Anecdotes about drug addicts

Read funny Anecdotes about drug addicts

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Two addicts meet on the street. One asks:
-You that did not put pants? From where you know
-?
-Because also forgot to put on trousers.

*****

Yesterday in the bus the addict got into a bag, I at first did not notice, then I open a bag, and he sits there!!!

*****

Last night the police squad detained the citizen H. At a search, militiamen found in it a strange subject, a triangular matchbox in which there was a narcotic substance, the hemp type. On the police officer's question "That it"? the citizen H with undisguised surprise answered "It is a hang-glider"!

*****

Where the armored car will not creep, and the armored train will not fly, hipar on foot and - and anything with it does not happen to a kosyachok.

*****

Gerda, as usual, made a tasty lunch when there was a friend of the family of Karl.
karl:
-I Can enter? I have to tell you something.
GERDA:
-Certainly. We are always glad to you. And where my husband? Just that about what I wanted to tell This
-to you... you understand... e-e. there was an accident on our local pivovarne.
-Oh!!! My God!!! N-e-et!!! Only do not say to me that my husband... But I have to
-, Gerda. I very much and very much regret, but your husband pogib.
gerda hard fell by a chair. Having cried some time, it vzlyanut the eyes which swelled up from tears on Karla:
-As it happened? Oh, it was awful
-. It fell down in a huge tub with beer and utonul.
-About My God!! Only tell me the truth - he long suffered?!!
-M... m. m. generally not...
-Is not present?!!
-Well... got out time three, that по?c#ть...

*****

Gerda spraschiwajet:
-Kai, and is the truth, what you saw the Snow Queen?
KAY answers, filling kosyak:
-Will smoke, Gerda also you will see not such!

*****

Two friends leave a steam room - steamed out and pacified. Sit down in a waiting room to smoke. Zakurili.
-Probably, I will throw kurit.
-?????
-is so lousy bylo.
-Perhaps at the same time Last night and will stop drinking?
pauza.
-Ne-eeee, was not so lousy to me yet!

*****

Two narik climbed on a sixteen-storey building roof. Look down. To one another speaks:
-Listen, and here it is high? To
-Well, days to five flight budet.
-Listen and if to jump, it is possible to die?
-Of course is possible, five days without food and water!

*****

Two narik are lit up on a roof of the ten-storied house. Were lit up, the happy sit. One looked down and speaks:
-Hear, the buddy, and esssl down, type to jump, how many to fly?
-Well, International Federation of Journalists, this, days five... Hear
-, the buddy and to survive after that it is possible?
-Yes you che, in nature, a floor how many days without food and water?

*****

Two narco on the river bank. To the river bodjezzhat the jeep, from there gets out new russkiy:
-Hey, brothers, do not know where the ford here? Yes here and ezzhay.
nu the new Russian got
-into the car and pressed on gases.... glug.... drowned the car, gets out wet, zloy:
-you cho absolutely grew insolent?! Where here ford??
-Yes you that..... here 5 minutes ago geese on a belt passed!!!

*****

Two narco leave from a hempy field. One suddenly sees a snail and with frenzy presses ee.
-Well, what she to you, the brother, made?! - asks drugoy.
-Yes a zadolbal, the whole day for me runs!!!

*****

Two narco stay at home at one, too ukololis
-Vasya, listen, bring down Through chas:
-from here And I will not dump Through chas:
-will not dump - I a dog will badger you Through chas:
-will not badger Through chas:
- The Ball, face Through chas:
-Gav

*****

Two addicts go by the bus. At a stop the elderly woman enters and asks them to get up. Odin
narkoman tells another narkomanu:
-Vas, I know their tricks now we will get up, and it will sit down!!!

*****

Two addicts climbed on a sixteen-storey building roof. Look down. To one another speaks:
-Listen, and here it is high? To
-Well, days to five flight budet.
-Listen and if to jump, it is possible to die?
-Of course is possible, five days without food and water...

