Jokes about peoples

Read funny Jokes about Americans

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In 1776 arose first-ever free demokraticheskoye
gosudarstvo - the United States of America. And 90 years later there dazhe
rabstvo cancelled.

*****

In Georgia passes competition on a subject "The best tattoo on the member." The American with a tattoo of the American
flaga approaches - it was pleasant to all. Russian with the Tattoo of the Two-headed eagle - all in vostorge.
podkhodit the Georgian with a malyuyuyusenky tochechka on "it" approaches. Jury in izumleniye:
-What is it? Gruzin:
-As Chita? Now "It" will blossom and vi everything will see what beautiful city our Tibilisi!!!

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The American scientists found in the jungle of Amazon the advanced chameleon - 400 colors and polyphony.

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In Jerusalem. The American arrives, and, wishing to get to a western wall, but without knowing as it precisely is called,
speaks taksistu:
-Give a lift to me to that place where you, Jews, cry, shout and fight golovoy
ob this wall!
shofyor gave a lift to him to the building of Tax Police.

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In the Indian Ocean for the unknown reason the American submarine sank.
C of our party of losses is not present.

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In the international company the American brags zhiznyyu:
- At me two country houses and two lyubovnitsy.
frantsuz even more hvastlivo:
- And I have three country houses and three mistresses!
NASh not rasteryalsya:
- And I have only one pitchfork, but all maids in the village mine.

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Come into a condemed cell the police officer and svyashchennik.
-Bill your death sentence is cancelled you svobodny.
zaklyuchenny does not remember itself for pleasure... dobavlyaet:
-Bill smile to
svyashchennik. You are removed the hidden camera.

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At movie theater of the USA there is KING KONG, at the moment when KONG beats off from planes on a skyscraper roof one American of
speaks: where you a bough were on September 11

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In the small American town the surgeon of local hospital asks the director automobile magazina:
-How many you sold motorcycles this month?
-200 shtuk.
-is interesting where three more got to?

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In a public toilet the American and the Russian pisat. Russian possat and the American to it after
speaks went to an exit, and: I at school was taught after possat it is necessary to wash hands!
russky: And I was learned not to be ssat on hands!

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In what fundamental difference of Russian from the American? The American passionately i
ot all soul adores the country and the people, and takes offense if what-nibud
inostranets does not share its feelings. Russian in the same way, heartily,
prezirayet the country and the people, but very strongly takes offense, If
kakoy-nibud the foreigner of his feeling divides...

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Included a cocksucking in the program of the Olympic Games. The American - 15 ways, the man vykhodit:
-by Normalno.
nemka - 20 ways, muzhik:
-Be hurt simply!
russkaya. The man only left at once fainted. In total shocked! Hardly pumped out ego:
-Well? - sprashivayut.
-4 ways, - the говорит:
1st-y - "Airplane": the tool in a mouth, eggs on width of the плеч.
2nd - oh - "Fantomas": the tool in a mouth, eggs for the головой.
3rd-y - "Grandmother's points": the tool in a mouth, eggs for ushami.
i again the man faints, and all holds apart, what 4th way? At last the man regained consciousness and speaks:
- The 4th way - "Fantomas flies on the airplane in grandmother's points".

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In intermediate port two ships meet: one of the USSR to Israel, another in the opposite direction. All passengers of
sgrudilis to boards also twist fingers about temples. The American asks kogo-to:
-It that, your national greeting?

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- What is the difference between an American chewing gum and cow chewing cud?
- In view cow has at least some glimmer of reason.

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In what a difference between god and the American?
-God does not think that he is American.

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In Russia and in the USA self-training computers with artificial intellektom.
rovno in 1 year 22 days 13 hours 25 minutes and 34 sec. are at the same time created the American computer cracked control of
I nuclear missiles destroyed all live!
russkomu to the computer was all the same - it became an inveterate drunkard somewhere months for 5-6 before...

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In the light of the stated events "The gospel from Judas", the American public nominated Judas to competition of
nobelevskoy of an award of the world, as savior of all democratic mankind.

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In the light of the become frequent abuses of athletes of dopes, according to the solution of the IOC changes are made to traditional
"the Olympic system" with an elimination. As before, all komdanda break into couples then at them check the maintenance of
gemoglobina in blood. At whom more - leaves. Process proceeds, there will be yet only no American athletes to whom
I are handed gold medals.

