Anecdotes about drug addicts

Read funny Anecdotes about drug addicts

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The man comes to a zoo the watchman to get a job. Dipektop:
- And that by the watchman that, more than anything a chtola you are not able to do?
MUZHIK:
-Yes all I am able only I brake a trifle...
dipektop:
-? Well at old work the chief so so far will give work what to make
MUZHIK:
-I will reach a working place so already and day comes to an end. Dipektop:
-it is fine, there is at us a work it seems as for you: you will guard turtles...
Ha all turtles ran away the next day. Dipektop:
- The Man, well for affairs such? As so all my turtles ?pо#бал!!! The Pancake itself I will not understand
MUZHIK:
-, I opened a cage to feed, and they - and - ak flocked an ottudova......

*****

- The father, and the truth, what hedgehogs are pricked? I do not know, the sonny, maybe are pricked, but thump anyway...

*****

Milk from hemp welded the Parnyag and in the refrigerator till the evening put, and itself left. Here his father wakes up from Welsh onion quicker to the refrigerator to be drunk. Looks it seems milk costs well thirst and satisfied. The parnyaga through a couple of hours home comes, comes into the room and sees a picture. The father in a mask for scuba diving, in a mouth a tube to breathe under water sits and watches an underwater Odyssey of team of Cousteau. Looks and speaks - Will release a piz-c bough to you...

*****

The boy of a grass has a smoke and went by car rogonyat. night goes slowly, flattens specifically. Sees on a roadside the girl votes, it stops, she speaks:
-to me to the center. ON:
-Sit down on the back. Two go hour, the woods, fields around - the maid in a kipesha speaks:
- The Young man you where me carry? It in kipeshe:
-WHO HERE?

*****

Patsanchik young with friends of cones has a smoke good, hung out and comes home. Though rodak would not kindle. Night, comes on silent on kitchen and begins Russian cabbage soup from a pan with hands is. Here mother wakes up, comes on kitchen and speaks - the Sonny dear, you that - do? It - who was smoked, I was smoked?...

*****

The song Orbakayte:
ya I will present you a grass,
Ya I will teach you to laugh.

*****

On the road the addict runs, suddenly sees: in the middle you born roll pyanyy.
narkoman krichit:
-Hey to creep, away from a vzlyotny strip!

*****

- In the field of hemp goes bus. Behind him comes the trolley. Behind him comes the tram. How to describe the situation in one sentence?
- Everything is going according to plan.

*****

The granny on the street to a narka ukurenny, asks:
- The Sonny approaches how on Arbat to pass?
Hapk costs, long sticks, and speaks:
- And as to you the granny in a high, and go!

*****

The little boy to narkomanu:
- The Uncle, the uncle approaches, give me the machine!
narkoman silently stretches to it shprits.
-Is not present, washing was with castors!
-Well, on you a wheel!
-Not, you have a white castor, and at me was red kolesiko.
-Well, small, you abrupt! Let's go to me home, at me is i
krasnenkiye castors, and zelenenky castors there...
-Not, dyad, I am better here, on a grass posizhu.
-you Are lucky, small, on a grass sit...

*****

The addict in the subway approaches the menyalny machine gun and throws 20
kopeek there, to it 4 patches drop out. And so three times. A voice szadi:
-quicker, please, I am late for work...
ON does not pay attention and continues. The voice becomes angry and povtoryaet
frazu, on what the addict otvechayet:
-do not disturb, I play, I am lucky!

*****

Went three narco home by car. Drove up to the traffic light, and there: yellow, red, yellow, green, yellow, red... Stood half an hour. Those who behind, ask what for rulem:
-Petya, we will go or not? Petya, convulsively squeezing rul:
- The Pancake... I am not in time!

