Anecdotes about drug addicts

Read funny Anecdotes about drug addicts

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The addict junked stays at home. A call in dver.
-Who there?
-Ya!
-Ya? Yes you drive!

*****

The addict by car, passes customs, the militiaman digs in his car. A call on a pipe narkomana.
-Yes...
- At customs... I Carry
-.
-Not - and, did not find yet.

*****

The addict under drug. Rings the first door. He is opened by the old woman. He looks at it and speaks:
-Well, the grandmother, come if came.

*****

The addict found a bottle and otkryl.
vylezayet from it gin and speaks:
-Well the mobster, you have only 3 desires, use them with umom.
-Give Jean on a kosyachka!
-Yes think you, you after all can do everything, I can make to you pastures kosyachkov.
-Jean give on kosyachku.
ne that was to do mudflows, have a smoke, and gin ran in butylku.
-Hey gin leave!!! Give on a kosyachka!!
opyat have a smoke, and gin again hid in butylku.
-Gene give the third desire!
-You well thought? You after all the person can become, money, girls, the house... Gin let's smoke
-! Again they smoked
I and gin left in butylku.
ne there passes also Poll hour as Gene gets out of a bottle and speaks:
-Give the mobster the 4th desire...

*****

The addict was smoked, there are before zerkalom:
-I Here, and there I, I and there I here...
Tak repeats within an hour. A call in dver:
-Who there?
-Ya!
-I there I!!!

*****

The addict with a player comes to the hairdresser and speaks:
-Tonsure me, only do not remove earphones, and I such will suit that...
parikmakher very much tries to tonsure it without having touched earphones, but nevertheless touches. The addict jumps from a chair, grabs a throat and padayet
mertvym on a floor. Hairdresser shocked. Also thinks that he listened to such there. Podymayet also hears earphones as a monotonous voice repeats: - "A breath - an exhalation, a breath - an exhalation..."

*****

The addict moved in school uchitelem.
-Tell, children, who such turtle?
- The Turtle, is such small animal with an armor, she very quickly runs...
-is wrong, the child, a turtle slowly trudges...

*****

The addict with the girlfriend addict go down the street and carry a carriage with rebyonochkom.
ikh sprashivayut
- And why you have so blue baby?
-(vigorously) Sinenky because myortvenkiya!!!

*****

The addict approaches to zerkalu:
-I Here...
podkhodit to drugomu:
- And here I...
STUK at a door. it approaches to dveri:
-Who there?
-Ya.
-I there too I...

*****

The addict smoked a kosyachok, and feels that something does not insert. Well, thinks, again the plan galimyy.
poydu, I will stand at a window. He looks out of the window, here mother approaches. It and speaks:
-Ma, I will go probably prilyagu.
mama:
-Go, the sonny, go, and that third day you are by the window.

*****

The addict on reception at the doctor. That asks:
- The Young man, tell what now month?
-MAY.
-Well, now September. Maybe will tell, what next month?
-MAY.
-Is not present, the next month - October. And what month will be after October?
-May.
vrach swells up and krichit:
-Is not present! After October November! After November December! Then January, for nim
fevral.
narkoman zadumchivo:
- And what, will not be May?

*****

The addict on reception at the neuropathologist. The doctor asks:
- The Young man, tell, what now month?
narkoman, some time having thought, predpolagayet:
-Mai?.
-Well, the young man, now September. Perhaps will tell, what next month?
-Mai?.
-Is not present! The next month - October! Well, tell, what month will be after October?
-Mai?.
VRACH swells up and krichit:
-is NOT PRESENT! After October - November! After November - December! Then - January! Behind it - February!.
narkoman, nedoverchivo:
- And... what, May will not be at all?.

*****

The addict comes to shop of a children's toy, the Girl addresses to prodavtsu:
-, tell you have ZAMOLOT? M-m-m
-... We have inflatable crocodiles, hippopotamuses...
-Is not present, you did not understand me, I need ZAMOLOT! Generally we have
-a clockwork mouse...
-??? Well know
-, you get it, throw on a floor, it runs, run out drugiye
myshi and start running behind it, clockwork runs up to a bathroom and jumps in water,
ostalnye of a mouse jump behind it, and all sink...
-Oh, ZAMOLOT! Tell, and you have no clockwork GARBAGE?...

*****

The addict wakes up, looks out of the window, endeavors to remember, whether kak
nazyvayetsya a tree under oknom:
-I Want, not that... May I, not, again is not similar! Whether shit I, brr.
a! In - a magnolia!

