Anecdotes about drug addicts

Read funny Anecdotes about drug addicts

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- Be pricked, the sonny, you smoke? I am pricked by
-, the father, I am pricked...

*****

The cow sits on the river bank the kosyachok smokes. The Cow comes up bober:
-, and what you smoke it? Kosyachok, Bober.
- And me give
-poprobovat.
-On, inhale, float on other coast and exhale tam.
bober does an inhaling and departures on other coast. On other coast the Hippopotamus sits. The beaver came up, exhaled, lies blisses out. Begemot:
-Beaver, and that it you such cheerful? Yes the cow on that coast allows to smoke
-, float - maybe will give you. The hippopotamus floated - comes to the coast: A cow (in a panic): Exhale
- The Beaver, exhale.

*****

Red Square. Nark nails a jamb. Behind the cop approaches and pats him on plechu:
-E, ALE!!
Hapk does not react and blows up a jamb. Cop opyat:
-ALE!!
Hapk does some napas, slowly turns the head and otvechayet:
-PI-PI-PI-PI.....

*****

Strong tipsy husband comes back home after midnight and whispers angered zhene:
-T-s-s! I, my dear, found something. In the morning skazhu.
utrom the wife with impatience asks:
-Well, what you found such there? Imagine
-a new pothouse.

*****

The addict bought a jamb, came home and dumayet:
-Dai I will hide it under kover
- The militia Will come and will ask: "Shala is? "I will tell
-Ya netu
- And they will ask and under a carpet? I will hide it under a sofa the militia Will come and sprosit:
shala is? I Will tell
-net
- And under a carpet?
-NET
-A under a sofa? I will hide for shtoru
- The militia Will come and will ask: Shala is? I Will tell
-net
- And under a carpet?
-NET
-A under a sofa?
-NET
-A behind a curtain? No, I will hide it under plitoy
- The militia Will come will ask a shal is? I Will tell
-net
- And under a carpet?
-NET
-A under a sofa?
-net
- And behind a curtain? OH the PANCAKE AND WHERE I PUT IT?

*****

The guy of a grass bought, came home, smoked, not zatsepilo.
-In, - thinks, - a hogwash palmed off! And that does not cling?
B such thought approached a window and began to look. Here suddenly his mother approaches and speaks:
-You would eat, the sonny, and that the third day cost!

*****

Smoke two kosyachok, to one another speaks:
-Look, look, a pink elephant!
-Where?
-Yes wons, in a window vyletel.
idut two cops down the street, to one another speaks:
-in that apartment addicts zhivut.
-From where know?
-Yes just from a window leaf a pink elephant took off...

*****

- Fly, fly, a petal through the West on the East, through the North, through the South, come back having taken a detour! And then fly to the Caucasus, then to the aunt to Zhitomir, say hello to the grandmother and the grandfather from Penza! Only release

*****

The eagle along the narrow and twisting gorge - incarnate pride flies. Suddenly, from nowhere - a sparrow. Eyes krasnenky, tousled and with a jamb. Sits down on a shoulder to an eagle and popykhivat. After a while the eagle slowly turns the head and, having looked at a sparrow, again turns away. A sparrow, sitting on a shoulder, got high still few times. An eagle again silently turns and looks at a sparrow. A sparrow, looking in eyes to an eagle (with irritation): Of Che you graze
-, a s%ka, the road watch!!!

*****

The summer the village, the chairman of collective farm sits on a bench before board, dayet
intervyyu to the correspondent of the regional newspaper. That and se, sots.obyazatelstvo, plan
protsenty, etc. Suddenly the correspondent fades and with horror looks v
nebo. There, slightly moving with feet, with a blissful muzzle flies korova.
predsedatel turns around, notices it and through clenched teeth tsedit:
-Here a pancake, again Mitrich drunk. Cows on hemp are grazed.