*****

Caught KIN-KONG of the drunk, a narik on a vein and a narik who smokes and speaks:-boys here whose high will be pleasant that I will release more and I will eat the others. The drunk speaks - Kean - kong without market give a glass. Vypeli. Kean kong in dancing, songs to sing, time for the morning a hangover, the head hurts, the dry trees .speaks to the drunk - a high, bad at you. Ate it. Here named on a vein began to fuss and Kean hit - konga.tot lit and stuck - the high says yes. Time for the morning the withdrawal pains began - the bad high kumarit from it. Ate it. Here named a dvizhukha with a grass created - kin-kong catch a wig. Kean-kong was smoked hi-h, very ha, all hyped up. The good high says yes I release you - leave to get high and go good luck. Well also goes named on the wood, birdies sing - a high. Here hears behind footfall. Kean - kong runs up to him, takes him carefully in a hand and speaks - excuse a bratukh on a zhrachka punched...

*****

Germans of our scout caught somehow time. Well, he is a person upryamyy
okazalsya. They it in a gas chamber. Well, it, of course, rests, for dver
tseplyaetsya. And in a chamber the addict sits and is so plaintive stonet:
-You, the man be defined: there or here, and that the high leaves.

*****

The Grass, grass creeps nark marikhuany:
-across the field...
IZ-for a bush creeps out kobra:
-Sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh.
nark, removes a cobra rukoy:
-Gluck. Grass, grass, grass.

*****

The narkosha on a hempy field creeps, a grass moves apart and bormochet:
- The Grass, a grass, a grass … The snake comes to hand. The addict in storonu:
-Gluck removed it! And opyat:
-Grass, grass, grass …

*****

The addict died. To it friends came to commemoration. Sit are silent. Give one orat:
-Include a TV set! Drudgery!! Its
ostalnye uspokaivayut:
-Yes you that?! Vasya died!
proshlo is a little more time, it again give orat:
-Well include a TV set, drudgery mortal!?
-Yes you chyo moron! Vasya died!
prokhodit is a little more time, it again oryot:
-Include a TV set!!
-Shut up the freak!! Vasya died!! That except Vasya anybody a TV set is not able to include
-A?.

*****

The addict got to a hell. There is he and sees a hempy field. He and nachal
rvat decided to smoke hemp. Approaches chert:
-Why you tear it?, already slanted fields are! There is a man, and is exact - konoplya
skoshena, in a stack is laid. Undertook was it to dry, approaches chert:
-Why, darling, dry? Barns with dried hemp! There is a man further -
ambary are full of dried hemp! He decided to package it on boxes. Approaches chert:
-Why you pack up? Barns full of ready boxes! Goes - and it is exact, stoyat
ambary, hemp is accurately packaged, boxes in stacks are put. Began bylo
zabivat. Approaches chert:
-Listen, why you hammer? Warehouses with jambs! Goes - warehouses are full, kosyaki
akkuratno are hammered, laid. The man took a jamb, lo and behold - and matches are not present. Podkhodit
chert, the man at nego:
- The Devil, and the devil asks, let's matches - light!
-E, - the devil answers, - if there were matches, it would be PARADISE!

*****

The addict got to paradise. Goes, the kosyachok hammers. Here to it on a meeting white loshad.
-Zachem you smoke, here paradise, florets, the sun shines, birdies sing-told and ran dalshe.
narkoman thought, thought and threw a jamb. Goes further, the crowd of addicts sees jambs hammer. It approaches them and говорит:
- Well guys, type paradise, birdies sing, the sun shines, butterflies fly, and you here kurite.
odin from crowd emu:
-Ty a white horse incidentally did not see?
narkoman:
- Well...
A to it in otvet:
-Ona when will be smoked, such hogwash starts driving.

*****

The addict got to paradise. Goes. Watches ogroo - about - mnoye a hemp field!!! Let's rush about, collect
ON on kosyachok.
podkhodit a tygydymsky horse (a yellow deer):
-Yes tyzh in paradise! Spit this business! Look as well around! Rejoice!
-I that!
pobezhal it across the field. Laughs, rejoices. Looks - the little man sits popykhivat.
-You that, the man, sit! Paradise Etozh! Rejoice! Well as! It the tygydymsky horse (a yellow deer) told
-(that it is suspicious) to you?
-Aga!
-of Aaa. She was smoked and drives.