*****

The addict sat on a roof and smoked a grass. Sdel-sidel and suddenly, fell. Well the people gathered, sympathize with the addict: devyatyy
etazh there and so on... Here other addict - and approaches the first: - Che such the mobster?
... The first, rising: - Yes I just approached...

*****

The addict sits with the girl on a bench, hour sits, two sidit.
devushka podryvayetsya:
-Well I went? "Wait for
-. Two hours prokhodit.
-Well I went?
-Podozhdi.
tak everything proceeded. The girl was blown up and escaped narkoman:
-Well here again did not give.

*****

The addict sits in the apartment. Call to a door. Approached to dveri
asks:
-Who there? Open
-, militia!
-A that is necessary?
-to Talk!
-A you how many?
-Dvoye.
-Here also talk!

*****

The addict sits on a seat in the crowded bus. The Young man approaches it odnonogiy
dedushka and prosit:
-! Give way, please, I in the 43rd lost a foot.
-That you, the old man, I just went in the 43rd, and any foot did not see there!

*****

The addict, listening to a player, the Chief brakes tachku.
ostanavlivayetsya taksi.
narkoman:
-, is free?
-DA
-Leave, we will dance!

*****

The addict costs in the subway waiting for the train. The train approaches. Dver
otkryvayetsya at it before a nose. Narkoman:
-Et-t-t-a-a-a.....
dveri are closed, the train uyezzhayet.
-Op-pa!!!

*****

The addict faces a pool, by a stick is picked there. You approach to nemu
drugoy narkoman:
-that do? I drive
-of Sharks!
-Something I do not see yours akul.
-do not see? Means, well I drive.

*****

The addict stands in a player on the sidewalk and listens to a music. Stops taksi:
n - the Driver, it is free?
taksist - Yes!
H - Leave we will dance!

*****

Addict: knocks at the door!
raz is knocked, silence!
dva is knocked, silence!
NA the third knock at a door are opened by the granny!
narkoman costs at it looks, looks! And then slowly speaks:
-Well come time came.

*****

The addict runs away from the cop, and the cop to it in a trace shouts that that stopped. The addict does not stop and the cop kills him. After death the addict gets to paradise. All guzzle nectar there, and it is boring for it. He was rummaged around on pockets and found a hemp bag, hammered a jamb and sits smokes. Approaches it B-@ and asks that it delayet.
-I smoke Hemp, - answers tot.
-Let's me try too, - asks B-@. The addict hammered to him a jamb, sit together smoke. B-@ thought and speaks:
-It not my creation, probably a Satan posadil.
-Give I you to the earth I will send, you dig more there and bring syuda.
-Well, - that agrees. B-@ sent it to the earth, the addict dug the whole bag of hemp and on the road meets that cop back. The cop was surprised and speaks:
-I killed you 20 years ago, I because of you still had problems. The addict told everything to it. The cop thought and prosit:
-Hear, ask for god let he on 10 years ago will send me, at me there sluchilos.
-All right I will transfer misfortune. It returned on the sky they were smoked with B-gom and the anashist transferred it a request menta.
-All right it in my forces, - speaks B-G.
-See that door, behind it there is a string, will pull 10 times it on 10 years ago will go. The addict left and was gone. Hour is not present it two is not present, B-@ already worries. Went to check. Opens a door, and the addict there dergayet:
-I you a goat to dinosaurs will send everything.

*****

The addict - the teacher zoologii:
-Children, write heading - "Cow" (fills a jamb). Cow otnositsya
k to cattle... (it is tightened, starting up a smoke in a window leaf pkhkhkhkhkh...)
znachit the cow has horns... (pkhkhkhkhkh...) The cow has an udder... (pkhkhkhkhkh...) U
korovy there are wings...
-But the cow has no wings!
-Is not present - will grow... (pkhkhkh...) Also weed - e - fir-trees!

*****

Addicts after day hunting for ducks sit at kostra.
-Something unsuccessfully today...
-Or ducks highly flew, or we low threw up a dog...

*****

Addicts after next a sit-round gathering meet and delyatsya
vpechatleniyami. Pervyy:
-After you left, me as dragged as dragged...
-A I too as soon as left, as dragged me, about a fence shvarknut,
shapku broke, pockets emptied and released!

*****

Narkosha smokes a grass and has the little girl. Slowly so, without hurrying. Zatyag - forward, still zatyag and - back, still zatyag and - forward... The maid under it fell asleep already! And here take a stub and drop out at a narkosha of a mouth and directly to the maid on a stomach. Well, that, clearly put, cried. And the narkosh was lifted by a stub, was with pleasure tightened and proiznes:
-Yes - and- And, the girl, I such!