*****

Fly in the plane named also new Russian. Narik wanted to be pricked, and he left in a toilet. In a cabin to the pilot new Russian flies and speaks:
-Give, a loop sdelay.
-You that was stunned, For the rest of life I will provide same Boing.
-: car, house and so on...
-is fine, pristyogivaysya.
narik in a toilet in pricked. The plane made a loop and returned on a former course. Narik in tualete:
-Well and a grass, ash for a collar shitted.

*****

The little boy smoked kosyachyok, and there are they with a pink elephant down the street. Go go and here the elephant begins zhalovatsya:
-to me holodno.
malchik took off from himself a sweater and dressed it on an elephant. Go further, the elephant starts poor-mouthing again: - Legs ustali.
malchik took an elephant on hands from me, bears him. The elephant again for svoyo:
-to me to drink hochetsya.
tut the boy not vyderzhivayet:
-My God, well when me will release?!

*****

Malchish-Kibalchish costs on the hill and Change waves a flag, krichit:
-! Change!
POD the hill sits Malchish-Plokhish, tramples down a barrel with varenyem
i mutters filled rtom:
-, it seems, one jamb smoked - it on change punched, and me on a havka...

*****

- Mother, I never will be mushrooms is any more!
-Why, sonny?
-Ya promised them yesterday!

*****

The monkey, Elephant calf and Parrot were pumped up by drugs - sit and trudge... And tut
udav comes crawling and give kanyuchit:
- And me? And me?! The parrot did not sustain and speaks:
-All right, the Monkey prick you him... And the Monkey asks:
- And where kolost, it and has no hands! An elephant calf poddakivayet:
- And feet, excuse, too... A boa all such in neterpenii:
-What hands! What feet! I weigh one continuous vein!

*****

- Please, 38, 39 gramm.
-Speak to me precisely, you buy heroin!!

*****

The husband late came back home. The wife meets him at a threshold and krichit:
-From you so alcohol bears, what it is impossible to breathe! Saws again?
-Is not present that you, expensive! I simply wandered about the Nevsky, wandered, wandered...
-Well and what?
-Well also began to ferment...

*****

The man asks passing by smoked narkomana
-Kak to pass on Deribasovskaya?
Here nearby, one stop by a taxi

*****

At top of the mountain eagles sit. Most important smokes a jamb, and suddenly says, showing gorizonta:
-Tam.
vsya aside the pack breaks and departs. In some days only a half of pack comes back, and one of eagles speaks:
-Tam is not present nichego.
a the leader prodolzhayet:
- There, a hullabaloo-pam-pam.

*****

On a hut 2 addicts cook a huge tub of Khanka. speaks:
-Listen to one, and that will be, if I it everything-everything... itself?
-You that? Fool? - Another answers, - at you from ears, from a nose, from a mouth blood poydyot.
-Yes?... And why?!
-Because I this serving spoon to you %bat all I will crumb!

*****

At a drug addict wedding... Tamada:
-Well, all got to a vein?
-All!!!
-Well then is bitter!!!

*****

On Peron of the station there are two narik, the high-speed train by flies by, and from one window of this pozd laying takes off and gets on a face of one of them. He hardly tears off its oppression in hands and so thoughtfully speaks to the friend: - Listen, such soft, and all eb. lo in blood broke...

*****

At a wedding at the addict. Tamada:
-All got to a vein?
-Yes, yes...
- Then is BITTER!

*****

At a lesson uchitel-narkoman:
-Children who will call field plants? Well give Sidorov.
-MAK.
-About... poppy... these are five. Well give Petrov.
-Konoplya.
-About... hemp... these are five. Well give the boy with the last party.
-Romashka.
-Well... camomile... these are two. And what is your surname?
-Torchunov.
-O... Torchunov... these are five.

*****

The smoked addict gets into the crowded trolleybus, forcing the way in the middle. Also flops on knees to the old woman. Old woman vozmushchenno:
-Sonny, you that? Addict ispugano:
-Who here?

*****

The addict smoked to death stands on a roadside and votes. The car stops and he asks at vodily:
-Listen, the chief, you to the airport in 7 minutes will bring quickly?
-Domchu.
nark, closing dver:
-Well rush, rush.