*****

Two addicts have well a smoke and decided to have a good time. And kakoye
razvlecheniye in absolutely empty apartment on the eighth floor? Tore off from pola
dosku, threw through a window sill, ride. High! Through some time that,
kotory sat inside, hears knock at a door. Rises and goes to open. Na
poroge there is what outside sat, and, knocking itself(himself) a finger in a forehead,
speaks:
-You that, the goat, I could fall!

*****

Two addicts in an entrenchment sit. On them brings down the tank. One drugomu:
-Matfey! Throw the grenade...
-Lome...
-Matfey! Tank close... maybe will crush...
-A well it...
TANK stops, the tankman leans out and speaks narkomanam:
-Men, throw the grenade, such crowbar farther to go...

*****

Two addicts sit in the bus. Milok approaches one of them babulka:
-, you would get up! Here another nark to it krichit:
-Vitek! Do not get up! I know: it is a subsplitting! You will get up, she will sit down!

*****

Two addicts sit in the apartment and smoke a grass. Suddenly - a call to a door. To one another speaks:
-Vas, go and look who tam.
tot approached to the door, looked in a peephole and shouts svy drugu:
-to Sing, there some two men and two baby.
petya:
-A- And, cool open it "ABBA".

*****

Two addicts sit on a roof, to one another tells mechtatelno:
-Eh, now a door from KAMAZ syuda.
-What for?
-So, in a window it would be possible to look...

*****

Two addicts sporyat:
-I are god's envoy!
-Is not present, I am god's envoy!
-Well, well. Let's ask somebody!
podkhodyat to tretyemu:
- The Brother, in nature, tell - who from us two envoy of god?
-A I, boys, did not send anybody anywhere...

*****

Two smoked narik sits on the bank of the small river. The naverchenny jeep approaches, the new Russian and asks:
-Boys, and where here the ford leans out of a window?
-Yes here directly here go, you will pass!
DZHIP drives to the river, quickly sinks, the owner comes up and on narok with fists. TE:
- The Brother, б^я we will be - half an hour ago geese up to a breast passed!

*****

Two pipl napykhatsya and glyuknut them on a swing to rock. And in a bottom to go down oblomno - the 9th floor. Well opened a window, put a board on a window sill and shake. Here call to a door. What sat in the room (to it closer, and?) rises, goes to open. Opened, and there is what was snaruzhi.
-Well that, you so on each call and to a door will run?

*****

Two crows on a tree were smoked. One last jamb hammers, a
other came - and bryak from a tree. The crocodile below sees - the crow bryaknulas
"was precisely smoked!" - also got on a tree, to look. The first vorona
zatyagivayetsya, turns to a crocodile and speaks: "U-u-u, the girlfriend! To you uzhe
khvatit!."

*****

Two smoked in the car before svetoforom:
-Wow look, red!
-In, beauty! Now - yellow! Watch
-, look - green!
-Yellow!
-Red... It already was, went!

*****

Two addicts are judged. Judging takes out verdikt:
-If each of you in a week persuades to throw drugs at least 5
chelovek, we you otpustim.
through week one reports narkoman:
-I enlisted 10 chelovek.
-As?
-Ya used a method of circles. I drew a big circle, and ryadom
malenky and spoke: the first circle is your brain to upotrebleniya
narkotikov, and the second - posle.
vtoroy the addict: - I enlisted 175 chelovek
-Yes well! And how?
-Ya too used a method of circles. Only I said that malenkiy
krug is your hole in a bum to prison, and big - after.

*****

The doctor to the addict writes out retsept:
-Here a grass drink...
- The Doctor, you to me still to smoke syringes wrote out...

*****

Drives, so nark the car. Looks - a hempy field! Well it quickly the car in bushes, itself in the field. Hammers a kosyachina, lights up: - Oh, cool grass!
smotrit - cops approach a field: - And, a hogwash, - thinks, - still uspeyu.
zabivayet the second, lights up: - Ooh, yours poperlo! Looks cops from dubinala already from cars of a povylazila and to it run: - And, fignyanya, one more not povredit.
zabivayet the third, lights up: - Mustache. Looks - cops already run up to it: - Everything, thinks, - it is necessary to dump. Looks back around. Sees - the herd of buffalo s runs. Well it caught up with herd, nearby was attached. Here the buffalo on the right also speaks to it: - Hey, you, a ram, take off sneakers, and you will kindle that all herd!