*****

The Black drinks milk. By passes the drunk. Pyanyy:
-will not help!

*****

All wood was smoked. There is a hedgehog, towards to him lisa:
-About! Zais - now I you sjem.
-I am not a hare - I ezhik.
-drive He - You zais.
-a fox you are not right He, well here the wolf goes, give y it spposim.
lisa:
- The Wolf it who? The Hare - give to
-it sjedim.
-Yes you that - I am a hedgehog!
-Well, a hare you, zayats.
-Nnu-nnu, here the bear goes - give it spposim.
- The Bear it hto?
-As who? - hare! Give it sjedim.
ezhik:
-to He, well you in nature are not right - I am a hedgehog. Idemte to an owl: she old, wise, it us rassudit.
podkhodyat to an oak with an owl, and that head over heels holds a branch,-headed extensively twirls, generally absolutely any, here suddenly eyes opens, for about a minute at all looks and is thoughtful speaks:
- And so you what - reindeers...

*****

The smoked addict taritsya in the field by hemp i
skladyvayet in a backpack. Suddenly, from where do not undertake, militseyskaya
oblava! The Pereshuganny addict does not know what to do,
kuda to hide! Suddenly sees, the herd kenguru.
pristroilsya it to this herd jumps across the field, jumps with all vmeste.
tut turns vperediskachushchiya and oryot:
-Turn a backpack on a stomach, the moron, that all herd you will kindle
A!!!

*****

The smoked punk comes into church and starts blowing into candles. The father in isterike:
-You that you do, the tyrant? Leave
-, I have a birthday today!

*****

The smoked people's commissar sits in park on a bench, the kosyachok pulls. By there is a passerby and the Young man is interested at nego:
-, tell, please, what time is it now? The people's commissar, it is slow zatyanuvshis:
-Well if you, the man, are wild about it, - what time is it now...

*****

The man was smoked, goes down the street and sees: houses all blue, sky blue,
lyudi blue. Suddenly from round the corner the red cyclist leaves. His man i
asks:
-You that so red pier, and the blue all around?
A that to it and speaks:
-Yes calm down you... I not from that glitch.

*****

It was smoked and spread. And so creeps and so, and sideways, and on a back, i
khvostom forward. And in the end by a cobra it was curved, costs, rocks and speaks:
-Well and a visor, here after all a visor!!!

*****

One addict on a visit at another. Got high and sit in kitchen. Comes malenkaya
taksa and starts eating from a bowl. One addict looks at it and tells drugomu:
"Something at your dog of a foot very short..." The second too long and vnimatelno
smotrit on a dachshund, speaks then: "Yes not-e-et... It seems reach a floor..."

*****

One narkot drugomu:
-Ty you see green hamsters?
-NET
-I I do not see. And they are.

*****

Once I walked on the wood, I see a well. I approach it, I come into the elevator, I get on the bicycle, I start the motorcycle, here Bang! the conductor approaches me, and speaks:" The aunt, give way" And I speak that I do not smoke. So this child as will start crying! But I did not become puzzled and as gave it on an ugly face, and he grabs a knee and shouts:" My back! My back!" And I think, it can absolutely ebanutsya? There are I this electric train, look, the minibus costs. Well I approach and I speak:" vinston blue and vodka 0,5" Well it also gives me Bond and beer, I take this prima and moonshine, and I run away from these musor! So these firemen on the fast caught up with me! Caught up and speak:" You forgot delivery!" Well I take kilogram of apples, and I go on a market to trade! I bring, managed to lay out these bananas, right there the grandma runs up, and buys up at me all peaches, and speaks that all put in kulechek! And I think, what it absolutely ebanuty how I to it I will put 20 water-melons in a bag?! I took money and went home! More I did not go to the wood … ….i did not touch mushrooms …

*****

The addict in the desert of gin dug out. Gene also speaks to him that made 3 wishes. The addict speaks I want a plan bag. Dzhin:
-ty sho the fool, it after all the desert, you pomresh.davay I home will send you and etc.
narik nevkaky. Speaks dzhinu:
-sit down the brother, ugoshchyaysya.
dzhin of course sat down, and sho to do and they lit. The bag ended, named ordered the second. The second ended named orders the third. Gin from friendly motives vlamyvat a narik this way and that (skentovatsya behind a kosyachok), speaks - I will depart and you ostanishsya and will die, the fool, and a narika not to proshibit in any way. Also executed 3e desire. They smoked the 3rd bag, gin looked at a narik and speaks:
-well, think of one more.