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Due to anniversary of the tragedy all American aviapilots solved in znak
skorbi on September 11 exactly at 11 o'clock to stop engines of the samoletov
na one minute.

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In the Pacific Ocean encountered an iceberg and the American aircraft carrier sank. To crew of "Iceberg"
blagodarnost.
sidyat on the island two atomic bombs is declared: Russian and American: - Well to me it is time to go home to fly, - the American speaks.
Give I take, - the Russian offers.

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- During the last reset the American mars rover of "Spirit" was infected with a computer virus. Now it digs
sebe a grave in Martian soil.

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Vanya asks a question Russian pravitelstvu:
-As you look at an arrangement of the American troops near the Russian border? Well as we watch
OTVET:
-, we look in the field-glass, but from a reverse side that it seemed further!

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- Vasily Ivanovich! Americans on the Moon landed!
-See where we tired out them!

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Washington. Washington declared release of the first party of the American dollars in Russian.

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Spring 2001. Somehow inadequately Americans to a good-natured wish "The world to your house react now!"

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During occupations by a bar friends played a trick over me, and I became invalidom
chetvertoy groups and got a grant of the American fund of the help zhertvam
shutok friends - hundred thousand dollars a year. Friends filed a lawsuit against me,
trebuya forty percent to themselves. How to be?

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During scientific experiment to the hermetic room in which there were two big metal spheres put the Frenchman. Through time it was let out and sprashivayut:
-That will show? Well here I push with
-one sphere it slides beats another and they scatter on uglam.
sadyat the American and it makes the same number. Then in the room sit down Russian. Through time to it come and spheres in net.
- And where spheres?
-A... one broke, and the second lost!

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War between Russia and America. Americans threw off an atomic bomb to Russia, 5 million people were lost.
russkiye threw off a rubber bomb to America, 20 million people were lost, the bomb still jumps!
zaslali Americans of the spy to the Ukrainian village. Put on the shirt embroidered, etc. there is he on the village and sees the grandfather at kalitki:
-Healthy bulls, Dida!
DED otvechayet:
-Healthy bulls, American nasty!
-Dida and yaky I am American? I mountain Ukrainian hlopets.
-Yaky you are the mountain ukrainsky boy, the Black gubaty!

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The issue of illegal use of the American programs should be resolved in a complex... Let they at first will return to
indeytsam the seized lands!

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Here I will not understand one - why the American dollars at us admit, a
amerikanskiye diplomas need to be repeated?!

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- Here tell me the American, in what force?
-B Newtons.

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The doctor speaks patsiyentu:
-Here that, smart guy: alcohol annually kills about 100 000 amerikantsev.
- And I do not care - I Russian.

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Even more often those who did not become new Russians, try to become new Americans.

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The world democracy on American is svoboda.
no not simply freedom, and freedom deneg.
i it is not simple money, and American.

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The American, the Frenchman and the Russian met and discuss as at whom slaughter animals on meat-processing plant (business was at the time of the USSR) .
amerikanets speaks: - Our animals hammer humanely - blow with a current, and the animal even manages to feel nothing …
frantsuz speaks: - And at us it is even more humane - give a special injection that to an animal pleasantly to die even …
russky speaks: - And our animals hammer with explosive!
-???
-you Will come into butcher shop, and there one ears, tails and hoofs!

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Two Americans met. One another asks:
-That it you one? Quarreled with the negrityanochka?
-Yes bothered h@y to maltreat...

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The Georgian and the American met somehow. Argue who lives better. Amerikanets:
- At us each American has the apartment otdelnuyu.
gruzin:
- At us each Georgian has big kottedzh.
amerikanets:
- At us each American has mashinu.
gruzin:
- And at us each Georgian has samolet.
amerikanets:
-Listen, and what you all about the Georgian yes about the Georgian, and Russians at you as live? I about Blacks do not ask
GRUZIN:
-you.

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Two submarines, American and Russian met somehow at the North Ledovity ocean. Na
amerikanskoy to a submarine there is razgovor:
-Tom, please, do not speak there is nothing this Russians, and that again will begin - the first compartment gotovs, pevaya
torpeda went, the second poshla.
vykhodit the captain on the bridge and speaks:
-Helou, Russian (hello, russian)
-That, is lousy painted? The first compartment gotovs, the first torpedo went, the second went!

*****

Meeting on Elba. Russians share vpechatleniyami:
"... and then the American general called me the fellow soldier... and told: "Now you are my boyfriend!"