Mercedes approaches and speaks:
-Hear, the boy, where here the ford?
narkoman shows before itself and speaks:
-Yes the ford here, is direct here...
NU, the new Russian went through the small river and sank. Gets out wet, furious and You begin orat:
-che, absolutely about ** ate! The wheelbarrow of 100 thousand costs...! I understand Nothing
-, half an hour ago here ducks on a belt passed!

*****

The boy in park sits and cries. Approaches it наркоман:
- Ma - alchik chyo you pla-acht?. Lost a
Wheel (cries) with the machine... The
went I you - I will treat with them - at!
No, me mother would order on a grass sidet.
-me such ma-amu- At...

*****

Sits planokur on a cemetery and the jamb smokes. Here the Man approaches it mertvets.
-, give zatyanutsya.
tot to it quietly gives, and the dead person after an inhaling ukhodit.
sidit the dead person and thinks why the man was not frightened?.
otorval to itself hand and foot. Again podkhodit.
- The Man, give zatyanutsya.
-Na.
mertvets again leaves and thinks why the man was not frightened?
otorval to itself the remained foot also tore to itself a stomach. Again the Man approaches to planokuru.
-, give zatyanutsya.
-Ne-e-e-e, I look, to you is harmful!

*****

The addict sits on a ballot box, smokes. You approach militsioner:
-that here sit?
-I Smoke vot.
-This place for garbage!
-Oh! Forgive! Sit down, please, - jumps from a ballot box...

*****

3 grandmas of the grandsons hvalyat:1 sit. Mine vnuchyok probably the designer will be, every day papirosk sorts sobirayet.2. Amoy likely doctor, every day to itself that that kolet.3. And mine probably the driver, will swallow tablets and shouts, the grandma I drive off.

*****

Two sit on the coast ukurennykh narkoshi. Approach musopa:
musor:
-Here the corpse did not come up?
NARK:
-Not vyplyval.
chepez some time comes up tpup.
nark:
-Plyy-viya we you already otmazal.

*****

Gena with the Cheburashka sit, are smoked. The Cheburashka turns to Genya and scaredly krichit:
-Oh, crocodiles!

*****

Two on lavochke.
-Here sit in the yard see, the dog departed. And you tell the plan #$евый.