*****

The addict in a bum was smoked and down the street goes. Looks, the trolleybus approached - it sat down. Goes, goes, here doors opened - left. Goes further, watches the house. Approached closer, the entrance saw. Came, into the elevator of villages, leaves, watches a door before it - called. Otkryvat the grandma - the addict stuck a door on it, stuck... and then also speaks: "Well time has come so come...".

*****

Named got high a kosyachok, sits, clicks sunflower seeds. Here one sunflower seed falls. It to it speaks:
- And well go here!
-Quickly to me!
-Ya to whom told!?
-Well everything, curtains to you!
narik gets a handful of sunflower seeds, scatters on asfalt:
-BRING her HERE!

*****

Named lit up a kosyachok and decided to call somebody. Calls 02:
-Hallo, firefighters? Firefighters, and fry to me potato!
EMU on that end otvechayut:
-You that the man, absolutely, perhaps? We do not fry, we extinguish! Well then extinguish
NARIK:
-.

*****

Named it is going to be pricked. Dumayet:
"I Will be pricked now in general brains will strike - and if somebody knocks how to answer? "Generally, decided to write
NU on a piece of paper question :
" Who there? "
napisal, a question mark put. It was pricked. Here at a door stuchat.
narik reads on bumazhke:
-Who interrogative znak.
iz-for dveri:
-It we the COMMA your friends the POINT there.

*****

Nark sits at a playground, the jamb twists. Kids podkhodyat:
-Dyad, tell a tale!:
-is fine, children. (curtailing) Means so: "There is a bull-calf, is unsteady, shaking na
vetru. (Lit-stretched) But here the melancholy comes to an end..." (it was tightened properly) -
PO-oletel, departed, a fucking bull!

*****

The narco bury. His mother goes and prichitayet:
- The Sonny, there damp, anybody will not feed you there, not napoit.
szadi two narco go, one drugomu:
-This, I did not understand... hear, Vas, it che, to me bear?

*****

The addict and the drunk play table tennis. Narkosha all the time vyigryvayet.
alk:
-As it you manage all the time to win?
NARK:
-So it, at you in eyes balls appear doubled also jump quickly, and I have one ball and flies so slowly, smoothly.

*****

The addict at dilera:
- The Ship of a grass and a couple of barrels of a dichlorvos!
-You cho? The dichlorvos that any more not in a subject …
-Yes is known by me, cockroaches asked …

*****

The addict waits for friends. There is a wish to be stuck, but knows that then will forget and as a door to open. Thought up - on a leaflet wrote: When call - to approach to the door, to ask "Who there?" and with quiet soul it was stuck. Sits kayfuyet.
zvonok at a door. It took a note, podkhodit:
-Who there, interrogative znak.
-It we, a comma, your friends, a point.

*****

The addict hammers a jamb, here phone calls, takes trubku:
-Allo.
-It is the airport?
-Is not present!!!!! Also puts down a reciever, hammers further. Again zvonok:
-Allo.
-Is the airport?
-Is not present!!! Puts down a reciever, smokes a jamb, again zvonok:
-Alleeeee.
-Is the airport? Yes. with whom I tell
-to
-A?
-C by plane!!!

*****

The addict gets into the crowded bus. Makes the way to a place and YOU plyukhptsya to some grandma na
koleni.
babka:
-THAT, the SONNY!?
NARK:
-Who here?

*****

The addict meets halfway on the road the car here, brought down him. It fell, in 5 minutes rises there is further, towards a horse, brought down it, again fell. In 5 minutes rises towards the rocket again brought down it, he thinks chtozh in a day such. A voice from-zi a back the moron depart from a roundabout.

*****

The addict junked rushes into the bus, in a mouth a jamb in a hand a knife and to drove at a trot. Puts in a throat to the driver a knife (nearly wrote nayf), it is tightened and shouts bad golosom:
-Carry to New York! Drove snatches out a jamb at the terrorist, does couple of convulsive inhalings and the Following station declares in mikrofon:
- The Brooklyn Bridge