*****

The addict goes by the bus in the winter. In total pofiga - is opened by the hatch. One of passengers speaks:
- The Young man, on the street it is cold, close lyuk.
-Well you give a pancake if I close the hatch, on the street that will become warmer?

*****

The addict goes by the bus and everything is so good at it around, already eyes are rolled up. Here Milok approaches it starik:
-, would give way to the senior, the disabled person after all, lost a foot in 42...
- The Father, in nature, went I in 42, there is no your foot there...

*****

The addict goes by the bus. Sits. Above it there is a woman at whom armpits are not shaved. Narik looked, looked, and then did not sustain: "the woman, you or remove a foot from a hand-rail, or an odenta pants."

*****

The addict goes by the bus (ukureny in stuff). Behind the little boy asks ego:
- The Uncle you leave? Whether
narik answers it hoarse golosom:
-What you a difference the boy I enter, whether there are I, the main thing that you studied well!!!

*****

The addict goes by the tram, the controler podkhodit:
-yours bilet.
narkoman raises two fingers (Victory type) .
kontroler:
-What is it?
NARK:
- The Hare up.

*****

The addict goes by the trolleybus. Nearby there is an old woman and moryak.
starushka gives to the addict the ticket and asks to transfer dalshe.
narkoman moryaku:
-Soldiers, transfer bilet.
-I not soldiers, I - moryak.
narkoman starushke:
-Break off, the granny, we by the ship!

*****

The racketeer under cocaine goes down the street, the GAI officer, and speaks:
- The Citizen stops it, alcoholic drinks took?
A that, to death obdolbanny, otvechayet:
-did not use!
-Gaishnik:
- Then we will carry out now the test, - and draws on the earth the direct white line chalk. - You know what to do?
reketir:
-Of course, I know! - also zanyukhivat a nostril the white line.

*****

The bus goes.... The grandmother, before her the addict, before the addict the sailor sits...... The grandmother transfers the ticket to the addict: "report the sonny to a puncher, please...."....... The addict takes the coupon transfers further: "To it, sluzhiviya, report to a puncher!!!".......... Seaman: "I am not a soldier.... I am a seaman!!!"......... the addict turns to the grandmother: "slish BABKA!!! what nakhren puncher!!! We by the ship!!!!"

*****

Truckers on the autobahn go. To one pripeklo in a toilet - ate something not that... Speaks naparniku:
-Ostanovi, now I will burst! It
is impossible here. You can open more widely a window, pull together trousers. Contrive, try uzh.
pervy and arrived: pulled together trousers to knees, the back in a window exposed. Oblegchilsya.
...
B the same moment in bushes on a roadside sit two addicts. Odin:
- Wa - as, you saw how the man from that truck spat!
Aga, and you saw, what cheeks at it!!!

*****

Two addicts on mashine.
-go Vasya, the old woman crosses the road! Brake!. Eh, it is a pity starukhu.
-Vasya, the cyclist! Turn off!. Eh, beautiful there was velosiped.
-Vasya, MAZ! Yes brake!
-of Okstis, Serega! It you at a wheel!

*****

Two narik on a motika go, watch ahead mentovaty mussorshmidta. offers:
-Give the first under cops zakosy and we will pass. I will be a siren, and you migalkoy.
edut, one oret:
-Uu, Uu, Uu, Uu!
VTOROY:
-Blue, blue, blue.

*****

Two addicts go by the car, go. Suddenly they are stopped by the cop (M) and asks at vodily:
(M) - From where go?
vodila on change of villages also asks at druga:
-Hear, it asks from where we go? Well tell
-to it with rybalki.
-From fishing we, the uncle!
(M) - caught Much? Hear
-, it speaks, caught much? Tell
-yes, mnogo.
-Much, the uncle, mnogo.
(M) - And where fished? He asks
-where we fished? Tell
-on OKE.
-On Oka, dyadya.
(M) - Well and as Hear OKA.
-, he tells ka-ka-ka.
-Well tell it ku-ku-ku.