*****

Addicts on front.
sidyat in an entrenchment got. Skuchno.
odin to another speaks:
-Neither to smoke, nor to prick!
- The Head clear, fresh, already protivno.
-Though would contuse, perhaps...

*****

Put in prison the addict and the syphilitic. Sit, at the syphilitic the nose fell off, that its beret and throws out for a lattice. Then the ear falls off, the syphilitic throws out it for a lattice. With the second ear the same situation. The addict looked, looked and speaks: - I look you slowly sjyobyvatsya?!

*****

Sent, so the astronaut on the rocket to space, and like a distance to it seeds of any there plants that it grew up them in zero gravity, and then ppivez
na Earth that will sprout - for examination. Well, well, the first sows fennel. Put, fennel - well it grew by Earth soobshchayet:
-Well everything to it, the class, ascended fennel. It is possible to gobble up it, green there is a wish, the grub from tubes zadolbat?
-Not, thrust it there somewhere and do not touch, we on Earth have to carry out expertize...
dalshe it sows corn. Ascended. It to Earth soobshchayet:
-Grows normally yours kururuza! It is possible to eat?
-Not, is impossible that to Earth brought to integrities and safety!
-Pancake, well...
A farther need to sow hemp... Put, through some time soobshchayet:
-Ne-e, boys... (zatyag) know... a fig did not ascend... to a he-ha...

*****

After a kosyachka the addict went to a hairdressing salon. Sat down, closed glaza:
-Well...
postrigli.
-is shorter...
EShchE postrigli.
-is shorter...
postrigli nagolo.
-is shorter, you to me a little bit from sides clean and behind straighten.

*****

After viewing of the partiotichesky movie the teacher asks children to whom who was pleasant. One feat of the soldier, the friend - as the nurse raneny rescued. And Vovochka speaks:
- And most of all was pleasant to me narkoman.
-What such addict. There was not narkomanov.
-Was, he was tightened all the time and spoke,
"the plan, good at you, companion Zhyukov..."

*****

- Went fishing!
-What fishing - vodka is not present!
-So hemp is!
-Well so let's fish here!

*****

Present completely empty apartment, and only in one room on a floor the newspaper is spread out, on it a stomach the addict lies down and considers lottery tickets. In one corner there is a starenkiy
cherno-white TV, and in the second on a taburetochka the grandmother of years of 80 sits. Well, the addict considers these tickets, to consider and vdru
gtak is furious as zaoret:
-In / yad, in a s%k, here a nevezukh, @b your mother, and!
babushka is so plaintive asks:
-Well there, granddaughters?
-That that - here and the TV lost, @b your mother!

*****

- Hi I - Nats!
-Hi, and I - the Brain!
-Hi, and I am hemp! And I help a brain to talk to a chocolate!!!

*****

There come two addicts to Australia. Were smoked and saw kenguru.
odin a drugoia speaks:
-Look, what at them here grasshoppers! To
-Aha, and you present what at them then marihuana?

*****

There arrived addicts to Australia. One, showing on a kangaroo, speaks:
-Look, what at them here grasshoppers! otvechayet:
- And you estimate the second what they have to have here hemp if such grasshoppers!.

*****

The girl home smoked comes sits down on a chair and begins shchelkat
paltsami. Ten minutes click, fifteen minutes, half an hour pass - ona
sidit not movably and shchelkayet.
mat comes and asks:
-Natasha, with you everything is all right?
devochka, having clicked paltsami:
-it is exact!.... Natasha!!!

*****

The boy home comes. Smoked, in death. Thinks: "As if, not to catch sight to parents, I will go to the hall". Opens a door. There the father sits. The boy right there closes a door and thinks what to do farther. Decided to go to kitchen. Only opens a door as lo and behold, there the father sits. In a panic it slams a door and decides to go to itself(himself) to a bedroom. In a bedroom also there was otets.
-a Sonny if you once again open a door in a toilet, I to you will tear ears!

*****

The husband home comes, the wife throws the arms round a neck and is plaintive: - You, and Vas, give in restaurant we descend?
-You che, sduret? You, so we have
-anniversary, 10 years today as got married...
-A... So after all at us money net.
-Vas, and I here a little in 10 years of a podkopil, hvatit.
-So to me to put on restaurant nechego.
- And I at Vanka neighbor to you a tuxedo odolzhila.
- And to you to put on nechego.
- And me Lyubka for the sake of such case an evening dress sshila.
-Well, will go...
podkhodyat to restaurant. At an entrance shveytsar:
-Hello, Vasya! Hardware
-... I today with zhenoy.
ofitsiant:
-Vas, all as usual? This minute!. Hardware
-... I with zhenoy.
striptzersha:
-Well, who the most courageous who will pull the last shnurochek on bikini?
VES of halls horom:
-VASYa, VASYa, VASYa!.
Wife swells up, gives to Vasya a slap in the face, runs out and catches a taxi. Vasya behind it, zaskakivat under way, and the wife begins him pilit:
-You... I so trusted you, and you, a goat. .
taksist turns and говорит:
- Well and you removed the stinker today, Vasya!

*****

The man home drunk comes, calls in dver.
-"Who there?" - Manya asks Wife.
-, open!!!
-Ya not of Manya.
-Klava, open!!! Well give
-Ya not of Klava.
- The cities we will play!!!

*****

Comes named to the doctor and hands in hair of the head digs, sentencing: "pisyat... I want pisyat... pisyat... "
VRACH (strictly): What, louses jammed?
narik: Well, I remember that where that in hair!

*****

The addict to the doctor and speaks:
- The Doctor comes, something plokho.
doktor otvechayet:
-is Advisable to me grasses popit.
a narkoman:
- There Can be still a syringe to smoke?

*****

The addict comes to a zoo - to get a job. There watch v
trudovuyu the book and trudge: work places - to a fig!
-Well as you so? You know
-, I such sluggish, am in time nothing...
-is good, will be for turtles smotret.
utrom come to a zoo, see: cages are open, turtles are not present, in kletke
sidit muzhik.
-That you did!!!!
-Ya opened a cage in the morning, and they as will flock...

*****

The obdolbanny comes the Brother named in a tattoo workshop to same obdolbanny Masteru:
-, you to me can pin the tank on a back?
-is easy... Lay down...
IDYOT work, through 2 minuty:
-Get up, it is ready...
-of Chyo, in nature, in two minutes you pinned the tank?!?! chyo to prick
-A there, only four letters...

*****

Comes (N) who is absolutely smoked narkot to the psychiatrist (P).
(P) - On what complain? - And here know
(H), the doctor, at me such as if very strange problem. I here sometimes utrom
vstayu, also feel: I as if stand, and as if and I do not stand...
(P) - Ta-a-k... What else complaints?
(H) - Well, the doctor, and then I as if am tired to stand, and I go somewhere. So I here that noticed: vse
chashche and more often happens that I as if go, and as if absolutely and I do not go... - You continue
(P), continue...
(H) - And then, the doctor, me as if bothers to go, so I sit down somewhere to sit. And so,
doktor, almost all the time I thus feel that I as if sit, and as if and I do not sit... To the psychiatrist it everything bothers
TUT, and it is angry asks:
(P) - Listen, darling, and you in general have other any pathological symptoms?
(H) - Yes, the doctor, is: when to me bothers to sit and I as if lay down, constantly it seems to me,
chto I as if lie, and as if at all and I do not lie, the doctor, what to do to me? - You Know
(P) (a tired voice), darling, and there would be you on $%&!
(H) (with amazement) - the Doctor, how on $%&?
(P) - And as if on $%&, and as if and not on $%&...